Best Private Parts Poems
I've constructed a picket fence around me to keep jackanapes out
Through pickets they can see me, but I never allow them to touch
private parts of me I keep concealed, and don't talk about so much
I keep whitewashing my fence, cleansing it from things left in doubt
When my boards become exposed to prying eyes that shouldn't see
I open another bucket of watered-down paint and reach for a brush
to cover the flaws, my faults within, and I am always in such a rush
to whiten and brighten the facade out front. The veneer veiling me.
There is a gate with well-worn hinges, but usually it's kept locked
to prevent invaders who would dare trespass on my every thought
Those who'd despoil my fence with graffiti and rip my boards apart
Hence, one reason why I keep a supply of whitewash well-stocked
I am the prismed reflection of my surroundings, including my fence
where no webs shall arachnids weave within my weathered boards.
I will apply a coat of whitewash to my palisade as the need affords
It is a beachhead between me and crawlers; my penury of defense
Twining around my picketed railings, grows a vine of climbing roses
The virtuous blooms are never cut to prolong each inculpable stem
They shroud malevolent fingers pointed at me that would condemn
I shrive every foible and failing that my whitewashed fence encloses
May 28, 2023
W T F Poetry Contest
Sponsor: John Lawless
Once again, you’re putting out your blinds
It’s this wicked game you play at minds
With the chiseled pot concealed,
My heart’s cards are now revealed.
I’m getting broken down again.
You’ve locked me up into this stain,
And as I try to raise heart’s chase
You lay there still, poker faced.
You force me into this blinding bet
Where no one is allowed to check,
Still you show me all your faces
As your wretched cards take their places.
‘Guess I have to get a grip,
Your words are dealing against my lip.
For they’re begging me to call
And see if I’ve lost my heart at all.
I’m no longer your full (fool) of hearts,
Letting you invade my private parts.
I’ve beseeched for long enough
For you to fall from your discomfited bluff.
You stand as an immortal Ace,
Wounded through my composed face.
Though I never knew it could,
My heart is now lost for good.
© 2009 Stefania Carmen Misaila
"Hello" opposite sex.
Nice to meet.
Please join me
on my summer seat.
Not too close!
A foot apart.
Second date.
Yes we may kiss.
No tongue please.
I'm a proper Miss.
Reach for my bra?
Don't you dare!
I always thought
that you were square.
A month in.
We're going steady.
That does not mean
That I am ready,
for you to touch
my private parts.
That would be
not so smart.
Sex is such
a dirty thing.
If you want it
I want a ring.
Mum and Dad
will be pleased,
to hear you got
down on one knee.
'Neath the Xmas tree.
We all know
Irish men...
How they drink.
Then marching home.
How they stink!
Demanding their
conjugal right.
Us poor women
get a fright,
to behold that
gruesome member.
Baby was born
in September.
A true Nigerian is brave like the Lion,
He is courageous, hospitable and kind.
He never shies away from responsibilities;
In his hearts of heart he controls all within him.
Through faith, he moves without stopping;
Even when there are many road blocks, he conquers.
A true Nigerian is patriotic and loyal,
He is not a gambler nor a fraudester.
He walks to achieve a common goal; unity.
He sees black as black and white as white.
He is the eyes that the country boast of home and abroad when he brings home the glory of love.
A true Nigerian never discriminates among his people.
A true Nigeria is a good leader in his home and country, he sees beyond looting of money and
Embazzlement of public fund in his trust.
A true Nigeria is perfectly perfect in perfection,
He is not dubious as you may think and have in your
Wrongly wronedg mind of mind towards him.
A True Nigerian is never lazy and idle like they say,
He is hardworking, goal driven, dreamer and doer.
He knows his rights and obligations in his society.
A true Nigerian is a true African decorated with an
Unfading black blood in his strongly strong vein.
He is honest, gentle, courageous and easy-going man.
A true Nigerian is a poet because he sees beyond you.
A true Nigerian is holy not fanatic fool in the church.
A true Nigerian believes and hope in the land of his forebears that goodness shall spring out from it.
He is educated, intelligent, world class citizen and
A thunder that strikes to destroy evil among his people.
He looks right into your eyes and tell you tomorrow.
A true Nigerian is a reader not a watcher of event,
He is a researcher, world class entrepreneur.
A true Nigerian obeys the laws of the land,
He is a goal getter among all in the World.
Show me a million succeessful men around the world and; I will show you thousand of Nigerians among them.
We are blessed in many ways, nurished with a talent of gifts; Nigerians are blessed and uplifted.
