Get Your Premium Membership

The Old Fart Song

THE OLD FART SONG
(sing to the tune of "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys")

Verse one:

Old men ain't easy to love and they're harder to mold,
so train 'em when young, girls, don't wait till their bones have turned cold.
They're slow as molasses, wear cheap reading glasses, they're hearing aids give them away,
they grumble and mumble, they bumble and stumble, what hair they have left turns to gray.

Chorus:
Ladies, don't let your husbands survive to be old men,
Their best parts get limber, their brains turn to timber,
they spend too much time letting farts.
Ladies don't let your husbands survive to be old men,
because when they're home, you will wish you're alone
and they think they have all of the smarts.

Verse two:
Old men like old stuff, ain't that some strange stuff, how antiques will make 'em feel young?
They whistle like thistles, sling advice like missiles and sing like their a**es got stung.
They're always ploying and tinker toying, they usually, always repeat:
What did you say dear?  SPEAK UP NOW, DAMMIT! and, When in the hell do we eat?

Repeat Chorus

Verse three: 

Old men like talkin' way more than go-walkin', but listening, well, not so much.
Don't try to change him or even "re-range" him, or mess with his habits and such.
Changes upset him, so you better let him, still think he has plenty pizazz,
or he will snuffle, kerfuffle and shuffle, doin' stuff that's a pain in the azz.

repeat chorus

Verse four  

They say that old soldiers don't die, that they just fade away,
it's the same with your old man... remember each dog has his day.
Don't nickel and dime him, remember to prime him, be kind as he turns into dust.
Through thick and through thin and through silly and sin, you're together for better or bust.

FInal Chorus  

Ladies, don't let your husbands survive to be old men,
let 'em be babies and let 'em be children 
and let 'em be heroes again.
Ladies, don't let your husbands survive to be old men, 
When they hit bottom, be thankful you got 'em,
'Cause soon enough it will all end.


Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




Post Comments
Please Login to post a comment
Date: 8/29/2017 1:16:00 PM
ROTFLMCAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my what a tumble. The best ever song.
Login to Reply
flats Avatar
lim'rik flats
Date: 8/29/2017 6:32:00 PM
;-) Glad you got a healthy ROTFLMCAO!
Date: 5/19/2017 5:28:00 PM
I'm singing....I'm singing....raising the roof with this rip roaring ode to old men.
Login to Reply
flats Avatar
lim'rik flats
Date: 5/26/2017 8:55:00 AM
I can hear you from here. Here here! hugs 'n hallelujahs ~ john
Date: 5/17/2017 7:39:00 PM
I know what you're saying...and beautifully written my friend yor gitten a 7 whether you know it or not....lol
Login to Reply
flats Avatar
lim'rik flats
Date: 5/26/2017 8:46:00 AM
Thanks Jerry! I really enjoyed the seven, of course, I put ketchup (catsup?) on it first;-)
Date: 5/17/2017 4:57:00 PM
it's been a while since i've seen a poem of yours but this one was worth the wait! absolutely fantastic and unfortunately - so very true! your humor is as wonderful as your rhyming...
Login to Reply
flats Avatar
lim'rik flats
Date: 5/26/2017 8:45:00 AM
Thanks ilene, for the visit and kind words. Hope all is well in the big city! huggers ~ john
Date: 5/17/2017 9:37:00 AM
HA HA HA I think this should be given to every potential bride as a warning for the future lol:-) Am adding it to my faves its hilarious!:-) hugs Jan xx
Login to Reply
flats Avatar
lim'rik flats
Date: 5/26/2017 8:40:00 AM
Hi J! I'm about 8000 years behind on thanking folks for visiting my sillies. Glad you got some gigglies from my lyrics! Old-guy huggeroolies ~ john
Curtis Avatar
Jerry T Curtis
Date: 5/17/2017 7:44:00 PM
Don't laugh to hard Jan---it takes two feet to walk or wobble lol, Hugs