Long Ted Poems
Long Ted Poems. Below are the most popular long Ted by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Ted poems by poem length and keyword.
Have you ever met those kind of blokes who get upon your nerve,
when they quote continual references that most think should deserve
a threatening confrontation that if they make that quote again,
then the punishment that’s handed out will give them heaps of pain.
A gang of us were working down along the Main Drain stream,
clearing blackberries and willows on a governmental scheme,
and as usual on a Monday morn, weekend glitches are highlighted,
that are full of doom and gloom, and mostly are ‘beer blighted.’
For Clancy, Joe and me, we sort of blessed the doom and gloom,
as it transgressed into humour, and so there wasn’t any room,
for the likes of workmate Charlie who only saw a brighter side,
when there wasn’t any bright side; just a great gloomy divide.
Charlie is the eternal optimist with no matter what is said
in the ghastliest of circumstance even if someone was dead,
and Charlie only had one quote that we’re sure he did rehearse,
and so we heard it every time ‘It could have been much worse.’
So after work one evening in the pub we had some beers,
with ‘it could have been much worse,’ still ringing loudly in our ears,
and with Charlie being absent we devised a cunning plan,
to rid him of that bloody quote and then praying that we can.
We thought that as a perfect subject we would use our good mate Ted,
in a steamy sordid untrue yarn to get inside of Charlie’s head,
and have him shaking in his bootstraps, plus gulping in his throat,
to avoid us hearing one more time, his annoying bloody quote.
And so ‘it could have been much worse’ is about to get the chop,
as we cut and piled the prickly canes, of a large blackberry crop,
so when the time was ready, with Charlie well within ear shot,
Joe babbled out the sordid tale that was really ‘Tommyrot.’
“Did you hear about our old mate Ted, and what went on last night?
He caught his wife with Jimmy Hale, and there was a shocking fight;
he shot ‘em both and then himself!” But Charlie stayed quite calm but terse,
as he rolled a smoke and muttered out, “It could have been much worse.”
“Much worse!” We squawked as one... “How can it be worse than that?”
And the answer Charlie gave us… well it really knocked us flat,
after dragging on his cigarette, he sniffed and quietly said,
“If it had have been the night before, it’s me who would be dead.”
when another (anointed as lady lucky)
resident renter bequeathed her bed
prior to that good samaritan deed thyself and spouse
slept on the floor like dogs dead
tired from another day acclimatizing ourselves,
especially when tummies got well fed
and grudging adjustment per lying supine upon the carpet
did upon arising found aches and pains from head
to toes, yet financial shortcomings disallowed this Jed
eye wannabe to defer attending domestic chores,
cuz ma whole body felt like a Led
Zeppelin, and matter of fact oft times,
thy body electric,
though lacked no evidence of disease NED
for short, I near felt a need to relearn basic motor skills,
gingerly, and eagerly reached for
performance enhancing drug i.e. PED
which coded identification
exemplified the a rich color of red
this (and other) prescription medication
(about a half dozen total found me to sleep akin to a Ted
dee bear, many instances of snoring
thine wife claimed emanated –
probably no more than when we wed
if memory serves me correctly
twenty plus years a husband aye attest
and find peace of body, mind and spirit
most exuberant and best
cherished, when hen pecking wife (yup, this husband
got pecking, pock, puck size marks
to vouchsafe his sworn statement)
some visible on my slightly flabby and hairless chest
and if traced with a ball point pen,
the shape loosely resembles mount Everest
with evidence of what appears to be erosion,
but actually evidence of wifely cannibalism –
viz zit on par as with an unwanted guest
which at first found this pop (sic) hull
averse to share the same firm mattress lest
she arise like a flesh eating zombie
during the wee hours of the morning and taking nest
ling to another level, whereby teeth
and scratch marks sure testament asper a pest
stiff ferrous mate, this husband would sooner bid adieu,
letting fate guide terrestrial quest
that might incorporate undergoing
the electric kool aid acid test
perhaps buffeting this corporeal essence north west
or maybe the unforeseen sojourn
would spirit thyself to a distant alien nation
one where each day of soundness of mental, physical
and spiritual growth will be reason enough
to celebrate with élan and zest.
