Best Leno Poems
Hey diddle diddle
We poets will fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
He still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
While he sits on his tuffet
and gobbles his sandwich
He brings a smile with each comment he makes
Collecting his wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would gladly be paid!
To have him crack jokes
He cheers all the folks
Who stay up by light of the moon
Even little dogs laugh,
While the rest of us grin
You're a great guy, we love you! ... Ruben!!
Spelling a thing of the past,
Thank-you cards will disappear,
Cursive writing will be lost,
No more postal mail.
Phone conversations are gone,
All temples of worship close,
Libraries lock their front doors,
No more paper books.
Good news for Craig Ferguson,
Entertainer - Late, Late show,
The all new Johnny Carson,
No more Jay Leno.
Written by Lee Ramage
September 7, 2011
For Linda-Marie’s Contest
“Crystal Ball”
Placed 7th
Matt Smith, sir sonic screwdriver
Can ya lend me a fiver
Let's bet and see who wins
Him or Leno in the Battle of the Chins
The Keystone Cops were funny,
Chaplain, Keaton, Lloyd, and Fields too.
Laurel and Hardy, and Will Rodgers,
Were just some of the names we knew.
Who can forget the Stooges,
Or all the pies we saw them throw?
Who didn't laugh at the Brothers Marx,
Or Abbot and Costello?
Berle, Caesar, Skelton, Crosby and Hope,
Could always bring a tear.
So could Allen, Paar, Kovacs, and Carson,
As we guffawed ourselves to the floor.
Gleason had Carney, Martin had Lewis, Lucy had Desi,
George had Gracie, and Burnett had her crew.
While Cosby, Pryor, and Murphy,
All taught us to laugh anew.
Cohen, Benny, Youngman, Diller, Rickles, Hackett, and Winters,
Are some of the names we recollect.
Everyone fell out of their chairs,
When Rodney "Got no respect"!
Today we have Billy, Whoopi, Robin, and Dave,
Leno, Rodriguez, Wallace, Jeni, Wright, and too many more to name.
But each still works to bring us laughter,
Today, their job's the same.
They poke fun at life's human side,
As did the jester who first began the gaff.
So when the comic entertains us with his work,
All we can do is laugh.
They see laughter and hear our smiles,
Whether they are "Stand Up" or "Situational" workers.
They take the pulse of every audience,
To see if there are any shirkers.
But "Laughter is the Best Medicine",
A saying that is all but true.
So, don't be afraid to let your bellyaches come from laughter,
When a comic entertains for you.
New York, New York, the road in the fork
of the events, the places and folks who've buttered the pork
Like Rockefeller, Moynihan and Andrew Cuomo
Frank Sinatra, Louie Armstrong, John Lenon and Yoko Ono
Lenny Bernstein and Lenny Bruce
Cookie Monster, Rocky and Bullwinkle Moose
There's Radio City, Central Park and Carnegie Hall
Coney Island, Yankee Stadium -- Let's Play Ball!
The Brooklyn Bridge on the Hudson River
Lower East Side and the Village, for swingin' livers
Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and White Ford
Don't forget Casey Stengel and Yogi Berra -- Oh, my Lord!
Marilyn Monroe, Madonna and Phyllis Diller in curlers
Archie Bunker, the Meathead, Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller
Stooge-mania, West Side Story and Annie Hall
Kramden, Norton and the Honeymooners
You've seen or heard of 'em all
There's Madison Square Garden and the NY Philharmonic
The Times and Wall Street Journal -- news junkies tonics
Malcolm X, Dr. King, and Abe Saperstein
Julius Erving / Dr. J with a case of Afro-sheen
Baldies like Kojac and Yul Brynner, the King of Siam
Sam I Am, Son of Sam, Green Eggs and Ham
Harlem Globetrotters, the Apollo, Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Jay Leno, Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson, the great Jack Paar
There's Broadway, Times Square, Soho and Fifth Avenue
Isaac Stern, Pavoratti, Willie Nelson and Ray Charles singin' the blues ...
Make a list from the Statue of Liberty all the way up to Mars
~ You still might leave out a legacy of constellations and stars!
Look how far we've come! What would have taken months of perilous voyage now just takes hours of mundane leisure. At your fingertips lies countless options of entertainment: music, movies, games.
But looking out the window I can't help but bob my head to ELO's Mr. Blue Sky (why indeed did you hide away so long, Mr. Blue?). Wouldn't it be hilarious if my flight neighbor woke up and saw my Jay-Leno-esque head and NO ear buds? Each time I notice her stretching out her arms I wonder; is she yawning or reaching for the call button? "Yes, ma'am, there's a horribly spastic man sitting next to me. Could you kindly ask him to stop or at least transfer him to another seat?". Wouldn't that be something? It's not all that unlikely though. I'm surprised they don't boot me off right now. "And we at Delta would like to wish you a very safe and pleasant swim! Coffee or tea?".
Sure would save time just wearing a giant button that said that. It'd also give those poor girl's facial muscles a break. Just HOW many hours are spent wearing that plastered on smile?
