Best Schtick Poems

* Collaboration of Limericks written by Jan Allison, 
   Tom Cunningham, Tania Kitchin and Lin Lane


Here's a news flash, the latest scoop
There are parasites in the soup
AI bottom feeders
Poet superceders
Those who cannot write worth a poop

Artificial intelligence is smart
But never uses words found...

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Please allow me to introduce,
Without any pardon or excuse,
A man who needs no introduction,
To those he’s given instruction,

A man who has always helped me,
To understand extreme fallacy,
Through guidance and edification,
He spreads his extreme education,

Now he never reserves his lessons,
And always leaves his impressions,
Upon those he...

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I'm full of poop I am I am
Tried being serious but don't think I can
Tried every trick
It's not my schtick
Guess I'll continue being a dirty old man


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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They are on the final stage 
Of being in their Nascar cage 
Soon they will leave the Daytona sun 
And under the lights this car racing contest will be done 

After putting up with the rain 
It is time to deal with the pit crew...

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The Dreams of Library Ladies

Library ladies could it be you sometimes dream
With books (and children) all put in their place
Do you imagine an alternate library scene
A view transformed to more exotic space

The British Museum, perhaps you hear it calling
With more books than at which you...

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Moe
Larry
Curly

Shep 
Joe

This Three-Fifth Stooges moron quartet
are brain-slow slugs you don’t wanna IQ know

Just sitting on a milk crate,
waiting outside of the MGM studio gate
Moe, Larry and Curly passed my way

They were yukking it up,
talking clown downright tomfoolery
Saying how they were the new chaos custodians of...

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A new day perhaps, of immeasurable tin, sound of din
A hurricane noise, a thrall of riotous cuts, although thin
The blood-curdle choke of rage from before
Now purchased like plasma from the needle store
Go hump yourself, If you want my schtick, you vampire whore
You’ve had enough since...

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There was a dear who had a ridge that she perched from
It was where she felt welcome 
Below there was a road 
Where cars must go. 

They would be driving in singles and pairs 
Going too fast that gave my dear many scares. 
“Go slow,...

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When you mind your mind cause' all you find.
Is dried up fruit under the rind.
You can't recall what you should know.
You think maybe it's time to go.

The fog is thick, nothing will stick.
You can't depend on your old schtick.
The fading blues is now the news.
Lord...

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"I follow the Moskva
and down to Gorky Park-
listening to the winds of change" - Scorpions

All the heads of state and their spouses (or significant others) have arrived and been seated for this, my last show at Gorky Park, here in the heart of Moscow. For...

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I’m very pleased to introduce to you
something once a toy made completely new.

All you need are two good legs and balance! But it’s not a bike.
It’s as healthy as biking, so cyclists, take a hike!

It’s much more fun for everyone to JUMP their way
to where...

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This revolutionary fella followed by 
Adams family patriarch,giving rise 
twin heir (plain lee gifted "Renaissance 
Man") Jeff force'n without hemming 

and hawing, subsequently conceding 
nexus (nor horse drawn Lexus) of Colonial 
power to Madison, thence Monroe 
buttoned up as suitable candidate after 
which younger Adams...

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I think Rude-Pun-Zel was a hidden name for Rene Zellwinger!! Remember about 
2-3 years ago, no matter what movie playing you went to, she starred?
Patricia- when I played that gig 2 weeks ago in that nightclub, my between 
songs "schtick" made one feel they were...

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Said a level-headed young man named Dick
I wish I'd a name that was not so schtick
His mother said, Put it on the shelf,
Your father named you after himself
And, we all know, he was sort of a prick! 

Written June 28, 2022...

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Sitting here thinking, 
while I’m holding my own,
I’m wondering how so many big heads
 fit into a pontifical cone?

Riding in a chair of gold leaf, 
always raised way above the rest
No wonder these elevated mortals
start feeling they’re better than the best.

Oh omniscient, watch out for...

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