I Am: Hello guys it’s an honor, fellows
Moe: HELLO!
Larry: HELLO!
Curly: HELLO!
The Three Stooges: HELLOS!
I Am: You’re known as half-wits, birdbrains, knuckleheads,
Curly, you’re known as Porky pine, right?
As a little girl I never appreciated rough-housing humor.
Moe a mean man and you weren’t very bright
I did adore Curly with sisterly affection.
Curly: You ain’t half bad yourself toots! With my reclamation
Moe: Remind me to kill you later, hmm, maybe strangulation
Curly: OK, I’ll make a note of it! Can’t make me worry
Larry: Stick up for yourself Curly!
Moe: Yeah, what do you have to say?
Curly: Well, I oughta—tell ya another day
Moe: You oughta what? Have some finess
Curly: I oughta mind my own business
Moe: That’s better! Porky Pine
I Am: Moe, would you take another question of mine?
Moe: Yeah, make it snappy,
Larry: Moe’s always been too slap happy
I AM: Were you at one time called Ted Healy’s Racketeers?
Moe: The Southern Gent’s, knucklehead! Like the Three Musketeers
I Am: Your genres are farce, slapstick, musical comedy
Curly is the schlemiel—stupid, childish, and clumsy.
Larry is the schlimazel because he's not quite as stupid
but still ends up unlucky with cupid.
Moe, are you the aggressive and short-tempered leader of you three?
Curly: Why coitainly
Moe: The lady, you imbecile, is talking to me,
Curly: Hey, I resemble that remark!
Curly: Hey Moe, I can’t see! I can’t see!
Moe: Why’s that? Is it too dark?
Curly: ‘Cuz I have my eyes closed!
Moe: Wait’ll I punch you in the nose!
I Am: My best Three Stooges episodes were—Brideless Groom,
Disorder in the Court, Malice in the Palace, Sing a Song of Six Pants,
and Heavenly Daze
Larry: That’s five. Miss I Am are you in a haze?
Moe: Yeah Genius!
I Am: Thank you for your calculation, I quess
I Am: Do any one of you have a real job anywhere?
Curly: Why coitainly, I just got a job in a bakery
Moe: You never told me that numskull. What do you do there?
Curly: I’m a loafer!
Larry: That’s not surprising, and tell her you were a chauffer
I Am: Goodnight “Three Stooges” Love and Luck
Curly: Asta! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!
"The Spite Syllabub"
The daughter
is not
The mother
Sylvia’s bees were
left milk, bread and butter
Plath by name
but not
the daughter’s path
in evolving nature
not the mother
nor the father
Love for art’s sake
Art not for Love’s sake
Amy G. Dala
a spoonful of honey
taken with the medicine
This is Love
The tincture labelled:
The Spite Syllabub
three measures
the mother, the father, the son
take
swallow slowly
survive
daughter is the legacy
daughter learns to run
a lesson in love
Love for art’s sake
Art not for Love’s sake
Done.
(Ladylabyrinth / 2020)
"Moonlight" / FOALS
https://youtu.be/s9DMDulMIz4
1.
"The Grief Equation" /Frieda Hughes, Plath's daughter
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27377434?SThisFB&fbclid=IwAR0-rAuEMLovUMiMndUcme2Sic3A-OoDiJkHd857ulBwxlk4KXY3cAxHb9Q
2. "Poetry and Co-dependency" / Plath & Hughes
https://youtu.be/hmArLszft3w
3. "Sylvia Plath" (1 of 6)
https://youtu.be/V1QA985lhSQ
(2 of 6)
https://youtu.be/k1ecb6bRfk0
(3 of 6)
https://youtu.be/uDq0trKqyj8
(4 of 6) Bees
https://youtu.be/7lJPFA2JXnk
(5 of 6)
https://youtu.be/Ef5Zypngx6o
(6 of 6)
https://youtu.be/iK6b39hoeGM
4. Hughes & Assia Wevill (Mistress)
https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/1999/apr/23/features11.g21
5. Frieda Hughes (daughter)
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/28/frieda-hughes-i-felt-my-parents-were-stolen
"Frieda Hughes, daughter of poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, is the author of Stonepicker and the Book of Mirrors (Harper Collins, 2009), Forty-Five (Harper Collins, 2006), Waxworks (Harper Collins, 2002), and Wooroloo (Harper Flamingo, 1998). She lives in Wales."
