Horsing Around

I’m sick of hearing from old Bill that I’m a whimpish sort of bloke,
Because I don’t care for rodeo’s and can’t relate to outback folk,
That I prefer to travel in a car, when I go from A to B,
When I should be riding horses like Billy does you see. 

I’ve never been upon a horse; in fact I’ve never patted one,
But at times I’ve been a victim from the damage that they’ve done,
When they’ve thundered down a racetrack with double-digit odds,
To leave my pockets empty and the good luck with the Gods.

So it was just a whim and foolishness that struck me at a guess,
That could have left me comatosed and in an awful mess,
When in a flush of inspiration of adrenaline attack,
Without a lesson or experience, I climbed upon a horse’s back. 

I threw one foot in the stirrup and threw the other one to straddle
The horse’s back now that I’m on, while sitting in the saddle,
But with the motion of a gallop at a steady rhythmic pace,
I started slipping from the saddle and I quickly lost me place.

In fear I’m grabbing for the mane, but I couldn’t get a grip,
So I threw me hands around its neck, but then began to slip,
And I could see the ground below me was aiming at me head,
So I grabbed its nose to stop it, but it bucked on me instead.

It was futile hanging on now so I made a desperate move to jump,
But instead of reaching safety, me body lurched and I went thump,
For me foot’s caught in the stirrup so I’m bouncing in the fray,
With the horses pounding hooves close to just a foot away.

Now limply hanging upside down from the battering I took,
In me haze of consciousness I saw a crowd had formed to look, 
Then me missus ran to save me when she took off like a rocket,
Over there at K-mart where, she ripped the plug out of the socket.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015



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Date: 6/28/2018 9:46:00 PM
Another Ode to Joy? Well done! Aloha! Rico
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 6/29/2018 11:44:00 PM
Hi there Rico … thank the Lord Joy has more brains than me. Riding rocking horses is about as I'd ever go though - thanks Rico - Lindsay. PS: is that volcanic persistence still going on in Hawaii?
Date: 9/10/2015 2:54:00 AM
Oh Lindsay this is so good, good old Aussie Humour, you certainly know how to write, love it reminds me of our Melbourne cup, take care....Vera
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/15/2015 7:35:00 PM
Hello Vera... yes, it's something that we can imagine what someone showing off around Melbourne Cup time would do - regards - Lindsay
Date: 8/23/2015 6:55:00 PM
I liked this poem. Rhyme is art and comedy in Rhyme is true art. Excellent. No offense but are you an Aussie or a Kiwi? I love both folks and spent months in each in the early 80's.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/10/2015 2:08:00 AM
Sorry with the late reply William... I'm from Gippsland in Victoria and formerly the Mildura area. I'm pleased you enjoyed this bit of banter - thank you - Lindsay
Date: 7/26/2015 3:36:00 AM
Lindsay----the way you have put your words together for this poem is pure magic. The 3rd verse is quite incredible. Such a funny,funny ending. This has to be one of your very best. This poem would rival any turned out by any Australian poet. Captivating. Kind regards-----John
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/10/2015 2:04:00 AM
G'day John... its a typical poem that's recited at poets breakfasts John where the reciter tends to make a fool of himself in rhyme - Lindsay
Date: 7/17/2015 2:28:00 PM
Very entertaining, Lindsay, and a jolly good twist at the end! Love your humour!! #7+ // paul
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/24/2015 1:57:00 AM
Hello Paul... it's easy to imagine some bloke trying to impress people and end up with egg all over their face. Thanks again for commenting Paul - Lindsay
Date: 7/16/2015 2:34:00 AM
Excellent. Well penned. Enjoyed reading it. TFS
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/24/2015 1:54:00 AM
G'day Ravi... thanks for dropping by. I'm pleased that you got some enjoyment out of this poem of mine - regards - Lindsay
Date: 7/15/2015 8:45:00 PM
Reading your piece just made my day. You took me on an adventure filled with laughter. That ole horse took your reader along for the ride. I loved the ending.Excellent job!(7) :-) Alexis
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:36:00 PM
Hello Alexis... I'd glad you got a bit of a giggle out of this little tale. You just can't trust those K-mart horses can you - Regards - Lindsay
Date: 7/15/2015 12:44:00 PM
ha ha...I was going to give you some riding tips but I am laughing too hard. I bet you crack up everyone at the pub, LOL SuZ
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:34:00 PM
Hello Suzanne... I think showing off far outweighs my ability to ride a horse is evident in this poem. I used to recite at Senior Citz, poets brekkies etc. and yes, they really did enjoy humorous poetry - thank you Suzanne - Lindsay
Date: 7/13/2015 11:25:00 PM
Brilliant. Abso-bloody-lutely brilliant. A fav and a score of eleventeen. Viv
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:25:00 PM
Hey Viv... that's a bloody score for trick riding. Pity my wife didn't score the same as you. All she fed me with when we got home was hot tongue and cold shoulder - I won't push four year kids out of the way again - Lindsay
Date: 7/13/2015 3:51:00 PM
OH MY, you are so HILARIOUS. This is one of the best endings on a humorous poem that I ever saw. WELL DONE. FAVE.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:22:00 PM
G'day Andrea... thanks for commenting Andrea. I have to say there is a clear picture of a man showing off here as men sometimes do impress... this is not me at all - I'll catch you Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 7/13/2015 8:26:00 AM
Oh!!! What an excellent write, it enjoyable......A.M.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:18:00 PM
Hi there Afolabi... thank you for your kind comment Afolabi. I'm pleased you got a kick out of this piece of nonsense - Lindsay
Date: 7/9/2015 2:28:00 AM
lololol! Loved this immensely, Lindsay! Absolutely masterful stroke of your pen! The twist still has me grinning silly as I type this comment...:-))). Keep at these writes. Seems you now have the monopoly of this style here. Sweet regards to you and the missus! :-)))
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/15/2015 9:13:00 PM
G'day Kim... thanks for another encouraging comment. Joy thinks she should have walked away and left only one us with the embarrassment. I'll catch you soon Kim - Lindsay
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