Holy Slime of Spring™
Seasonal Epic -- Limited Drop
A divine ooze imbued with chaotic Easter energy.
Hand-delivered by a suspiciously muscular bunny and sealed in a glitter egg forged from cosmic sugar.
Properties:
Sparkles under moonlight
Smells faintly of jellybeans, peeps, and ambition
Doubles as a universal key for Easter Basket Portals™
Hums quietly when near chocolate
Effects (Passive):
+2 Egg Luck
+1 Bunny Evasion
+3 Glitter-Based Charisma
Immune to Monday blues for 24 hours after contact
Warning:
Do not feed after midnight.
Do not combine with cursed grass.
Do not let it judge you (it already has).
MysticMisfits Product Line™
Coming soon to a dimension near you… or in that locked drawer you forgot existed.
Slime Label Edition
Jelly-glow divine,
bunny whispers through the mist--
greed’s celebration.
Jellybean Blessing
May your slime stay squishy,
your portals stay open,
and your enemies
step in glitter barefoot.
May every egg you touch
hatch delight or mild chaos,
and may you always
taste the rainbow
before it melts.
Presenting...
LipHex™ Balm
The kiss that lingers… like a spell.
Are your kisses lacking oomph?
Need to make a statement that’s equal parts soft and sinister?
Introducing LipHex™ Balm--
infused with ancient charm oils, gossip dust,
and just a hint of vengeance.
With just one swipe, you’ll enjoy:
Lips that shimmer with secrets.
The ability to silence liars (temporarily… or permanently).
A trail of ex-lovers haunted by the taste of your goodbye.
Warning:
May cause intense longing, mysterious poetry under moonlight,
or sudden disappearances of people who “ghosted” you.
Do not share.
Do not combine with garlic-based products.
Do not test on mirrors.
LipHex™ Balm --
Because every kiss should feel like a contract…
a binding agreement for
longing, regret, or something you’ll only understand
after the third full moon.
MysticMisfits Product Line™
Coming soon to a dimension near you… or left in a velvet pouch by your last heartbreak.
The MysticMisfits™ Catalog
“Where the arcane meets the absurd.”
Featured Products:
MysticMist™ Eye Drops – See the truth. Regret immediately.
BoneTone™ Music Box – Wind your way into ancestral trauma.
TimeSteep™ Tea Leaves – Brew your past. Sip your future. Choke on your destiny.
LipHex™ Balm – Kiss like a curse. Moisturizes and mystifies.
Candle of Questionable Intent™ – Smells like lavender. Summons minor deities.
Order now and receive a FREE haunted tote bag
(it whispers your insecurities in Latin).
MysticMisfits Product Line™
Coming soon to a dimension near you...
Introducing... BoneTone™ Music Box!
Tired of basic playlists?
Want music with soul -- and possibly a few spirits?
Crank open your ancestral vault
with the BoneTone™ Music Box--
the only music box infused with
generational trauma and hauntingly beautiful harmony.
One gentle twist and you'll hear:
A waltz from your great-great-great aunt
(who may or may not have been a pirate).
A lullaby from a forgotten land
sung by someone whose name your bones remember.
A choir of regrets with a tambourine solo.
Whether it’s cryptic whispers, eerie hums,
or a drumbeat made from ancient sighs--
every note is personalized.
Because your lineage has a soundtrack,
and it slaps.
Warning:
May summon chills, lost relatives, or spectral dance partners.
Not responsible for accidental séances.
BoneTone™ -- For when the past needs a remix.
MysticMisfits Product Line™
Coming soon to a dimension near you...
Introducing... MysticMist™ Eye Drops!
See the unseen. Blink into the beyond.
Are your regular eye drops leaving you… underwhelmed?
Do you yearn to gaze into the fabric of reality itself?
Well, squirt no more tears of boredom--MysticMist™ is here!
Just one drop per eye and suddenly:
You can read the thoughts of your houseplants.
Your cat’s side-eye finally makes sense (spoiler: it's judgment).
You’ll witness the ghost of your great-aunt Mabel doing the Charleston in your hallway.
And best of all? Your local barista’s aura glows depending on how strong the coffee is.
Side effects may include:
Time dilation
Spontaneous truth-seeing
Involuntary interdimensional travel
A sudden craving for kale (we’re still researching that one)
MysticMist™ -- because boring vision is so last realm.
Available wherever enchanted ointments are questionably sold.
MysticMisfits Product Line™
Coming soon to a dimension near you...
Word paint this uncanny illusion,
fluid in state of mass confusion
Product line of numb minded sheep,
in fear of difference,
holding doubt in reverence.
Minds and feet now anchored deep,
having slid the slippery slope steep
unto worn road of indifference.
Like sweeping sand with
silicon grains seen as dunes
in desolation deserts
one and few dare dream
molding disparate unique
specks in wondrous betterment
Date: September 24, 2016
Poetry Contest: Three Style II
Sponsor: Laura Loo
Syllables: checked via howmanysyllables.com
Rules:
- 1 new poem on any theme using these three forms:
- In this exact order (the couplet and 2nd stanza do not have to share same rhyme
scheme, my letters below are used as a guide)
1. One couplet : A-A
2. One stanza with rhyme scheme: A-B-B-A-A-B
3. One sedoka: syllable count: 5-7-7-5-7-7 (no rhyme scheme)
just don't understand
how a place called yogo yoga
got so corporate
and what about all
of those healthy product line
companies selling
out to the big guys
and yet prices never dropped
to be in line with
their everyday crap
Wal-martians each and every
one of them making the
BIG deal with no care
for the folks that put them there
what happened to us?