Best Fart Poems

BREAKING NEWS

We have breaking news right here on the soup!
You can travel back in time if you write about poop.
Back to sixth grade is where we’ll get sent.
There is a time machine waiting that’ll send back our scent.

We can giggle at farts that we rip...

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A constipated vicar named Bart
Was in church when he dropped a huge fart
He said 'Lord I have sinned'
For I’ve got pooey wind
Blushing scarlet he did soon depart!

26th April 2016...

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I awoke last night and fell out of bed.
A fart from my Pit bull nearly left me for dead.
It was silent but deadly as it stunk up the house.
None could stand up not even a mouse.

I hit the floor hard her toot was sure ripe.
Tangy...

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THE OLD FART SONG
(sing to the tune of "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys")

Verse one:

Old men ain't easy to love and they're harder to mold,
so train 'em when young, girls, don't wait till their bones have turned cold.
They're slow as molasses,...

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I'm like a fart
Puff I'm here
There is no easy escape
Once I am here
No one gets away
Once I've gone 
It's only a matter of time
Before I return


For my husband on chili night... Love you!!...

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bum pun fun
             bully's hot air~

              not so much



***...

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and so it was that after a good run of
great sex & many lovers,
s/he came across a period of time unlike
any of her/his friends could come close to comparing,
a time of 
frustrating
hiccup-fart
orgasms.

each time s/he was getting towards that final punch of that final round
rockin’ &...

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Is the word “fart” a naughty word

Hope not... I find it cute and giggly

But don't go by me, my mind is a little warped

Words are just words with letters strung together

Strange how any mention of our private parts

Should never be said in public

“Uvula” sounds really...

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My cousin’s just earned his degree
He majored in fartology
Now he can impart
What foods make me fart
He’s obsessed by scatology


I confessed that beans give me wind
(It matters not if fresh or tinned)
And onions and sprouts
In any amounts
cause farting that I can’t  rescind


The wind I produce...

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Big Fart

Jack has a bulldog. Boy can he fart
Phooey, they do not come from the heart
Don’t ever feed him beans
Or the odor gets mean
Never needs a battery to start



Tickle me pinck contest Oct 31...

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I've checked the date it’s not April Fool’s Day -
Trump’s President of the U S of A
These words to you I impart
To me a ‘trump’ is a fart
In the White House this old farts gonna stay!

01~21~17...

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I've always prided myself on being a “smart feller”
But sometimes it gets twisted and I say “fart smeller”
Quite good at that too
Sometimes blow off my shoes
Pretty sure the odour has reached interstellar


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Jan caught a jet plane to New York
Where bacon does not come from pork
To end her trip
Jan let one rip
The Captain delivered a stork

Jan's flight was Economy grade
Stuck between an old man and old maid
In the middle row
Which way should she blow?
"Hey!  I've got...

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I have to admit I’ve got a confession
About my unhealthy obsession
Other kids love pop stars with all their heart
For me it’s the Bristol Stool chart

There’s seven different types of poo
With pictures that give me a clue
to how long the poo’s been in my bowel
Poos that’s...

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Can't believe I'm penning this mess,
but I must address the gifted poetess,
Jan Allison has a degree from the
distinguished Poot-Toot University,
she has a PhD in Fartology.
An expert she is,
and, gee whiz,
anyone who writes of farts
so funnily,
is the "Queen of Flatulence,"
a PoetrySoup decree!

And yes, I know some...

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