Long Fall apart Poems
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Am I invisible?
No, I’m not.
Sometimes I feel like I am.
Sometimes I wish I was.
But deep down I know I’m not.
Even if it was my deepest desire,
I’m certain it’d ever come true.
In this house,
I may not be invisible,
But my feelings definitely are.
Like they’re hovering,
far away from my body.
Where my family can’t see.
I soak in the words they preach,
When I become the outlet for sadness, anger, and grief.
My body moves mindlessly as
I comfort them.
Each and every person.
Even though it is never returned.
My brain taps restlessly at my skull,
Begging me to listen,
Begging me to acknowledge the twinge in my chest,
the tears building up in my eyes.
But I can’t.
I cant.
I lay alone in this bed,
Staring into the darkness,
Wondering why noone cares.
Shouldn’t I get some compensation?
Don’t I deserve something back?
Aren’t my kind words,
My selfless actions,
Deserving of something,
More?
I’m told to “keep it together.”
But why me?
Because I am stronger than them?
more mature?
more understanding?
And yet I am so young.
Can my heart keep beating,
With this many wounds?
My rib cage is torn open,
blood leaks from my chest,
dark crimson stains the world
around me,
and yet I still ask,
“Are you okay?”
Even if it is my life,
I will offer it to them,
For it bears no importance to me.
Surrounded by these people,
The ones I call ‘family’,
I am a counsellor, for all ages.
I wonder where I store it all,
All the trauma -
That’s been passed down to me,
Like a secret ingredient,
Measured by the gods.
A treasure to keep safe.
And I lock it all away.
Will I ever escape this?
Am I always to be seen as just another diary to dump words in?
Someone who will drink up the sorrow,
From her very household,
Just to prevent a flood?
When will this torture end?
I know I love them,
There is no denying that statement.
But I no longer wish to walk around with the label “therapist” stamped on my back.
Don’t you see the scales above my head?
Dangerously tilting,
About to fall?
I feel like sometime soon,
The bolts will loosen,
And all will fall apart.
I am breaking into pieces,
cracks appearing with each trauma untold.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t here,
I wish when they saw me,
I was seen for conversation - normal ones.
And sometimes I wish I was invisible,
Or maybe not even here at all.
When you find your early your already much to late all this time now you over compensate
A rush towards the front so we can crawl to the back always flinching from the timely attack
anticapation explodes towards the surface flooding out release its only purpose
Timely ruin erodes the youthful heart corroding the edges lets it fall apart
age and wisdom go hand in hand the curse of life has only one demand
youth and vigor go hand in hand but at that point we dont even understand
in the end we return to the land all these things we were crumbles away into black sand
A hard life takes a serious toll no one to help you madness takes control
lonely hearts lightens the soul to run the great race headlong towards the hole
some live life as a perfect dream while others mostly cry and sometimes scream
good deeds leave nothing to redeem we all lie in dirt or so it would seem
time and space go hand in hand we all must suffer there every command
pain and strife go hand in hand alone we fall and alone we must stand
in the end we pass to the land until we fade and crack turning into black sand
writing this down its quite hard to think today could be it id be gone in a blink
pondering the end leads to the brink no matter how high ones soar everything must sink
it seems to be a very grim notion no matter how hard you swim your consumed by the ocean
live like some mad commotion but time moves straight it knows no other motion
life and death go hand in hand no matter who you are you see others life’s are so grand
fools and liars walk hand in hand each of us all carry these life’s long brand
until the day we return to the land once particles of icy cold lifeless black sand
all of us are dieing only some know when cant control the future but we are were we’ve been
the endless void a thought Iam not akin ill go when I go and not until then
perception is something you have to be in to see our lives stretch and then grow thin
So many hits we take in the chin but the harder I’m hit the wider I grin
because one thing is certain on your journey you’ll be hit over and over again
shame and guilt go hand in hand for all our troubles the end cannot be planned
love and loss go hand in hand we hold so tight by the thinnest strand
until we sleep in the bosom of the land when all of this returns to black sand
You wont find me with my bible sitting in the first row
You’ll sometimes find me lifting my hands just to put on a show
I sing in the choir but my heart is always being pulled out the door
