Best Ker Poems
Summer’s sweetest natural dessert
Presented itself to me in the form of a
Large seeded watermelon that
I found by chance at a local food stand.
Thrilled was I to see such a perfect specimen!
Wide, round, and green,
It had a yellowish underside and those “bee stings”
Desired by people who search for the tastiest melons
Every year when that marvelous fruit is in season.
On my arrival home, I stumbled and dropped that luscious melon.
Pulp of red juiciness splattered all over the driveway -
Effectively destroying the whole thing as it went KER-SPLAT,
Never to be enjoyed by my expected dinner guests that evening!
June 10, 2022
For Edward Ibeh's This Or That, Vol 12 Poetry Contest
Title chosen: Split Wide Open
The well is dry hear the bucket sound
As its metal hits the dry ground
From the windless let way down
No ker-splash was there found
Dip the pen in ink
Far did it sink
So so far
Dry, dry
Clink
this noisy head i live in
it just never quiets down
theres some motherf#@ker screaming at two am
about some unpaid bills or parking tickets
and some other idiot going on and on about some girl that left
somebody is allways throwing trash out in the common area
little bits of some ancient relationship
small parts of some old mystery
just want to tell em all ''will you all please shut up"
stop that godawful freakin racket
some fool on the roof shouting poetry just when your drifting off to sleep
another idiot in the basement throwing monkey wrenches in the works
always somebody causing some kind of ruckus
just want to scream
"can we PLEASE get some peace and quiet for five minuets"
this crazy head i live in
i want to move
to some nice quiet country house
where you never hear a sound
peaceful with birds chirping
where i can get some rest
not this confounded noisy head i live in
not this apartment building of lunatics i call a mind
Wildlife 9
An amazingly ugly gnu,
Once stopped on the plains for a poo,
A lion went past
And was almost aghast
So he ran off whilst yelling "Ker....phew"!
Like a welcome Summer rain, humor may suddenly
cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
—Langston Hughes
RAINING IN SUMMER
The little teapot leaned over, steam pours out,
sizzles on the pavement. Trickles, sprinkles,
waters the subsidiary gardens that sprout -
those pointed out by a grandson. My wrinkles
curve up as the rain skillfully waters my willow,
my patch of roses and lilies, scattered and rare.
With Summer storm, I ruminate on a long time ago.
This grand-generation of blessing, not yet a prayer.
Drip…drop…splosh! The hope of the window pane.
We dream, as the outburst streams down to spill
our dreams, like seeds giving more than the mundane.
God saturates our lives with more than we will.
It’s raining Summer all over this land of honey-wheat.
Though droll and gray, a grateful soak gifts a sun rise.
My flower petals, leaves and boughs bathed in heat
and nourishing drink, replenishing the owls, and other wise.
Ker-splash, the puddles of inky-mud, stain the shins,
leave me, us, them, refreshed and sodden with grins.
There once was a sneeze named “Ker-chew”
His cousin next door was named “Flu”
He found "cold" in the hallway,
And threw up on the walkway,
I do hope he doesn’t find you!
~written for Gwendolyn's challenge~
It seems the ring so sparkly, caught the eye
of some observer, stopping in to talk
the time I took to pray, no more a balk
about God's reason, yet I knew the walk!
The ring was gone ~ the visitor's compel
was just to steal my precious place of tell
engagement has a message, not a spell,
the years were growing on ~ the friendship . . knell!
I kept the rock for every venture then
and still had faith, that God would feel my yen
and finally God spoke ~ a "go there" call
the rock and I complied ~ just leave it all!
In kindness, in that interlude's recall
God spoke ~ "Someday, the rock will also go"
He meant, the pain and hardship, reconcile
to serving in whole Faith ~ no regret, well!
My new encounter ~ challenges e'er mount
'til one day, just a rock, I felt a swell
and to the River I now went, walking with pride
and tossed the Rock ~ so lifeless ~ hearing tide!
Ker-plunk ~ and waves that came to meet my eye
God had his reason ~ for my life's comply
in that same spot ~ Missouri River bend
would meet and love, and love ~ again, again!
No more the reckless yearning of the Soul
the sunrise had tomorrow, a new goal
how awesome is the power God gives to Love
and from His giving ~ leadership acquit!
Each term relationship ~ wanting to fit
to that resolving Glory . . . true love's writ!
Note ~ A true story ~ In that same spot, years later, I would write and format
the cover for a book of Poetry ~ "Praying Love" ~ of which many of my poems
are on this Website. Paula (Read)
"The female trees tend to make a little more mess in terms of seed production and fruit production, so they would move to male trees, because they aren’t making a mess" said Bill Roesel, a municipal forester in Windsor, Ont.
awakened by a racket from the back yard
they watched as Steve staggered through the damp grass,
hatchet in hand
ker-RACK as her right
limb shattered from the violent
assault
the kids quickly returned to their beds,
in the dark
the tree wept as her leaves
fell like summer rain
by august she was dead
This is actually a true story. A long time ago when I use to live on a homestead, we had grown many turkey's. Sometimes they were better watch dogs than a dog. I was inside doing my house-cleaning chores; when all of a sudden the phone rang. the gas-meter man inside of his truck said, "Hey, lady can you come out and get your dang turkey off my truck." I went out laughing like he was stuck in some mud up to his neck.
Turkey On Truck
Out came two turkey's on top of truck
Scared the crap out of driver he stuck
Phoned me to come out
All I did was shout
All he had to do was honk ker pluck.
Poor man almost died by the look on his face, he was so scared I had to ask him if he had to use the washroom. All he said, next time I come here better have your turkey's caged up. Didn't say anything to that for if I did his face would have turned beet red again. So I just let it go. To this day I still laugh at the scared look on his face. Guess if one is not used to something like this, it could have a drastic frightening image left on their minds forever.
