The wages of sin are just never paid.
Try as you might you can't make the grade.
Came home from work all tired and forlorn,
My back hurts, my feet hurt, I've bunions and corns.
I've pills for my back, my neck and my shoulders,
No sense in complaining, I'm just getting older.
I rarely sleep now, I just pass out,
Then I wake with a start 'cause my dogs must go out.
The cat's waiting patiently by the back door,
As the dogs race excitedly across the floor.
Then I go to the bathroom to swallow my pills,
Half an hour before breakfast, it's my daily drill.
I bend over double to brush out my locks,
Took a coughing fit and peed in my sock.
I'm just getting old I tell myself again,
It's my punishment now for a youth filled with sin.
I skipped the soft reset and aimed for the unplug
Reaching for that difficult factory reset hole
I fired my toxic friend and financial planner
For the first time in six years, I applied to a new role
Despite being divorced I let my new partner move in
I’m reaching as far as my arm can reach for faith's assistance
This reset is not back to original factory settings
It’s time for more, more than than merely existence
The cage I was for years became so fortified over time
Breaking out has partly broken me, but that’s how omelets are made
I’m fully aware of the risks of failure and defeat
Not attempting however, would ensure I never make the grade
My fear is present but less than before
Thanks to my failures I am finally wiser
Blessings to my past for I would never be prepared
To try and be like apostle Paul, the belated riser
From playing in a sunlit glade
We began school to make the grade.
Each year was called a Standard there.
Gone were the days free of care!
Each year was another Standard earned
But did we even remember what we learned?
Some passed easily, others not.
After the 12th year, to move on we were hot!
A Standard is also a banner: of victory or defeat,
To hold on high; to be on your feet.
It also could portray a family or a country's colors
For all to see,
To make that grade, or Standard, successful one should be
That one is an example of going on and on.
It takes a person of courage, daughter or son.
Jesus is our Standard High.
Even without seeing Him, so don't sigh,
For He's very real, divine, human but invincible,
So creative, so credible!
Faith He's given to each; trust Him to show.
Mainly, through your mind will flow;
Your heart heal.
At-home you'll feel.
It becomes easy to forgive and to smile,
To go the "Extra" Kilometer or mile,
Beauty and Perfection know,
Heavenly Standards, Harmony and glow!
Beyond this race of aches and pain
Looms large the struggle to make the grade,
And yet the mental and physical strain
Finds me now and forever unafraid
It matters not the starting gate,
The grueling race will take its toll,
But I’m a marathoner great
I’ll master all to reach my goal
I am so popular in the grocery store
Ninety-nine cents
One ninety-nine
Two ninety-nine
Three ninety-nine
Four ninety-nine
Overused and underpaid if you ask me
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride
I do not quite make the grade
Can you imagine anyone saying
“How great the old lady lived to be ninety-nine?
They never say that!
They say “too bad she didn’t get to a hundred.”
A hundred sounds perfect.
Ninety-nine is a disappointment
I feel like a failure
Through no fault of my own
Not quite living up to my potential.
Who wants to invite ninety-nine to dance?
No one. They are all running to ask one hundred.
Day by day
As I make my way
Far I have come
Wondering what it is I am running from
Or running to
Wondering through life with no clue
True
Still becoming me
Through all I see
Each day that goes by
No matter how hard I try
Cannot please them all
And still stand tall
So I be me
Stay free
To myself I stay true
In all I do
Life is not forever
The past I must sever
Be not be afraid
Who cares if I make the grade
What you see
Is not really me
So much more
But who keeps score
So much of me I give
No where is where I live
My thoughts so far away
Where will I be today
The sky is turning gray
Another day passes by
A tear falls from the sky
Afraid to live
My hearts not mine to give
Afraid to move
Stuck in that grove
Hope flows strong
But a night can be so long
Dreams that have gone so wrong
But still walking forwards
Towards
Tomorrow
A place devoid of sorrow write my heart for all to see
Keeps me free
Who am I
I seek but to fly
So hard I try
One step at a time
Using words that rhyme
I build my tomorrow with each day that passes by
Long as I am always willing to try
I will get by
FORGIVENESS
They say that I should have forgiven
Well, maybe could instead of should
Such generosity of spirit is rare in me
I am at heart, a somewhat cold entity
If I were able to forgive, well I would
Perhaps in Church I should be shriven
It takes time for my annoyance to fade
As I am after all, a very sensitive soul
Yet others seem to forgive and forget
But deep inside they’re seething, I bet
Surely mutual understanding is the goal
Maybe it takes time to make the grade
An insult will sting but it can be worse
Maybe I lack a sufficient absorbency
But why should I just take the blows
My righteous position surely shows
