Long Schmooze Poems

Limericks I - Relatives and Relativity

The Cosmological Constant
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
said E equals MC squared.
Thus all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!


A$$-tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
says mass increases...

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Limericks VI - Religion

Pell-Mell for Hell Mel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!



Why I...

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Limericks IV - Donald Trump

The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump’s bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the...

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2nd HALF - due to Poetry Soups file size limitation - 

                       ...

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"Murdering Pluto" 

On Pluto, 
they deal with trauma
in the best possible way,
they murder it slowly 
in poetic hell 
day after day.

the dark Seraphim
have their way. 
their ways are stellar.
some say they hover
in the stratosphere,
but that's...

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Light Verse

Marvell-Less
by Michael R. Burch 

Mr. Marvell was ill-named? Inform us!
Alas, his crude writings deform us:
for when trying to bed
chaste virgins, he led
off with his iron balls ginormous!


I Learned Too Late
by Michael R. Burch 

“Show,...

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TRUMP POEMS AND EPIGRAMS II

Quite Con-trary
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

Trumpy, Trumpy,
fat, balding and lumpy,
how does your Rose Garden grow?
“With venom and spleen
and everything mean,
and my gasket about to blow!”

Trumpy, Trumpy,
obese and dumpy,
why...

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Trump Poems and Epigrams VI

Poets laud Justice’s
high principles.
Trump just gropes
her raw genitals.
—Michael R. Burch



Dark Shroud, Silver Lining
by Michael R. Burch

Trump cares so little for the silly pests
who rise to swarm his rallies that he jests:
“The...

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My on call (Uncle) Muse Never Sleeps
(aunt that title niece – ???
in this context pronounced nice)

Well...hm...I really did not wanna
     let the cat out of the bag,
    ...

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Doctors (particularly biomedical engineers)...
really trolley train hard to keep track of patients

Eye tell ya we (spuds)
pulled up stakes after four yar
and zero scores ago living in Bryn Mawr
salutary heart and lungs figurative
storied Main Line Health...

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It's a PICKLE PARTY and you're being invited!
Return your RSVP saying you'll be delighted
to attend. Don't forget to bring your sunscreen
so, you can keep your lovely shade of green.

The pool will be open, so you...

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It was noon when I got the call
Jewelry store robbed at the mall
It was a young man, very tall
Spoke with a drawl   Spoke with a drawl

In the store, I'd been permitted
Where a theft...

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The last few agonizing moments aboard the ill-fated Titanic,
Were no doubt filled with horror and unabated panic.
She slipped 'neath the waves to settle on the floor of the sea,
To create a watery grave for 1500...

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I’m not an animal or creature, I’m just a human being
but if the wizard can’t help, then from soup I’ll be fleeing
The wicked soup witch says my poems are dire
she declared I’m past it and...

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We write to you, your elfin crew,
To wish you joy and cheer!
For Christmas is upon us now -
The climax of our year.

We've toiled together - unified,
In our allotted crews.
And now we're stuck in training,
With barely...

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They planted Hank 'neath a lonesome pine when he came to the end of the trail.
Angels ushered him to the Great Beyond and through that Mysterious Veil.
Saint Peter greeted him, sayin', "I've been a-hankerin' to...

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At last weave bin released from winter's frigid jaws!
Spring has sidled upon us as delicately as if on kittens' pause!
April hath drenched hour land with life-sustainin' showers,
Two ade inn springin' fourth Mae's myriad of pretty...

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Slim's cowboy hat warn't no fancy Stetson, that's fer shore!
He'd paid five smackeroos fer it in a Sears 'n' Roebuck store.
But it served him jes as well through his cowboyin' years,
Roundin' up, ropin' 'n' brandin'...

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I loosen my belt and remove my shoes
   So, dear, what's going on in the news
They blocked the streets; tore down statues
   No surprise there; of what were they accused

The protestors,...

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IT'S
A DAY
WHEN WE
HONOR THE
MANGER-BORN
KING, WHO WITH
CAROLS WE PRAISE
AS THE STEEPLE BELLS
RING.  IT'S WHEN PEOPLE
RETURN TO WITH FAMILY BE
AND TEAR OPEN THE PRESENTS
PILED UNDER THE
TREE. DECORATIONS
ABOUND AND ENLIVEN
THE DAY. SMILING HOSTS
WILL A BANQUET DELICIOUS
DISPLAY. ...

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Blended with fragrances
And the joyful carols,
The con games of children
Looking for gifts full of fun.
Kris Kringle’s cock-and-bull 
Make them rosy and lull.

Adorned houses with odorous candles
Christmas tree ornamented with red ribbons and jingles 
Marzipans fruitcakes...

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passing through stillness
where death has been laid
where the crows go to schmooze 
where the wind blows the grass &
tickles the Autumn leaves across
the plain---
every american should have to walk
through the cemetery as
every american should be...

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She was a cute little girl with orange dancing shoes.
Those dancing shoes had rhinestone eyes that could schmooze.
Her name was Willa May, and she had a bear that was purple.
He begged her to name him...

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Sensuous allures float in pulchritude of white swan
Upon your lotus pond, arousing visions of romance
As I see you there where pink blossoms dance
And kiss your presence in ambiance of golden dawn.

Nary a cloud foreshadows my...

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When things go wrong, I never sulk or sing the blues.
I'd rather go shopping for a brand-new pair of shoes,
or treat myself to a gigantic banana split at Molly Moos.
I'll not give up that treat...

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