Best Muffet Poems

Said contrary and crabby Miss Muffet
“Hey eight-legs! Kiss my bare Tuffet!” 
From above and beyond, Charlotte dropped a fine line
And bit the old bag where the sun doesn’t shine…

For Andrea’s clerihew contest...

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Little Miss Muffet

             (Modern Version)

      Little Miss Muffit sat on her tushy
      Eating her curds and whey.
      A...

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Miss Muffet


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
After coming home from the pub

When up came a spider
And sat down beside her
So she smashed it to bits with a club

Now Caroline wouldn’t use
Wouldn’t deign to let loose
With a club - ‘cause she isn’t so thick

And it was...

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Old Mother Goose
Frankly speaking was rather loose
The neighborhood was shocked and all in a dander
When she had a brief affair with a well-feathered Gander

When the news reached Jack and Jill
They took that tumble down the hill
Poor Jill lost her drawers and good gracious alive!
Little Jack...

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‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it....

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When Little Miss Muffet 
first visited buffets,
she’d choose simple entrees,
cottage cheese

Until one day in line
a grand gourmand spied her.
He advised some cider
and egg foo young.

Now I'm the frightened one;
ev'ry night of the week
new gourmet food they seek.
They're off the grid. 

Heard they ran away to...

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Little Miss Muffet
Sat listening to Jimmy Buffet
While eating some crud that
made her sway...
Along came a spider
A notorious derider
And here's what he had to say
"Hey, Chickee, come visit my web site!"
At that she made her day...
She "clocked" the "mother"
Like no other
Sometimes things just
turn out that way....

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Little Miss Muffet loved her curds and whey,  
give me a box of cereal with cold milk and I will be on my way.  
Along came a spider,  
I bet they did not bring a glass of cider.  
Little Miss Muffet...

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Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
       Muffet found bike rider
       who called himself Spider
 and, after curds, he and she sped a-whey

May 12, 2023
...

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Mrs. Muffet sat on her tuffet
And complained it was too small
The spider beside  her lauged and said
"You're just wider, that's all"
So Mrs. Muffet got off her tuffet
And knocked that spider off the wall
Then she got a bigger tuffet, 
A new box of Twinkies
And promptly...

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Let me tell you bout Little Miss Muffet
Why she constantly sat on a tuffet
She was fooling around
With Wee Willie in town
And Wee Willie really did rough it...

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Hey diddle diddle
We poets that fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
She still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
Like little Miss Muffet, 
Laurie Ginn on her tuffet
Brings smiles with each comment she's made
Collecting her wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would...

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I write to you, dear Miss Muffet,
who once sat upon a tuffet.
It was sixty long years ago,
when your story, then, was told.
Unfortunate details would unfold 
as a spider's yarn unrolled, 
if you don't mind my saying so.

It's sad to know you were afraid,
on that tuffet...

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Ok, that's about all I can say
That's the only truth to this story
The rest really happend this way

Muffet was only her nickname
Those who knew her called her, Myrtle
And the spider wasn't a spider at all
But a metalic invisible turtle

You...

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Ms. Muffet won’t lift off her tuffet.
Cream puffs and cheetos won’t help.
A spider is beside the point…

3/17/2020...

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