Best Jockstrap Poems
within Zieglerville, pennsylvania
genuine snow white hair
upon her noggin doth adorn,
perhaps she will divulge to me (in private)
after i croon (to said lass),
the melody of Jimmy Crack Corn
hmm...or, maybe this mission
perchance twill be doomed from the start,
and hence finding me forlorn
thenceforth, a backup contingency measure,
would warrant me to don my thinking cap,
and for extra ordinary reinforcement unfold
each Taj Mahal shaped ear flap
plus (for reinforced ironic steeliness),
aye also resort to buttress
any aural "stormy Dani yelling)
via walled in interlap,
which accouterment functions
as a double agent i.e. (or,
to be rather crude),
an audiological jockstrap
to vet or figuratively kneecap
any unwanted infiltrating leaping lap
ping "FAKE" distracting news
inducing madcap
mass media circus
driving this generic teetotaler
to pour himself a nightcap
essentially providing wig gull room
with very little margin of ear err, or overlap
against bigwigs to trumpet pap
pill low ma rendered free and clear
asper insidious (mama mia) paparazzi
charting imp pea ching fear
bringing out bare arms
most likely something internuclear
simply to discover visa vis authenticity
if cute employee
(sporting hair
white as the virgin snow),
which doth simmer and glare
blindingly, thus necessitating sunglasses
(I choose the Ray-Ban brand)
as recommended by cited
all time favorite pharmacist
who unwittingly (or simply because
my myopic eyes didst stare)
fixedly - drawn to such a darling (doll ling)
explaining any reason to go THERE
to CVS - that tis where.
Ding. Ding. Goes the sound of the bell.
Soupers see a poetic king emerge from his cell...
You called me a "Whorelock" - define that word punk?!
You're in for a shock - I don't entertain poetic junk!
I see you're using "caps" to capitalize certain words.
Tell your "girl" to give back my jockstrap before I tell the soupers what I heard!
That's right dakarai cobb. she said she can't stand your "small size."
Your girlfriend gives one helluva head job, but that's no surprise!
Only the Poetic Warlock can say, "hocus, pocus."
I'll slap "you" so hard, your "grandma's" eyesight will go out of focus!
I laughed silly boy, after I read, "Jimmy's first reality check."
In this prison, you'll be someone's toy, walking around with hickies on your neck!
Come on now you poetic thug, you've never been in a fight in your life!
In this prison you'll be smashed like a bug, or become "big bubba's" wife!
I'm a real life "head-buster," I've just learned to control my anger.
lil' boy, my life could be a blockbuster, for I'm an ex-gangbanger!
You don't believe me silly, just call Maury Correctional Facility!
In case you didn't know, it's public info, so check my credibility!
I wish I could have you all alone in this here cell.
I'd rip your weak heart from your breastbone and send you to hell!
I'm sending you a message telepathically, trying to make your brain explode.
I want to destroy you mentally, and then tie you to a railroad!
I want to inject you with HIV, and watch you choke on your own tongue.
I want to blow you apart with some TNT, and then lay your "pieces" in animal dung!
dakarai be serious, what other poetic forms do you write?
I'm just curious; for "soupers" have said you're just a poetic parasite!
Yes, I stay in the "soups winner circle" religiously.
Don't be upset with me because poets appreciate my poetry!
Yes, the "top 50 best poets" list, when will I see "you" on there?
"Soupers" say you don't exist, but that is true "after" this poetic warfare!
*Now I see why P.D. chose to totally ignore you.
For I've left you an amputee, and now I've injected you with swine flu!
The holy spirits of “Christians” are unholy. What day earlier than mid-week did my brother,
the Nazarene call fools of their liking? I am work: I’m always against a force;
the old black bag, that the spirit always quickens, called me a demon
because I saw the devil arriving on Sunday mornings in lipstick and rouge,
and when Rasimong came, “demon possessed,” they were endowed with tongues,
like California wild fire and pushed him off the balcony, almost to his death.
They did not see the almost murder, ‘cause they were under the influence
of spirits in sizzling mid-summer heat. The preacher grinned
his yellow, curry-stained teeth and pride himself on the spectacle,
like his father did before him. My mother-in-law, the bur on my jockstrap,
is an almost murderer, her holy hands were tightly fixed to Rasimong’s private allotment.
Don’t take this straightforward; I have more than a bur in my jockstrap, a Colt 45
with barrel, cold, resting on the head of a snake; a python, as damaging as the serpent in Eden.
Let’s recoup from unnecessary tidings. Before Rasimong flew like shot pheasant
and landed inches from a merciless metamorphic rock, I could smell the blood
gushing from his almost cracked skull and marveled at who their god …is not
I'm sure you've heard the term “artsy fartsy”
It can apply to a person or a thing
Most times expressed in a derogatory manner
Definitely has a “nose in the air” ring
In my lifetime career as a graphic designer
You'd think I'd be one of those guys
But nay nay I say I'm not that way inclined
My pinky doesn't point to the sky
Masculine as a male dude could possibly be
Mr. Jockstrap through and through
Chow down raw meat and stand up to pee
Most times leave the seat up too
It's certainly not a comment on social issues
Some of my friends are artsy fartsy
But most of the time my wee pinky stays put
Except when I'm stirring my tea
I'm sure you've heard the term “artsy fartsy”
Many times expressed with distain
Relax everybody it's not meant to be hurtful
Not everyone travels the same lane
© Jack Ellison 2013
it’s said by women to women
that the most offensive word
(in the english language)
they can be called is
the C word---
this word cannot be uttered by men around women,
it’s said by women to men,
it’s said by men to men
when conversing about the women who told them
amidst other women or
alone
without other women present.
all words stumble round its usage like
a toddler
meandering across a
fresh patch of ice in slippers made of
butter.
as cyanide in your favorite drink or
perhaps something of a barbed wire jockstrap
you know better than to tread that water,
best to swim instead of sink---
but men will call each other this word
like its nobody’s business
especially in england
and it’s laughable
how quickly its forgotten that women still
frequent
these areas said to be inhabited only by those with
penises---
it is still a word isn’t it?
one of many,
whose disgustingness has brought violence with them
for hundreds if not
thousands of years.
so will this word be picked up by women who
feel its usage to be violent, misogynistic & vile,
only then subsequently appropriating it for their own
giving it new meaning?
there once was a man from Kingsbury
who put on his kilt in a hurry
in a bit of a flap
he forgot his jockstrap
a chill wind put him in a flurry
Three o’clock whistle
Factories let out
Scores on their way
For a bottle of stout
No matter the weather
Ignore the black clouds
Celebrate man of the year
Should be feeling quite proud
Except the man is a woman
She shouts it out loud
No golden jockstrap for her
She’ll have a platinum tiara
And a cake made with lard
Don’t mess with her, man
She’s worked far too hard
So be careful of saying
The wrong thing today
She’s queen of plant seven
She’s well earned her pay.
Who? -- Me?!
I never thought I'd see
This wily jockstrap
writing poetry
And you, Mr. Businessman
Investing ldly in a product
that can't return a profit
on a mini-garbage can...
When our bodies
make their final plans ~
Our souls the farthest heavens scan
Excitement building in anticipation
last night when getting dressed
late for a date and in a hurry
yet hoping to look my best
but in a flurry had to scurry
not paying close attention
when doing up my tight blue jeans
tho' it bears not repeated mention
I now know what misery means
zipped the zip fastener sadly far too fast
and not wearing a jockstrap
caught my privates badly in the zipper
also known as a ***** flytrap