Best Ridiculous Poems
Buck buck buh-buck-buck
Buck buck buh-buck
Buck buck, buck buck, buck buck buck
Bucka buck bucka bucka buck
A'buck buck buck.
Buh-KAW k'buck buck
Buh-KAW k'buck
Buh-KAW k'buck buck
Buh-KAW k'buck
Buck buck buck buck
Buck buck buck
Bucka buck bucka bucka buck
A'buck buck buck.
1: If love is a game we need a referee
2: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! Um…
3: I loved her to death but got off on a technicality
4: Star-crossed lovers occasionally get crossed up and can get rather cross about it too
5: She stole my heart and REFUSED to return it so now I'm a heartless person
6: So I begged her to please have a heart and she said, “I already got TWO you idiot!”
NO ONE WANTS TO LIVE IN A COLD HOME
from the album "Heaters for Sale"
by Not Paul McCarney
No one wants to live in a cold home, cold home
Uncle Albert says you should go home, go home
Turn the heat up or sit by the fire
Toasty as upon a funeral pyre
Oo-hoo, because
No one wants to live in a cold home, cold home
No one takes the longest road home, road home
Put your feet up next to the blaze
Toes become candles before your gaze
Ooo-hooo!
Watch this scene with both eyes and try not to blink C: -->
I stood there... silently
Like a predator near prey
I sneak behind YOU
You weren't even aware of it!! Ha-ha!
I made YOU jump hIgH
Like a startled hare
I chuckle and smile
You know that mischievous smile of mine?
Your reaction was
PRICELESS - you were so upset
But YOU forgave me
Well...I'm flattered. . .
We laugh'd together (just like the good times)
In a chorus - our volume
Picked up extreme sound
Believe me - I could hear our laughter from a mile away!
But I'm glad I did
My best to make you giggle
Ridiculous me...
Wouldn't you agree?
a saraband
Big smile, laughter with a reason.
Clowns oft disguise their pain with mirth,
like the buffoon, Jackie Gleason.
Stand-up comics are risible;
Dick Van Dyke's stunts were visible.
Grimaldi of London was right -
"Grim all day" but funny at night
written June 17, 2017
risible means "arousing or provoking laughter"
I. Lyric Written in 1958 at Age Eight
Sung with Friends on the Schoolyard
to the tune of "Curiosity Killed the Cat"
from Peeping Penguins (1937)
There's poopoo on the ground
There's poopoo on the ground
Looks like it, smells like, tastes like it too
Put your foot in it and it sticks like glue
There's poopoo on the ground.
II. Lyric Written in 2018
Sung While Walking the Dogs
to the tune of "Smile a Little Smile for Me"
by The Flying Machine
Poop a little pile for me
Rose Marie, you must keep on pooping
Poop a little pile for me
Rose Marie, my baby.
Wash Those Froggies, Wash Those Froggies,
Dirty Froggies Get Eaten By Moggies.
Don't Be Mean, Get Them Clean
While You Read Your Magazine.
You'll never know how much I gag on peanuts
You'll never know how rotten peanuts are.
Listen.
Do you want to eat a peanut
Do you promise not to heave.
Woh oo Woo oh
Closer.
Let me stuff one in your ear
So that you can hardly hear
I'm in love with Tums oo oo oo oo.
I've eaten peanuts for a week or two
Don't chew them up they come out in your poo
Listen.
Doo Wah Doo. Do you want to eat a peanut
Doo Wah Doo. Do you promise not to heave.
Woh oo Woo oh
Closer.
Doo Wah Doo. Let me stuff one in your ear
Do Wah Doo. So that you can hardly hear
I'm in love with Tums oo oo oo oo
Oo oo oo oo oo.
Babies have been known to crawl
Up to seven hundred feet a day
Better tie a rope tightly around them
Or they'll wind up miles away
Sex burns 360 calories per hour
Who has sex for an hour
Longest for me is seventy-three seconds
Burn more just having a shower
In Finland every Donald Duck comic
Was banned a few decades ago
Betcha can't guess the reason why
He was naked down below
Summer on Uranus lasts 21 years
I'm a-packing my bags as I write
Better not forget the sun tan lotion
My epidermis is pure lily white
From around the age of thirty
Humans begin to shrink
Imagine we lived to a hundred and fifty
We'd be one inch tall methinks
During a normal human life span
Hearts beat more than two billion times
So anything less than that huge number
You're dead so it's time to recline
About 400 different kinds of microbes
Coexist on the human body
They don't even wait for an invitation
Like in-laws I find that shoddy
Only one in two billion people will live
To the age of a hundred and sixteen
Sorry for all you nice folks out there
But I'm the one chosen it seems
Giraffes can clean their ears with their tongue
It's dangerous don't try this at home
You may wind up twisted up like a pretzel
And even break a few bones!
