Best Pretentiously Poems
You, who are so perfect in my eyes, so beautiful- adorable, and I, so flawed, ugly, damaged and crawling with defects; why do you enjoy my company?
You, who are so sleek and slender, humming with a quiet intellect and a serenity about you, and I, so grossly overweight and pretentiously boastful and nervous; how can you abide my company?
You, who are a paragon of patience, so understanding and self-assured, and I, so insanely impulsive, so myopic and brimming with self-doubt; how do you stand my company?
You, who are so sweet, so considerably kind, so thoughtful and generous, and I, so bitter, so selfish, so self-absorbed; why do you choose my company?
You, who are so self-composed, full of self-control, so sound and stable, and I, so very neurotic, so completely compulsive and verily volatile; how can you tolerate my company?
You, who are so diligent, so driven and ambitious, so achieving, and I, so lackadaisically lazy, so uninspired, so complacent; why do you settle for my company?
You, who are ethical, so moral, so very virtuous, and I, so corrupt, so unprincipled, so wholly wicked; how can you endure my company?
You, who are so normal, so well-adjusted, so conventional, and I, so maniacal, so unbalanced and irrational; why do you condone my company?
You, who are bubbling with charm, who loves unconditionally and is absolutely accepting, and I, boiling with rage, fueled by misanthropy and incredibly intolerant; how can you welcome my company?
That you love and accept me for who and what I am, is a treasure beyond measure. I cherish your company, but why you cherish mine is something I cannot fathom. All I know is that I love you, my dear, beloved friend.
**This was written for two very dear friends: Karen and Tommy :)
***I also love palindromes ;)
*****FREE VERSE OLD AND NEW ENTRY
'Course as a grim teller of tall tales,
(albeit poetic) reasonable rhyming
quasi roundelay I readily admitted to feign
cuz, stringing words together with
pride and prejudice plus
sense and sensibility, jocularity,
and conformity I dissed deign
(spoiler alert) iamb, trochaic,
dactylic, and anapestic metrical reign
jest your ordinary garden variety
dollar short day late dime a dozen
penniless citizen banker Abel and Cain,
yet mine mean mien blithely, daringly,
fatuously, ludicrously, nauseatingly,
pretentiously playfully urbane
many (if not all readers)
will coon sitter
yours truly harmlessly insane,
whose feeble attempts
to wax and wane
oft times falls flat (splat goes Matt)
as if dropped out plane,
without a parachute
instantly recuperating while lain
supine (winded, but...
none the worse) asthma brain
suffers concussion, confusion, contusion
actually, immediately, and unexpectedly
knocked fluent German speaking ability
within germane guy verständlich?
If ye really comprehend
trademark non Turkish gobbledygook
then explain (using
language of least familiarity),
but best to commence
with eye catching hook
impossible mission
apt lit pupils (mine)
to evade even momentarily
riveting, spellbinding,
and transfixing look
courtesy ingenious way
with word ye snook
cored me and took
wind out my sails.
Nor could I breakaway courtesy automobile,
cuz 2009 Hyundai Sonata
would not start... yea for real,
thus finding me ready to yoke
neck (think gibbet) each heel
dangling as body goes limp
blessedly, finally, happily
ridding me of any/all hangups,
one less goo goo gaga born this way
poker face cards for him to deal.
UNGABLUZUM describes this schlemiel!
She looked shyly at him from behind her menu
His eyes were a baby blue that sent chills
Through her whole body; she could melt right here
And have that waitress he’s talking to mop her up
Typical Barbie doll type with an pretentiously
Effervescent personality that makes you want to
Roll your eyes and scoff--The environment they
Were in was a hustle and bustle type of place
Where time waits for no man...as soon as people
Were done eating, they were cleared out and
Another party was ushered in
“It is essential to business that you eat,
Order and then leave.” The Barbie Doll waitress’
Nasal twang only served as a catalyst for
Her frustration--She kept peering over her
Menu at the Adonis that kept her enraptured
“Well Honey, what’s it gonna be?”
Barbie’s voice oozed of impatience
Not taking her eyes off The Gorgeous One,
She replied softly, “I need more time.”
Barbie’s demeanor escalated from
Impatience to hysterical--“More time!
Honey, you gotta order, or you gotta go!”
As the hand went to the waist
And the hip thrusted out.