I haven’t in a while let the holy ghost fill me so I fall on the floor
I cant go fully in the world because of the life here that I have made
I cant fully give it over to him cause in a way I am still afraid
I want to have everything to be okay and just to have peace
But I know that because of my sin that I will never feel at ease
You ask if I am a backslider and why I am with out the only one that truly loved me
For some reason I cant answer that for you and that’s the reason that I am not free
I want pity from no one because it was only my doing that caused this
I needed the hand of god on my life and that is one thing that I really do miss
He is something that I don’t deserve and I know that I never will
To me no matter how hard I try I know I never will become for filled
I want to live a life of love and just serve him with all of my heart
I have done this before and half way through it I always fall apart
Yes I want that high of knowing that I just do not care
But no I don’t want that feeling of knowing that through it all no one is there
The path that I have chose now is not even a path at all
I just stand at the middle of the road and wonder where is my call
I look around and see people that I have grown up with and suddenly find myself hating them
I am filled with such resentment and ask why I have not one friend
The same people that I once thought so highly of and wanted so badly to become
Are now the people that I have lashed out at and I have cursed every last one
I glance back and remember the one that I used to be
Now all that I can say is that the one I am now is not me
Freedom is what I long for each and every day
But lust is what I want and that feeling of knowing that I did it all my way
I am drawn to the rawness of sin and all that it is to me
But I deeply realize that to live in sin is something that only brings you down on your knee
So what to do at the end of this horrifying night
Where all I do is just try and find ways to do things all right
How will I ever walk freely when I am trying to run threw out this sand
How will I know what is me or can you tell me who I am
Form:
Memories of Our Summer Romance: A Collaboration
Today I've been savoring vignettes of summer memories
that I've kept folded within the safe haven of my heart.
Your comforting touch, warmer than a summer breeze
was my purpose in life; contained in my every thought.
I cherished all of our twilight saunters along the beach,
and recall the tenderness of your lips with each gentle kiss.
The distance between us, you were the first to breach.
But I never expected our summer romance to end like this.
Our lust for life and each other shifted by summer's end.
We'd fallen in love, one stronger than granite, we vowed.
A small plastic ring, you placed upon my finger as a friend,
then whispered, "I love you." You said the words aloud.
Even mountains made of stone can erode and fall apart.
Time takes its toll, leaving behind brittle parts of the past.
How do I explain to the ache still inside my bruised heart
that some summer romances were never meant to last?
This eager heart remembers your kisses and softest touch.
Those mellow new dawns upon the windblown sandy beach.
That long moonlit night when I declared, "I love you so much."
And you my darling, that night swore better love to me teach!
I cherished the way you promised to give me your beautiful life.
You stood in that pale blue gown awaiting my affectionate kiss,
Swearing by every means, you would end my hurt and strife.
It is of these precious recollections that I choose to reminisce.
O' lord, every fairy princess, your beauty would've out shown.
You swore to me an oath of love as if it was your marriage vow.
I beg, tell me why you left me like a wind turned hellish blown?
Was our love making the kind that disappointed you somehow?
A promise of us eternally has now crumbled like a fallen fence
And every newborn basking dawn capsized like a sinking boat.
You, my sweetheart, were you not truly happy with this prince?
Are memories of us together just verses of poems I once wrote?
A collaboration by Robert Lindley and Lin Lane
Note. Lin, it has indeed been a true joy to compose with you again.
Your magnificent verses sing into this old poet's heart and soul.
The beauty and heart you put into those verses are truly exceptional and very evident of a master poet's hand and pen. God bless.
Behold her in her passion
Could someone tell me who she is?
A woman from the east Pride of Barbados sent to entice men.
a Woman in her prime with a beautiful body.
So beautiful like the morning glory.
It fade not like the candle, from ages to ages.
Behold her in the middle of the sun
Shinning to the entire world.
She makes the vegetable grow,
Her beauty mint the mountains and her smiles
wakes the entire earth to a glorious morning
And her frown wakes the earthquake.
