Best Punter Poems

Pulled on the parka, and turned my face to the cold street.
Half running, half slipping, piece of toast hangin' from my mouth..
man oh man am I late...

Two and half blocks south down Jerome to the station..
gotta make the Kingsbridge nine o five. 
Thank the lord...

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Written: October 02, 2023 For Robert James Liguori Contest
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Fervent mishaps start life's biggest wins.
The first crocus shrieks and grins.
A bird's song caused snowflakes to bloom.
Pink, peach, and gold hues in...

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"It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness". By Thomas Jefferson

A place where the zeal of my heart dwells
The appeal of a simple life, as lucid tale tells,
within a framework of some tranquility.
Slower flow and less agony ooze credibility.

A...

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Your body men desire
It fills them full of fire
They want so much
To feel the touch
The gifts you have for hire.

You walk the streets so dark
Your future bleak and stark
You work for bugs
To buy the drugs
That really hit the mark.

Your pimp is a drug dealer
A professional...

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(Victorian artist William Holman Hunt was
both attracted and repelled by his models)

Can we agree that, terrified of sex,
Hunt couldn’t help but hunt it, seek it out?
There doesn’t seem to be a shred of doubt.
He felt his women exercised some hex,
conspiracy throughout the lower decks,
full frontal...

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A nice cruise from New York, I thought

From down by Pier two-one

I thought I'd head to England

For a good old spot of fun

An Ocean trip, some nice fresh air

Eleven days at sea

I thought this would perfect to

Help inspire me

I'd never been to Europe

So I did...

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Present, but not independent, 
Of societal flows, expectations, 
Not understanding sisterhood, 
Out with reachability and love. 

Together with a voice each, 
But screeching sometimes, 
In a soft note or look away, 
Fondling community law. 

Hard for me, but it’s ok, 
As we all exist existentially,...

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Cash makes the world go round, spin
Don't I look like money, that's my twin
Gettin' money, like it's going out of style
I keep throwing it up, like it's bile
Got cash all over me, like it's a rash
You better chase that paper, stack that cash

Start it up...

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Our internet freedoms
Say quotes?
Say Facebook pokes?
Say avatar Say hashtag,
My computer handbag?
Or smishing, dishing or instant phishing?

Our musical freedoms
Say princess of pop?
Say queen of hip hop?
The king of orgasmic rock
Who got writer’s block?
Or the Fab four, the king, say how to sing?

Our gourmet freedoms
Say double whopper...

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Never pass up a good cartoonity                                       ...

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Red Rum was pounding the turf down at Aintree,
Going as fast as any horse can be,
Ginger was there looking on at the side,
And the whole of Liverpool, filled up with pride.

For the third time now, this great horse had won,
The greatest steeplechase under the sun,
At...

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I have a couple of internet Friends in Australia
We like to joke around some, so I wrote them this,
To the tune of "Talk To The Animals"  (Dr. Dolittle)


If I could talk to the Aussies
just imagine it
Babbling to a Bloke, in Blokaneses
Imagine Bantering with Bludgers
Chatting...

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Ballaraat’s known for its bounty of gold,
and the days of Eureka Stockade,
plus winning horses, on racing courses,
where flanks of the horses are flayed.

And the offer of prize is a bountiful one,
for a winner that’s greeting the post.
Contacts can live on the fat of the land,
and...

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Standing near the front of the queue
The boy rehearses his lines
"Just three or four pints"
Over and over again in his head

Focussing on every step
That takes him to the inquisitor
Stray too far to the left or right
And there's no way back

Behind him, the underage drinker
Tries his...

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I’ve made some money,

But she’s made more.

Knock knock!

Another punter at the door.

I slip on my shoes,

Put my lipstick on.

This man is eager,

Again, comes a ‘ding dong’.

He picks me,

I should be happy,

But I have to have sex,

With this vile chappy.

His eyes light up,

As I give him...

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