Now she had enough of this witch and her
Attitude---Why couldn’t she just go somewhere
Nice to eat and be able to enjoy the view?
“No, I don’t gotta go---You do! She exclaimed
As she stood up, knocking her bag to the floor;
Menu flailing back and forth
You are SO nasty, why would I want to eat
Here? You probably SPIT in the food!”
The waitress stood back, aghast
What evolved next was most of the patrons
Getting up and leaving; unpaid checks and
Half-eaten plates the fallout of this outburst
The owner, who tried to assure people there was
No saliva in the food, bellowed for the waitress
To get into his office while the rest of the staff
Scurried around trying to recover from the
Losses they incurred
As she took a deep breath, picked up her
Bag and her dignity, The Gorgeous One
Came from behind, put his arm around her
And smiled
“That was the greatest thing I ever saw,
He said as his eyes shone intensely on her
What’s your number?” And she felt like a
Rocket flying to the Moon
Elation to go.........with a side order of
Breathless
The Whisper of Love
The mild spring wind whispered: I love you and stroked
my face… but then it clouded over the wind hoarsely
shouted: I love you. I fled indoors but it howled nonstop
by the French window: I love you, and I held my hands
against ears as not hear.
Angrily I hollered back: go away I never cared for you,
your obsessive love is too much to bear, strangling me.
But I tell not truth, sweet Marilyn, I love you more now
than before; the wind became a mild zephyr and said:
I know, I know my darling.
The almond tree said: I thought it was me you loved,
my flowers you admire. But you are deflowered now.
I said. This is the rudest thing I ever heard said the oak
and shook it crown so sadly that a crow family fell out.
and cawed crossly at me.
Don´t you get I said I love you all you´re nature the air
that I breathe the food I eat and the grass I walk on.
But the olive tree spoilt my words by pretentiously
saying: one, who loves all, loves no one, and eastward
the crow family flew.
There are places out in space
that beg the question of why,
abiding where dreams embrace
our infinite inner sky.
Stargazers pay attention
to sidereal pathways,
tracing every dimension,
some using astral math ways.
Scientists study each fact
and what their instruments find
of astronomic impact
in terms of matter and mind.
The poets wordily lithe
of celestial wonders sing
with lofty spirits and blithe
as upward their fancies wing.
Throughout human death and birth
we’ve gazed at the heavens awed
while creating hell on earth
through cause and effect that’s flawed.
We see not with precision
through mortal perceptions, but
with illusory vision
pretentiously say what’s what.
And yet, if the truth be told,
in our braggadocio
of verities we behold,
how little we truly know!
There are dreams beyond our dreams
that fly in the face of fear,
where all is more than it seems
to casual eye and ear.
In evolution stellar
a flash was observed in view
from dying cosmic dweller
that brought it to life anew…
If stars come back from the dead
reborn in a blaze of light,
who knows what might lie ahead
beyond our limited sight?
~ Harley White
* * * * * * * * *
Inspiration for poem derived from article with image ~ "Astronomers observe star reborn in a flash"…
"An international team of astronomers using Hubble have been able to study stellar evolution in real time. Over a period of 30 years dramatic increases in the temperature of the star SAO 244567 have been observed. Now the star is cooling again, having been reborn into an earlier phase of stellar evolution. This makes it the first reborn star to have been observed during both the heating and cooling stages of rebirth."
She looked at the words his eyes whispered
They were so much more louder
Than his voice
He struggled to explain
The confusion he felt on the inside
But his eyes took the echo of chaos
Gave it a name and painted it on a canvas
I am sure he didn’t recognise the emotions
Men are taught to conceal them from the world
At times that is what makes them so pretentiously harsh
He didn’t know how to respond
When she displayed love in areas
Where hate was his example
That didn’t deter her from showing love
She could not force something she didn’t embrace
He had to learn to love as it was all she demonstrated
Her plan was never to change him
It was just to show him the difference
In the end she wanted him to love himself
Before she ever brought her feelings into it
@181020161401
Smart and Wise
He says she’s smart
She says he’s wise
Are they one of a part?
Or just talking in soliloquy
Em smart I am not
Bad choice of word
I am from the common lot
Just a little wayward
Em wise you can’t be
That makes two of us
I lost you and you lost me
Em uncanny impasse
“Smart” overly misused?
Or just misunderstood
“Wise” indiscriminately abused?
