Long Malfunctioning Poems

June 12th 2017 TRANSITION revisited and revised today 4/2/2021

While scrolling over outdated docs
(i.e. namely OpenOffice documents)
derrière seated upon hard backed chair,
yours truly came upon following poem
to share with anonymous readers,
whereby slight modifications 
got made to...

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Ah... tis nothing greater than...

malfunctioning heater 
on that brisk winter day
recorded here as proof positive
regarding following reasonable rhyme.

While scrolling thru 
poems crafted yesteryear,
I chanced to jog my memory where
there
occurred power outage necessitated 
more than divine...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in...

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tweaked to pass inspection broadcast on the double
(alternately titled snafu: ma bell heave hubble
vehicular repairs (prohibitive)
finds me bleary eyed stupefied
and countenance grizzled with prickly stubble
collapsed amidst virtual rubble).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words...

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"Your very Mature for your age" 
What does the mean?
Why do I have to be mature to make friends
my description label is on my back 
its all there i promise 
i even wrote them myself
organized...

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The putrid, malodorous and fowl nauseating smell 
   can still be conjured nearly fifty years later wracked
I never forget ineradicable tangy, sulfurous 
   acrid odor rankled olfaction tract
entire sinus cavity, yet...

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I woke up late this morning, my phone was dead. I guess I never plugged it in, I found it buried under my pillow (erah!). I barely had time for anything, just managing to cover...

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Defecation clogged toilet bowl...
courtesy prescription laxative AMITIZA

and found (me) zee papa pooped out,
thus embarrassing communiqué I post,
a reasonably rhyming poetic shout
to air grievances
concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim chance)
Mike Rowe happens tubby about,
though shadow of doubt
he...

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(alternately titled: ma bell heave hubble
vehicular repairs (prohibitive) 
finds me bleary eyed stupefied 
and countenance grizzled with prickly stubble 
collapsed amidst virtual rubble).

Best sung courtesy rotten dull liver:red worst
after words which, I gotta quench mine...

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Ah... tis nothing greater than...
malfunctioning heater on brisk winter day!

Thee particular date being
December twenty eighth,
two thousand nineteen, I saith
the Jack of all trades
maintenance technician

Kevin Blank said he would notify
HVAC expert in good faith,
yet to compliment...

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He was born with a bushy round follicle-free head
and walks with two legs, because 
he is a Neanderthal(1) mutant,

for he is a mutational product, 
he is an android(2) not found in the evolutionary tree, 
and...

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Quivering lowest limb
namely mine little feet
medication side effects
analogous running dead heat
most often while fast asleep
the missus claims thrashing feet

easily mistaken for epilepsy
disrupts her pleasant dreams
claiming legitimate grounds
for kickstarting divorce
bachelorhood amenable
versus her furious

expletive laced outbursts
crying out...

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Although I was retired and full of energy,                           ...

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Santa Clauses were to be molten and reshaped into Holy Cross bunnies
		             on a mega 3D printer but then the app somehow went...

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Winter nights, the darkness comes quick
Key in door, to an empty house
Jacket falls fast right on the floor
I stare at the stand, at the telephone for sure

There she sits, alone, unmoving
No blinking light
No message at...

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Defecation clogged toilet bowl courtesy metamucil..
and found (me) zee papa pooped out

Anal eyes zing thee
nightly dump for yesterday
July 8th, 2020 - whereby
plunger helped obstruction give way
I nearly lost me life and limb oy vey

oh my...

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Especially one courteously wrapped ably
anonymously gifted to
an aspiring gourmet Chef Boyardee
i.e. not surprisingly... revealing mystery
person none other than...
yepper namely me.

Moost anyone can show
off culinary karate chop
suey, whether schooled among
fishy creatures either
from black lagoon,
or privately tutored,

(this...

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Most of my Lix spittle 
+ four additional anniversaries 
since exiting birth canal 
as full term newborn 
re: minimally viable existence
post doc severance umbilical cord,
nevertheless yours truly

found himself figuratively
linkedin and tethered to lifeline
particularly in formative...

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Me... creature of comfort? Bah

Once again mine lock, stock
and barrel trade in balderdash
finds yours truly (i.e. me)
to type poem frisson a$$ off
as dentures chatter and gnash,
while still inside me gobstopper,
(the sole way to generate
plea for...

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WHY MEN ARE CALLED GROOM AND WOMEN BRIDE

Hullabaloo and cacophony etched in your Union,
Soliloquies to break up with your said-protagonist of a spouse,
You forgot your beautiful euphony, word fusion
When the beginning of two you can't...

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Once I prick my index,
all is gone,
the love,
the hope,
the past,
all of it.
Cause without forgetting you,
I create this hope-
this drastic thought-
that maybe one day you'll want me back-
that maybe you long for me and miss me-
that...

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How glue me: On lacking sticktoitiveness

Most of my iv + Lix spittle existence
found me figuratively
(primarily academically, emotionally,
psychologically, sexually, socially...) adrift,
and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat
without courtesy picture
an appalling Cap'n Ahab
ankh caws away!

aimlessly bobbing - treading...

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Futile effort to plunger the clogged kitchen sink...
courtesy malfunctioning garbage disposal

which won't be removed
by onsite maintenance man
UNTIL/UNLESS 
fruit fly excreta wiped off
(impossible to access)
areas along bathroom and kitchen walls
so communicated "the warden."

Thus we (yours truly...

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Most of my Lix spittle existence
     found me figuratively
     (primarily academically) adrift,
     and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat with
    ...

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ROCK PAPER SCISSORS

I heard that somewhere in India they say ‘stone paper scissor’
And my bible says they stoned James to death, 
I am hoping I am not to be stoned, for what I would say
And...

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