Who I Am
You wont find me with my bible sitting in the first row
You’ll sometimes find me lifting my hands just to put on a show
I sing in the choir but my heart is always being pulled out the door
I haven’t in a while let the holy ghost fill me so I fall on the floor
I cant go fully in the world because of the life here that I have made
I cant fully give it over to him cause in a way I am still afraid
I want to have everything to be okay and just to have peace
But I know that because of my sin that I will never feel at ease
You ask if I am a backslider and why I am with out the only one that truly loved me
For some reason I cant answer that for you and that’s the reason that I am not free
I want pity from no one because it was only my doing that caused this
I needed the hand of god on my life and that is one thing that I really do miss
He is something that I don’t deserve and I know that I never will
To me no matter how hard I try I know I never will become for filled
I want to live a life of love and just serve him with all of my heart
I have done this before and half way through it I always fall apart
Yes I want that high of knowing that I just do not care
But no I don’t want that feeling of knowing that through it all no one is there
The path that I have chose now is not even a path at all
I just stand at the middle of the road and wonder where is my call
I look around and see people that I have grown up with and suddenly find myself hating them
I am filled with such resentment and ask why I have not one friend
The same people that I once thought so highly of and wanted so badly to become
Are now the people that I have lashed out at and I have cursed every last one
I glance back and remember the one that I used to be
Now all that I can say is that the one I am now is not me
Freedom is what I long for each and every day
But lust is what I want and that feeling of knowing that I did it all my way
I am drawn to the rawness of sin and all that it is to me
But I deeply realize that to live in sin is something that only brings you down on your knee
So what to do at the end of this horrifying night
Where all I do is just try and find ways to do things all right
How will I ever walk freely when I am trying to run threw out this sand
How will I know what is me or can you tell me who I am
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