Best Stewardess Poems
Woo the woman
Love the lady
Mellow the maiden
Manage the maid
Garnish the girl
Dazzle the damsel
Bar the bimbo
Latch the lass
Silence the siren
Moor the mermaid
Net the nymph
Madden the madam
Tame the tart
Court the courtesan
Nudge the nurse
Null the nun
Shun the spinster
Strap the stewardess
Venerate the virgin
Vex the vixen
Vacate the vamp
Curb the coquette
Con the concubine
Whack the whore
Whip the wench
Pooh-pooh the prostitute
Slam the ****
Harem the harlot
Screw the shrew
Dally with a divorcee
Eschew the enchantress
Wallop the witch
Garb Godiva
Jail Jezebel
Lambaste Lilith
Dump Delilah
Gore the Gorgons
Harness Hecuba
Xpunge Xanthippe
Wed the widow!
~03/08/2013
~Contest: Your Personal Favorite #2
~Sponsor: L Milton Hankins.
I am a Peacemaker
Mother - let me teach my children humility
Woman - let my sensitivity calm others
Wife - let me be his lover, confidant and teammate always
Reikimaster - let me teach and practice the healing art of Reiki
Aura Photographer - let aura hues reveal health and future goals
Aroma therapist - let me breathe in the healing oils daily
Poet - let poetry inspire me and others to greater heights
Grandmother - let me teach my grandchildren through example
Giver - let my joy of giving warm hearts
Forgiver - let me always be first to forgive others
Stewardess - let my soul soar and remain in the clouds
Meditator - let me connect with the Angels and the Divine Spirit
Student - let me never stop learning new things
Dancer - let me dance with the joy music provides
Visionary - let me see the future through my third eye
Traveler - let me learn of different cultures
Astrologer - let the planets reveal personalities to benefit others
Nature Lover - let me value trees and plants as sentient beings
Romantic - let love always thrill me and fill me
Animal lover - let me help animals in need of compassion
Believer - let my faith in God continue to grow forever.
5-9-20
~First Place~
I AM: A LIST BIO CHALLENGE Poetry Contest
Sponsor Andrea Dietrich
When sunset ushers a sky violet blue
At the first star’s light, my thoughts are of you.
And when I gaze into the moonlit sea;
Lights dancing on water, you are with me.
When a lovely flower bends to the breeze
I picture your face, so eager to please.
As I fly away to a distant land
You dwell in my heart; I’m at your command.
I love your deep voice and things that you say,
And ways you miss me when I am away.
I don’t want to extinguish this fire,
Though it consumes my mind with desire.
I long for the moment we’ll reunite
And I'll share your kisses throughout the night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hsC0nRvZM
Song: Leaving on a Jet Plane
This poem relates to the song perfectly because I was always leaving on a jet plane
as a stewardess for 34 years. I met my husband on one of my flights in December
of 1979. We were married In December 1981 and the most difficult part of our
marriage was me being away 4 days at a time while flying down under to Sydney,
or Auckland, or 3 day trips to Japan. My thoughts were always with my husband and
children.
the landing was successful
and the flight was smooth
coffee was delicious
and the stewardess too cool
what's it like on this planet
what am i to expect
are the natives restless
do they easily object
not that i care
because i could'nt
even if i could
by nature i would'nt
so lets be very clear
about my presence here
i come to share my language
some happiness and anguish
i'm sure you'll learn to love me
as much as i love myself
because i control The Situation
the situation does'nt control itself
My early morning began as normal as could be,
but soon,while driving the freeway on my way to work,
my car stalled. Then, in center of an apex, my car died.
I had no choice but to leave it there and gather my things.
I had to hurry or I would miss my morning flight.
Cars were slowly passing in the crowded rush hour traffic,
and there I was on foot, dragging my suitcase behind me.
There were car loads of guys offering me a ride, whistling,
whooping, and calling out to me from inside their cars.
I was in my stewardess attire and simply mortified.
I didn't feel safe getting into a car filled with guys.
I walked for some time, ignoring them, praying for a miracle.
Soon after a nice fellow, alone in a pick up truck,
asked if I needed a ride and I gratefully said yes.
He pulled off to the emergency lane and put my
suitcase in the back of his truck as I slipped into his cab.
I had no cash on me to call a taxi, so this kind stranger not
only gave me a lift but cashed a personal twenty dollar check!
He dropped me at a filling station when his exit came.
I expressed my gratitude and blessed him as he pulled away.
I know this angel in disguise was an answer to my prayers.
I arrived at the airport just in time to catch my flight. Amen!
© Connie Marcum Wong
*Not for the Contest because I did it all wrong. My mistake for not reading the directions correctly. Sorry Sara!
Always finding the quite of stillness; peaceful waters her, reflections....