© Jack Ellison 2015
Universal Sea Shanty; or, The Generic Folk Song
Sailing with potatoes
Sailing with potatoes
Sailing with potatoes
The perfect Irish jig.
" Rime of the Ridiculous Mariner "
{warbled to the Merry Tune: Jingle Bells!}
Jingle Bells & Flyin' Hulls
All sheets in so tight~
Yikes Ahoy! There's the ploy!
Sail right through this night!
Run downwind beat to weather
fall off as ye wish~
Set your mizzen up yer main
tops'ls catch all flyin' fish!
All's well in yer cockleshell
if'n yer head be screwed on right~
Ne'er fear horizon's near
as ye sail as though in flight!
Some shall say if they may
yer off yer rocker tonight~
They them are whot's ne'er far
from bein' sunk from sight!
So this I say to them that may
now hold your hands aloft!
Fer if ye think a sieve will sink
yer mind is goin' soft~
A hole is but what a troll doth see
when all is nightly dark~
For they who may shall thusly say
to all a merry Hark!
Plug yer doubts & ne'er pout
for all shall soon be fine~
Break the cask & lift the flask
let's drink up all this wine!
Sail the ship & give the slip
to all that's dark & dull~
Rock & roll fill the bowl
let's sail this mighty hull!
To those who think this rime doth stink..
damn I say to ye~
Try yerself those wines top shelf
& stand so we all may see!
Fer if yer not all outta pot
& ain't fell in the drink~
I'll pipe right down without a frown
& really begin to think!
The smoke will show all such folk
whot's made me mind so daft~
Fer always have me wishes come
of that whot's all abaft!
One day soon shall then I swoon
as knowledge comes to me~
That all me life I've had me wife
around me as the sea!
Now this then is reason 'tis
me sits alone in bed~
Fer last wench was had me heart
we fell so soon apart!
She caught me far below the keel
& spoutin' off me spiel~
I tried me best but failed the test
got caught showin' off me eel!
Now I sail tied to the rail
for all mermaids to see~
He who did dare to bid
for just a moment's glee!
All whot was dear & near
such truly did'st I wish~
But Har! 'Twas sure underrr that keel
she surely was a dish!
Avast! Ye say! 'Tis way too much
all this rime of such~
So shall I agree as with my sea
fer I've had me quite a touch!
I'll leave ye now & point me bow
into a raging wave~
Fer now ye know I'm all a'blow
& naught but sea do crave!
Jingle Bells & Flyin' Hulls
All sheets in so tight~
Yikes Ahoy! There's the ploy!
I'll sail right through this night!
SeaWolf
©
There was an old lady
who lay in the clay
It hardened like concrete
so there she will stay.
If they are staring at you anyway,
do a little soft shoe.
A saint,
checking the book of life,
his name unfound
It's Bloody Ridiculous
It's bloody ridiculous....
Make no mistake, Malaysians are such a complying lot....
We complained about traffic jams, road tolls and blocks...
A nitwit politician suggested waking up early and hitting the roads...
Like any docile citizens, early this morning I was already on the road...
Decided to leave 15 minutes earlier than usual...
Expected to have a leisurely drive to arrive in office much earlier than usual....
It is bloody ridiculous...
There was heavy traffic and I was just another blockhead on the way to work...
Along the drive, there's this litany, How can this be, am I not 15 minutes early...
There should much less traffic, it is only 6.40am, where's everyone going...
It's bloody ridiculous...
So many nitwits on the road, getting up early and rushing off to work...
So many average Joes, waking up early hoping to skip the heavy traffic flow...
I'm sure given a choice many if them woukd be rather at home...
Who wants to be the bigger nitwit, following up on that suggestion from a nitwit politician...
It's bloody ridiculous...
I'm sure all us Average Joes, we would rather be fast asleep snug in our beds...
Now imagine all those casually dressed slippered millionaires...
They are well cocooned, nestled warmly in bed and snoring into the morning air...
Here I am on the road, hoping to beat the traffic jam, never mind the air...
It's bloody ridiculous...