Keep life simple:
Wag your tail, knock everything off the table
Chase anything that runs
Always stop to pee on the roses
Be fiercely loyal to the ones you love
Forgive morons quickly
Don't growl or bite, keep your dignity
Nap often as possible, eat with ridiculous gusto
Greet each day with a bark and a tinkle
The world is full of stupidity and danger, cats too
If you must explore be diligent, be careful
When you're done with your run, your galavanting
Always return home to the one who loves and puts up with you
One Merry Christmas Or Another
Will this Christmastime be the best one you’ve had?
Will it be a joy and Feliz Navidad?
Will it be an endurance of familial hell,
Or peace and goodwill and a Joyeux Noël?
Is visiting kinfolk at Yuletide quite risky,
Or thrilling and Felicem Natalem Christi?
Are you certain that your days will be exciting and full;
An unforgettably happy and festive God Jul?
Are your Christmases dismal or times to remember?
Do you try your utmost for a Krismasi Njema?
Or do you prefer to keep everything low,
Instead letting others have a Maligayang Pasko?
Whatever it means to you when comes the day:
A tedious trial or Giáng Sinh Vui Ve?,
I wish you peace wherever you’re goin’,
Happiness, joy and Nadolig Llawen.
Dancing the Dixie Dough Ray Dew
Left foot danced faster than her Shoe
She kicked it off and it really flew,
Disqualified now and so angry too!
Got so mad she had the loudest boo-hoo
Never again danced the Dixie Dough Ray Dew
Left the dance hall in the form of a shrew
Mad at those of us who had teased her too.
Took it out on her sweet husband Stew.
Invited us to a party, and none of us knew
She would bother us about the Dixie Dough Ray Dew
Her relatives are hiding from her, and her friends are few.
The mystery of ‘the hole’,
is that it has no mass at all.
A thing that only can exist
through nothingness - that’s the twist!
A hole can be of any size,
yet of nothing does it comprise.
Nothing has no size at all,
no matter how big or small.
So what conclusion can we draw
from ‘the hole’ with this flaw?
That it’s simply just not there,
no matter how hard you stare!!
Proud pirate flag, peacock, pumpernickel pie,
Perfumed prairie pinwheels, paper two-ply.
Happy hanging homebody having healthy hi.
Heaving hitting heartfelt Harry hopping high.
Ballooning blissful blossoms beaconing blue Babe,
Luxurious lumberjack licking lemonade.
Merry mashing marshmallows mysteriously made.
Fine frolicking French frankfurters fearful and afraid.
It is fun to throw some alliteration into a poem like this.
My brain is laughing at the silliness, it’s like a gentle kiss.
So when you think I have no more ideas, I am simply out.
Make a list of P words, or K words, and give a little shout.
Your ready muse will be happy that you are writing anything down.
It might not make any sense at first, but it will stop a little frown.
The thing is to keep the pen moving or the fingers across the keys.
Your muse so excited, when you make cute little poems like these.
Would it be considered nefarious
If I call my poems ‘hilarious’
Our humour is subjective …
I write from MY perspective
It’s a trait of my sign Aquarius!
I have never categorised any of my poems as ‘hilarious’ as what I consider is humourous is a matter of opinion and often when I read ‘hilarious’ poems I don’t find them that amusing
01~27~17
BEARDED LADY
Sue woke and looked terribly weird
She’d sprouted a black bushy beard
To get rid of this look
Should she wax or just pluck
Would the re-growth be worse than feared?
Sue tweeted her best friend called Mary
(Sue knew that HER nipples were hairy)
She said try using Veet
It is very discrete …
and the re growth isn’t too scary!
The poem I posted yesterday was deep and sad ... Ilene Bauer commented she was more used to my humourous poems ... so I came up with this little ditty for her
12~29~16
Dave made a comment about his cowboy boots so I simply had to weave this joke into a little narrative
An elderly couple moved to Texas and the old man had always wanted some cowboy boots
Guess he dreamed of being a cowboy and getting involved in shootouts
So he buys the boots and walks into the kitchen wearing them like a prize
He asks his wife if she notices anything different but she says nothing
He gets a bit annoyed, goes off and strips naked except for the boots
‘Notice anything different now?’ he says to his wife
She looks down at him and says…
‘What’s different – its hanging down today.. it was hanging down yesterday and it will be again tomorrow’.
Well he’s not too happy and says ’and do you know why it’s hanging down?’
‘No’ she says
‘It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new cowboy boots’
She doesn’t change her expression and replies
‘Shoulda bought a hat dear, you shoulda bought a hat’
Hope it raises a smile!
Jan Allison
18th August 2014
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