We believe that If something that was going to chop off your head only knocked off your cap, you should be grateful and when a girl has beauty without Brains, the Private parts suffer the most.
We are Nigerians, we are proudly Nigerians.
(C) John Chizoba Vincent
Is the word “fart” a naughty word
Hope not... I find it cute and giggly
But don't go by me, my mind is a little warped
Words are just words with letters strung together
Strange how any mention of our private parts
Should never be said in public
“Uvula” sounds really naughty
But the dictionary describes it as
“a fleshy extension at the back of the soft palate
That hangs above the throat”
Now if that doesn't sound naughty, I'll eat my shorts!
Here's an old English expression... “bollocks”
Of German origin... related to BALL
And how about “tit”
Again the old dictionary says
“refers to a small New Zealand bird called a “tit”
How can just three innocent letters strung together
Cause little old ladies to titter!
Last but not least we have “dong”
Sounds like a gong as in a bell
So I guess that's where the old expression comes from
“I sure rang his bell!
In closing, I'd like to say this
I had a freaking good time writing this one
But we all know what “freaking” is
It's a sort of polite way of saying
The granddaddy of all swear words
Just seven letters starting with an “f”
It's “farting” of course, what were YOU thinking?
© Jack Ellison 2014
I came from a land of redneck drinkers, who mounted deer heads on walls without sheetrock. It was a simpler time. You shot or hooked what you ate. A wood stove heated the whole house. It ran on bottled propane when wood was scarce. I can still smell the blackening butter and hear the purple-red deer meat sizzling in Gram’s cast-iron fry pan on that day. I can see the knife gash in the imprint of flowers on the homemade butter. Its beauty marred to lather the pan as mine had been. Each day since then, as I knelt on the chair staring past the potted violets toward the house next door, I'd shiver.
whispers
breach the bedroom walls:
chain-locked door
I came from a land where, through a picture perfect window, a little girl could see rows of candy-colored gladiola’s growing beside the home of the neighbor boys. The boys whose Father liked to flash his private parts to little girls. No, this was not the end of the yellow brick road, but the land of bullies, beer, and ******** pedophiles, far from picture perfect.
I met an old prostitute Mary,
Resembling a cow in a dairy:
She lived to make whoopee,
Her udders were droopy,
With private parts smelly and hairy.
14th June for Roy’s Bawdy limericks II contest
I am rather confused...
My wife’s belly is bulging
and it continues to bulge
more and more each day
Granted, I am NOT a doctor
(although I portrayed one on TV)
Thus I offered my diagnosis:
“Dear, I think it is merely a case of gas"
to which she replied 'Kiss my ass!'
At that point, I suspected the worse
She was hallucinating! To my knowledge
she does not own any member of Equidae
Could the gas, having nowhere else to go
penetrated her skull and invaded her brain?
I was convinced that my diagnosis was correct
and this illness had accumulated for quite a while
Her 'private parts’ were quite sensitive and sore
and she refused to have 'relations’ for 22 months
Light bulb! It’s Elephantiasis....
So my friend said his sister was saying her vows
In a low key church ceremony three weeks from now
No parties, no showers, no flowers, no muss
But I thought to myself she deserved a small fuss!
So I planned a surprise that would redden her face
A Bachelorette Party so hot and debase
She would never forget for the rest of her days
That wee bit of naughty before strict married ways.
I invited her over to casually dine
And not knowing her friends, I invited all mine.
I decorated the place with men's private parts
And hired a stripper from "Bachelor of Darts."
She arrived right on time, a quarter past seven
And I found my friend's sis was a slice out of heaven
And that description is not the slightest bit shabby
As his "sister" was a nun from the neighborhood abbey!
I welcomed her whilst I was gesturing frantically
For my friends to hide all that would shame me gigantically
And to their credit they did, even cancelled the stripper
And we dined and chatted til I was feeling quite chipper
We finished the meal, and I went to the loo
When suddenly a scream went up from my crew
I ran to see sister slumped, white as a ghost
And a room full of people hysterical almost
There in front of the nun sat the special dessert
I had ordered before meeting the sweet Sister Gert
It was fully erect, took a long time to make
And for the first time I found myself regretting cake!!!
8/7/2016
For contest "Regretting Cake"
Finalized 8/14/2016
Now for "Take the Dagger from my heart, Please"
Fat or skinny
Short or long
There is no way to go wrong
When their put inside your buns
It becomes a lot of fun
They can squirt stuff from inside
They are moist and sometimes dry
Plumping up when they get hot
They are loved a very lot
You will find women and men
With these in their mouths and then
They will swallow every bit
Of this treats deliciousness
This meaty and tasty treat
Measured in inches and feet
Is enjoyed by one and all
Some are big and others small
This treat that I am speaking of
Is the world famous hot dog
Shame on all your dirty minds
Thinking all my written lines
Were about mens private parts
Laughing I fooled lots and lots
Are you too shy to suck, lick, and touch?