Demand an apology and then we’ll see
But to just buckling under, I am averse
They say prison is a bad place to be
From what I see
Must be easier than life here outside
The pain we hide
Life out here
Lot of fear
They get locked up cause they can't handle real life
Need the controlled strife
Things we face trying to survive
As they do in their prison hive
But they have gaurds to watch their back
If someone does attack
A dinning hall to eat a bed to sleep
Hearts out here weep
As in there
Same as here
Life is fear
They get everything they need
We bleed
The criminals have it made
We don't make the grade
We have to fight to get by
Sometimes we cry
Wish to fly
Life out here
Living in fear
Worse than prison inside
Where our souls we hide
Must confide
Most horrible place I find
Within the shattered mind
Trying to survive in this twisted world I live
My soul and the pain love does give
Guess we are in prison as well
Far as I can tell
Nothing is free
Fight to be
A part of this world we see
There you go, thinking you have to try
Even though you know in the end you'll just cry
Thinking one of these days
I'll mend my ways
Maybe find myself new
As the hunger grew
Turn on the light
Make my world bright
Pick up my guitar again
Make the world spin
Write a new song
Can't go wrong
Wouldn't take that long
Make the world sing
The happy, that would bring
Making my heart beat
Feeling the heat
Rocking all night
Bringing on the daylight
Times starts to fade
Did I make the grade
Just a word
unheard
but for in my head
What the voices said
The music wed
The sound
Unbound
Time
Some rhyme
Seems as I grow older
My body grows colder
My eyes have started to fade
In life I didn't make the grade
My hair is gray
So tired today
I forget what I wanted to say
Days seem long
What have I done wrong
What have I done right
I think on this all night
So many wishes
Haven't done my dishes
Do them when able
You know I am not that stable
Life comes at you fast
How come nothing ever last
Love that was left behind
Now and then they like to haunt my mind
Loves a crime
Cost you nothing but time
Came so far
Reaching for my star
I look back to see what I may find
Memories are lifes rewind
Nothing there
I used to care
Still dare
Under this blue sky
I reach so high
Thinking if only
Past this life so lonely
I somehow missed my one and only
Looking up at the moon
Life passes so soon
Lifes gloom
Sitting in my room
One more night
Holding on to the light
Who am I
Why do you cry
Life passes by
I stand tall
Refuse to fall
On I go
That is all I know
You've been wrapping about my epitaph
corteges don't make the grade
Someone still saying goodnight Irene
You have Midnight flights of fancy
Someone is still playing pious
your silver eyes still glow
Four eyes out make good harmony
Music has a special taste
feelings lost in sound
Touching heard across the room
vision by the pound
References left unto themselves
choir boys in tune
Trading what they never had
tribute to the loon
One last chance to make the grade
masks come flying off
Darwin leaving Born in chains
climbing through the moss
Menageries have come and gone
kaleidoscopes diffused
Nomenclature chameleons
—confounded and bemused
(The New Room: January, 2023)
I’m sporting this new lipstick
it won’t fade, smudge or smear
I’ll be lucky if it wears off this year.
I’ve got this new eyeliner that’s like
a luxurious, glittering, penciled tattoo
Leong asked, “How do you get it off you?”
I unpacked these chemical wonders
to see if they’ve lost their luster
by being neglected since last summer.
When you study too much, you feel pent-up,
so my compadres and I chose to get dolled-up,
rolling-up to dinner, like beauty queens on parade,
and not just sophomore scrubs trying to make the grade.
.
.
Webster: compadre: a close friend or buddy
Yes, I am a child in need
Of the ones that gave me life and planted the seed
You encouraged me to grow and live life to it's fullest
Now that I'm grown up you still think you know what's best
Even after 3 beautiful grandchildren you still don't accept fully the life we together have made
Please tell me somebody "How do I make the grade?"
Do I always have to be dependent
For you to get involved in our life and have your heart in it
Why must I live life as a child in need
Because of someone else's selfishness and greed
When will I be told the truth in the matter
Or will the glass finally have to shatter
When self-awareness arrived
friction was the price to pay
Hang-ups: now to a mindful
self-conscience we fall prey
A primal hysteria, a repressed realm
of raw violent emotion
A basic instinct to stay alive
in the unconscious and in motion
Choices made won’t make the grade
all will reveal then betray
A gift from a loving source
mankind ruined—had his day
No relief for consequences brought
by voluntary actions—only unrests
Spirit hidden, mind insight, beliefs transcend
even the subconscious tests
Bad behavior unleashed with emotional charge
is emanating infectious tolls
To be calm and to have benign intentions
as does the temperate climate
It becomes more favorable; earth life purpose
is to be genuine—it's what stirs souls
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