Be it here or, perhaps there ? Assembling their higher educational think tanks
Joey bought a condo at Venice while Pamela, drove down from Malibu; her red eye'd
Flights hurry on now, you shan't be late; composed another read through; his puppets
As their strains ? Marching, time it's Piccadilly manifesto; cross'bow ambassadors
Gin and tonic her double agent stewardess, confides ? Marshall Maverick, concealing the ark
Of the covenant; sequestered at Cardinal Bay to be presented his Prince, Beelzeboob's for surety
At Whirlwind Heights for authentication be a declaration; autism avouched of Babylonia's..
Fourteenth century her papacy ? Avignon, canonized at St. Petrarch's, deflowering school and arts ?
Entering now love's air space Tel Aviv'-Jaffa; gallivant's elaboration bubonic's plague; document six sixty
Six with Father Merrin As Regan to witness Historia's, tableau treaty demonic wedding ? Baby Sebastion's
Lucid trans atlantic delusion; vexations wild west Windsor's castle grand patriarch; sovereign jaegers....
Abominations, standing where they ought not be ? Bethlehem's bright morning star their Angels Melchizedek.
While working in Seattle for Boeing
Had duty in Florida for six weeks
Just before it was time to be going
Drove from town to town looking at antiques
In St. Augustine, day before my flight
I was sightseeing the old city’s charm
The alligator show was quite a sight
Bought a gator, right off the farm
In Florida when I boarded the plane
Although winter, the temperature was warm
A Chicago plane change, was not the same
In fact, had to land in a winter storm
The alligator was in a shoe box
And I carried it with me on the plane
The temp in Chicago was such a shock
Scratching loud and fast; must have been in pain
He warmed up during the layover time
Then it came time to board another plane
People stared while in the plane’s boarding line
Because the loud scratching noise was the same
When I sat down, the guy next to me said:
“What in the hell do you have in that box?”
An alligator that wants to be feed!
“Sure you do! But don’t feed me to the crock”
“You don’t believe there’s a Gator in there?”
“Of course not! I just think you’re full of bull”
“OK, stick in your finger if you dare
But when he grabs it, you better not pull”
“Tell you what, if you’ll buy me a drink
I’ll take box lid off so you can see”
We’ve got us a deal, he said with a wink
I’ll be right back but, first I got to pee
He returned, bought my drink, set down and said
Now get out your box and take off the lid
Then the gator jumped out, bit me and fled
And ****, we couldn’t see where he hid
He was in the center isle on the move
When I grabbed him, I got bit one more time
If the stewardess saw him, I’d be removed
And I’d probably be charged with a crime
So back in my seat, with a bleeding hand
And with the gator secure and confined
The guy next to me said, “That act was grand,
So what’s next”, as he made his seat recline
We had a good laugh, I wrapped up my hand
And from then on we took turns buying drinks
We didn’t stop, we got totally canned
“What happens now with the gator you think?”
“This trip, he stays in his box! Believe me!
There will never be another capture,
As a house pet he will roam free, in the
Bellevue Home For Beer Drinking Bachelors”
quatrain
Resolved to quit, a collection betrays my dear Mona.
Hers are the ones marked by colorful stain.
Her obsession likens her to my aging Smith-Corona.
It’s coughing just now as if in great pain.
Its lungs store a shiny bobble divorced from Mona's ear,
three of her Lucky Strikes all out of smoke…
My functional machine has other favorite souvenirs
including a guarded flight stub, no joke.
She was a stewardess, last year when I met my sweet “Mo”
and I became her first passenger goof.
That is, the first one on whom she spilled a hot cup of joe.
My versatile cabinet holds the proof.
Mona needs to smoke; she is addicted to nicotine.
Maybe she’ll change brands when I light her fuse.
Two new keepsakes - ads from both Life and Post magazine
claim, “Camels, the brand which more doctors choose.”
set in this 1930-40's era, this piece focuses on the cigarette industry.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470496/
A vulture boarded
A jumbo jet
Carrying two dead
Marmoset
The stewardess said
"I'm sorry sir,
Only one carrion
Per passenger"
How I recall the magnificent sight
Of my first view of the new Jumbo Jet.
Boeing took such pride in its maiden flight,
That it could not fly, was the standing bet.
Majestic it rolled out on the runway
Revving its engines for its take off roll...
Like a great bird ascending the skyway
To cheers and applause the crowd did extol.
Fear gripped my stomach which I did battle.
When we leveled off my queasiness eased...
Chicago bound, our flight from Seattle
With four hundred sixteen passengers pleased.
In my thirty four years flown I must say,
None can compare to the cheers heard that day!
8-18-16
Note: I was a Stewardess, one of sixteen crewmembers, on
UAL's Maiden flight from Seattle to Chicago in 1971, a four
hour flight. We were trained in mockups and none of us had
ever been on the Boeing 747 until that day. Our service was
such us mess, but everyone was so excited to be on such a
huge wide body aircraft that no one cared or complained.
The applause and cheers when we took off and landed were
deafening.
N/A Sonnet contest
Sponsor Eve Roper
Grrrr WOMEN they drive me mad!
