I encountered someone today who was grieving
the loss of a loved one and it hit hard today
I've had those days and I took the time to listen
and encourage as much as I could
but grief is a very personal journey
Encountering another grieving heart
often doesn't even require words,
the broken heart pieces communicate
Longing for your touch- it never gets easier
Today, I need my words to flow
so my emotions have somewhere to go
I am hurting and raw
and need to process what I feel and saw
in the days past, when my family was young
I felt like we were close and strong
but my youngest son left this earth
and it seems he took my sense of worth
I am not sure who I am as a grieving mother
there are days I feel like I will smother
with the amount of emotions and uncertainty I feel
and everything seems to be so unreal
my older son is distant and trying to grieve on his own
I feel like I am searching and unconvering every stone
I wonder if what I search for even exsists
but I will continue to search and resist
when I feel like I want to be in heaven, too
because I know that God's love will continue
as he holds me every day and urges me to stay
and continue to figure out my way
until my work on earth is done
and I can rest and heal in the Son
I suppose she will always have a hold.
I suppose she reached deeply into my soul.
And till now, she's refusing to let me go.
The years spent together just seemed right.
In plights of uncertainties, she held me tight
She reassured me iin many a dark night.
I wish I could, but I couldn't say no.
I'll forever remember the night of leaving.
Yes, I left, but leaving left me grieving.
It's very unlikely I'll ever return to stay.
My life has always been about going forward.
I've always had a distaste about 'backward'.
I suppose I will continue to be that way.
Whether it's a person, PLACE, or thing,
Detaching therefrom is not a song
That makes us want to sing. For me,
It's more like a leaf blowing in the wind.
So when I said goodbye and drove away
On that early night in January of 2022;
That sad night I slowly left SACRAMENTO;
That night I departed after 36 years;
I didn't know I'd still be grieving in 2026.
The pen is harder to hold now
My head yearns to be slammed into a wall
Maybe then I will finally feel pain
Other than the emptiness
Swallowing me whole
The way I feel God isn't really on my side
abandoned, alone
Like a person damned to be astray
Do I deserve this
Can I feel something else
Other than pity , lost hopes and regret .
I work hard
For years
Yet you all take it away
And I am alone
To deal with the part of me
Which is now gone
It breaks my heart
Leaves it to rot in the core
I can't do this anymore
Being the best and still getting ignored
I can't lie to my own face
"Maybe this was destiny"
No
This was fate making a fickle face
It is so easy
Being happy for yourself when the hard work pays off
What about the rest of us
We try and try
Never to conquer
And the desolation and torment
Don't leave us alone
Even in our dreams, dear.
Now at the end
I am back to square one
Do I start again
And wait for destiny
To play a new cruel game
It comes like a floating and dark cloud,
As my poems are blown and washed away
This grief cannot easily be described,
And the tears flow from my eyes like a waterfall.
Losing a loved one is like a knife stab to my heart,
As if this was all in vain for a heartbreak
Now there is no one on my side, feeling numb and broken
As she had faded away.
when Tahira died.
I won’’t nudge
the pendulum
back to ticking-tock
time or constant
living
until I feel alive
again.
“
I should not wish for crowded grieving
When they solemnly carry me through.
Yourself alone, your shallow breathing;
A solitary tear shed by you.
Neither want for friends or family;
Nor do I wish for psalm or bland qouth.
Might this which holds all that's left of me...
Prompt a stifled sob to that choked throat.
When leave ye, then, this final setting,
As the cold Sun sinks beneath the brae,
Know now without remorse or fretting...
Loved you, I, than more darest did say.
Grief is harsh and hard on the body and soul
Eating comfort food has packed on the pounds
Nutrition will be something that I focus on this year
Tears are cleansing, but they intrude at all times, I will try to be gentle with myself
Leaning into friends and family, who encourage me to be healthy
Easing my heavy heart by taking care of myself
God is with me every step of the way, and I continue to lean on him
Reading is hard for me, but I can listen. Listen to audiobooks, friends, and God's voice
Intake of fluids keeps me hydrated and a cup of hot tea is good for the soul
Exercise will help the stress of grief and burn the calories I stored up
Vivid colors, and sunshine in nature are a pick me up for a grieving heart
Intake of breath, when the world spins, will help you find your footing again
Never taking your mind off the goal of a life well lived and eternity in heaven
Giving to others who are hurting, helps to heal my shattered heart
Tell yourself that every normal-looking person hides a dirtier and bigger secret than you.
You think that when you're surrounded by people who never had to beg for an embrace.
And when you didn't receive the love
You shouldn’t have asked for, you cried and starved yourself
Wondering if you were intentional.
Loss.
The dark,sad thoughts appear.
A grieving,lost life.
Pain takes control of all my actions.
The cries of country imbeciles
jet out into the afternoon shadows
in piercing bursts from behind the hedges
disturbing the silence of my grieving darkness
like the tears falling on the coffin’s lid
in a still uncovered grave in mourning.
The earth is heaped back into the pit
As the shovel moves the air in a whirl
I am sucked away with it into my world
unmoved by the creatures that surround
this suffering that has lasted too long
for anyone to bear but the dead.
Before the loss of my son,
I didn't realize what a tricky
question "how are you?" is
it can be simple one second
as you answer "I'm good"
but the next minute,
you could be engulfed by grief
or have a flashback of trauma
or even just a sweet memory
could overtake you
and the answer changes to
"I'm struggling!"
the thought of you
as I sat upon my bed thinking of you. I came to a sombering conclusion of us. if you really loved me, enough to be with me, you would love me enough see it through. yet. here I am with no reminisce of you. oh, the dreary dread of the memories of you. as they fill with my head with the different sensations of being with you, the memory of you is shared between two.
Inspired by He Has a Name, by Suzette Richards (2021)
I. Ink and Ashes
Steeped
in the pain
of his slain countryman,
surrounded by the t u r m o i l
of real fears
laid bare —
exposed —
on the s.t.o.n.e - c.o.l.d
T A R M A C.
A poet dipped his I N K
in the spilled
T
E
A
R
S
Hero
or
Zero?
He had a name —
he had a name …
II. The Son Who Stood
A mother’s S O N
stood up
to be counted
in a time
when voices
were made
M U T E;
indoctrinated —
to the edge of
S T U P O R.
A poet watches.
Waits.
Remains
R E S O L U T E.
He had a name?
He had a name.
III. No Monument
NO statue
would be erected
in his name
because he wasn’t
the first man to be
s*l*a*i*n.
At the next
roll call of
C I V I L U N R E S T
this poet’s words
E A S E
some of
the N A K E D P A I N.
He has a name!
HE HAS A NAME!
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