Today I travel back (in my mind) to Deutschland
I long to meet my younger self and gently reprimand
To say: “get saved and epistemologically understand
Accept the Christ who kept the law, bore the wrath, the tree
Who died for sin and calls for soul and mind to reprieve
To walk repentant, cruciform, and truly free
I would intercede for him as Christ has done for me
And wonder what that earlier Grace might let me be
But better late than never, thanking The Trinity
You are the beat of my heart
The thrum in my bones
The light in my soul
You make me feel my best,
And my worst
- The puppeteer at the end of my strings.
You are always so out of reach
One step ahead
A ghost
A ghoul
A dream
You are no more than a cloud in a breeze
A leaf getting swept downstream
- The end of a rainbow.
You live in my heart
And haunt my dreams
You hide in my memories
I am always longing for your touch
To feel your hand in mine
lips against mine
I hope that someday
I will be the beat of your heart
The thrum in your bones
The light in your soul
I hope that someday
I will be your always
Every substance I used to do were done of my good will.
Though I resent how a few would oh so carelessly spill
About my solo choices; I just wish they would've been more chill.
The man in my past,
I met him in the quiet of the field,
Where sunlight poured like honey on his face.
He was there, laughing at nothing and everything,
And the world felt softer around him.
He walked with a lightness I envied,
Every step like it belonged to him alone.
I watched from a distance, spellbound,
Not knowing that soon he would be mine.
We shared glances that lasted too long,
Smiles that spoke more than words ever could.
His hand brushed mine,
And the ground beneath seemed to hum.
I felt a warmth I didn’t know I could feel.
The sun set one day like a slow fire,
And I realized I would remember him forever.
Every touch, every smile, every word
Was carved into my heart,
Like the footprints we left in the soft earth.
When he left, the field felt empty,
The wind seemed to whisper his name.
But I carry him everywhere,
In the way I smile at small wonders,
In the way my heart still remembers him.
He was the man in my past,
But not a shadow, a light,
I loved him then, I remember him now,
And some loves are too true to ever fade.
The crux of my jigsaw
is plastered on my face.
In scribbles of mine, I find-
a younger mind in my place.
Time's lapsed without define
as I read these words of mine.
Semi-confused and struggling,
Do I revise? -oh, this is puzzling.
What say you, my friend of mystery?
Do you rearrange the past,
or grant amnesty?
Post as is, or adjust its mast?
Touch the voice of the lost,
or leave her voice with a cost?
The past's sound disassociates
from present mind, to recalibrate.
Staring in the mirror I smile
But the reflection does not smile back
It laughs
It starts dragging me down my path
The laugh is chilling
Shaking me to my core
It opens the door
A reflection flashes through
A reflection of my past
A memory so deep
A secret I keep
It wants to do a trade
I don't know what to say
I can't let my secret see the light of day
She proposes a deal
So sinister and cold
I have to trade my youth and become old
Do I trade away
I don't know what to say
I can't let my secret out
But I can't become old
I already lost my youth
Should I speak the truth
I was mentally ill at the time
And yes it was a crime
But I didn't mean to do wrong
I don't want anyone to hear my song
The reflection creeps a creepy smile
Telling the truth would be worth my while
I don't take the trade
I rather reveal my past
I laugh
I don't care if anyone knows what I've done
It has gone
I paid for my crimes
I've done my time
The bell has chimed
Goodbye to my past self
Hello to my new self
I see what you tried to do
I smash the mirror
We are through
If I could rewrite the sentences of my past. The
Adversities, Challenges, Exhaustion. My Past is not Me
I often questioned myself, Why these mental games?
Emotional, Confusion, Manipulation from familiar.
People aI thought to be trusted bMy Past is not Me
She wasn't fed from a golden spoon yet Persistence,
Resilience are now her friends
Strategic wars hovered over her mind let's dive in.
Self awareness, Denial? Comparisons little did she know deep within it was someone known with games of
Power for control.
She gave the keys to her heart only for her past to
used against her to make to feel like a puppet on
strings. My Past is not Me
Is she's in the driver's seat? She no longer retaliates
She's detached from calculated manipulation.
Bread crumbs she doesn't chase, She no longer falls
for the bait. Will familiar faces ever let her get to the
Finish line?
Constantly spinning webs on her next move only to be reminded of her past for sport. My Psst is not Me
My life during
My younger years
Simple but I've enjoyed
Every part of it
Because it molds me
To who I am now
Lessons learned
From my parents
Who disciplined us
I know they're watching us
There in heaven
Missed you so much
Mom and Dad.
Author Dana Redricks
September 27, 2024
With my past behind me, and the shadows that they cast. Although I've had the feelings of rejection I was covered in God's protection.
God has given me a new direction. When my past comes knocking at my door and reminds me of the hurtful things they often bring. With the feelings of being violated and the innocent that was robbed from me.