Written: Aug. 14, 2013
Yvonne De Carlosa
My speech was all out of sequence, my catch phrase for it was ‘mad gab’
I kept saying balderdash like apples to apples my brain was a scrabble!
Also I was hearing things in my cranium, it caused so much aggravation
Likewise, I couldn’t remember my computer password of Ants in the Pants
At one time household chores were a trivial pursuit
My kitchen used to be perfection, now it looked like the Dutch blitz!
I kept dropping spoons, I’d hear them go ker plunk on the floor
and was all of a boggle when I put my ticket to ride in the mousetrap
I was so concerned I went to see my physician
Close to tears I took the monopoly of the box of tissues on his desk
I’d googled my symptoms so I did have a clue of the possible diagnosis
He referred me straight to the hospital
A scan revealed a tiny brain tumor, they were lucky to spot it
Guess who was in trouble!
Cancer was a taboo subject so we had code names for the tumor,
The doctor said I should adopt the 5 second rule if I needed to speak out
The surgeon said I needed what could possibly be life changing surgery
He would implement phase 10 as it was a very tricky operation
There was some risk as he needed to connect four wires in my brain
Thankfully the complicated surgery was a success and I’m back to perfection!
NB this is a fictional poem inspired by the contest prompt!
Anyone Game Contest
Sponsored by Carol Connell
2/22/19
I care for you
I care for you ...
... 'cause you are,
'cause you are beautiful,
'cause you are holy,
'cause your voice is like water murmoring,
'cause your touch is soft as velvet,
'cause your glance is heavenly,
'cause your heart is God-fearing and shy,
'cause you love given the chance (to love),
'cause you are free like a poppy (flower).
... so simple,
so misterious,
the greatest art.
No more, no less,
I care for you ...
Rad te imam ...
... ker si,
ker si lepa,
ker si sveta,
ker je tvoj glas kot šum voda,
ker je tvoj dotik nežen kot žamet,
ker je tvoj pogled Božanski,
ker si podoba Boga Najvišjega,
ker je tvoje srce Bogabojece in sramežljivo,
ker ljubiš kot ti je dano,
ker si svobodna kakor makov cvet.
... kako preprosto,
kako skrivnostno,
najvecja umetnost.
Nic vec nic manj,
rad te imam ...
© Matjaz Grcar
A is for Ant (and for ass, your dad is an example of an ass)
B is for Bee (and for b*stard, your dad is a bast*rd - first class)
C is for Chicken (and for a word I don’t want to say - but see K)
D is for Dog (and also for Dynamite - which I’d like to shove up your dad’s... see A)
E is for Eagle (and for egotistical effing... see K... and C)
F is for Frog (and for Fu*ker, which your dad’s been doing with someone who isn’t me)
G is for Giraffe (and for Git - your dad is a Git... and he has two faces)
H is for Horse (and for Hard Up - which your dad was... in too many places)
I is for Insect (and for Insolvent, which thanks to me, he’ll soon be, with just one legal shove)
J is for Jellyfish (and Judas. Your Dad’s a Judas... with a rash from his illicit love)
K is for Kitten (and for making some words sound worse - see C)
L is for Lion (and Lobster, a creature with claws that belongs at the bottom of the sea - hmmm...)
M is for Mouse (and for machete and for manhood... which gives me an idea)
N is for Newt (and Nymphomaniac - neither should work at IKEA)
O is for Owl (and Optimistic, well, he thought that he left me fulfilled)
P is for Penguin (and for Philandering, at which your daddy is skilled)
Q is for Quail (and for Quickie, the best that your daddy could do)
R is for Rabbit (and Rampant - and once I got that, how did we get you?)
S is for Snail (and for Slug, which describes both your dad and his di*k)
T is for Tiger (and Torrid, your dad was this with some Randy chick)
U is for Unicorn (and Underhand, your dad was this night and day)
V is for Vole (and also VD, hence the rash that was listed in J)
W is for Worm (and for Merchant Banker, thats rhyming slang for your father)
X is for Xerus (and X-rated gel, I bet he’ll work up quite a lather)
Y is for Yak (and for Yesterday’s News, which is all your dad turns out to be
Z is for Zebra (and for Zeees, that his Nympho is catching, asleep next to me)
*
[Xerus is a genus of African ground squirrel]
You know I got divorced,
From a nagging wife who turned out to be horsed.
So I scribed to Daddymas for a new bird,
Told him the lyrics, gave him the word.
I said, “She must not be skinny, or too fat,”
She must be in between, a plump middle age old bat.
You know something crossed between a chicken and a turkey,
What do you call ‘em ah yes! A Churkey.
Daddymas was swift, speedily replied,
I was so excited until I read his letter inside.
“Now listen carefully,” daddymas said to me,
"You need to go to this place and there she will be."
"Not skinny or too fat,"
"In between just the way you like her, a plump middle aged old bat."
If you in this place she’ll be there, your “Churkey,” an attractive dish,
And you know what the f—ker gave me, free subscription to the online dating agency “plenty of fish.”
(I'M a bit rusty)
Beep beep...ker er er...err err err
It can't be...
The telemetry...
It's Sputnik!
It's still alive!
I told my commander,
But he originally didn't think
Anything of it.
No sir! It really is Sputnik!
Listen to it's signal.
The Commander couldn't believe
What he was hearing, and witnessing altogether!
He turned ghost white,
It brought him to tears.
Commander?
Sputnik... I thought it had drifted away...
forever...
The dragon flies high,
the dragon falls like ker-plop,
and begins to fly.