Mr. Abbott
Mr. Abbott bought a
steam powered Stanley
He felt it made him
look rather manly
He has a large
handlebar moustache
Constantly covered in
soot and ash
In his finery,
goggles and gloves
He would wave at his
imaginary loves
Over the hills
and over the dales
He would frequently stop
for supplies and sales
Horses would buck,
cows would “moo”
Whatever the terrain,
the Stanley got through
At the end of the day
back in the barn,
Mr. Abbott, in his chair
would weave a yarn
His stories were
colourful and bold
Renowned for being
exceptionally told
As the years drew past
the Stanley would sit
Stiffening up
becoming unfit
The trusty machine finally
rested in a meadow
Until today,
saved by Jay Leno
I'm feeling rather silly today
Not that that's so unusual
But I'm feeling even more silly than usual
Read on and methinks
You'll understand exactly what I mean
Have thoughts of what it would be like
To be a ravishing female
Rather than this hunk of male virility
That I am now
Of course I would be an absolute stunner
With a body to die for
Must stop... I'm getting all squirmy
How about if I became the ruler
Of a large African country and signed into law
That sex is officially permitted
In public places as long as you're wearing
A Lone Ranger mask
Oops! Methinks I may be stepping over the line
Alright, how about becoming a
Standup comedian with my own late night show
Now that's more up my alley
Good thing Leno and Letterman
Decided to call it quits
Guess they knew I was about to take over!
Perhaps I should go lie down a spell
NOVELTIES
by Thomas Campion
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch
Booksellers laud authors for novel editions
as pimps praise their whores for exotic positions.
Original Latin text:
IN LIBRARIOS
Impressionum plurium librum laudat
Librarius; scortum nec non minus leno.
Keywords/Tags: Campion, Latin, translation, epigram, literature, novels, novelties, books, write, writing, writings, booksellers, publishers, authors, pimps, whores, prostitutes, prostitution, exotic, positions, praise, trade, career, analogy, quote, quotation, saying, witticism, bon mot, words
Johnny Carson, Jack Paar
Who was late-night TV talk's greatest star?
Leno, Letterman, and Dick Cavett
couldn't compare; didn't have it
Matt Smith, sir sonic screwdriver
Can ya lend me a fiver
Let's bet and see who wins
Him or Leno in the Battle of the Chins
I'm feeling rather silly today
Not that that's so unusual
But I'm feeling even more silly than usual
Read on and methinks
You'll understand exactly what I mean
Have thoughts of what it would be like
To be a ravishing female
Rather than this hunk of male virility
That I am now
Of course I would be an absolute stunner
With a body to die for
Must stop... I'm getting all squirmy
How about if I became the ruler
Of a large African country and signed into law
That sex is officially permitted
In public places as long as you're wearing
A Lone Ranger mask
Oops! Methinks I may be stepping over the line
Alright, how about becoming a
Standup comedian with my own late night show
Now that's more up my alley
Good thing Leno and Letterman
Decided to call it quits
Guess they knew I was about to take over!
Perhaps I should go lie down a spell
© Jack Ellison 2014
'an empty verse'
and empty hands
~understand~
The glass in hand
can drown out ten-
thousand and ten;
Hearts,
~an emptiness~
looking for
?
a
f
l
o
w
e
r
$ . . . . . .
(Oh, Holy Nights)
on bend-ed knee
enlightened to see,
Ten Drops from the glass
could drown myself, asking for a drink
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I ponder the greatness of love
and then I let it go
Hands,
under the Masters hand
* * *Romans 16:11***
* * *
A parade o'er
ParodieS
" ' Aneath' "
" 'The Table' "
Author Note: I hope in time, people understand their short comings and how one person is not less thana human, a Christan or a writer than. Gifts are gifts. it takes time~ Fortunately, my archives are widely spread and (oh how, I said pratically the same thing as Maryln Monroe) and someone " a friend" told me that. Friend or Foe? The answer is Foe. No Weapon Formed against Me Shall Prosper" I have always had a God! My writing has been protected by the federal copyright office by a phone call 16 years ago. Some have respect, others buy it. Nothing more. ? : :) :] :^ } A Joke out of this Jay Leno? Miss Cindy cayton "Just Me"
Hey diddle diddle
We poets will fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
He still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
While he sits on his tuffet
and gobbles his sandwich
He brings a smile with each comment he makes
Collecting his wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would gladly be paid!
To have him crack jokes
He cheers all the folks
Who stay up by light of the moon
Even little dogs laugh,
While the rest of us grin
You're a great guy, we love you! ... Ruben!!
Jay Leno is known for telling jokes
And gets applause from many folks
They always smile, they always grin
When he jokes about his massive chin
Spelling a thing of the past,
Thank-you cards will disappear,
Cursive writing will be lost,
No more postal mail.
Phone conversations are gone,
All temples of worship close,
Libraries lock their front doors,
No more paper books.
Good news for Craig Ferguson,
Entertainer - Late, Late show,
The all new Johnny Carson,
No more Jay Leno.
Written by Lee Ramage
September 7, 2011
For Linda-Marie’s Contest
“Crystal Ball”
Placed 7th
the game we play of how to escape a concentration camp
music movies and art
there seem to be people tortured in our media
michael jackson...Britney spears...Jay Leno...
nothing since i have been alive has ever topped
what the media has done to mr. bobbit
The man and wife had a fight
his ***** was cut off
you tore apart his life with your investigative reports
the playboy mansion was hired to comfort this victom
and the pretty, mean girls, inticed by the camera man
laughed and laughed at his inabilities
further more, this was viewable and sold to the public
for a profit
No man deserves that
GO APPOLOGISE!
or i'll huff and i'll puff
and what the.. heff?
Hey diddle diddle
We poets that fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
She still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
Like little Miss Muffet,
Laurie Ginn on her tuffet
Brings smiles with each comment she's made
Collecting her wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would gladly have paid
To have her write jokes
And cheer all the folks
Who stay up by light of the moon
Even little dogs laugh,
While the rest of us grin
You're a darling, we love you! ... Ms Ginn
(Dedicated to Johnny carson who died January 23, 2005.)
He was a great asset to NBC.
Everybody was sorry when he retired, including me.
I used to watch him years ago.
Everybody loved watching Johnny on the Tonight Show.
I have fond memories of Carson and I'm sure that most everyone does.
Leno is good but he's not as good as Johnny was.
Carson was very talented, that can't be denied.
An entire nation mourned when he died.
I never watch the Oprah show
I don't like Dr. Phil
Jay Leno isn't funny
And Martha makes me ill
I used to watch Magnum, PI
I really liked Bonanza
Now I watch Home Shopping
And their jewerly extravaganza
I sometimes watch old movies
But most come on so late
I fall asleep half way through
So it isn't worth the wait
I don't watch American Idol
Or all that "Reality" poop
I'd rather spend my time writing poems
To post on PoetrySoup!!!!!
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