God has reminded me that I have been set free. My eyes have been opened and now I can see how beautiful life can be. Although my life has been filled with pain, and the heartaches that it often brings.
God has given me a new song, one of deliverance. In the process of searching for someone to accept me, God reminds me that He has always loved me. I am free, I am free
God knows each tear I've shed the ones seen and unseen. Although I can see my shadows behind me, I see hope, and love before me. Just like a shadow of my past they can't hurt me anymore. God Yahweh has opened the door to healing, and walking in victory. I am finally free from life's pain and misery. God has wiped away the stains of my history.
In the quiet hush of morning light,
He stares at her with tender eyes,
A face familiar, yet out of sight,
In the fog where all memory lies.
Her voice, a melody he once knew,
Now stirs something deep inside,
A warmth, a pull, a feeling new,
Or perhaps, an echo that won’t subside.
She smiles, a tear begins to trace,
The lines of time upon her face.
He wonders, is this love I feel?
A heart awakened, but wounds unhealed.
Then comes the truth, soft and kind,
A tale of love left far behind.
"You’ve loved me once, and still you do,
Though your mind has made me new."
He grasps her hand, both old and fresh,
A bond that time could not repress.
For in his heart, though memories fade,
Love remains, unscathed, unafraid.
In this moment, they both find,
That love transcends the fragile mind.
A love forgotten, yet still it flows,
Through the heart, where true love grows.
once I was scared and alone
chills were running through my bones
from the thoughts I'd never find
a way to leave my past behind
there was no way to excuse
all the horror and abuse
I was put through as a child
now my mind is running wild
will there ever finally be
a place and time that I can see
a future sunny and bright
shining a more hopeful light
on a soul that wants to fly
but no matter how I try
I can not forget the way
you never truly could display
any kind of love emotion
turning me into a frozen
shell that's distant icy and cold
praying I can just unfold
what was done and make me feel
joy and pleasure that is real
Remember my past now way back
many times felt divine protection
helped me overcome so often
when words were hard to mention
My working life was good and bad
filled with joy and struggles within
warehouse work was my real McCoy
learning the facts brings a happy grin
I enjoy my present life most of all
in retirement, one loves to relax
doing what brings peace and calm
fulfillment felt to the max
No one knows what lies ahead
the future is beyond us all
but thanks be to God He knows
trust in the Lord and His bread
Keep looking to the Lord
makes my future safe and secure
a future that God will bring
for He has the heavenly cure!
(This is written to incorporate the past, present, and future of my life and draw out the highs and lows that made it all it come to be and what's to come. )
Why you clawing into my past
While I've already made peace with it
Or you enjoy how much you stir me up
And you like seeing how helpless I get
For every thing that walks from my past
Has a way of giving me the chills
And instead of me focusing on my next move
I'll be up looking for a way to handle my past
You love seeing me in a flurry of thoughts
Like a mad man as I go about wondering
Thinking to myself when it will all end
For it took alot to put it all behind me
Why you clawing into my past
Its like you lost something of yours,
while it's my memories, nothing of yours there
But you so busy trying to pocket my emotions
I guess its because you so eager to see me react
For it gives you pleasure when I fume
Cause you've never seen anyone so composed before
So you here busy trying to awake my demons
The PO£T
Ya Allah, forgive my past mistakes,
And guide me towards a better fate.
I've stumbled and fallen along the way,
But with your mercy, I can still pray.
My heart is heavy with regret and sorrow,
But I know that your love will see me through tomorrow.
I ask for your forgiveness and your grace,
To cleanse my soul and show me the right pace.
Please help me move forward, leave the past behind,
And let me walk on the path that is kind.
Guide me towards the light that you provide,
And let your blessings be my faithful guide.
Ya Allah, I know that I am weak and flawed,
But with your help, I can rise above it all.
I ask for your forgiveness and your mercy,
And I pray that you will change my future for the best, certainly.
©Faizan Mushtaq (faiz)
Visit me not, never in my dreams
I felt myself smiling with laughter
The warmth, fluffy as cotton Candy,
Suddenly the law of attraction with a “bang” hit!
with a bit of trepidation, I felt claustrophobic.
when I open eyes so big questions rose as I frown,
the mind profligated to the peak.
Familiar surroundings as I pick,
A flamboyant breath out of me, Pheuuuuw!!!!
Realizing it was all a dream.
It is sad, that I have cut the cord myself, not proudly
Course you forced me to the party.
I loved you unconditionally, even more exceptionally.
And, none of this is funny
Course You pushed me to the core “intentionally”.
Where did you even get the energy to play lovey dovey?
I am dead serious, this is all OVER!
And my pride is not allowing me,
And will never allow me to allow you back in.
You played me, and truthfully
I wish we never met.
And I wish I’d said this, that last time
“Please remain in my past, and Step back out of my dreams too”
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