Best Funny Farm Poems
There’re many names for this place
Where sanity slips takes a break
Sometimes called the nut house
You can hear the squirrels shout
The funny farm I’d rather say
For someone laughs in the day
Even if it’s no joke to be there
There’s always a person who stares
Some are nice some are kind
Some mean drugged out of mind
A hospital to save you from self
Empower better mental health
Even then wrote poems in my head
Didn’t share as ambition was dead
Decided to stop talking to voices
Gave the muse all of my choices
“How did you sleep last night”
Like a rock but frozen in time
Always cold in that sterile place
Made it out by amazing grace
Looking back in the reflection glass is painful yet empowering and the reasons I pick this moment is the same. Being broken inside was very hard and I felt helpless and hopeless. It took time for despair to peel away like an onion. I recall being strapped to a bed and not caring refusing food or liquids so I was fed intravenously. Eventually I found the will to live after I had tried to take my life. I lost vision of what made me so ill I only knew that I at one time wanted to die. I almost did as I was in I.C.U. and intubated for weeks in a coma. God refused me in heaven so back to my body I went. The hardest line to write was decided to stop talking to voices because I really was tormented so horribly that I stopped talking at all for a while. I had a chemical imbalance and I knew it! It’s much kinder to be oblivious to madness. I removed from the first draft the free write style which was dry and full of despair.
Beware of wolves in sheepskins
My what clever wolves
I wonder if the sheep could pass as wolves
Perhaps they could go to Wolves R Us
I've heard of a Fox in a Hen House
I wonder if a Hen ever visits a Fox House
Who was the idiot that let the Bull loose
The china shop will never be the same
I also wonder why so many Bull remain
Especially with all the politicians shooting Bull
I was so busy I had no time to get ready for my trip
So I invited a pack Rat over to help get me organized
My house boat started to sink and he was the first to leave
It started to rain Cats and Dogs
I think I need a better umbrella
He told me I could get there as the crow flies
I think he lied, my arms are tired and I'm still here
I thought I would become my own boss
This Monkey Business is tougher than I expected
My inventory is eating up all my profits
All my clothing shrank when I came in from the rain
I have to admit I felt a little Sheepish
The judge asked him to pronounce his own sentence
He asked if he could be Hung like a Horse
All my friends call me Eagle Eye
I like that so much better than Cyclops
I would be much happier if I had two eyes
I hope you all enjoyed the trip to the Funny Farm
All the animals here are crackers
The love we shared is now no more.
With bitterness she slammed the door.
She said I've had enough I'm through with you.
I'm tired she said of the things you do.
You have no respect for me at all.
And when I talk to you it's like talking to the wall
She said you go ahead and lead your life of fun.
You're nothing but a low life and a son of a gun.
Those weren't the exact words she used right then.
She called me everything from being my own next of kin.
That was just a warm up here she comes again.
All of this started over me letting the cat get in.
Honey I said as I ducked her punch.
I guess maybe this ain't a good time to ask you to fix some lunch.
I knew she was mad I could tell she was hot.
But why is she trying to hit me with that cast iron pot.
She got me on the run as I cut my trail.
Throwing our dishes as her booming voice it did prevail.
As I locked myself behind the bathroom door, I heard the breaking of another plate.
She started beating and a hollering and predicting my fate.
As I looked around I realized what I had done.
I just laid down on the floor waiting for her to go and get my gun.
I laid there for an hour or two.
Not really sure just what to do.
Well I finally got brave and took a peek.
I didn't see her around so out the door I did sneak.
Into the kitchen there she stood with a smile on her face.
She walked over to me and gave me the longest embrace.
She said I made my little sugar burger a cake, his favorite kind.
She said I'm sure glad I married you you're such an awful good find.
Oh, and by the way that moody thing the doc says it will take awhile but I will be okay.
Going through the change just a normal day.
Repost
cluck,oink,meow,quack,maa
cock-a-doodle-do,moo,baa
tis my wild kingdom
written 2009
I live on a farm in the sky;
we milk all the pigs as they fly;
at harvest we reap
the eggs from the sheep,
and shear woolly cows in a sty.
