Funny Golf Poems | Examples
These Funny Golf poems are examples of Golf poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Golf Funny poems written by international poets.
Fred Flintstone
Felt tingles, down his funny bone,
While playing his golf ball, he lost control.
Barney cried foul, as it bounced off his elbow into the hole.
Barney Rubble
Was in deep trouble,
When the match referee, ignored his demand.
And Fred laughed out loud, when Barney's ball plugged in the sand.
9 / 11 / 2021.
I've just found the love of my life,
I'm taking up golf
And getting rid of the wife.
My troubles have just started
I don't know what to do,
I can't work the dishwasher,
Or the microwave too.
I've got piles of dirty washing
All over the place,
My kitchen and bathroom
Are a total disgrace.
But I look on the bright side,
(I say this with a frown)
My house might be in a mess,
But my handicap is coming down.
22/may/2021
Bubba has the flu
I do not know what to do
Since Bubba has the flu
I can not see in front of me
I can not see behind me and Bubba still has the flu
And I do not know what to do
Should I call Sherlock to find out what happen to make Bubba to have the flu
He would know what to do about Bubba having the flu
Sherlock sure did know what to do about having the flu
He gave me a Watson bulb to screw into the situation '
And there was no more reason to burn the wood since we had this position
Once in the socket the bright light look like a rocket
And now I have got it
I can now see in front of me
I can now see behind me
But as for Bubba, he still has the flu
And I still do not know what to do.
I do not like our national leader
If I had a pet shark, he'd be a feeder
Hard to believe he's not a big joke
Oh what a homely pumpkin-head bloke.
I saw a rat, I saw a mouse
I saw a gobshyte near my house
His name ain't Paddy, his name ain't Rolf
He's a big cheater at the game of golf.
When out golfing and ready to tee
I sometimes feel a strong urge to pee
With no bathrooms near by
I throw my golf club high
While I run to find the nearest tree
10/12/19
(This was originally written for and inspired by Jan's " A Poem for the Ladies"-collaboration)
A Man Called Gilsn Gulp He likes to Play Golf--
There once was man named Gilsn Gulp who liked golf;
He said, "See the lovely sand trap Rudolf!"
It was rather porous, good;
But not very dogwood;
He couldn't say no to the rodolph?
3/19/19
A Limerick by James Edward Lee Sr.
A slight hint of consternation was in her voice,
“Why did you tell those people I’m deaf and dumb?”
“I never said you were deaf, my Dear.”
She laughed, but I felt like a bum.
Then, one evening, she asked, “Will you love me if I get chubby?”
I responded, “Of course I still love you.
It would take much more than pounds and cellulite
To make me fall out of love or be untrue.”
“Would you remarry if I die before you?” she asked.
I said, “No…probably not…I’ve been spoiled by you.”
“But you’ve been a great husband. I think you should.”
“Whatever happens, happens is the best I can do.”
“If you remarried, would you play golf with your new wife?
And would you let her use my clubs?” she demanded.
I calmly smiled and said, “Your clubs are safe.
You see, my Dear…she’s left handed.”
None's more a noble try
Than to pop one in on the fly
Takes deft swings to cram one in
Others glance 'em off the pin
For such a feat so grand you'd think
There'd be more in it than just a drink
Scored an Ace once, had to buy
We ran that keg really dry
When mine went in, it cleaned my purse
If it happens again I'll surely curse
Yet some denied ponder why
If I get another, I think I'll lie
Smarter than a dolphin golfing a par five with two raging rabid bears
Smarter than a blind man walking up seven uneven stairs
Smarter than a clunky monkey who takes your quarter at fairs
Smarter than a genius that keeps his mouth closed because no one cares
Smarter than a species that is not found and still out there
Smarter than Einstein's brain so step into my lair. -TA
Grip it, rip it, stick it.
Bombed it, flopped it, topped it too.
Stay, sit, slice, scoot,
Run, kick, roll, draw,
Carry, fly, die, spin,
Watch the little ball go in.
Hop, get up, get down,
Break, oh please just bite,
Ah, the glories of the ball in flight.
On the screws, hit it pure,
Nailed it, straight and sure,
Chunked it, yanked it,
Shanked it, pulled...
Oh, it broke the other way,
Sorry guys I got fooled...
Not my day.
12/30/2017
He Wears His Golf Cap Up High
His eyes throw comic arrows at his golf shot
Juggernaut after another, and a turkey trot
Double fidgets, a puppet swing
Slices and hooks on a string
Knees and feet wobble, his lessons went to pot
10/20/17
FUNNY LIMERICKS-Poetry Contest-DNP
There is a four letter word I use you see,
My wife says that "Ashamed" I should be.
I have said it so often I don't know how to end,
because of all the people I may offend.
But how do you break that habitual use,
when you've used it so much like a silly old goose?
Weekends are the worst time because that's when I say it most,
and the price I pay sometimes is not worth the cost.
My wife says to stop thinking those thoughts and it will go away,
but how can that be with that four letter word I say?
So I appeal to you my fellow Soupers for your advice,
if someone has the right idea it could make my life so nice.
I suppose you're wondering what it is I say,
that gets me into trouble along the way.
It's that four letter word that does not begin with a P, S, or a good old F...
I'm in trouble again, the dirty word is...GOLF !
Walking my tiger home alone
In the background and unknown
With a rag I polish a club
Then you take it with a snub
I walk around keeping stats
Wet my finger for wind on flats
Calculate yards from here to there
So dimpled ball will stay in the air
As fast as you behind I lag
The difference is I carry your bag
All in white in bright coveralls
Marking the spot to place your balls
On the green is usually where
Sometimes you don't I won't go there
Have no problem choosing the club
Throwing it back an uneasy rub
I go the distance for eighteen
Making sure you make the green
Many tournaments you have won
Some are due to the work I've done
Raise the cup enjoy the win
I can take it on the chin
Beside you like some garden gnome
Here I'm walking my Tiger home
A Sonnet
If I knew you loved me, I would have
killed you before, a sentence that makes no sense
keep swirling around my head. William Burroughs
could have said that or perhaps he has.
I meet I woman once, not the first, and fell in love
with her, she was or could be my soulmate with her
I felt at ease not straining to be funny.
I was drawn into a black hole of love that could only
end in hurts weighed down by my past.
So I ended it short, brutal but with sleepless nights.
I met another woman nothing about soulmates; she just
needed a place to stay near her place of work.
That was a long time ago, and now we are two lost souls
comforting each other in the midnight hours.
Golfing Is Great When Done Indoors
How many ways would I have to count
To finally come up with a fair amount
That to tide me over would be enough
If things got tough and ended up in the rough.
Golf games are like a bear who is grizzly
When outside it starts to become drizzly
Guess what golfers and bless their heart
Start heading straight for their golf cart.
When golf game and weather are miserable
It would be more desirable and sensible
While playing, it more and more pours
You dazzle your fans by doing it indoors.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
RiverSea Plantation
Bolivia, NC