Remove the joy from life
replace it with drudge
Fill a freshwater pond
with pitch-black sludge
Fish eyes bulge, gills choke
~ underwater's stroke
A vaulter, reportedly French,
thought earning a medal a cinch.
Though they won’t divulge
the size of his bulge,
he lost by much more than an inch.
At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous
At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous
Experts summoned
War whoops drum on
Speculation ramps up
Excitement amps up
Convoys move out
Generals air doubts
Battle lines drawn
The conflict dawns
It does not go well at all
In the end heavy losses fall
The ground reeks of sweat
The rivers unusually wet
Even the winners groan
Misery's echo moans
Need I still divulge
Only losers win the Battle
~ of the Midriff Bulge...
At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous
I am locked in armed combat,
Fighting against my body fat.
I continue to take aim,
Against my abundant frame.
Jogging up and down a hill
Exhausted from my treadmill.
These can not alleviate,
My BMI or obese weight.
My chances of becoming slim
Are looking very grim.
If I don’t shrink my derriere,
It soon won’t fit in any chair.
Am I a porky pig,
because my bones are big?
My stomach is a bottomless pit.
Is that why my clothes don’t fit?
I can’t seem to lose this weight.
My girth is great, it won’t deflate
I am a mess and so depressed,
I need ice cream to get de-stressed.
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Her fat all around...could not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her spouse hid his head in a bucket.
Revised and reposted for Andrea's Limerick Contest
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.
Reposted for Poetry Soup Member Contest: ANY FUNNY POEM
Sponsored by: ¥ Destroyer ¥ Poet
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Bulge In Your Wallet
From the bulge in your wallet
I can see the outline of a ring
Are you sure you are ready?
To be carrying that kind of thing
Don’t allow pressure to make you do
Something you’re not ready for
The consequence of your actions
Is nothing to ignore
Have you thought it through?
Is a moment’s pleasure worth the cost?
I come here as a friend
I’m not trying to be your boss
But the thought of you doing something
That could affect your entire life
Has given me reason for concern
Reason to feel such strife
There is no doubt you feel you’re old enough
Physically you’re probably right
But mentally are you ready?
For what happens in the night
If you’re sure you are ready
And I can’t change your mind
Make sure that condom in your wallet
Is used every time
There is a potbelly in Kelly
To whom it belongs ‘Our Nelly’
She’s banned from the pantry
Works out in the gantry
Her bikini versus the deli.
© Harry J Horsman 2010
Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .
Skinny Jack just stood there and leered
It was worse than his lean frame had feared
When he sat on her lap
And had a real bad mishap
Skinny vanished .... He just disappeared .
But Weight-watchers opened her eyes
Slimmed her "Michelin" way down to size
And Skinny was found
In a wrinkle that bound
Her bum to the back of her thighs .
Inspired for Carolyn's contest .
Losing weight is a Summer tradition
To get myself in good swimsuit condition
But it seems that my fate
Is I start it too late
so instead of a loss - there's addition!
Accepting the Bulge
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.
1st place win in Carolyn’s Limerick Contest.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick
The trick is to buy a smaller size,
The brain tells the head, this is wise,
Don't chow down on sweets,
To look like those petites,
One sure way to shrink ...EXERCISE!
For Ms. Devonshire's Contest
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