We were due to go on holiday
My wife said she was on her way
I’d got the car engine running
I waited
and waited
and waited
But my wife Marcie was on the phone to her mom
Marcie had INSISTED her mother lived in our granny flat
Why couldn’t she pop next door to say goodbye…
Going on holiday is the only way I can escape from the old bag
Still at least she’s looking after Mitzi our Chihuahua
We arrive at the airport just in time ….
Marcie walks ahead in a cloud of Chanel No 5 perfume
To me it smells like cat’s pee
but if it was good enough for Marilyn Monroe she HAS to wear it
Unfortunately I had chosen the only trolley with the wonky wheel
That darn trolley has a mind of it’s own … it must be a female!
The electric doors open and close like see through curtains
I struggle with a mountain of three suitcases, but only one is mine
And half of MY case is taken up with five pairs of Marcie’s shoes
Tell me guys
Why does a woman have to pack the kitchen sink ‘just in case’
One small suitcase is FULL of her make up
Gee I hope she remembered to pack the trowel with which to apply it!
At the check in desk we discover one of the cases is overweight
Yes … you guessed it – its mine with all her bloody shoes in it
I have to stump up thirty-five dollars in excess baggage fees!
What a great way to start a relaxing break...
When we board the plane things are no better
Marcie moans about the cramped seats
She has to ask for a seat-belt extension
telling the stewardess the seats are smaller than those the last time we flew
Maybe if she lost a few pounds that would make a difference …
But of course I hold my tongue
Marcie moans about the noise as we take off
She moans about the aircraft food but still eats every mouthful
She complains how tiny the toilet stalls are
her huge butt doesn’t help but I hold my tongue
As we are landing she says how much she misses her mom and the dog
THAT WAS THE FINAL STRAW
Next year Marcie and her mum can go away
I’m staying at home with the dog!
06-12-17
FORESKINFEDORA FOR POETS WHO IDENTIFY AS MEN
Sponsored By John Lawless
On my flight to Cancun
I sat between a pillow and a cello.
The pillow's name was Willow and she wanted to sleep soon.
The cello's name was Fellow and he was quite odd.
He sang and sang and I just nod.
When we were halfway to Cancun the stewardess, who was a baboon,
walked around with food.
When she got to me, she woke up pillow and put him in a mood.
then he couldn't sleep, so he counted sheep.
Finally, cello was mellow.
I didn't say a peep.
We all fell in a deep sleep.
Harpy Girl
You girl are a harpy. A woman who steals from those with nothing to take. You always find something to harvest. If you robbed a rich man, you'd leave him in debt.
How do you do it and why?
Becoming the femme fatal injured beach siren. How many ships have you wrecked? Sailors think you're a cheap whore. You target their basic desires. How smart. Not.
And when you become the pretty air stewardess lady, no one is safe. You slit the pilot's throat and Jumbo jets fall like shot crows. Only you walk away unscathed.
I came across you once. People ask why I'm alive? That's easy. I ran like the wind and am paranoid to hell. I know we'll meet again. Till then dear harpy, the news headlines are full of your work.
Death, mayhem, maiming, destruction.
Even when you sleep it continues. I wonder if you'll ever get bored of this harpy lifestyle? Take time out to talk to my friend. He's a shrink; the best. Hey, he cured me. But back then, I was sane compared to you, the harpy girl.
"50 Words for Poe: Seagulls"
He was an Albatross
She taught him Seagulls
Another language
LAX was nothing on
Heathrow, decision made
She had decided to catch
a flight over to old Blighty instead
Haunt the Hell
out of some cross-dressing
poet who had taken a
break for a spell
he’d gone all troppo in his head
Yeah, she’d go ring his door bell
Earl Grey tea and
Spotted Dick puddin' with
some of his yummy custard
Raspberry Jam, clotted cream and
toast some fresh bread
play Scrabble
have a few laughs
in his warm bed
She had research to continue ...
Skipsea
Holderness
Columbus was the name of her dog
he was a real fright
she decided to bring him along
on the journey, the flea bag,
she’d keep him on a tight leash
he’d leave the stewardess in peace
and behave on the flight
Seagulls, another language
Good luck it is said
Albatross caught in mid flight
looking for home
looking for cover
under a nice eiderdown doona
he thought he was cool
alpha ahead of the others
“Woman”, he thought
“I’m cool, I’m way out of sight”
Columbus was the name of her dog
he was a real fright, Bull Arab X
She'd keep him on a tight leash
He’d behave on the flight
(LadyLabyrinth/2019)
Air – La Femme d’Argent
https://youtu.be/U4U19zwFENs
The Stewardess’ Startling Questions
By Elton Camp
Safety procedures she will mention
Few, if any, pay very much attention
They are interested in taking a nap
Or using the computer in their lap
One day, the stewardess was taken aback
Because the captain had a heart attack
He groaned and slumped in his seat
She could barely hear his heartbeat
There was no copilot on that flight
So she gasped in horror at the sight
To passengers she said, “Attention please”
The words she next spoke are these:
Is anyone CPR trained to try
Or any who an airplane can fly?
In stunned silence passengers sat
For all had given heed to that