My toilet bowl Muse, how splendid thou art!
Unlike the Bard, who had no time to poop,
I pen rhymes, metaphors, and rhythms that fart.
His sonnets, the best ever, did not droop
in force or beauty. Rather, they endure
for ever, and live alongside his plays.
My sonnets, albeit, like inspired manure,
excrete in the most personal, human ways.
But, as with Shakespeare, Pope, or Lord Byron,
divine afflatus, like their excrement,
smells like scent—but my droppings of bronze and iron,
like cow dung, are solid and more feculent.
O, toilet bowl Muse! Thou art my Tenth Muse:
when you breathe on me my bowels still won't refuse.
man took dog for a walk
turned aloose in the garden....
'twas a nice June day
dog came back inside through door
what the feculent odor
Written: June 05, 2023
For John
In the depths of Mt Rainier fire stirred,
The earth around trembled in dire anger,
As the fiery spirit Elf wandered
In the depths of the spouting volcano
Exuding thick feculent, fusty smells,
And from the volcano's top, exuded
Ash, smoke, flaming rocks and burning lava.
Dare a human female refuse Elf?
Not that he loved her as Indians love.
His fervid lust for her knew no limit.
His anger increased beyond all known bounds.
Rising to the top of the volcano,
Elf hurled fireballs, torching the forests,
So that poor humans flew towards a lake.
There they prayed to their good God to save them.
A large stone fell into the volcano
Burying Elf and his hateful fire.
A fearful blizzard formed and rain and snow
Filled the volcano until all was calm.
A large lake formed and a lovely island
Rose majestically from the waters:
A seventh wonder of Columbia.
With a golden circle of life
People swimming in ice
More sheeps than migrants of fife
Supple, jolly faces speaking so nice
A place so safe to reside
Viking's tongue so rich to hide
Lovers of books, elves in skirmish
Folklore of nooks, shelves of the bookish
Old democracy, noble Parliament
Delightful delicacy, nourishing not feculent
Old Norse, historical and eloquent
Language of the adepts, minds so evident
Thirteen days before Christmas
Thirteen Yulelads moving around
Thirteen nays for spoiled isthmus
Thirteen Santas with ice cream in mound
Land so free, with ice run so deep
In veins and blood, rich in culture they keep
Ten drops of drink, fun for free
Iceland in wink, pun marvels with glee
South of Heaven
In shadow of the crimson moon admits the devil’s hordes
Eternal death descends decreed by the oblivious overlords
The forgotten of the ignescent inferno raise their swords
Dexterous demons devour and yell as they march towards
Enter Satan’s shore serving despondent deviant destruction
Where grace of love is liquefiable within deluded deduction
Thoughts of freedom fermented with fear in their abduction
Abandoned anguish roams rampant after incursive induction
The harvest of heinous horrors throughout the wasteland
Souls of yesterday yield their yearning in demonic demand
Souls of morrow tormented and tangled where they stand
For Lucifer’s legions laughing have the ulterior upper hand
Now lie misty meadows of a dark daunting decadent dwell
The forests fertile with fescues a feculent foreboding smell
Tempestuous tempest of sorrows surround the satanic swell
We dine & dance in a degenerative dominion of earthly hell.
April.11.2018
Ten Words
Sponsored by: Joseph May
Monomaniacal Mist
I am the finite of the infinite for the shadows bleed my presence
My habitual hunger is imminent and toxicant time is of the essence
Like the serpent swallowing sorrows slithering to sanitize your soul
In view of marauding morrows whispering winds wavering console
As a malodorous mist, I appear a demi-god of recyclable tangled time
A fallen angel fostering fear bringing forth a new pernicious paradigm
I come within denigrative dreams a diabolical debacle demanding end
A Svengali of silent screams an oblivious organism that will transcend
A jaded jackal conjured by the broken hearts withering to their demise
The grotesque genie that departs only to enslave before it’s downsize
I am the confiscating conqueror of night banishing your barren breath
Like a fallacious futile frostbite a feculent frozen fire ... for I am death.
April.03.2018
The Life of Death
Sponsored by: Anthony Slausen
I dug a hole,
a hole so deep,
I felt the heat
beneath my feet,
the fire of hell
burning in me.
Into the hole
I placed my heart,
still beating heart,
I buried deep
beneath the clay
beneath my feet.
Abysmal hole,
but shoal at first,
grew and grew with
each spade of earth,
each memory,
I buried deep.
You endless hole
mesmerize me
in dank dark pitch
my reverie,
mud encased, in
each spade of earth.
Feculent hole,
insipid beast,
you’re all that’s foul
entombed in me
my horrid thoughts,
my reverie.
This deep dark hole,
inside my soul,
is where you’ll see
my heart yet beat,
my broken heart,
entombed in me.
11/23/2017
Forgive them Father for their souls unclean
Hardened hearts that demonically demean
Camouflaged cathedrals a silent smokescreen
The towers of Babylon crumble as foreseen
Inauspicious idols obelisks of the obscene
Magniloquent mirages of man's made machine
Feeding feculent fires with gorging gasoline
Pampered populous with a Vatican vaccine
Malodorous men with a nervous nicotine
Religion waging wars like a lost libertine
Marauding morality in the menus cuisine
In man's madness a grotesque guillotine.
July.10.2017
JULY PREMIERE CONTEST
Sponsored by: Brian Strand
If I were an elephant, I'd lumber around
Gracefully plodding on my stomping ground
If I were an elephant, I'd flap my ears
High above the savannah with no equals or peers
If I were an elephant, I'd cover myself in mud
I'd clash with other bulls, especially during rut
If I were an elephant, I'd cause a great stampede
Crushing all the poachers before they could succeed
If I were an elephant, I'd collapse all circus tents
And I'd save all pachyderms from being in such events
I wouldn't be arrogant, but elegant and eloquent
I wouldn't be petulant, but prevalently excellent
I wouldn't be negligent or hesitant or feculent
I'd be so affectionate and have an even temperament
I'd be the most eminent in my thought development
I'd never be a detriment to a human settlement
I would be the most intelligent and it would be self-evident
To the peasant and the president if I were an elephant
12-5-2016
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