I couldn't give a toss for the caber
cromach bagpipes sporran or kilt
(a fling's the thing)
and you can stick your dirk in your haggis
up to its bog-wood hilt
yet I'd like to hike through the heather
on happy Sassenach holidays
see the scenery admire the view
along Scottish hilly highways and byways
to pick a pink-purple thistle or two
and should I come upon a hairy Highland cow
on the hoof in a friendly farmer's flink fold
(for protection from the cold)
in no uncertain terms I would declare
"I say to you, hoo noo broon coo?"
och aye no sooner said than done
than perchance from the Caledonian bovine one
the reply too true in a Scots burr would come...
'Moo!'
Hey there dope fiends,
It’s me, your addiction. The thing you can’t
live without. Your job has tied you to me.
The out of town family would think
something was all wrong if you didn’t stroke
me on a daily. My superficial voice lets them
know in no uncertain terms that you’re alive.
But they really don’t go past a shallow
scroll. Do they? Hits in small doses. I have
retrained you all with mediocre and you
didn’t even know it. Now go try and find
someone that can look you in the eye. Hold
a conversation for longer than 20 minutes.
Let me save you the time. I’ve made it nearly
impossible. As far as finding a way out? Try
to ignore me. Try and turn me off. You will
end up more isolated than you already are.
Either way I win. I always win. Why? I’m
always at your disposal. I am right there.
A lackluster substitute that lets you get away
with everything and never holds you accountable.
Now be sure to set that passcode.
You could never remember a full password.
Sincerely,
Well no one uses me to talk anymore.
Let’s change my name. Anyone game?
Having counted wooly sheep
was woken from a deep delta sleep
in the middle of the night
thought I'd heard a pig snort
but no that can't be right
tho' kicked out of bed
and landing on my head
knew where I stood
for delegated to the floor
then relegated to the room next door
when in no uncertain terms she said,
'You're sawing wood, you snore!'
Not as such a silk purse,
but a sow's ear would be worse.
Not so much a pig in a poke
(jiggery-pokery),
more a poke at a pig in a joke
(piggery-jokery).
All in all,
Sy-hokery!
What is beauty to me
Beauty is the walk of a woman in heels
The swing and sway of her hips
The subtle uncertainty of her steps
The vulnerability in her eyes
As she feels all the staring eyes
Devouring her beauty
There is nothing more charming
Than the little girl look in her eyes
As she enjoys the attention
But at the same time is uncomfortable
In the role of a seductress
What is beauty to me?
The sweet woman smell as she passes by
Nothing in the whole wide world
Either natural or manufactured
Can even come close to equaling
This ravishing potion that says love
In no uncertain terms, the message comes through
Loud and clear without a word being spoken
As males of the species
We are uncontrollably under her spell
What is beauty to me...
WOMAN!!!
A dollop of marmalade
dripped off my toast
and onto my wrist
raising my wrist to lick it off
I smeared the toast into my hair
now in the macro scheme of things
it isn’t much
but
after a morning that includes
an empty toothpaste tube
squeezed flat
and rolled up really tight
and a shoe-lace
that snapped four eyes down
my toast
sliding stickily down the wall
is
I’m willing to bet
letting me know
in no uncertain terms
that all is not as it should be
and that my day ahead
is going to be a little rough.
What is beauty to me?
Beauty is the walk of a woman in heels
The swing and sway of her hips
The subtle uncertainty of her steps
The vulnerability in her eyes
As she feels all the staring eyes
Devouring her beauty
There is nothing more charming
Than the little girl look in her eyes
As she enjoys the attention
But at the same time is uncomfortable
In the role of a seductress
What is beauty to me?
The sweet woman smell as she approaches
Nothing in the whole wide world
Either natural or manufactured
Can even come close to equaling
This ravishing potion that says love
In no uncertain terms, the message comes through
Loud and clear without a word being spoken
As males of the species
We are uncontrollably under her spell
What is beauty to me...
WOMAN!!!
The Peacock Punks
bide their time
in New York's finery
Their aegis ,Betty Davis eyes
follows them in no uncertain terms
The day is engrossed with snowflakes
There is serenity in the air
as the chanteuse
forgets her words
I sensed the silence
as a solitary butterfly flew past
I longed for my reward
"A Púca is an Irish benign creature of Celtic folklore,
notably in Ireland, the West of Scotland, and Wales."
The Púca
His was not a large White Rabbit,
his was a gray Hare,
gray whisked with gray tufted ears.
We all need a Púca when we are lost children
and children can get lost at any age in a long life.
The Púca creature would comfort the child
when neglected or abused.
The giant grey Hare would hold him tight
in its warm untactile, yet strangely strong arms
until he cried all the pain out.
Sometimes the Púca appeared
as a fuzzy floppy pup,
but he was always ten sizes too big
for its chosen appearance.
His Púca had baby-blue eyes
and smelled
of rain-washed mushrooms.