Originally the Wright Brothers experimented with the idea of flying, simply for convenient's sake, and relentless human curiosity. Imagine if I were to trade places with one of them right now. I wonder what he'd think of the lady, near the front, indulging in a ginger ale. "Well at least they have good drinks on this flight!". It's hard to fathom what Mr. Wright might say...
NOTE: This came to me while on my flight back to the states...
Jay Leno is known for telling jokes
And gets applause from many folks
They always smile, they always grin
When he jokes about his massive chin
the game we play of how to escape a concentration camp
music movies and art
there seem to be people tortured in our media
michael jackson...Britney spears...Jay Leno...
nothing since i have been alive has ever topped
what the media has done to mr. bobbit
The man and wife had a fight
his ***** was cut off
you tore apart his life with your investigative reports
the playboy mansion was hired to comfort this victom
and the pretty, mean girls, inticed by the camera man
laughed and laughed at his inabilities
further more, this was viewable and sold to the public
for a profit
No man deserves that
GO APPOLOGISE!
or i'll huff and i'll puff
and what the.. heff?
'an empty verse'
and empty hands
~understand~
The glass in hand
can drown out ten-
thousand and ten;
Hearts,
~an emptiness~
looking for
?
a
f
l
o
w
e
r
$ . . . . . .
(Oh, Holy Nights)
on bend-ed knee
enlightened to see,
Ten Drops from the glass
could drown myself, asking for a drink
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I ponder the greatness of love
and then I let it go
Hands,
under the Masters hand
* * *Romans 16:11***
* * *
A parade o'er
ParodieS
" ' Aneath' "
" 'The Table' "
Author Note: I hope in time, people understand their short comings and how one person is not less thana human, a Christan or a writer than. Gifts are gifts. it takes time~ Fortunately, my archives are widely spread and (oh how, I said pratically the same thing as Maryln Monroe) and someone " a friend" told me that. Friend or Foe? The answer is Foe. No Weapon Formed against Me Shall Prosper" I have always had a God! My writing has been protected by the federal copyright office by a phone call 16 years ago. Some have respect, others buy it. Nothing more. ? : :) :] :^ } A Joke out of this Jay Leno? Miss Cindy cayton "Just Me"
I'm feeling rather silly today
Not that that's so unusual
But I'm feeling even more silly than usual
Read on and methinks
You'll understand exactly what I mean
Have thoughts of what it would be like
To be a ravishing female
Rather than this hunk of male virility
That I am now
Of course I would be an absolute stunner
With a body to die for
Must stop... I'm getting all squirmy
How about if I became the ruler
Of a large African country and signed into law
That sex is officially permitted
In public places as long as you're wearing
A Lone Ranger mask
Oops! Methinks I may be stepping over the line
Alright, how about becoming a
Standup comedian with my own late night show
Now that's more up my alley
Good thing Leno and Letterman
Decided to call it quits
Guess they knew I was about to take over!
Perhaps I should go lie down a spell
© Jack Ellison 2014
Hey diddle diddle
We poets that fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
She still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
Like little Miss Muffet,
Laurie Ginn on her tuffet
Brings smiles with each comment she's made
Collecting her wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would gladly have paid
To have her write jokes
And cheer all the folks
Who stay up by light of the moon
Even little dogs laugh,
While the rest of us grin
You're a darling, we love you! ... Ms Ginn
I never watch the Oprah show
I don't like Dr. Phil
Jay Leno isn't funny
And Martha makes me ill
I used to watch Magnum, PI
I really liked Bonanza
Now I watch Home Shopping
And their jewerly extravaganza
I sometimes watch old movies
But most come on so late
I fall asleep half way through
So it isn't worth the wait
I don't watch American Idol
Or all that "Reality" poop
I'd rather spend my time writing poems
To post on PoetrySoup!!!!!
Johnny Carson, Jack Paar
Who was late-night TV talk's greatest star?
Leno, Letterman, and Dick Cavett
couldn't compare; didn't have it
NOVELTIES
by Thomas Campion
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch
Booksellers laud authors for novel editions
as pimps praise their whores for exotic positions.
Original Latin text:
IN LIBRARIOS
Impressionum plurium librum laudat
Librarius; scortum nec non minus leno.
Keywords/Tags: Campion, Latin, translation, epigram, literature, novels, novelties, books, write, writing, writings, booksellers, publishers, authors, pimps, whores, prostitutes, prostitution, exotic, positions, praise, trade, career, analogy, quote, quotation, saying, witticism, bon mot, words
(Dedicated to Johnny carson who died January 23, 2005.)
He was a great asset to NBC.
Everybody was sorry when he retired, including me.
I used to watch him years ago.
Everybody loved watching Johnny on the Tonight Show.
I have fond memories of Carson and I'm sure that most everyone does.
Leno is good but he's not as good as Johnny was.
Carson was very talented, that can't be denied.
An entire nation mourned when he died.