Or just a stupid gobbledygook
Two simple words
Pretentiously complex
But they are not that *****
Don’t be fooled or perplex
Those two words easy to say
But it sure hurts to hear
People use them everyday
With no clue or any idea
Ah, there you go again
Don’t agree with what I say
I tell you I am not insane
Don’t you understand; it’s so plain
Smart and wise
Two greatest taboo
Like triad and vice
They must be abhor
Smart and wise
Not words of truth
Both words encapsulate lies
Beguile and must be loathed
Smart and wise
They cause me much pain
I hope everyone will realize
And stop using them ever again
Jit J. Lom
Street Lawyer
Singapore
14 Feb 2009
2:49am
True feelings concealed craftily
beneath the saccharine sheathe,
toxic fantasy of self items fostered
by the colors of chameleon skin.
Sprawling spurious emotions,
pretentiously paraded skillfully,
away from the edge of reason,
epitomize the camouflaged ego.
____________
May 29, 2022
Contest : Sentimentality
Sponsored by : Julia Ward
seminal squirt didst sanctify
an anonymous boulder
when mercury dipped below
hashtag mark registering colder
than usual temperatures circa
winter of year 2000 in proximity
to the sacred chapel
at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania
(house zing carillon player)
rifling thru manilla folder
first inn search of apropos
mailer daemon organ muse sic,
thence finely pitted secretly riddled with holes
encoded sheet threaded thru bell jar contrivance
sans, handy dandy mechanical holder
to accompany prurient powerful phallic pang
bubbling (like the dick kens), and didst smolder
especially, cuz a free ranging
NON GMO, puss in boots
hello kitty sauntered
(emanating pheromone heat
hand dill lee pronouncing feral passe faux foots),
dripping, seething with hormonal secretion
uttered via vow welled roots
gluten and monosodiumglutinate free pussy
hapt tabby on the prowl ready
for par laid view penile piqued Saint Peter
to enter heavenly labial shoots
rather than suffer frost bite
the above mew wing tigress attempted
to keep toasty warm
('thou minuscule tunnel
lacked add dick quit light)
prickly endowment fired
raging testosterone
with braggadocio, brio, bravura and might
owing pretentiously pusillanimous feline
fur reed black as night
hood hit attempt to cap cha moxie orgasmic
thus ensuing a mutually satisfactory plight
until a park ranger back his utility truck
than gregarious, felicitous, erogenous
then quick as greased lightening
horny creatures disappeared out ta sight.
I suppose,
as a pretentiously self-uberespecting Wise Elder,
I should be alpha-embarrassed to admit
my youngest son,
unable to speak or even sign,
unable to even successfully chew and swallow food,
unable to walk without warm-embraced assistance,
is also my guardian angel.
Without him
I would undoubtedly forget
each day and night
is a re-newing challenge
to laugh with others' screeching terrors
and shared miseries of sobbing tragedy,
to listen patiently,
maintaining eye contact as best you can,
as long as necessary,
appearing to actually be interested and following,
or, even better,
actually become totally immersed in hearing
resonance and dissonance and timbre,
resolution and irresolution,
rhythm and patterns of song and dancing relationship
and absence of healthy co-relationship,
all before we speak,
or squawk,
as in the case of my guardian angel,
Who also occasionally graces us with shared laughter
about how silly we all are together,
or how great the front porch breeze feels
up against the birdsong.
My nearly egoless zero-sum WinWin mentor,
my youngest sacred graced perfection son.
How would I ever have survived his sister,
who is my Egyptian Princess AlphaPharoah BiPolar *****,
in a kind of a Nubian DiPolar Witchy Wu-Wei,
if you know what I mean.
Kind of like living with a five-year-old Donald Trump
if he were also a fifteen-year-old transexual
with bipolar oppositional ***** disorder.
I just read that to my guardian angel.
He didn't think that was funny,
so I thought I would share it with you,
while he's still listening,
in his guardian angel graced way.
We each take only what we yang and yin need
and do our best to cooperatively re-invest
all of it,
including the ecopolitical ****.