Her joy knows no bond because she brighten the earth.
I have fallen in love with a total stranger
I have awaken the sleeping lion within.
Will the wind take me for that?
No for her tendency, would she protect me.
her pretty body shall be my dwelling place
Her heart my home till eternity, when
Sorrow shall be no more between us.
How many years will i adore You woman?
To satisfay that which nature have given to you.
To gain that which which nature had given to your body.
Thousand years to come i shall adore you like a goddess
Because you make my dreams come true.
You made me blind woman.
How long will you torment with your beauty.
Yet i die gradually with no cause because i love you.
My mind and spirit are gone far away because of your beauty,
woman of africa, pride of the world.
Behold her in her glory like a sprouting seed.
You built passion of my love, passion of my hobby
Passion of my anger and enthusiasm.
You are my night and my day.
I will love no other than you.
The hurricane wind rose because of her
How i wish she belong here in my heart.
I could have treated her like a goddess.
How gracious you are, your beauty change
My whole life and your charming skin
Transformed my entire world.
Look at the papers and the nylons in the field,
All rose because of you.
The grasses waved in appreciation to your beauty.
Woman,who art thy maker?
I know ages shall come by
I shall be the one to call upon my children
To tell them my experience how the mighty tree
fell because of love.
Who is he that stand between us ?
Let him keep off and be save Because
Love does not ask why or how.
Love is honest and pure, gentle and caring,
If the walls fall apart, i will know deep inside of me
Dreams that mattered has come true in this world i love some one.
Creeping behind the walls and chairs
They linger all about.
They hang themselves amongst our homes
Causing pain and doubt.
They thrive upon our sorrow,
Upon our hate, our lives, our hearts.
They eat away at our souls
And watch us fall apart.
laughing in our faces, knocking us down.
Yet we fail to notice them-
Though they are all around.
They talk to us when we are awake
And ly with us as we sleep.
They torment our every waking day
And haunt us in our dreams.
They feed upon our empty souls,
And drink upon our misfortunes.
They live so long as we are sad,
And die if we are fortunate.
In and out all day all night,
They never seem to leave.
When ever we leave a room or shut a light,
They're there with you and me.
Though they manage to stay hidden,
We know that they are there.
We can feel them breathing down our backs,
And brushing against our hairs.
With every word that comes forth our mouths,
And every momentous thought-
They're with us-thinking with us-
Speaking the words we have fought.
Their foul stench fills the air
Making one sick to the smell.
Their cold touch upon our bodies,
Sends shivers through out ourselves.
We feel them enter our skins
And break beneathe our bones.
Bitting into our bodies,
Ripping apart our souls.
Clenching their rugged jaws
As hard as they can bite.
They rip and tear and eat away,
With all their strenght and might.
They make you cry, they make you sad,
They make you want to give up.
They posses your mind with evil thoughts
And all their is to corrupt.
They know as long as you are down,
And don't have the courage to get back up-
They continue to tie you down
And force you to give up.
Once you give into their temptation
They know they took your soul,
And their job with you is done.
You've left to lone and wither
And lay to rot away.
Never being happy again,
or live another day.
They've robbed you of your blessings,
They've took all of your strength.
Once they got you where they want,
They just take it all away.
Back into the walls and chairs,
The doors and beds and halls.
Slithering about and around,
Looking for more lost souls.
It doesnt take much longer,
For them to return or find a new.
Again the pain and torture starts
Until the chains have broken through.........
Form:
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
I can rememer that day as clear as if it were happening right now.
I told you the truth, and you freaked out.
You took me aside and told me it wasn't going to work out.
And all I remember from then on were the tears streaming down my face.
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
Now she's hurt you, I knew it would happen.
It was all a matter of when and how.
So we're both alone again, sitting by ourselves again.
But I want to know how she could do that to you, and why she would.
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
So we sit by ourselves, in our own little corners.
We wait for the other to come and make amends.
But we both know its not going to happen on its own.
We have to make it happen, make it work.