One obnoxious orangutan ordered oysters
Staff sympathetically said such supplies sold
Constantly complaining confronting chasing customers
Barred because before being boisterously bold
Two timid tigers tragically trembled
While watching woeful weasels wrestle
Standing straight shaking subconsiously scared
Displaying discomfort dizzy dribbling dreadful
Three talented turkeys taught tricks
Creating courageous crazy circus clowns
Amazingly always attempting additional acts
Frolicking foolishly finally forgetting frowns
Four fabulous flamingos fixed fences
Gigantic glamorous gardens generously grew
Proud pedestrians passing praised perfection
Beautiful bouquets blissfully blended blue
Five fussy frogs found french fries
Every enchanting experience eagerly entertained
Loudly laughing licking lemon lollipops
Sharing sarcastic smirks showing shame
12 April 2016
I fly through the smoky air
then I poke a big brown bear
I balance on a tight rope
and I slide down a steep slope
I eat a ball of fire
and I do things to admire
I clown around and juggle
but with sharp knives I struggle
the things around me do break
but only when I’m awake!
my audience stops to stare
at the straight jacket I wear
bars in my window number
I count till pills bring slumber
Trump On A Funny Farm
Trump's lips do look like Donald Duck
Sad imitating palsied person when he does cluck
Like a cruddy chicken carries on and on
Sure hope pretty soon he will be gone.
Down people he will cut and criticize
Has short stubby hands and sleazy eyes
Then he really tries to put you to the test
When he starts a head-butting contest.
To keep up with Trump we simply refuse
Way people does mishandle and will misuse
Thought of him as President surely alarms
He belongs on either an animal or funny farm.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
I'm really an adult though my lims don't show it
Why should I grow up, it's more fun to emit
Say ga ga and goo goo
Or poopy and doo doo
Run when the funny farm wants you to commit
I'm really an adult though my lims don't show it
Why should I grow up, it's more fun to emit
Words like ga ga and goo goo
Or poopy and doo doo
Run when the funny farm wants me to commit
Farmer Frank
raises redickilous
alliterative animals at
Farmer Frank's
Furry, Feathery Funny Farm:
Comedical Cows
Daffious Donkeys
Punnious Pigs
Tongue-in-cheeky Turkeys
Chortifiable Chickens
Showoffitty Sheep
Buffoonic Bulls
Offbeaten Ostriches
Goofian Goats
Hilaric Horses
Slapstickitty Steer
Riotful Roosters
Laughening Llamas
Howlinious Hounddogs
Cartoonic Cattle
Rip-Roarable Rabbits
Hoomerous Hoot Owls
Looniful Lambs
Hysteric Heifers, and of course...
Yakkity Yaks.
Don't talk back!
written 24 Aug 2020
Chickens clucking, pecking paths in the dust
Cow bawling for the calf who loves her bust
Turkeys gobbling, heads nodding
Cats purring, dogs applauding
Farmers heeding, flapping hands in disgust
A funny Limerick - Any Theme Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Used How many syllables
June 9, 2022
Well it’s getting close to that time again,
When I’m not suppose to be happy and I’d better not grin.
Hiding is okay as long as you don’t make a sound,
Pray like all get out that you don’t get found.
Well it freaks me out to say the least,
One minute she’s happy the next she turns into a beast.
Someone said they got a pill for this kind of thing,
I’ll give her a double dosage and hope it’s relief it brings.
If it don’t work on her I’ll try one of them pills,
Just thinking about last month done brought on a bad ole chill.
I’ll just keep my mouth shut that’s the best thing I can do,
I’ll just look at her and nod and pray I nod in the right direction too.
Here she comes with that sweetie pie look,
The last time I saw that my goose was about to cook.
So if you guys don’t hear from me in the next few days,
Know it’s been fun but she said right now I’ve got dues to pay.
I guess I’d better close, ouch hang on baby let me finish this line,
Dat gummit woman now don’t hit me with that sign.
Well she didn’t break but one hand so I can still hunt and peck,
She’s like that Dr. that turned into a monster I feel like I was in a wreck.
Going through the change doesn’t seem to bother her at all,
Shoot I’m the one sporting bruises and having close calls.
Well that pill made her sleepy,
But her eyes are wide open and that’s down right creepy.
I guess I’d better close,
And go change the cotton in my nose, night all!!!!!
They came to take you away
Napoleon the fourteenth
We remember that ditty
from decades ago.
Sir Billy Pig’s missing his oats
Miss Piggy Wig’s had hers, she gloats
But she’s looking so rough
Her bum’s full of crap stuff
Its output is brown and it floats!
I’m advised by a pal of mine
To “Never cast pearls before swine”
Or put lipstick on a pig
When it’s mouthing off big
Miss Piggy Wig’s an old bovine!