Best Shopper Poems

I want to shop on Valentine's
but haven't got a date.
I'd buy myself some roses
if it wasn't for I'm straight.

Some chocolate hearts would fill my gut
and card say "I Love You".
But signing it would be in vain
and thanks would never do.

Coupons for a hug and kiss
would...

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a woman who stood four foot two

went shopping to buy some shampoo

with shoppers aghast

a snob clerk let blast

madam what a meager hairdo.
...

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Try 'em

Buy 'em









For Brian's April Footle contst  Won 3rd place...

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She bade farewell to Prada and Gucci shoes, and said hello to Pucci, and Jimmy Choo.
 A love affair that didn’t last, finished by lunch, it was over that fast.
Next was tea at three fifteen, with Mr. Alexander, last name, McQueen.
Soon, he too was ancient...

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Note: To the tune of "Little Drummer Boy"


Come, they sold me, to Macy’s this year
The perfect gifts await for holiday cheer

I’ll push and shove my way through the crowd
Cuss if I don’t succeed, for crying out loud

Stomp on feet of shoppers with my heels
Clear a...

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I am a shopper
That’s what I claim to be
Just look in my closet
And you’ll have to agree
Penney’s, Kohl’s and TJMaxx
Oh, how I wish you didn’t charge tax
You have the power to make my day
I search for a bargain
And never dismay
When I find an aisle
With a...

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I made a secret shop today...
Drove to downtown Tampa Bay
We dined for free, or so they say
It's a lot of work for meager pay...

Timing the waiter's every action
While noting each tiny infraction
Caused me plenty of dissatisfaction
That will be my final interaction...
 Incognito...

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I've felt the joy of spending money.
Approaching lust and finding.
A piece of meat that's red in flavor.
The package sealed for binding.

Another step to finding more.
The next thing to your heart.
An item grabbed; the more I have.
A basket full to start.

The rush to cash and it's...

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Who hexed the price?
Made the bargain lose its luster
Who’s selling dull kitchenware knives?
Trying to cut away consumer confidence
There’s no hand lotion in the ladies room,
ain’t no winning boil in the big Lotto cauldron
Can’t get no good juju from a synthetic broom,
you shouldn’t bought the stockings...

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A monday morning shopper -- and have been for many years
but recently the traffic queues have brought me close to tears
and not wishing to give up my favourite supermarket run
I realised at last that something simply must be done
 
Now, Tuesday is as good a...

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Making my way through the Dollar General hoping to get an economy pack of Thank You cards to send out to all the people who had just given me expensive gifts  

(Not really; I was there for cheap cosmetics), 

All I could smell was...

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There was a young woman who liked to spend,
                Many days and nights without end.
               ...

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There's a world out there full of stuff that ain't mine and I have no access to
   So I stay focused on my small world, me and mine, and do what i do
   Every day and night dealing with hassles, struggles,...

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around the world
there are boys girl
singing and jingling
christmas bell
you can tell
its love in the air
by the HOLIDAYS STOPPER
ITS
MUSIC FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPER...

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they come to spend
some have a grim
from over the ocean
plane or in motion
to our cities and town
allaround
you see them hopping 
and bopper
HOLIDAY SHOPPER...

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