Best K Mart Poems
I’m sick of hearing from old Bill that I’m a whimpish sort of bloke,
Because I don’t care for rodeo’s and can’t relate to outback folk,
That I prefer to travel in a car, when I go from A to B,
When I should be riding horses like Billy does you see.
I’ve never been upon a horse; in fact I’ve never patted one,
But at times I’ve been a victim from the damage that they’ve done,
When they’ve thundered down a racetrack with double-digit odds,
To leave my pockets empty and the good luck with the Gods.
So it was just a whim and foolishness that struck me at a guess,
That could have left me comatosed and in an awful mess,
When in a flush of inspiration of adrenaline attack,
Without a lesson or experience, I climbed upon a horse’s back.
I threw one foot in the stirrup and threw the other one to straddle
The horse’s back now that I’m on, while sitting in the saddle,
But with the motion of a gallop at a steady rhythmic pace,
I started slipping from the saddle and I quickly lost me place.
In fear I’m grabbing for the mane, but I couldn’t get a grip,
So I threw me hands around its neck, but then began to slip,
And I could see the ground below me was aiming at me head,
So I grabbed its nose to stop it, but it bucked on me instead.
It was futile hanging on now so I made a desperate move to jump,
But instead of reaching safety, me body lurched and I went thump,
For me foot’s caught in the stirrup so I’m bouncing in the fray,
With the horses pounding hooves close to just a foot away.
Now limply hanging upside down from the battering I took,
In me haze of consciousness I saw a crowd had formed to look,
Then me missus ran to save me when she took off like a rocket,
Over there at K-mart where, she ripped the plug out of the socket.
The folded corners and wrinkled pages
of catalogs that were tattered and ripped
From the first of October until late in December
we drooled,
we fawned,
we lusted,
we swooned and giggled
mutilating each page
until the pictures faded.
Sears and Roebuck,
Monkey Wards
JC Penny’s,
Macy’s, Mattingly’s, K-mart.
Our wish list grew long
more than one sheet could hold
tears welled up with each toy crossed out.
Until the list was whittle down
Though the likelihood of getting any was nill.
But still
That’s why we called it the book of wishes.
If wants and wishes were hugs and kisses
There would be no need
to thumb through the pictures
and dream.
Perhaps imagination was the best Christmas gift
Ooey, gooey, give me choc-o-lot!
If I must, I'll take it liquid hot,
But "wicked" like they fix it in Madrid,
Thick as porridge, satin sunburnt sweet.
(Not like here: sugar,milk and cocoa, mix and heat).
Give me some hot chocolate I can eat!
Drip-drop-dripping from a spoon!
Give it - give it to me in a box.
Tantalize my lips with luscious bits,
Rum and amaretto morsels dipped.
Give me it in chips or chunks or blocks.
And please not those from K-mart or the grocer.
We connoisseurs much prefer it kosher!
Give it to me Swiss or straight from France.
Hurry while I loosen up my pants!
I'll make do with anything you have.
Drizzled over ice-cream nice and smoothy.
chocolate is the universal salve.
chilled or warm, but slathered on it soothes me.
Make my ice-cream chocolate flavored too-
peanut butter swirls with fudge will do.
Be my ever sweet-tooth choco-fairy.
Finger-feed me bonbons. I'm your baby.
Feed me plump and succulent black berry.
Give me, give me, give me what I crave,
and I shall be your love-starved-choco-slave.
10/5/13
When I wrote this, it just flowed to me, like chocolate water; usually I have to sit and think a bit and poetry often does not flow from me in this way!
~Ten Little Monkeys~
(Rhyming Couplet)
Ten little monkeys went out to dine
One ate too much and then there were Nine
Nine little monkeys went out for a mate
One got married and then there were Eight
Eight little monkeys went to a 7 -Eleven
One went to K-Mart and then there were Seven
Seven little monkeys had some ticks
One got sick and then there were Six
Six little monkeys went for a drive
One never made it and then there were Five
Five little monkeys were very sore
One went to the doctor and then there were Four
Four little monkeys played with a bee
One got stung and then there were Three
Three little monkeys went to the zoo
One toyed with a lion and then there were Two
Two little monkeys went for a run
One fell dead and then there was One
One little monkey weighted a ton
It went in a crash-diet and now there are none.
