Best Underwear Poems
I am a super hero
In my batman underwear
No villain would ever cross me
They simply wouldn't dare
I used to be a Superman
But they somehow got a hole
It had to be some kryptonite
Just saying, so you'll know
I was even the Lone Ranger
Back when I was three
But mom needed to sweep the porch
So she stole my horse from me
And one time I was He-Man
Just because the underwear fit
Did I hear somebody laughing?
I think you better quit
There's nothing wrong with underwear
With a hero on the back
Cause if he can survive my butt
He can handle any attack
I shuddered at a voice so pure
it moved my eyes to tears,
the music grew to fill my chest,
and satiate my ears
and then I shook, a man possessed,
cavortin' 'cross the floor,
collapsing in a sweaty heap,
for I could bear no more!
Like an ol' time tent revival,
I lost sense of who and where,
or what this poor ol' boy was doin'
dancin' in his underwear!
For I was all but nekkid,
what a sight for all to see,
embarrassed, I just paid the fine
and turned around to flee!
Soft, pink satin,
Baby blue with lace.
Underwear, underwear every place.
Hot red silk
Plain white cotton
Underwear here even I had forgotten.
Black and slinky,
Is that a thong?
Underwear like that almost seems wrong.
Blue with Purple polka dots
Roses scattered over lime.
Underwear like that could never, ever be mine!
I
change my name
like
underwear...
fairly often, I suppose
I
change my clothes
like
area codes
and Imma' damn gypsy, ya' see
I
keep it fresh ta' death
nada
speck of blood
or
ketchup on my attire
I
got more rhymes
than I got grey hairs
and
that's an effing lot
because i got my share
I
digg a
hot-fire piece of passionate verse
those are
indeed
rare to find
YET...
if only poets would
unleash the fury
instead of
holding back
what's really
on their mind...
I must say...
the library,
the internet,
the etc. etc...
would be a less stinky place...
AND, maybe
I'd keep my name, and sever ties with
underwear's elastic,
and just go
APE-Spit Spastic!~
There was a cold man from Connecticut
whose hygiene showed he didn't know etiquette
if he'd left me alone
he'd still have his own bone
That cold hearted blighter from Connecticut.
If you sit tight, and promise not to spite
I will tell you a story, when I was not in my glory
grade one, a new chapter
who knew my teacher would be a captor?
that’s right! I said it!
a washroom run, she did not permit
there I stood
as still as I could
but I couldn’t help wiggle, then jiggle, and out popped a nervous giggle
first I got a casual stare
not two seconds later, a frightening glare
Oh no! I thought
a quick exit I sought
I could feel the rush coming
my small feet started drumming
how could she be so cruel?
this has got to be against some rule!
and there it went
the warm stream I could not prevent
I could tell she was mad
but I had to go SO bad!
she pointed the way out
boy! Did she shout!
“go to the loo! You twitsy-poo”!
Oh. So you thought that was it?
why don’t you take another short sit
to the principals office I walked down
sporting a most shameful frown
she also looked unimpressed
thank goodness, I was wearing a dress
my underwear was wet but my clothes remained dry
if I had to wear lost and found clothes again, I surely would cry
I pictured Mrs. Marriotti as a belly dancer
while she called mom for dry underwear, but there was no answer
I was vexed, with what happened next
you’ll never believe me
the travesty that was caused by my pee
not only was I humiliated, and my new teacher I did annoy
but the underwear I had to wear for the day was made for a BOY!
Diana-Marie Bombardieri
January 30, 2012
CONTEST - Dr. Seuss is on the loose (G. Rix)
a parody on song "Winter Wonderland"- inspired by my winter alone in an
unheated house.
"Come away, I am threadbare
Snow is falling....
Where there' be hair..
A cold-as_sed dam_ night
It's really a fright
Walkin' in my winter underwear..
Butt-cheeks gleaming
Through the holes, near the seaming
A nasty cold a_s,
My skin is blue cast
Walkin' in my winter underwear..
In the meadow we can make a snowman
And pretend that he's an EMS
He'll say- "sonny is that really you?"
Or did someone paint you a_s blue?
Later on, I'll perspire
When I light...
My a_s on fire....
It burns so that way
I'm happy so say
Walkin' in my winter underwear...."
Well here's another story
That I'd really like to share
It's about the first invention
Of a thing called underwear
Invented by one of my kinfolks
A man that the bible calls Adam
It caught on pretty quickly too
Cause pert near everybody had'em
I'll bet you didn't know it
But Adam was a hillbilly too
You don't have to be a mountain man
To be country thru and thru
Now the first pair he ever wore
Was a leaf called Fruit of the gloom
But somebody done up and stole his patent
You know, Fruit of the loom
Now Adams wife Eve was beautiful
In her fig leaf lingerie
Her Fredricks of Eden was top of the line
But expensive needless to say
Well times has changed since Adam's day
So we moved up to tater sacks
It gave us more of a sophisticated feel
That a fig leaf always lacks
Now I told this story so everybody knows
Don't listen to any other rumors
So the next time you shop for underwear
You'll remember those hillbilly bloomers
National Underwear Day
So it's National underwear day
I haven't got that much to say
Except pull up your pants
I can tell at a glance
Your national pride on display
I see that you’re playing along
I see that you wore a red thong
I see and I cringe
Come completely unhinged
I see and I’m thinking it’s wrong
Uncle Mike
"Mum have I got any clean boxer shorts?
My son shouted from on the stairs,
He was standing so I couldn't see him,
I didn't know his backside was bare.
I got up to go and get some,
From the clean washing pile,
He yelled "Mum I'm naked!
I just gave him a motherly smile.
"I know it wasn't as hairy back then", I laughed,
"But I've seen your bum before,
"But, Mum I'm twenty-two now", he replied,
Which made me laugh even more.
I must admit,
He gave me quite a surprise,
I didn't see a thing though,
As I promised to close my eyes.
Thank goodness for my eldest son,
He's chased my blues away,
The powers of his bare bum,
Have brightened up my day,
Mom:
"Make sure that you're wearing clean underwear
in case you get into an accident one day".
Me:
"..but Mom, if I were in an accident
I'd probably soil myself anyway."
They cry for your vote,
So go in your underwear,
forty percent won't.
I shuddered at a voice so pure
it moved my eyes to tears,
the music grew to fill my chest,
and satiate my ears
and then I shook, a man possessed,
cavortin' 'cross the floor,
collapsing in a sweaty heap,
for I could bear no more!
Like an ol' time tent revival,
I lost sense of who and where,
or what this poor ol' boy was doin'
dancin' in his underwear!
For I was all but nekkid,
what a sight for all to see,
embarrassed, I just paid the fine
and turned around to flee!
Underwear so varied
Unpublished, well, not now
Unconcealed, all can view
Uncovered, unashamed
Unblushing for the world
Unfurled, unblocked designs
Unchaste attitude girls
And boys/men
Online syllable counter
1Underwear so varied 6
2Unpublished, well, not now 6
3Unconcealed, all can view 6
4Uncovered, unashamed 6
5Unblushing for the world 6
6Unfurled, unblocked designs 6
7Unchaste attitude girls 6
Contest: Pleiades U
Date: 04/30/2021
Sponsor: Kim Merryman
Wrote one a while ago about the changing times
This one's about changing underwear preventing crime
You can tell when strangers
Are aware of the dangers
Wearing gas masks to avoid human race decline!