Long Quaff Poems

Pellucid pachyderms wade across
the purpling River Manjees
and Tozzath watches from the bank, 
the seat of his maroon pantaloons soaked with mud,
his nostrils flaring with the fragrance of ombadalias,
whose lacey petals flutter
like the wings of long-dead...

Read More

Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days...

Read More

You know when you are growing up

The stages you go through

Make you the way you are

They help to make you...YOU

The people who you deal with

Whether family or your friends

Are very influential

And they're with you 'till...

Read More

Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I...

Read More

Goodbye and good riddance 2023

Commencement writing this poem
began December 31st: 2:24 PM
ended December 31st: 03:53 PM.

The best geriatric effort I apply
twittering, ushering, and 
albeit wheezing Auld Lang Syne
crocodile done deed tear 
will yours truly cry
bidding,...

Read More

I’m Patient with Kimmy (1), Have Patience for Paul (2)

Our political differences ring in my ear
with fake “Fire!” calls in theaters marketing fear!
‘Right’ won’t honor opinions of others, hate facts,
they are traumatized truants, Trump’s turncoats’...

Read More

Open Closed





 Open letter addressed by me to myself as  

               as though I am in any way complicit in...

Read More

The day was short and I was tall,
oops, got that backwards after my fall,
for I was mixed up and worried,  befuddled I say
on this brand new morning in the month of May.
I set out...

Read More

"England and America are two countries separated by a common language." 
                          ...

Read More

Written: February 29, 2024
                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a sprawling sward of auburn swab
A seraphic sight soaked in dew at dawn
dazed distress and dust-laden air
delicacy and...

Read More

Auf Wiedersehn

   Well here at last it's party time,in shorts and dirndl dress.
   Excitedly we travelled to the fest, a night of pleasure lay ahead.
   We knew from past...

Read More

(alternately christened great insight
to those who Braille)

Ah.... so glad thee did ask
summoning poetic title
tis most daunting task
if lucky forthcoming praise
will yours truly to bask

and bathe with short lived,
while I quaff vintage
amber liquids out the
golden silver...

Read More

Commencement writing this poem
began December 24th: 08:04:03 PM
ended December 24th: 09:23:17 PM.

Soon Auld Lang Syne
sung bidding goodbye
adieu two thousand nineteen
uttered from every gal and guy
transfixing living mortals
with good cheer well nigh,
while awesome pyrotechnics
light up night...

Read More

Sitting there on the wet cold pavement
Here is warm solace from a cold bottle
Preaching the gospel of the destitute
Exploring the vanity of my self defeats 

Anger leads to harmonious frustrations
I’m lying to friends that I...

Read More

A dark secret I feel tempted to unfold
and the legacy of truth I'm bound to uphold
Ladies and gentlemen, let us view through this wicked universal kaleidoscope
and uncover the secrets of leadership as they try to...

Read More

One day ‘cross the meadow by Diggory Spring
I saw an amazing and curious thing
A wee little fellow no bigger than that
Was puffing a pipe blowing smoke through his hat

He had a small bottle of something...

Read More

We are in the age of raging time,
rhyme and reason down the drain
 with our coffee grinds,
quick views and videos, terror on the tubes,
smart-mouths cursing
between commercials
repeating Breaking News.
Find somehow a parking place,
stand in line, glazed...

Read More

What do you see when you see trees?
My eyes travel each trunk and branch.
With feathered leaves in blowing breeze
till the chipper comes with a cranch! 

	Your details shine with luminescence -
	I eschew detail for the...

Read More

What do you see when you see trees?
My eyes travel each trunk and branch.
With feathered leaves in blowing breeze
till the chipper comes with a cranch! 

	Your details shine with luminescence -
	I eschew detail for the...

Read More

My family crowds our frail dreams of success,
still, we fail in our struggle for butter, just bread!
Seems the rich view the world with their heads in the clouds,
they can’t hear, they can’t touch, those whose...

Read More

Vocabulist nonalcoholic punchdrunk stupor January 1st, 2020

Unlike the vast population swath,
with painful hangover
average celebrant merely
doth confusedly blink,
who devoutly pledge
new year resolution
to give up drink
immediately fall off wagon

as he/she eagerly downs
shot after fermented shot
while forearms link
with...

Read More

Nonpareil les belles-lettres spellbinds

Adherence regarding credo
to finish reading arbitrarily
self selected book beginning
to end silent promise made
otherwise, I experience guilt
analogous violating unwritten

law, said private oath binds me
against challenging non binding
unspoken promise additionally
never flipping thru pages reading
conclusion,...

Read More

The autumn sky attunes itself to hearts,
a sour grey murky wash where lost eyes tire.
with insubstantial dust it affects so,
that vision blurs and minds retreat to when
those aged weary organs last supped hope;
and still they...

Read More

2019 Polar Vortex - Across Wide Band Of North America

Ordinarily, the weather
considered non trees
son us, a neutral subject on par
with non nose wrinkling odoriferous cheese
usually ranks as minor distraction,
without whether yours truly agrees

or not, except...

Read More

Haiku Licentioso 
('They who quaff this cup shall see god
and The Magdalen')

with the *powder
that goes in the tea
comes the instructions:
''dump into the brew
mix salaciously
drink licentiously
and feel like a libertine''

''caution's for the birds
toss the birds back...

Read More