(:
Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2004
October.29.2016
When nature calls away from home
you need to find a public throne
a place that's clean to spread your cheeks
one that flushes without plumbing leaks
not at an outhouse or a remote latrine
they're so disgusting and very obscene
Time to hurry you're poking cotton
skid mark stains are never forgotten
parking your car at the local K-mart
releasing pressure, cheek sneak a fart
concern turns to fear of what you dread
passing gas has formed a turtle head
As your back side slaps the toilet seat
you realize this job will end incomplete
burning eyes from the methane vapor
on the roll not one square of paper
so every time you cut the cheese
don't forget to clinch and squeeze
< ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those ...... engines
miss ~ Ho ~ down - prices .... would be a sin
best buy - circuit city
black ~ friday .... how pitty
5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling ... grins
k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
red tag sales of many and plenty
but you must buy in bulks
and ~ get ~ guy ~ like ~ the ... hulk
to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with ... jenny
let's ~ all ~ hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
sure pancakes sounds yummy
but wait till hits tummy
be sitting on stool till it plops
Entry For
Carolyn Devonshire's
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny
(Rhyming Couplets)
-children's poetry-
Ten little monkeys went out to dine
One ate too much and then there were Nine
Nine little monkeys went out for a mate
One got married and then there were Eight
Eight little monkeys went to a 7 -Eleven
One went to K-Mart and then there were Seven
Seven little monkeys had some ticks
One got sick and then there were Six
Six little monkeys went for a drive
One never made it and then there were Five
Five little monkeys were very sore
One went to the doctor and then there were Four
Four little monkeys played with the bees
One got stung and then there were Three
Three little monkeys went to the zoo
One toyed with a lion and then there were Two
Two little monkey went for a run
One fell dead and then there was One
One little monkey weighted a ton
It went in a crash-diet and now there are none!
Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2014
Sept.28.2014
Keep love in your heart and do not fall apart
Keep wisdom in your heart and ask Bart
Keep power in your heart and go to K-mart
Keep spirit in your heart and go and get the merit
I have face book on my smart phone
And get some notifications yesterday
I was driving down by k mart
But was curious to see what it says
But as I pick up my phone
A police stop and give a ticket to me
I have to pay $250 to see
Some one post “they feeling lazy”
What is wrong with this people?
Like face book have them going mad
They posting all kind of craziness
Like “I wake up and feeling sad”
Face book is a social media
To connect with friends and family
But some people get the wrong ideas
And use it as their personal diary
Face book can be very entertaining
With some very interesting post to see
I just use it to share my poems
And nothing personal about me
But sometime it does make me wonder
If face book getting to people brain
Why else would some one want to post
“I going back to sleep again”
So let us get this straight
They wake up to say “going to sleep again’
If you don’t find something wrong with this
Then I’m the one going insane
A woman post pix of her lavish Sunday meal
On the table with the candles lights dim
Then writes” romantic dinner for me and hubby”
But this morning she was quarrelling with him
Yesterday a girl post a lot of bad words
Then today she only posting religious
And when I ask her about it
She said I’m being ridiculous
The men crazy for face book to
But they keep them posting informative
And one in a while they may post a joke
But nothing to derogative
Men like to read what them women post
They have us curious and amuse
Although some we don’t understand
And some does left us confuse
Amanda changing profile pix every minute
Face book can’t keep up with she
So they make a new site just for her
And call it ‘Amanda’s library”
A couple goes to the grocery
And post their location where they are
To share the very interesting facts
That they buying rice and flour
Some goes out with friends and family
And post very pictures
Them some does post interesting words
From the Holy Scriptures
A lot of people use face book
The way it was intended to be
And then some just use it
Show case their stupidity
I have face book on my smart phone
And get some notifications yesterday
I was driving down by k mart
But was curious to see what it says
But as I pick up my phone
A police stop and give a ticket to me
I have to pay $250 to see
Some one post “they feeling lazy”
What is wrong with this people?
Like face book have them going mad
They posting all kind of craziness
Like “I wake up and feeling sad”
Face book is a social media
To connect with friends and family
But some people get the wrong ideas
And use it as their personal diary
Face book can be very entertaining
With some very interesting post to see
I just use it to share my poems
And nothing personal about me
But sometime it does make me wonder
If face book getting to people brain
Why else would some one want to post
“I going back to sleep again”
So let us get this straight
They wake up to say “going to sleep again’
If you don’t find something wrong with this
Then I’m the one going insane
A woman post pix of her lavish Sunday meal
On the table with the candles lights dim
Then writes” romantic dinner for me and hubby”
But this morning she was quarrelling with him
Yesterday a girl post a lot of bad words
Then today she only posting religious
And when I ask her about it
She said I’m being ridiculous
The men crazy for face book to
But they keep them posting informative
And one in a while they may post a joke
But nothing to derogative
Men like to read what them women post
They have us curious and amuse
Although some we don’t understand
And some does left us confuse
Amanda changing profile pix every minute
Face book can’t keep up with she
So they make a new site just for her
And call it ‘Amanda’s library”
A couple goes to the grocery
And post their location where they are
To share the very interesting facts
That they buying rice and flour
Some goes out with friends and family
And post very pictures
Them some does post interesting words
From the Holy Scriptures
A lot of people use face book
The way it was intended to be
And then some just use it
Show case their stupidity
The dollar store around the block, I didn’t have a buck
McDonalds had a happy meal , I was out of luck
The ATM was putting out, my PIN was incorrect
My bank account was overdrawn, I couldn’t write a check
My car was running empty and my credit card declined
VISA called and left a message wanting to remind
The unemployment office said I’m ineligible to receive
The resumes that I sent last week no one will ever read
The doctor’s office said to me I am uninsured
The treatment that’s required, you cannot afford
My FICO score is falling, I cannot get a loan
I cannot pay the mortgage, and soon won’t have a home
My stomach is so hungry, it’s waiting for a meal
The dumpster is in lockdown, I cannot break the seal
The lottery that I didn’t win, The slot machine was cold
The metal detector’s on the brink, I can’t find any gold
The foodbank was depleted, the soup kitchen was closed
The shelter overloaded, the sidewalk overflowed
Comcast just around the block, I could not connect
K-Mart on the boulevard, they had no respect
Walmart down the corner, I wasn’t qualified
Starbucks full of young adults, middle aged need not apply
The hotel was hiring housekeepers, bilingual I was not
Hooter’s at the strip mall, I didn’t have a shot
Science improves things, so they say,
can't prove it by me, take the clock
once it swung, and cockco's played
now it's silent, no tick or tock.
