Best Bulge Poems

Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .


Skinny Jack just stood there and leered
It was worse than his lean frame had feared
When he sat on her lap
And had...

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She went to the beach with a blanket.
Her fat all around...could not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her spouse hid his head in a bucket.

Revised and reposted for Andrea's Limerick Contest...

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The trick is to buy a smaller size,
The brain tells the head, this is wise,
Don't chow down on sweets,
To look like those petites,
One sure way to shrink ...EXERCISE!


For Ms. Devonshire's Contest...

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I am locked in armed combat,
Fighting against my body fat.
I continue to take aim,
Against my abundant frame.

Jogging up and down a hill
Exhausted from my treadmill.
These can not alleviate,
My BMI or obese weight.

My chances of becoming slim
Are looking very grim.
If I don’t shrink my derriere,
It soon...

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She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.

Reposted for Poetry Soup Member Contest: ANY FUNNY POEM 	
Sponsored by: ¥ Destroyer ¥ Poet

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May...

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There is a potbelly in Kelly
  To whom it belongs  ‘Our Nelly’
   She’s banned from the pantry
    Works out in the gantry
     Her bikini versus the deli.

© Harry J Horsman  2010...

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Accepting the Bulge

She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.

1st place win in Carolyn’s Limerick Contest.


© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Poetic form:  Limerick...

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Losing weight is a Summer tradition
To get myself in good swimsuit condition
        But it seems that my fate
        Is I start it too late
so instead of a loss - there's addition!...

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I made my periodic visit to the medico the other day.
Said he, "Hop on the scale, I want to see how much you weigh!"
He didn't say a word, but I knew from the look in his eyes,
That I'd better opt out of eating cookies, cakes...

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A vaulter, reportedly French,
thought earning a medal a cinch.
Though they won’t divulge
the size of his bulge,
he lost by much more than an inch....

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Experts summoned
  War whoops drum on

Speculation ramps up
  Excitement amps up

Convoys move out
  Generals air doubts

Battle lines drawn
  The conflict dawns

It does not go well at all
  In the end heavy losses fall

The ground reeks of sweat
  The rivers...

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Bulge In Your Wallet

From the bulge in your wallet
I can see the outline of a ring
Are you sure you are ready?
To be carrying that kind of thing

Don’t allow pressure to make you do
Something you’re not ready for
The consequence of your actions
Is nothing to ignore

Have you...

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At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous...

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    Remove the joy from life
      replace it with drudge

    Fill a freshwater pond
      with pitch-black sludge

    Fish eyes bulge, gills choke
    ...

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At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous...

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