Best Poop Poems
My turds float like choc’late marshamallows
Just lurking about in the shallows
I guess that my butt
Is truly kaput
So doctor suggests bitter aloes
I questioned such treatment regime
Doc said it may keep my butt clean
Aloe on my finger
Won’t cause me to linger
And floaters will look like whipped cream
Doc chuckled and said “Listen here
Your floaters are nothing to fear”
Poop floats cos you’ve gas
Which is passed through your ass
No treatment’s required my dear.
DISCLAIMER - THIS IS NO REFLECTION ON THE STATE OF MY BOWELS JUST NEEDED A LITTLE LIGHTHEARTED RELIEF AFTER A VERY CHALLENGING WEEK
A poet - some deem that I’m not
I write about farting and snot
Won’t be driven away
I am here to stay
Of critics, I don’t give a jot
3/21/19
Some numpty bad mouthed my soup style
I’ve taken a break for a while
But I won't be deterred
From writing about turd
And subjects some others deem vile
I’m producing book number two
It contains some poems on poo
Foul flatus departing
Old codgers rank farting
And my pet hate vile doggy doo!
I post my poems on poetry soup
About farting and guys with brewer’s droop
I’ve been given a crown
And I won’t let Flo down
Be assured I’ll keep on posting my poop!
Posted in conjunction with my blog about my amazing gifts from F J Thomas
25th January 2017
Rhymes of Viagra and Poop
Our Jan will serve the real scoop
If fun is your thing
She knows what to bring
Your lips will smile and not droop
She is our humorous Queen
Displays the heart of a teen
She's funny and nice
She adds the right spice
A sweeter girl....I've not seen!!!
So, Jan, here's looking at you
For me, you chased away blue
You are a real friend
Stay true to the end
You make my heart feel brand new
Eileen Manassian
Jan....thanks for being such a sweetie pie. You've always been there for me!!!
Hugs
Looking up into the sky
a bird pooped in my eye
as it was flying overhead
causing me to see red
It was warm and soggy
making me feel queasy
I scurried into the house
like an upset little mouse
I headed for the kitchen sink
and got there in a blink
Using the faucet spout
I tried to flush it out
When it was expelled
it had a funny smell
and the sink water
had a dirty colour
So when a bird is flying overhead
keep your head down instead
Do not look up into the sky
or you may get poop in your eye
Behavior perfect
Deep cold snow how can she poop
My small dog Kissy
If my dog could talk
I try to understand her
She drown in the snow
18.01.2016
A-L Andresen :)
Poop is a smelly thing
poop is far from clean
when I poop, I poop on the pot
when I poop, I poop a lot
It's big and brown and looks like gravy
gosh it feels like I just had a baby
It's runny and smooshy , and really gross
In my family, mine smells the most.
I think I'm finished
I think I'm done
oh my goodness
it's beginning to run
oh no, this won't be fun.
Wipe and flush, I'm on the run
to play outside in the sun.
But in the yard, hiding low
I think my dog had to go
dog poo on the ground
dog poo all around
dog poo is smelly too
dog poo is on my shoe.
Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink
Or smelled like a dozen red roses
Beautiful music was heard when we tooted
There'd be no need for holding noses
We'd relish the thought of soiling our whites
To show off a new shade of pink
And proud to fart Ludwig's Fifth Symphony
While sitting on the throne by the sink
It can possibly be construed as a bit unusual
To be writing a poem about poop
But pink poop deserves special recognition
So let's all just let out a big whoop!
Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink
And smelled to high heaven of roses
We'd be so proud of our load of pink magic
There'd be no need for holding noses
© Jack Ellison 2013
What if I told you things aren't
what they used to be.
What if I told you clichés
are not always "for the birds"
That the Clichés cling for
a reason and have clung long.
Show me your truth sandwich;
What ingredients did you use?
Smoked lunch meat and cheese
Did you eat that, digest that?
What if I told you cheese is plastic
And ain't what it used to be?
And chicken feed ain't, flies and grain
But Plastic and GMO corn instead.
Don't feed the pigeons, says the sign.
But we don't eat the pigeons here.
So we feed them, and they eat
bits of truth that we now turn down,
Pigeons fly around downtown,
Without true food, without the truth.
Show me your truth sandwich;
What ingredients did you use?
Peanut butter and Bananas?
Pigeons spread disease in excrement
With bits of nontruth, splattered all over;
Making a point about the truth the whole truth
and nothing but the moot truth “So help you, Hanna"?
Cliché' may be our only reality, because little truths
matter, relevance should never be Obsolete.
Big or small, the truth must massively
Combust into big explosions of honesty.
If you should turn your back on truth
You will be face to face with a lie.
The truth needs to matter again
Or nothing else will.
I once knew a poet named Jan
She writes when sitting on the can
Some people here at soup
Think her poems are poop
Not everyone is a Jan fan!
Contest: Sensitive Community
Sponsor Skat (but a PD contest)
02~24~16
She once wrote a poem on POOP,
and one on men's parts that would droop!
Some think she is crass,
but this British lass
on humor has got the REAL SCOOP!!!
For Jan's Limerick Contest
February 21, 2015
A poet posted a verse on Soup
Receiving praise from those in the loop
But Vegemite spread
To Cunningham's dread
So Jan reported the latest poop
No pushing or breaking of water
It was a c-section that brought her
But this is about
What wouldn’t come out
A poop just as big as my daughter!
Perhaps it was pain medication
To clog up and cause constipation
Nurse said I must show
They won’t let me go
Till poop- there it is- defecation!
Determined, I pulled an all-nighter.
That turd was a hell of a fighter.
And then with my tush,
Turns out I did push!
And poof! I was seven pounds lighter!
Dear Jan, I hope you enjoy :)
THE RHYMING QUEEN OF POOP
Jan sits on her throne singing
Ting-a-ling tinkling
Wrapping TP ‘round and ‘round
Hoping solids come unbound
Queen of Poop’s puckered up
But happily she rhymes whilst a back-up
Yet relief emanates with a ka-boom
And an ah-ha whisked away with TP broom.