The flood waters have receded
The turbulent winds have calmed down
Most of the monsters have been slayed
Things are civil, for the most part, in our small towns
We’ve risen from complete chaos to somewhat order
Many great men have fought and died
Women have raised our children
Therefore, modernity thrives
Yet there's a storm brewing
A confusing unrest deep inside
Ancient drives are still present
Regardless of the simplicity of our lives
Ironically, the good life has become quite unbearable
The ease of life is killing our soul
We look for help toward the Heavens
Completely unaware of the dyer neurological toll
We've traded objective facts for subjective opinions
We chosen feelings over truths
We’re fat and broken
Full of regrets from the sins of our youth
We’re scared of dying
Yet we've wasted most of our precious years
We’re preoccupied
A fragile species crippled with fear
Like an arrogant frog boiling in water
We've proudly ignored all the signs
We distract ourselves with pleasure
Indulging pretentiously on exquisite foods and fine wines
The irony of evolution
Our cognitive strength has led to our demise
Our desperate attempt to conquer all of life's suffering
Has turned out to be the true devil in disguise
I can't breathe
When I see humans defending
Their meaningless arrogance,
Torturing the vulnerable
With their destructive powers
Merely to be able to appoint themselves
As the supposed winners!
I can't breathe
When I read of animals or even humans
Being killed in cruel ways
Either by being fed with explosives
Or by being raped at immature ages
Thereby making of life on Earth
A real tragedy, more so,
Since, the perpetrators
Are none other than humans themselves!
I can't breathe
Whether am on land or in chin deep waters
As the dirt amassed
Is suffocating me
Being reflected in the eyes of those
Who sneer at me
Mocking my questionings and my purity
And spitting at me venom, potent enough
To have me shed tears of blood!
I can't breathe, and
Neither can Earth
Nor can the Gods
What was initially sculpted to be a fallen Heaven
Has turned out to be filthier
Than Hell
Even if the same essence animates us all,
The same blood runs through us all
And our bodies react the same
When faced either with the new virus
Or with the whims of Death!
I can't breathe
Divided we are, each pretentiously standing
On the lines that ground us to those
Who are like us,
But, each of us, hiding in our hearts,
The monster of Selfishness, ready to
Kill and maim those who hinder us on
Our paths!
I can't breathe
But I can join my hands
And pray
To ask that the Gods
Open their eyes and allow us all
Some means to save our souls!
Handle It!
and thus the dirty hands crept ever close
searching for neither penny nor for pound
kept down by those of class who never rose
above the station birth to them had bound.
cold eyes that deign to gaze upon such need
immune to all the vagaries of life
hard hearts that clutch despair within their greed
pretentiously saluting drum and fife
soft hands of kneaded dough and watered soup
thin sliced bread spread liberally with love
scrapes pots bottom in hope of one more scoop
gentle lights, empty plates, no parting hugs
proud hands that hold the secrets of our wars
patrol the night lest we might see our flaws
11/18/2016
submitted to – Sonnet - Poetry contest
pretentiously lame
altruistically tame
boringly aflame
creativity a shame
dull tanka ends much the same
Bite Size Poem no.37 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Line Gauthier
HMS 5/7/5/7/7
22/02/22
Bawdy tales of dreams and secret memories
their superficial veil infused with gossip sleeze
its curious listeners deemed pretentiously deaf to what they mean?
Absorbed in superficial greed,the auction proceeds
quick tempered and tastelessly naughty
laced in gemed jewelry,outrageously expensive and gaudy
pretty things they dare not buy
yet the material persuades the curious unwise
there true meaning hidden from naked eyes
blind from envy and superficial curiosity
its tacky admirers gossip obnoxiously
Deathly bored...animals sacrificed
the blood and gore offered to each invite
animal rights activists,morbidly disturbed
paint fake animal blood on imported furs
there inclusion in fashion's everlasting
Curious auctioners whisperly asking
if blood dyed furs and tawed thrift leather furniture
that match with pastel carpet floors
would clash with Euro imported decor
their timeless pleasures appropriate whenever adored
their presence not for charitable cause
nor gifts from philantrophists
yet obviously tawdry gifts for the senseless rich
Gold fastened embroidered silk and satin
Euro rennassaince paintings and pottery,
jewelry made of African elephant ivory
embraced by burnished gold,diamonds and gemstones,
mined on distant planets unknown,
Carrara marble sculptures from Rome,
offering endless antiques from ancient Greece
and artifacts of ancient kings made from carnelian and lapis
obsidian,quartz and gold
Every item presented sold
Yet amidst the ancient gifts,
the artificial persuades superficial slaves
to tacky taste is careless material waist