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
I'll pass you in the halls, just walk right on by,
And I don't know why it had to end this way, why we had to fall apart.
Why you left me for telling the truth, why you flipped out when I needed you.
Why can't you understand my need for a stone wall? Why I needed you?
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
Fine, go on ahead. Walk by me like we never had anything at all.
Pass me by as if I don't exist, don't even say hi to me.
I guess it's just one of those things that will heal with time,
But the day when I'm fully healed is a long ways away.
And I'm sitting here, lost amongst my thoughts,
Wondering why I let you get away.
Why I didn't chase after you,
Why I'm still alone here, waiting for you to come running back to me.
Form:
Oh that’s you and me
“You and me were always with each other,
before we knew the other was ever there”
Destiny carves its path through lives,
filling needs unknown until it happens
Bridging gaps of empty terrain
where love belongs eventually
as our hearts wait for that one we feel
on the journey
“You and me we belong together,
just like a breath needs the air”
So many comparisons play,
moving pieces to spaces, uncovered
Sliding down chutes, climbing ladders,
sensing that something waits, something good
Inspired to keep going, following the lines
drawn in tingles on skin
“I told you if you called I would come runnin’,
across the highs the lows and the in betweens”
You’ve taken my hand and showed me
things are not always as they seem
Until you find them in your shadow,
lifting you when you fall,
caressing your soul in unexplained notions,
safety and comfort with merely a touch
“You and me we’ve got two minds that think as one
and our hearts march to the same beat”
Your eyes, my eyes, we see similar patterns
curving about skylines of melodic tempos
As we walk together, one step after the other,
but two steps always for the other
in whatever direction they choose,
syncopated movements hand in hand
”They say everything it happens for a reason,
you can be flawed enough but perfect for a person”
These scars of past seasons, cold winds blow
across arid deserts of details and misgivings
Cloaked in love’s blanket, accepted beyond yesterdays
Put away in box with a lock, no key is available
and neither would want it anyway
”Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart,
guiding your direction when you’re riding through the dark”
This light that leads, from your smile, your understanding,
your acceptance that I reflect back as a mirror
Enhancing the beam of this forever feeling,
Strolling down avenues of pleasure for
happiness is always a two way street
”Oh that’s you and me…”
4/4/17
The italicized lines are lyrics from one of my favorite songs, “You and Me” by Pink and Dallas Green off the Rose Ave album.
https://youtu.be/TUYleIXgceQ
For the “Your Favorite Song” poetry contest
Sponsored by: Alexis Y.
SHE SAID COME DOWN AND SING FOR ME I HAVEN'T HEARD YOU PLAY
IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU ANYWAY
AND CAN YOU MAKE IT SOON SHE SAID AND GAVE ME HER BEST SMILE
AND I CAN FIX SOME SUPPER BABY, IF YOU CAN PLAY AWHILE
YES I CAN FIX US SUPPER BABY AND YOU CAN STAY AWHILE
I BOUGHT SOME WINE AND HAAGEN DAZ AND ROLLED A KILLER J
THEN TAXIED TO HER CONDO AND ASKED HOW WAS HER DAY
SHE SAID SHE'D BEEN MISTREATED AND TERRIBLY ABUSED
AND MEN COULD NOT BE TRUSTED AND HOW SHE'D BEEN MISUSED
AND NOW THAT DRUGS AND MONEY HELPED HER GET ALONG
PERHAPS SHE'D BY MY PATRON IF I PUT HER IN A SONG
BUT WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDED WAS SIMPLY TO BELONG
I SAID I NEED THE PRACTICE SINCE I'M LOOKING FOR A PLACE
