Fly spoke to spider,
Creeping up close behind her,
"Rak off, hairy legs!"
Summers day, on the sand by the beach
A naked woman in view oh what a peach
Her hairy peach I must peal
Uttered, a joyful soft squeal
It's now twins, she weren't out of reach
Fanged hairy spider
waiting in your deadly web.
Look! A tasty moth!
long hairy skogkatt
brought to norway by vikings
intimidating
My hair is wild, as wild as can be.
It sticks out in all sorts of places,
It goes through many fits and stages,
You can’t imagine the myriad of gazes!
I have curls to a large degree.
They won’t listen to my plea.
My hair demands to be free.
Oh, my gosh, I’m freaking and feel such dread.
What the hay is this nonsense on my head?
I can’t go to work, can't enter the office!
I will be seen, visible to peers and bosses,
be the fool who provided entertainment gossip.
God, please, send help, I am stress-nauseous.
I do not care about appearing faultless,
but I'd rather errantly tuck a dress in my hose
and walk through the office cluelessly exposed
than have everyone think this is what I choose.
I wonder if I should call in with a case of ugly,
hire someone to gently, but effectively mug me?
Perhaps I'll get pulled and cuffed on the roadside
for publicly exposing the ugliest hair ever dyed.
Shame a wig class wasn't at business school:
"How to Avoid Looking Like the Office Fool."
I look like a horrified, horror movie hostess.
Even my own mirror is refusing to focus.
Here I am, paler than even fresh new snow,
with midnight black hair grooving to and fro.
My very first dye and, oh my, I could just die!
Box said ‘brown’, now I'm so down, I might cry.
Universe, please – send a natural disaster,
nothing fatal, it's just one repair day I’m after.
Three funny guys, Curly, Larry, and Mo
Slapstick comedians, you all must know
But there are three circus clowns
Who create mayhem and frowns
The crowd calls them Corny, Hairy and Schmo
Corny thinks he's the wily ring leader
Acting as if he's a Walmart greeter
Talking like he's really cool
But people laughed at the fool
Gobbled by the lion called 'Man Eater'
Hairy can be a bear when in pursuit
Got his name from being very hirsute
He was threatened with a shave
If he refused to behave
He bit off his tongue and now is a mute
Sad has become the life of flunky Schmo
He feeds peanuts to monkeys in the show
Since he lost his two friends
Finds himself at loose ends
Three circus clowns; each one was a bozo
"My Hairy Wild Petunia"
Likened
To lichen
Sphagnum
Mostly moss
Made moist
Dew do me
Kiss my
Lab ia
Good
Bi
reclusive hairy man is shy
hides out in secluded parts of Alaska wilderness
lives on mussels and crawfish
part of an ancient cryptid race
creeps up to igloos at night
peers in at children
inserting his ways into their nightmares
If I just knew then what I know now
I'd start over if I just knew how
I would cut me some slack
But there's no going back
I shouldn't have bleached my unibrow
meek, this hour
of a morning hue
shy cobweb gloss
in a frosted dew
he stood as shrubs
nay merged with trees
but matted hair
instead of leaves
though leaves a few
were woven in
a tempered bark-
like wear of skin
yet fleeting foul
and a peasant’s ploy
their rancid goad
to wheat destroy
in crop and fold
of furrowed fell
lest he be The
Mowing Devil
There’s a fairy going round who does hair transplants in the night
She does them while your sleeping so you wake with quite a fright
I have no gripe with transplants so don’t think that I’m a moaner
But could I be recipient… and not the bloody doner!
He was as hairy as a bear
But he really didn't care
He had a narrow tail
That left a long trail
It was covered with superlong hair
Last night I had a vivid nightmare,
When I awoke, I'd lost all my hair.
It lay in a pile on top of my bed,
Wish I knew how it vacated my head.
The very next night, I had the same dream.
When I awoke, I started to scream.
Instead of hair piled high on my sheet,
It all grew back on the soles of my feet.
So frightened, I didn't know what to do,
I called my barber and podiatrist too.
They both told me I had to be brave,
My barber came by and gave me a shave.
The podiatrist came the following day,
Was baffled and didn't know what to say.
At last, he said I had nothing to lose,
"Maybe you need a new pair of shoes."
The barber feared I'd have an attack,
Cause after each shave, it kept growing back.
Every doctor I saw, just said to me,
"I'm sorry, but it's not my specialty."
In the end, I came to a conclusion,
All of this was no simple illusion.
Even though I find it quite scary,
I'm now wearing shoes that are quite hairy.
Come old and young, come big, little, wild and tall
Come down to the Legion, join the Hairy Leg Ball
Bring your varicose veins, please do not stall
Bring your grossest. hairiest ugliest furriest legs
To the marvelous, magical, loveliest Hairy Leg Ball
We will have razors to shave off most of your ruff.
We will hold you down hard, so you don’t give us no guff.
We will shave off your fleas, your lice, and all other stuff
If you give us a chance, we might make a swipe at your ****
All are welcome – the feeble, the wobbly, even the buff.
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