Poetry, books / Frieda Hughes
https://www.friedahughes.com/books.html
"45" / Frieda Hughes
https://www.popmatters.com/forty-five-poems-by-frieda-hughes-2496154001.html
"Moonlight" / FOALS, Lyrics:
https://genius.com/Foals-moonlight-lyrics
Suicide Prevention / Global Hotlines
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
Goodbyes, they seem to consume me
Too often in my life
People are departing and friends moving on
And yesterday was another
To a friend that I loved
Who loved me back
That I know.
And my hurting is so great
Like I have lost a child
And the tears flow freely
As I hold on to memories.
He was my dog,
And you might laugh
He was my friend
And he had my heart
He was so faithful
And he never complained
He was a part of me
I’ll never be the same
He was getting old
And his legs where failing
Sometimes he would fall
And he couldn’t get up
He would bark for me
To lend him a hand
And with that smile in his eyes
He would thank me again.
I didn’t want him to suffer
And I didn’t want him gone
The decision was so hard
I kept putting it off and on
But then came yesterday
And I knew that it was too long
And I wasn’t being fair
To leave him was wrong
I called him and he came
And I put him in the car
And I took him to the vet
He just trusted me so much
He followed along
Just like a lamb
I wonder if he knew
Just what I had planned
I told the vet
What I wanted done
He said it was for the best
The dog was not very strong
He took out his shaver
And he clipped off some hair
Then bought out the needle
With green stuff in there
He checked with me once
And asked if I was right
I nodding my head
Didn’t trust my voice
And slowly and carefully
He slipped in the point
And pressed on the plunger
And the green stuff went home
That dog did not whimper
Not any sound at all
He lay there so trusting
He looked like a saint
Then suddenly he slumped
And the needle was spent
The vet checked his heartbeat
And said it was gone.
I loved him, I loved him
And I miss him so much
I hope that his happy
In the new world that his at
No more pain for that dear dog
No more fear
No more falls
No more thunder to scare him
No more pain in his joints
No more visions he can’t see
No more sounds he can’t hear
No more knowing in this world
He can’t do what he could.
I love you my Teddy dog
You where such a good friend
And I wish you the very best
In this new world where you’ve gone
I hope you’ll forgive me
For the end that you had
And hope that you know Ted
I loved you so much.
I LOVE YOU TEDDY
GOODBYE MY DEAR FRIEND
Across figurative and literal board...
mine hardscrabble existential debacle spelled losing game of trouble
Oft times, I experience wretchedness being alive
spurring wonderment whereby thoughts
of my demise doth drive
analogous to buzzfeeding bumbling bees
combing into their hive.
Giddiness prevailed
when coronavirus (COVID-19)
warranted quarantine to diminish
transmitting pandemic virus thru the air
lifestyle change no major imposition,
cuz yours truly already familiarized
with self isolation
courtesy his social anxiety despair
schizoid personality disorder the diagnosis
nsync with loathsome
body morphology toward self
viz mental health impasse a legitimate malady
impossible mission possibly
since in utero didst impair
minimally abetted courtesy
Buffalo wing and a prayer
wishful thinking only death can relieve
some recently approaching year.
Indifference toward self sums up story
viz mindset to whit
resignation to cash in chips
at a tender age, I did submit
evidenced courtesy abysmal grades
during stint as student
kindergarten and first grade the exception
earning appellation dummkopf or nitwit
showcased apathy to access ability and excel
overshadowed courtesy powerfully pointed outlook
within his bedroom at 324 Level Road
sequestered long haired pencil neck geeky hermit
four familiar walls constituted ambit.
Refuge sought vis a vis withdrawal
from world wide web
refusing sustenance (think anorexia nervosa),
thus these lovely bones withered away
thankfully mother (a licensed practical nurse)
of course intervened without delay
belated acknowledgement
regarding maternal love hip hip hooray
enrolling expertise of Doctor Ted Goldberg
at Collegeville Community counseling
to ameliorate psychological internal melee
running rampant and roughshod within me psyche
pushing self destruction down into stairway
entering portals of hell
analogous to Earthen bowels
deep within Zimbabwe.
