[Inspired by ‘Stating The Obvious’
Contest but doesn’t meet the spec]
Millionaire, Bartholomew Fairfax
Admitted today, he ‘forgot’ to pay tax
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
And this from his latest press release
The girl on his arm was not his niece
You’re kidding, no way
No sh1t Sherlock, you don’t say
Tell me something I don’t know
Shut the front door, I’ll be blowed
His jewel bedecked wife in her large golden carriage
Is backing her man for the sake of their marriage
Who’d have guessed it, Gosh, who knew
Crikey, Get away with you,
Well I’m gobsmacked,
I was not born yesterday
Still to come in The News tonight
Two youths in a pub have been in a fight
And the final result in formula one...
The man in the fastest car has won
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
Aftermath Of A Virus
Written: by Miracle Man
December 23, 2020
This virus fosters both hunger and despair,
leaving far too many, confronting their fears.
We wash hands, social distance, and mask the air,
public opinion routinely tickles ears.
For something like this, the world wasn't prepared,
sustenance was lost but mortgages still came due.
The world cries out will only elite be spared,
and the world's underside covers things askew.
Some go quickly while others may convalesce,
each day while watching we see numbers increase.
While enduring times of anguish and distress,
we patiently await the next press release.
Grandma and helper
===============
Hi grandma ! How are you?
How goes life with your helper?
Asked the grandson.
What!!! My helper, No dear
She is a sucker in the name of a helper.
Why grandma why? I did not know,
That you were not happy.
Why not get another one,
If she is not up to your expectations.
No dear enough is enough,
All the helpers are the same.
You do not need press release,
If you have a helper at home.
She will be a wonderful reporter,
We think we pay for her domestic work,
But she does unpaid service,
By her publicity of the inmates of the house!!!
Her bad mouth, tale carrying quality,
Oh no, too much to bear at my age,
Oh dear I would rather live alone,
Than to have a sucker, tale carrier, liar
In the name of a helper,
Just forget about her!!
Okay grandma,I would not say all are bad,
You get decent ones also, any way,
Forget about a helper and help yourself.
God helps those who help themselves,
Yes I know helpers try to help themselves,
Wherever they work!!!
Sent from my iPad
Come one and all to our symposia
Grab a press release
It’s on world peace
And how to make this a better world
Bring your ideas
We’ll have a sizzling brainstorming
Starting in the wee hours of the morning
We’re counting on you
Circle the date on your calendars
We can all make a difference
And put an end to indifference
See you there to show you care
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
Submitted on August 31, 2018 for contest SYMPOSIA sponsored by JULIA WARD
If I was the president of the USA.
By Stanley Russell Harris
The new mad author
& A Poetry Soup honourably mentioned poet
If I was a president of the USA!
Do you know what I would say?
To the press that miss-quotes me you know!
A press release, there would go.
Then if they could print, what I did write.
And get the transcript blinking right.
I would invite them to my office, you know.
And ask them why they insult me so?
Although a politician I may not be.
Neither am I a clot you see.
I was voted into this office, the other day.
So why do you adjust what I say.
And show me in bad light way.
As if you could report right what I did write.
Why on earth can you not quote me right!
Stanley, not the president of the USA.
Just the New mad Author today.
lol.
Rounding third I'm heading home
Pants mighty dirty, cleats are worn
Knees swollen, bones do ache
Just one more game before I break
Coach waves me in I trip and fall
Scramble back , I'm safe for now
Dust in my mouth, nose, and shoes
The sun is setting , no time to lose
Tiptoe that chalk line with one foot fair
Heading home, into the light I stare
The ball is hit, the fans do cheer
I cross the plate as light as air
The game is over, I rest in peace
This story as told in a press release
great leaders sup in style
tete a tete, haute cuisine
attentive servants grovel
perfectly pleased to preen
as common soldiers while away
the quick moments of their lives
until the final stanza
battle screams, widowed wives
bullet sandwich breakfast
shrapnel pie for brunch
body bags for supper
**** and mud for lunch
something on the radio
the leader's can't agree
further talks tomorrow
perhaps yet peace may be
advisers are advising
the innocent are dying
beasts and buddhas sympathise
the leaders can't stop lying
but wait there's been a breakthrough
the deals have all been signed
the oil is in the barrels
the gold and jewels mined
communicate the press release
now sated they do order
glorify the martyr's death
the graveyard is a hoarder
a thousand generations now
one more will it matter
think they one more drop of blood
will make the gold cow fatter
why do they wake the bloody beast
why do they profit from it
blue murder in the name of god
by christ they make me vomit
The Coming Bacon Shortage
By Elton Camp
Even though the press release was mistaken,
It told of an unavoidable shortage of bacon
Then when it was picked up on the Internet,
Loads of worldwide publicity it did get
That fat & cholesterol they won’t be getting
To many folks was just terribly upsetting
The corn crop was damaged by drought
Is what the press release was really about
In fact, bacon in the stores will still be there
But folks may have to pay more than they care
However, because bacon prices will rise
Is why no shortage will come by surprise
Shortage is when there actually isn’t enough
High prices means folks eat less of the stuff
This creates balance between supply & demand
So, in reality, there is no bacon shortage at hand
Yet many people began to panic and to growl
When the Internet created a most baseless howl
Five vow to be corporate wench
To twist votes with their monkey wrench
The freed business fist
Full of money--they've kissed!
Gives Robert's court bench quite a stench
Moneyed pigs love this press release
Their chunks of great wealth must increase!
These skunks gorge and snort
Their ads—thanks Supreme Court—
Are greed that’s been freed and won’t cease
The next step, you wouldn't decide
a playback know it all fall out
forget a side of comfort, I'll drink it straight
but can I breathe?
Nothing can complicate my compass
gothic golden statues so fake
maiden's dance free from soldiers
but why can't I breathe?
honestly we promised
if we keep comfort lost
a world of manic mayhem shatters
I'll always have the rain
It can suffocate my endless window stain
Jaded swirls of thicker soup
Loving falls deeper, free of running side
ways through my imaginary loop
a pool drowning baby float
a mess created heavenly breaths
Honestly we promised
If we keep comfort lost
a world of manic mayhem shatters
the running sound on window pain
a selfless child holding press release
Im gunna fall apart, impress second self
telling of truth sits alone on mantel shelf