THAT CAN USE A LONE GUITARIST BUT A FROWN CONQUERED HER FACE
SHE SOFTLY SAID DON'T BOTHER IF ITS PRACTICE THAT YOU DO
CAUSE I'M LOOKING FOR A LOVER AND I HOPED IT MIGHT BE YOU
YES, I'M LOOKING FOR A LOVER BABY, PLEASE LET IT BE YOU
NAPOLEON WAS SILENT AS I STARED INTO HIS FLAME
IN AN ORANGE COLORED CANDLE THAT SEEMED TO MELT HIS NAME
I WAS PART OF HER COLLECTION OF MODERN WORKS OF ART
THAT COLLECTS DUST LIKE A MAGNET TILL THE COLORS FALL APART
WHY DO WE ALWAYS LOOK FOR MORE IN SPITE OF WHAT WE GET
INSTEAD OF BEING GRATEFUL WHEN THE PIECES ALMOST FIT
SHE DRAINED A GLASS OF CHARDONAY AND LED ME TO HER BED
LIKE A DECOY PADDLING SILENTLY THROUGH PAGES BEING READ
ANOTHER ROOM TO WANDER IN, BLIND LEADING THE BLIND
IMPROBABLE TO DUPLICATE, IMPOSSIBLE TO MIND
NEVER EVER SATISFIED, ETERNAL WRINKLED BROW
WANTING WHERE AND WHEN WHILE WE HAVE THE HERE AND NOW
I DIDN'T SING FOR SUPPER THERE, THE MUSES STAYED AWAY
TILL SUPERLATIVE EXHANGES OVER COFFEE THE NEXT DAY
WE READ EACH OTHER'S HOROSCOPES AND TRIED TO REALLY FEEL
OUR COMIC SECTION DRAMA WAS SOMETHING MORE THAN REAL
NEVER EVER SATISFIED, ETERNAL WRINKLED BROW
WANTING WHERE AND WHEN WHILE WE HAVE THE HERE AND NOW
NOW I'M BACK IN MY APARTMENT, FEET UP ON A CHAIR
STRUMMING MY GUITAR, GLAD THAT SHE'S NOT HERE
ALWAYS WANTING MORE INSPITE OF WHAT I GET
INSTEAD OF BEING GRATEFUL WHEN THE PIECES ALMOST FIT
NEVER EVER SATISFIED, ETERNAL WRINKLED BROW
WANTING WHERE AND WHEN WHILE I'VE GOT THE HERE AND NOW
WANTING WERE AND WHEN WHILE I'VE GOT THE HERE AND NOW
It's a hanging day in Wolf City, Wyoming, 1894.
They're gonna drop Cat Ballou through the gallows' floor.
Cat your time has come as you stand on the brink.
It's sure making you think
about your life of sin.
Why are they now going to hang you and how did you begin?
Catherine Ballou lived in Wolf City, Wyoming
and folks here in Wyoming
live high off the hog.
That brand new firm Sears & Roebuck send them their catalog.
It's an upright town with kind, wonderful people,
reliable people,
friendly as can be.
When they say "Howdy" they mean it. Yep they are neighborly.
If only Cat had behaved,
these folks would befriend her.
If Cat had behaved,
their hearts they would lend her,
but Cat was depraved,
and to hell now they'll send her.
She could have lived like others do.
Cat Ballou,
you're wicked through and through.
They'll now be hanging Cat Ballou.
On a mournful day she became part of a legend.
The real start of a legend
known as Cat Ballou.
When captains of industry
killed her daddy
it filled her heart with a hate that grew.
There are teardrops in her heart
but they can't make her cry.
She refused to fall apart.
They'll never make her cry.
She's lost all the family she's known
and her tears will turn to stone.
All the teardrops in her heart will never make her cry.
It's not very hard to grieve
when you're a little girl.
She refused to give up and leave
after they shattered her world.
They made a little girl feel
like a woman hard as steel,
and no matter how they try,
they'll never make her cry.
When you've got no tears, then you've gotta have something.
Hate really is something.
Blood is what you need
and Cat Ballou made her mind up to make this country bleed.
It took a crafty female brain
to stage the holdup of a train.
She planned it to the last detail
until it couldn't fail.
This dash and daring desperado
led her outlaw gang with cool bravado.
They all would follow where she'd lead.
They made the country bleed.
Round and round and round they went
till man and gal and beast were spent.
Round and round and round they rode.
Oh what an episode.
The Ballad of Cat Ballou
Continued in Part 2
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poems_poets/poem_detail.aspx?ID=263894