Whether the above sentence incidental
to feeble attempt at reasonable rhyme
so please geography buffs pardon moi
add dull less cent delinquent puns
he did cashier plus
any unintended faux paus as aspiring poet
artfully crafts elaborated gimcrackery,
albeit impious kooky mishmashed
outlandish quirky s*it.
What A Revolting Development
(Not by Groucho or Karl Marx)
Bernie with bent back grudges does carry
Decided to become another Revolutionary
Always knowing exactly what he meant
By this being a revolting development.
Hillary's tough questions were a strain
Until about brilliant Bernie did complain
Just because people prefer my sound advice
Was paid handsomely which was very nice.
Just how handsome do you have to be
When you are in competition with me
With talkative staff started to scrimmage
One had a professor and grandfather image.
All of this did come up with a certain feel
That to younger voters would have appeal
To make sure and eliminate all of the doubt
Made sure young women were not left out.
Closer and closer campaign competition became
Who would be President receiving glory and fame?
But what if your shoddy support were to lack
We should go in search of some Super Pack.
Bernie went door to door and bell after bell
Said, Don't vote for Hillary Dillary in the Dell
By my blessed appearance you could have been
With me and wrinkled clothes looking like a ruffian.
Heard some say I surely look like a Sherlock
At home with pipe in mouth which is a crock
And in front of home we do have a doormat
Saying I have become a stubborn Democrat.
What if old Holmes's hat I were to wear?
Do you think this would start a new scare?
At least mine is much better the Ben's brain
Thinks Egyptians in Pyramids store their grain.
But when by many who Ben they all adore
Are told he dropped out and ain't in race anymore
They did discover something about Ted Cruzer
Is a bruiser, blunt, big bully and a lalapaluzer.
Any dirty tricks, you pick, and Cruz has tried
Lied about original country where he did abide
And when atmosphere became dull and grim
Why would one more Republican vote for him?
Cruz has sold his own party down the drain
Republican voters for him have much disdain
Discovered greener on Democrat side is the clover
So if Republican or undecided come right on over.
I think Republican Right is know as Tea Party
which consists of a huge bunch of malarkey.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
RiverSea Plantation
Bolivia, NC
He never loved me
Well damn I just found out
Took a shot to the heart
Don't know where I should start
I guess I musta been strung out
Cuz I was straight up on his arm flashing that smile like aint no brother like the one I got
Saying girl I'm so lucky
You just jealous
Whatchu mean he's cheating
Ahh shut yo mouth
Making plans, writing poetry, letting his hands be one with me
He was free to play games with me
With my identity
When he was through with me
I barely recognized who she was cuz she was not me
But I was forever high
See I
I planned our wedding in my mind a million times
Yeah I said we'd name our first kid Tasha
Or prolly Sasha
Even after his great grand aunt Hadassah
Kiki or prolly Eloise
He could bend me over
To his whim or his fancy
Deeply committed was I
To this guy
I didn't care about the why
I just cared about his smile
How his face would light up when he saw me
And just how it was all so wild
Mild
was never a part of our loving
heavy from the get nicca always had me coming
To him constantly running to him
Gunning for him
Loving just him
Giving never ex-pec-ting
He didn't love me
See I just found out
One day it came to me when I was walking around the house
It came to me
How I'd put his needs before mine
Put ma money on his hustle
Saying everything would be fine
Cuz I would be-ne-fit
Joint bank accounts
Cleared out savings
Warning signs begged me to put an end to the ish
But I just couldn't quit
I could not forget
He was that 9-5 that I just could not leave
So I worked tirelessly hoping the boss would recognize
My efforts and promote me.
Promote me?
Dumb me
Strung out
Oh boy kinda good turn out
Everyone showed up but sanity
Cuz I musta been crazy to letchu play me
and sway me to your mindset
Wet, my heart with regret
turned me cold a reject
Deject-ted I stayed that way for centuries
Soul moment suffering through comments
Holding on to moments
Dead to emotion to me anomaly
He never loved me
WELLL I JUST FOUND OUT
I was silly blind trying to find
Reasons for his indiscretions
His lack of confession
Why he never let me in
Musta been ma sins
saying be more forgiving.
