Horsing Around

I’m sick of hearing from old Bill that I’m a whimpish sort of bloke,
Because I don’t care for rodeo’s and can’t relate to outback folk,
That I prefer to travel in a car, when I go from A to B,
When I should be riding horses like Billy does you see. 

I’ve never been upon a horse; in fact I’ve never patted one,
But at times I’ve been a victim from the damage that they’ve done,
When they’ve thundered down a racetrack with double-digit odds,
To leave my pockets empty and the good luck with the Gods.

So it was just a whim and foolishness that struck me at a guess,
That could have left me comatosed and in an awful mess,
When in a flush of inspiration of adrenaline attack,
Without a lesson or experience, I climbed upon a horse’s back. 

I threw one foot in the stirrup and threw the other one to straddle
The horse’s back now that I’m on, while sitting in the saddle,
But with the motion of a gallop at a steady rhythmic pace,
I started slipping from the saddle and I quickly lost me place.

In fear I’m grabbing for the mane, but I couldn’t get a grip,
So I threw me hands around its neck, but then began to slip,
And I could see the ground below me was aiming at me head,
So I grabbed its nose to stop it, but it bucked on me instead.

It was futile hanging on now so I made a desperate move to jump,
But instead of reaching safety, me body lurched and I went thump,
For me foot’s caught in the stirrup so I’m bouncing in the fray,
With the horses pounding hooves close to just a foot away.

Now limply hanging upside down from the battering I took,
In me haze of consciousness I saw a crowd had formed to look, 
Then me missus ran to save me when she took off like a rocket,
Over there at K-mart where, she ripped the plug out of the socket.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Leffanta Avatar
June 28, 2018 at 9:46 PM
Another Ode to Joy? Well done! Aloha! Rico
Laurie Avatar
June 29, 2018 at 11:44 PM
Hi there Rico … thank the Lord Joy has more brains than me. Riding rocking horses is about as I'd ever go though - thanks Rico - Lindsay. PS: is that volcanic persistence still going on in Hawaii?
Duggan Avatar
September 10, 2015 at 2:54 AM
Oh Lindsay this is so good, good old Aussie Humour, you certainly know how to write, love it reminds me of our Melbourne cup, take care....Vera
Laurie Avatar
September 15, 2015 at 7:35 PM
Hello Vera... yes, it's something that we can imagine what someone showing off around Melbourne Cup time would do - regards - Lindsay
Smith Avatar
August 23, 2015 at 6:55 PM
I liked this poem. Rhyme is art and comedy in Rhyme is true art. Excellent. No offense but are you an Aussie or a Kiwi? I love both folks and spent months in each in the early 80's.
Laurie Avatar
September 10, 2015 at 2:08 AM
Sorry with the late reply William... I'm from Gippsland in Victoria and formerly the Mildura area. I'm pleased you enjoyed this bit of banter - thank you - Lindsay
Williams Avatar
July 26, 2015 at 3:36 AM
Lindsay----the way you have put your words together for this poem is pure magic. The 3rd verse is quite incredible. Such a funny,funny ending. This has to be one of your very best. This poem would rival any turned out by any Australian poet. Captivating. Kind regards-----John
Laurie Avatar
September 10, 2015 at 2:04 AM
G'day John... its a typical poem that's recited at poets breakfasts John where the reciter tends to make a fool of himself in rhyme - Lindsay
Callus Avatar
July 17, 2015 at 2:28 PM
Very entertaining, Lindsay, and a jolly good twist at the end! Love your humour!! #7+ // paul
Laurie Avatar
July 24, 2015 at 1:57 AM
Hello Paul... it's easy to imagine some bloke trying to impress people and end up with egg all over their face. Thanks again for commenting Paul - Lindsay
Sathasivam Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 2:34 AM
Excellent. Well penned. Enjoyed reading it. TFS
Laurie Avatar
July 24, 2015 at 1:54 AM
G'day Ravi... thanks for dropping by. I'm pleased that you got some enjoyment out of this poem of mine - regards - Lindsay
Y. Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 8:45 PM
Reading your piece just made my day. You took me on an adventure filled with laughter. That ole horse took your reader along for the ride. I loved the ending.Excellent job!(7) :-) Alexis
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:36 PM
Hello Alexis... I'd glad you got a bit of a giggle out of this little tale. You just can't trust those K-mart horses can you - Regards - Lindsay
Delaney Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 12:44 PM
ha ha...I was going to give you some riding tips but I am laughing too hard. I bet you crack up everyone at the pub, LOL SuZ
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:34 PM
Hello Suzanne... I think showing off far outweighs my ability to ride a horse is evident in this poem. I used to recite at Senior Citz, poets brekkies etc. and yes, they really did enjoy humorous poetry - thank you Suzanne - Lindsay
Wigley Avatar
July 13, 2015 at 11:25 PM
Brilliant. Abso-bloody-lutely brilliant. A fav and a score of eleventeen. Viv
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:25 PM
Hey Viv... that's a bloody score for trick riding. Pity my wife didn't score the same as you. All she fed me with when we got home was hot tongue and cold shoulder - I won't push four year kids out of the way again - Lindsay
Dietrich Avatar
July 13, 2015 at 3:51 PM
OH MY, you are so HILARIOUS. This is one of the best endings on a humorous poem that I ever saw. WELL DONE. FAVE.
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:22 PM
G'day Andrea... thanks for commenting Andrea. I have to say there is a clear picture of a man showing off here as men sometimes do impress... this is not me at all - I'll catch you Andrea - Lindsay
Muideen Avatar
July 13, 2015 at 8:26 AM
Oh!!! What an excellent write, it enjoyable......A.M.
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:18 PM
Hi there Afolabi... thank you for your kind comment Afolabi. I'm pleased you got a kick out of this piece of nonsense - Lindsay
Nunez Avatar
July 9, 2015 at 2:28 AM
lololol! Loved this immensely, Lindsay! Absolutely masterful stroke of your pen! The twist still has me grinning silly as I type this comment...:-))). Keep at these writes. Seems you now have the monopoly of this style here. Sweet regards to you and the missus! :-)))
Laurie Avatar
July 15, 2015 at 9:13 PM
G'day Kim... thanks for another encouraging comment. Joy thinks she should have walked away and left only one us with the embarrassment. I'll catch you soon Kim - Lindsay
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