When the boy was older
he confided in his parents
about his peculiar animal entity.
In no uncertain terms he was told,
that weird relationships
with fluffy paranormal creatures
were just a mental aberration.
Doubt entered his young mind
and with that doubt
his giant friend began to fade away.
Slowly he matured,
quickly his eyes grew blind to wonder.
Sadly he grew up to be
the same
as all we other everyday monsters.
~~~
Softly I reached
to pull it
A pillow ,Too many ,I think
Your breathing somewhat challenged
Your throat definately
In a kink
Your set up
Was
In a bad angle
Your coif
It was
Starting to mangle
As I grabbed onto
Pillow two,the culpret,
I thought best in a flash
What I didn't know and
As you told me so(In no uncertain terms)
My thinking would prove to be rash
As I jerked it away
You sprang up to say
Mom!!! What the hell!
A cuff button I'd caught
In a lock of your hair
Which came away in the Pell mell
It took me a few
To convince you
that scalping was not on my mind
That my motive
Was pure,as I begged to assure
I had simply thought to be kind
Emphasis on simply
Isn't it getting harder by the day
To supposedly know or try to figure out
Exactly who or what to believe
To the point it's just as easy now to say
Genie
Meany
Curly
Mo
So many choices but which 1 exactly
should I take or make , in order for me
then to follow
The Rule's
The Guidelines
Or
The Example being Set
All 3 are a gamble the only
difference is the odds they give
And whether or not you are prepared
at the end of the day
To suffer and live with the eventual
consequences of the bad choices you
make lead up to
Even be that debt to be repaid spelled
out in no uncertain terms spell's this
R
E
G
R
E
T
What is beauty to me?
Beauty is the walk of a woman in heels
The swing and sway of her hips
The subtle uncertainty of her steps
The vulnerability in her eyes
As she feels all the staring eyes
Devouring her beauty
There is nothing more charming
Than the little girl look in her eyes
As she enjoys the attention
But at the same time is uncomfortable
In the role of a seductress
What is beauty to me?
The sweet woman smell as she approaches
Nothing in the whole world
Either natural or manufactured
Can even come close to equaling
This ravishing potion that says love
In no uncertain terms, the message comes through
Loud and clear without a word being spoken
As males of the species
We are uncontrollably under her spell
What is beauty to me?
Woman!
What is beauty to me?
Beauty is the walk of a woman in heels
The swing and sway of her hips
The subtle uncertainty of her steps
The vulnerability in her eyes
As she feels all the staring eyes
Devouring her beauty
There is nothing more charming
Than the little girl look in her eyes
As she enjoys the attention
But at the same time is uncomfortable
In the role of a seductress
What is beauty to me?
The sweet woman smell as she approaches
Nothing in the whole world
Either natural or manufactured
Can even come close to equaling
This ravishing potion that says love
In no uncertain terms, the message comes through
Loud and clear without a word being spoken
As males of the species
We are uncontrollably under her spell
What is beauty to me?
Woman!
i walked
my darling
to heaven’s gate
i had to leave him
at the door
i was told
in no uncertain terms
to scoot
head back
must wait my turn
so just like that
i kissed him
and left my darling
safe at heaven’s door
AP: 3rd place 2022, Honorable Mention 2021
Cathie finally lets me go out on my own now
As long as I wear a tracking device of some kind
This, of course, is needed in case I wander away
And can't remember where I live!
At times I have even been known to take a bus
And wind up in a city miles away or even in a different province
I often follow nice looking ladies
Hoping they'll be nice to me and ask me home for dinner!
So far that hasn't happened although once
I offered to bring a nice lady to MY house for dinner
But I couldn't remember where I lived
Tried walking into a house that looked like mine
The alarms went off and the police took me and my friend
Down to the police station for interrogation!
That was really quite embarrassing!
I've been told in no uncertain terms not to talk to strangers
And in particular, pretty young ladies!
I whined and stomped my feet but Cathie insisted
Or she won't let me go out on my own anymore!
I'm as sharp as I've ever been but I do call her Mabel sometimes!
Hope we defeat those dirty Nazis!
(Tongue in cheek... of course!)
Office manager Mr. Honey Badger called his administrative assistant Mr. Bloodhound into the office. Honey badger was extremely mad because he looked out of his office window and could see that the employees in the office were whispering and snickering and not working. Honey Badger told Bloodhound to go out and sniff out what was going on.
It seems that the accountant, Mr. Rooster, and the receptionist, Miss Hyena were having a torrid love affair. Well, Mr. Rooster was crowing about it and Miss Hyena was laughing about his performance. And to top it all off, Mrs. Mockingbird was repeating everything she heard all around the office.
Well Mr. Honey Badger called them all into the office and sent them to see Mrs. Lion, the HR manager. Mrs. Lion told them in no uncertain terms that if they failed to cease their unprofessional activities at work they would not be returning after lunch.
Mr. Honey Badger never had another problem with his employees.
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