Best Bulge Poems
Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .
Skinny Jack just stood there and leered
It was worse than his lean frame had feared
When he sat on her lap
And had a real bad mishap
Skinny vanished .... He just disappeared .
But Weight-watchers opened her eyes
Slimmed her "Michelin" way down to size
And Skinny was found
In a wrinkle that bound
Her bum to the back of her thighs .
Inspired for Carolyn's contest .
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Her fat all around...could not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her spouse hid his head in a bucket.
Revised and reposted for Andrea's Limerick Contest
The trick is to buy a smaller size,
The brain tells the head, this is wise,
Don't chow down on sweets,
To look like those petites,
One sure way to shrink ...EXERCISE!
For Ms. Devonshire's Contest
I am locked in armed combat,
Fighting against my body fat.
I continue to take aim,
Against my abundant frame.
Jogging up and down a hill
Exhausted from my treadmill.
These can not alleviate,
My BMI or obese weight.
My chances of becoming slim
Are looking very grim.
If I don’t shrink my derriere,
It soon won’t fit in any chair.
Am I a porky pig,
because my bones are big?
My stomach is a bottomless pit.
Is that why my clothes don’t fit?
I can’t seem to lose this weight.
My girth is great, it won’t deflate
I am a mess and so depressed,
I need ice cream to get de-stressed.
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.
Reposted for Poetry Soup Member Contest: ANY FUNNY POEM
Sponsored by: ¥ Destroyer ¥ Poet
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Accepting the Bulge
She went to the beach with a blanket.
Fat all around; she would not tuck-it.
String bikini and sand
Covered less than her hand.
Her husband hid his head in a bucket.
1st place win in Carolyn’s Limerick Contest.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
May 22, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick
There is a potbelly in Kelly
To whom it belongs ‘Our Nelly’
She’s banned from the pantry
Works out in the gantry
Her bikini versus the deli.
© Harry J Horsman 2010
Losing weight is a Summer tradition
To get myself in good swimsuit condition
But it seems that my fate
Is I start it too late
so instead of a loss - there's addition!
I made my periodic visit to the medico the other day.
Said he, "Hop on the scale, I want to see how much you weigh!"
He didn't say a word, but I knew from the look in his eyes,
That I'd better opt out of eating cookies, cakes and pies!
Water cress, cottage cheese and tofu I really do abhor.
They just don't satisfy my cravings and leave me wanting more.
When meat and taters and fancy desserts are on the board,
For me, those are delicacies that just cannot be ignored!
I reckon I've tried every diet that is the latest fad.
My spouse tires of altering my pants to ensure I'm properly clad.
When that tire inflates and begins lopping over my belt,
Its time to diet again, slim down, and look a bit more svelte!
My spouse has decreed we're going on another exotic cruise.
What's a feller to do with all that grub from which to choose?
Bouillabaise Marsellaise, Beef Wellington, Lobster Thermidor;
That doesn't even include desserts, which I simply can't ignore!
I exercise, count the calories, but its tough to shed those pounds.
Will-power I lack when such delectable food abounds.
Lord, my supplication is to help me exercise more fortitude,
That my craving for all that fare will be of lesser magnitude!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
A vaulter, reportedly French,
thought earning a medal a cinch.
Though they won’t divulge
the size of his bulge,
he lost by much more than an inch.
Bulge In Your Wallet
From the bulge in your wallet
I can see the outline of a ring
Are you sure you are ready?
To be carrying that kind of thing
Don’t allow pressure to make you do
Something you’re not ready for
The consequence of your actions
Is nothing to ignore
Have you thought it through?
Is a moment’s pleasure worth the cost?
I come here as a friend
I’m not trying to be your boss
But the thought of you doing something
That could affect your entire life
Has given me reason for concern
Reason to feel such strife
There is no doubt you feel you’re old enough
Physically you’re probably right
But mentally are you ready?
For what happens in the night
If you’re sure you are ready
And I can’t change your mind
Make sure that condom in your wallet
Is used every time
Experts summoned
War whoops drum on
Speculation ramps up
Excitement amps up
Convoys move out
Generals air doubts
Battle lines drawn
The conflict dawns
It does not go well at all
In the end heavy losses fall
The ground reeks of sweat
The rivers unusually wet
Even the winners groan
Misery's echo moans
Need I still divulge
Only losers win the Battle
~ of the Midriff Bulge...
Remove the joy from life
replace it with drudge
Fill a freshwater pond
with pitch-black sludge
Fish eyes bulge, gills choke
~ underwater's stroke
At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous
At times I've been under the influence
So since I growed up it's no coincidence
That when I indulge
My eyeballs bulge
And my pulsating body becomes conspicuous