Old clocks clucked each tick and each tock
tongue to roof, they made a clapping.
Once they had arms and hands and locks
now they don't even aid napping.
Mum's the word with digital clock
zipped are those lips, no face, no brow
no sinister tock from Hook's Croc
no moon shaped face, no leaping cow.
Flashing red numbers, fanned peacocks
neon in trancers, with tin man hearts
lipless automatons in stock
toss them all from your K-mart cart!
Live I say get a grandfather clock
one with a face, two arms and heart
with a pendulum swinging tick tock
tick off the sleepers screw K-Mart.
I pass it every time Ava has a home volleyball game
and It makes me wonder about fate..
It’s a tree…growing outside my old classroom…planted in 1988.
It was for one of my Autistic students that this one tree came to be…
A wonderful student, his name was Eric…he had muscular dystrophy.
When Eric first entered my class…he walked on his tip toes…with great care.
Eventually his muscular dystrophy would put him in a wheel chair.
But he also entered with a reputation…I was told…all he did was cry…
and it drove everyone around him crazy because they couldn’t discover why?
I was told he could say a few words but as far as learning he was much too slow
I would come to find out it wasn’t Eric but our expectations that were low..
One day on a trip to the store…
(I’d strap him in the passenger seat of my van before we would depart)
I hadn’t driven very far when I heard him say…”K-Mart”.
As I drove and listened that day my thinking about Eric redefined…
He wasn’t just sayin random words…he was reading all the signs!
That day I learned if I listen to my students…sometimes they will lead…
for next to me sat the boy so slow…he had taught himself to read!
He couldn’t hold a pencil but he could write…in my heart and soul I knew it
so I found an old electric typewriter and wheeled Eric to it.
He commenced to typing us little messages…
and though his sentence structure was chopped
he began to smile a little more and we noticed his crying completely stopped.
Okay…it didn’t stop completely…but he didn’t cry as much
as his fingers walked along the keyboard and he found the letters he wanted to touch.
It was a minor breakthrough
he was still limited by his understanding and his muscular dystrophy…
but just so watch him smile as he typed…was good enough for me…
Muscular dystrophy, however, was immune to Eric’s charms…
and one night on summer vacation…he died in his mothers arms…
The staff and students of the school in order to commemorate his memory…
outside the last classroom he ever attended…planted him this tree.
And that’s why I think of fate every time I pass in front of Eric’s tree…
Thankful not only for what I saw in him…
but for what he saw in me.
I lost my mind one foggy day, quite some time ago
checked with local K-Mart store, they sadly told me no
Sears said no one turned it in, Target said the same
Burger King, McDonalds too, both said they weren't to blame
Checked with Walmart, Dollar Store, Kroger's every aisle
Even checked the "Up-Scale" stores, they all were in denial
Didn't stop, the weeks went by, the list was getting long
Wendy's, Domino's, KFC, from each the same old song
Stopped to get a coffee at a Dunkin Doughnut's shop
They smiled and cheered when I walked in, "hey look what you forgot!"
"You left it on the counter, about a month ago
we knew you'd come back in for it, you never fail to show"
I sighed relief and thanked them as I looked into the bag
getting disappointed now, this really is a drag
Nothing there but coffee, I was starting to get sore
It bothered me, I didn't know, what I went in there for.....
P OVER-PRICED IN CHRISTMAS
To hell with Hallmark and their bourgeois cards of greeting
Sent to wives from guilty husbands who are always cheating
Or to that teenage blonde who wiggles for older men only
Sent from a young teenage boy who she leaves lying lonely
To hell with Macy’s and their senile Santa in a cheap suit
To hell with their sales with which honesty has a major dispute
I have no tears for Sears and no bucks for Roebuck too
And to The Home Depot and Loews I say to both buck you
The commercials on television go on adfinitum
While commercialism and greed become an item
There’s fake snow and snowballs that never melt
While the Santa in Macy’s is made to tighten his belt
Wal-Mart and K-Mart both sell the same damned crap
But at Macy’s your little brat can sit on Senile Santa’s soiled lap
These are all places where compassion and Christmas spirit is defied
And I don’t think a really good Christmas sale is why our savior Jesus died
© 2012 copyright PHREEPOETREE….~free cee!~