Best Muffet Poems
Said contrary and crabby Miss Muffet
“Hey eight-legs! Kiss my bare Tuffet!”
From above and beyond, Charlotte dropped a fine line
And bit the old bag where the sun doesn’t shine…
For Andrea’s clerihew contest
Little Miss Muffet
(Modern Version)
Little Miss Muffit sat on her tushy
Eating her curds and whey.
A great big spider sat down beside her
And was killed by a pesticide spray.
Barry Stebbings
18/6/2916
(Not really in favour of killing spiders)
Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
After coming home from the pub
When up came a spider
And sat down beside her
So she smashed it to bits with a club
Now Caroline wouldn’t use
Wouldn’t deign to let loose
With a club - ‘cause she isn’t so thick
And it was not just a thump
No despatch with a bump
But sure death by a huge hockey stick!!!
Old Mother Goose
Frankly speaking was rather loose
The neighborhood was shocked and all in a dander
When she had a brief affair with a well-feathered Gander
When the news reached Jack and Jill
They took that tumble down the hill
Poor Jill lost her drawers and good gracious alive!
Little Jack got a rise in his tattered Levis...
‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it.
When Little Miss Muffet
first visited buffets,
she’d choose simple entrees,
cottage cheese
Until one day in line
a grand gourmand spied her.
He advised some cider
and egg foo young.
Now I'm the frightened one;
ev'ry night of the week
new gourmet food they seek.
They're off the grid.
Heard they ran away to
far-off Cambodia
where fried tarantula
are tasty treats.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat listening to Jimmy Buffet
While eating some crud that
made her sway...
Along came a spider
A notorious derider
And here's what he had to say
"Hey, Chickee, come visit my web site!"
At that she made her day...
She "clocked" the "mother"
Like no other
Sometimes things just
turn out that way.
Little Miss Muffet loved her curds and whey,
give me a box of cereal with cold milk and I will be on my way.
Along came a spider,
I bet they did not bring a glass of cider.
Little Miss Muffet should pick her friends better,
how about getting an English Setter.
Be careful who your friends are,
or you will not go very far.
Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
Muffet found bike rider
who called himself Spider
and, after curds, he and she sped a-whey
May 12, 2023
Mrs. Muffet sat on her tuffet
And complained it was too small
The spider beside her lauged and said
"You're just wider, that's all"
So Mrs. Muffet got off her tuffet
And knocked that spider off the wall
Then she got a bigger tuffet,
A new box of Twinkies
And promptly ate them all
Hey diddle diddle
We poets that fiddle
With poems that jump over the moon.
But sometimes we blunder
She still claps like thunder
And soon we are smiling a tune.
Like little Miss Muffet,
Laurie Ginn on her tuffet
Brings smiles with each comment she's made
Collecting her wits,
With humorous bits
Jay Leno would gladly have paid
To have her write jokes
And cheer all the folks
Who stay up by light of the moon
Even little dogs laugh,
While the rest of us grin
You're a darling, we love you! ... Ms Ginn
I write to you, dear Miss Muffet,
who once sat upon a tuffet.
It was sixty long years ago,
when your story, then, was told.
Unfortunate details would unfold
as a spider's yarn unrolled,
if you don't mind my saying so.
It's sad to know you were afraid,
on that tuffet seat where you stayed.
When I was just a child -
and you were a child (like Annebel Lee)
and for three score years it's seemed to me
that you and I were meant to be,
had fate upon me smiled.
Six decades I've had to rough it,
wondering what is a tuffet,
and wishing things went better.
While dreaming of your rose-cheeked face,
I've not heard from you a trace.
Your memory I can't erase,
so, I'm sending you this letter.
It's here that I must confess,
my ardor, I can't suppress.
In the tub, I saw you,
with a thousand adoring eyes.
I was on your boat that did capsize,
as you would not hear my cries.
Can't you ever love me too?
I'm supposing the question begs,
is it wrong to have so many legs?
I could be a good provider.
How I would love to slowly trace
the outlines of your silky lace.
Could you be open and embrace,
someone of the arachnid race?
Awaiting your reply from my ceiling place,
yours, lovingly, "A Spider".
Let me tell you bout Little Miss Muffet
Why she constantly sat on a tuffet
She was fooling around
With Wee Willie in town
And Wee Willie really did rough it
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Ok, that's about all I can say
That's the only truth to this story
The rest really happend this way
Muffet was only her nickname
Those who knew her called her, Myrtle
And the spider wasn't a spider at all
But a metalic invisible turtle
You see, Muffet had problems, everyone knew
This girl, had seen things forever
And anywhere that muffet would go
Somehow, they were always together
They tried everything, but nothing would help
They even bought her a cat
But it wasn't too long, that cat disappeared
And no one knows where it's at
They took her to fancy doctors
But nothing helped, none, knew what to say
Then, finally, they had a suggestion
That would send her turtle away
What if everyone pretended
That the turtle she saw was real
Would she think the whole town was crazy
How would that make Muffet feel?
So, the metalic invisible turtle
That caused people to always complain
Is now a part of of their everyday life
But now the whole town is insane
With her tiny tummy rumbling, she stood quaking in the wood that surrounded her dear father's dairy farm. The white, porcelain bowl and the silver spoon lay on the ground, along with her scrumptious cottage cheese. So hungry was she, and that black, furry arachnid was still giggling, dangling above her tufted chair. She felt a tantrum coming on. She was so mad with hunger. Little Molly stamped her feet and stormed back to her cushioned seat, and ate that mean, old tarantula up!
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.