Long Hindquarters Poems

The coincidence of Advent
and the HW Bush eulogies
reminded me of DJ Trump's challenge
to laugh about himself
at least as quickly and quietly as he laughs against others.

As compared to any recent US President,
he comes in dead...

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Humus me? My vegetated chokes ingest!
(jokes all in jest)

Hard to believe, I orange in a lee
started life as barely visible speck!

Just in the course of healthy growing
season, this former minute nearly
microscopic entity developed into
quite pleasing...

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Inapropos trois faux pas jokingly blurted out...

yesterday August 30th, 2022.

The following fictitious account
predicated upon words spilling
out me mouth before taking time
to think through how sarcastic remark
would affect primary listener.

Comments about marital matters
particularly ours (yours truly...

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It started out with one good boy,
A prehistoric, funny, little plushie toy,
His name was Gary, quite refined,
A murder floof with teeth aligned (yikes)!
They dressed him up in bowtie class,
He promptly bit a Swissman's—ahem—pass ;)
And now...

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Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper

Nickname for a rather pudgy Charles Dickens Character:
Whopper
Copper

Overweight Janitor:
Whopper 
Mopper

Big fat lie:
Whopper
Whopper

Lockjaw:
Chopper
Stopper

Highway Patrolman pulling over a Hell’s Angel:
Chopper
Stopper
 
Louis XVI banned the Guillotine and thus was nicknamed the Great and Royal:
Chopper
Stopper

Church secretary...

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It was never about the suit,
the charcoal stitching,
the pocket square that folds itself,
the red tie I swore was alive.

At first, it just stood there—
hooves crossed, ears like knives
stabbing into the conference room light.
It never spoke,...

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He billed himself as an expert in the field of "equine podiatry",
Better known as a farrier for farmers and the cream of society!
Keeping horses shod and their hooves polished was his vocation.
With horseflesh he'd had...

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Crunch
by Michael R. Burch

A cockroach could live nine months on the dried mucous you scrounge from your nose
then fling like seedplants to the slowly greening floor ...

You claim to be the advanced life form, but,...

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Avid anteaters ate artichokes
Blossoming beyond barley’s beauty,
Classic chews can clearly 
Deny delivering dangerous dangling dates
Evening eggplants enormous evolved ecstatic
Ferocious fig fritters furthering Frito’s finesse.
Galloping gingerbread giants gobbling goats gelatin,
Hurrying heavily handsome hindquarters 
Imagining illustriously ignorant
Jealous...

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As I reach down for my lady fair
and hoist her up she twirls
in mid-air,and gently straddles
my mount with her chin on my chest
and her forehead tucked under my chin
the smell of lavender rushes instantly
with arms...

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Blinking away the last vestiges of slumber,
the cub takes a few tentative steps,
her paws sinking into the soft,
loamy soil.
With each cautious movement,
she pauses,
her small nose twitching,
as she samples the myriad of scents,
that permeate the forest.
The...

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The reindeer unscrewed all their bulbs.
        Each nose of the famous of all
    rebelled of their Dad,
his youngsters’ so bad.
The night, with no lights, elves...

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Bums are funny, I don't know why
giggling 'til I nearly cry-

Silly nicknames are so much fun
like tuchis, tail, rump or buns

Some are dainty, sweet or cutesy
like heinie, cheeks, and petootsie

Timid hinting at their meanings
“back-end”, “behind”......

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Left a calling card by the door.
Left their business under the master’s covers.
The beagles snicker and cower,
knowing justice
will come with a swift kick.
Bruised hindquarters will be well worth it.
They’d do it again and again
except they...

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Walk with me down town
I want everyone to know
That this grip is a knot
Not very easy to unite

You see these girls down yonder
Gazing with such a different eye
Sometimes dangling their hindquarters
An advert to pull you...

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