Horsing Around

I’m sick of hearing from old Bill that I’m a whimpish sort of bloke, Because I don’t care for rodeo’s and can’t relate to outback folk, That I prefer to travel in a car, when I go from A to B, When I should be riding horses like Billy does you see. I’ve never been upon a horse; in fact I’ve never patted one, But at times I’ve been a victim from the damage that they’ve done, When they’ve thundered down a racetrack with double-digit odds, To leave my pockets empty and the good luck with the Gods. So it was just a whim and foolishness that struck me at a guess, That could have left me comatosed and in an awful mess, When in a flush of inspiration of adrenaline attack, Without a lesson or experience, I climbed upon a horse’s back. I threw one foot in the stirrup and threw the other one to straddle The horse’s back now that I’m on, while sitting in the saddle, But with the motion of a gallop at a steady rhythmic pace, I started slipping from the saddle and I quickly lost me place. In fear I’m grabbing for the mane, but I couldn’t get a grip, So I threw me hands around its neck, but then began to slip, And I could see the ground below me was aiming at me head, So I grabbed its nose to stop it, but it bucked on me instead. It was futile hanging on now so I made a desperate move to jump, But instead of reaching safety, me body lurched and I went thump, For me foot’s caught in the stirrup so I’m bouncing in the fray, With the horses pounding hooves close to just a foot away. Now limply hanging upside down from the battering I took, In me haze of consciousness I saw a crowd had formed to look, Then me missus ran to save me when she took off like a rocket, Over there at K-mart where, she ripped the plug out of the socket.