He never loved me.
Harper Lukowski paced down the sidewalk,
the day was done, he was on his way home.
His fried Jaquan, twenty years his junior,
chattered with him as the two did go.
They both worked at a nearby factory
manufacturing high quality knives,
the best in the land, if you ask Harper,
as a craftsman he did his work with pride.
Things were going very good that fall day,
management had just hired on twenty more,
a president who had kept to his word,
Harper had never seen that before
As he came up to his small, suburban home
he spotted his son kicking back on a chair,
asked,”So how did the job search go today?”
Said his son,”There is no need to despair.
“I’m having trouble finding work I like,
I want to enjoy it when I make my pay.
Rather than rush, I signed up for welfare,
and I just got my first check in today.”
Harper went quiet at the young man’s words,
and said,”Have you gone and lost your mind?
If you even think of cashing that check
then you are no longer a son of mine.”
His son Ted then froze, there on that spot,
a surprised look etched deeply on his face,
Harper continued,”Never did I think
you would fall so easily into disgrace.
“You think that check can do no real harm,
but I have seen the effects of the dole,
your own grandfather lived off of hand-outs,
he died a drunk, only forty years old.
“And every day I walk to my job
I see the wreckage of people on the street,
mad at the world, helpless and cruel,
devoid of the slightest dignity.
“Is that how you wish to spend you hole life,
as a dog on the government’s chain?
Voting for whoever throws you more cash,
regardless of the evils in their brains?
“Have the schools polluted your mind so much
that you can’t see any job has honor?
Will you live like a leach, draining the cash
that’s been built by the hard work of others?
“If you value your freedom and your manhood
you’ll destroy that small and unearned check,
and if you don’t then you can kiss goodbye
all your dignity and self-respect.”
Ted’s mouth hung open at this diatribe,
even Jaquan looked utterly stunned.
Ted crumpled the check and slinked away,
Jaquan said,”You were real hard on your son.”
CONCLUDES IN PART II...
The world in her eyes
Has azure blue skies
Fields of emerald green
And fluttering butterflies
The world in her eyes
The songbird sings and flies
Over flowers alight with color
Spring waves “hello”, never “goodbye”
The world in her eyes
Has rainbows in the sunrise
Has a silvery full moon
And millions of golden stars in the sky
The world in her eyes
Has mushrooms on high
A world of swirling color
That can mystify and hypnotize
The world in her eyes
Has whisky, vodka, rum and rye
Beer and wine to warm and cheer
All spirits to satisfy
The world in her eyes
We ride the Polar Express for dimes
And Ted Bear is your engineer
More or less at times
The world in her eyes
Is great and huge of size
With towering trees that bow in the breeze
And soaring mountains and oceans wide
The world in her eyes
We always stay outside
We run and play games all day
Until the dusk of night
The world in her eyes
There are who’s, but no why’s
Wear your ‘Barba-loot’ suite
Dr. Seuss is your guide
The world in her eyes
Has chocolate candy, cherry tarts and apple pies
All good sweet things to eat
That will go right to your stomach and thighs
The world in her eyes
There are laughs, but no sighs
Anger and sorrow fade away
Tears of joy are cried
The world in her eyes
All is truth and never lies
No need to ever run
No need to ever hide
The world in her eyes
The road may be rocky and winds
The night may be dark and cold
But there’s always a brilliant sunrise
The world in her eyes
Sometimes passes me by
Like running on empty
But in our dreams we fly
The world in her eyes
Never sees the demise
Only the creation
God’s hand on land and skies
The world in her eyes
There are no wrongs just rights
The world is one big happy family
With dancing, songs and beautiful sights
The world in her eyes
Sees through the disguise
The false faces we make
To try and hide
The world in her eyes
Sees castles on high
Secrets to keep in barrow’s down deep
Flying horses to ride
The world in her eyes
Where nobody dies
You’re just resurrected
Back to new lives
The world in her eyes
Sees souls to rise
To Heaven to be saved
She has angel eyes…