If so, my sexuality may be a bit too much!
Are you insecure in the bed, uncomfortable trying something new?
I love to wake up to morning head, then return the favor on you!
Are you ready to just let go, and indulge in all the taboo?
Just let your sweet nectar overflow, as I ravage every inch of you!
Are you ready to lick me there, and nibble on my bottom lip?
I want us to make love everywhere, so move to the rhythm of my hips.
I crave the melding of our private parts, as we lose all control.
Let us become one beating heart, and offer each other our very souls!
I want you to do things with me, you haven't done with other men.
Let us make love through poetry, and indulge in every sexual sin!
I want us to suck, caress, massage and lick in all the places the sun don't shine.
You can feel the heat of my candlestick, as your voluptuous body is pressed to mine!
As the sweat glistens off my chest, I grip your round backside.
My saliva covers each breast, and you take me on a heavenly ride!
The grinding of your hips, takes my mind on a trip, and I can't take much more.
We both enter that mode, and explode as my fingers linger at your backdoor!
You collapse on top of me, and sex fills the air.
Panting in ecstacy, and I gently squeeze your derriere!
So are you too shy to suck, lick, and touch?
If so, then my sexuality may be a bit too much!!!
The merry men and Robin Hood
Were drinking in the local wood
And roasting harts.*
The meat, they said, was very good;
They even ate, it’s understood,
The private parts.
* deer
For Isaiah’s Robin Hood contest
In Mahayana Buddhism, a bodhisattva is an enlightened person who gives up his personal salvation in order to save all living beings through mercy.
To hear, to ignore the consequences,
to give up everything, to sever ties
with common sense, to go along with senses
which choose the bumpy roads to the skies,
to bare yourself, to strip away enigmas
of body, to expose private parts
of soul and, notwithstanding norms and stigmas,
to answer the last call for lonely hearts.
That’s bodhisattva’s way. It's pretty hard
to answer calls of every lonely heart.
31.10.2019
for contest LAST CALL FOR LONELY HEARTS – COLLABORATION
sponsored by Line Gauthier
(alternately titled one me silly more till manufactured
from go win addle American
non refundable private parts)
each set of twenty three chromosomes
the basic biological building blocks
of life came out cervix
when second hand of analog clocks
barely and scarcely swept across dial,
wrought offspring appearance
as a pier a docks
closely resembling a monkey
perhaps...hmm...
maybe mother mated with a chimp
assimilating chromosomal flox
genetic combination brought about add hocks
viz bouncing baby boy skinny and fair game
as a pluperfect future target for jocks
when I took first gasp of air sputtered
like an old engine that knocks,
now just easing into ma deuce score
and xix year with hair reed locks
twittering, snorting, rattling nonetheless
became precious human dependent
with mat chew anti body mox
see for father and mother
to care despite expelling nox
shuss gas out derriere, which profuse flatulence
natural immunization
kept away infected kids with pox
nicknamed little buttock blaster
now sits in a comfy chair and rocks
reminiscing about boyhood
and a pooch named Socs
who told time applying faux paws vox
like tum make sounds resembling tick tocks
Nowadays every potential mom and dad
disappointed unless offspring(s) feverish follow fad
decreeing qualified as gifted birth of lass or lad
go wing great lengths to prod and push
progeny until a genius to be had
rather tubby thankful and gratefully glad
regaling robust surprise
packaged traits of yore
inheriting genetics descended
when early apes did de tour
terrestrial virgin earth
anatomically complete store
reed awesomely astounding miracle from spore
sized fertilized ovum (healthy
and sound baby boy or girl) hood roar
if lionized, which feline bellow mew might mean
change my dye ya pore
and pamper me sum more
gnome hatter wailing mama or papa ignore
thence nurturing baby pipes por favor
kinship knits omnipotent bond evermore
where tis instinctual to adore.
Anatomy's a bugaboo
But dreaming is not a taboo!
There is something under
Your clothes--so no wonder
I've thought of things I like to do
Author's note: This is about private parts. We usually keep these to ourself, but the ideas we have are there and cannot be purged from our bed. However, it's not great to brag or make rating lists public. A lesson for the Donald and the Harvard mens' soccer team. What turkeys!!