Best Cut The Crap Poems
‘Hey stomach,’ says anus,
‘Would you cut the crap.’
“It’s not me,’ stomach says;
‘I won’t take the wrap.
It’s what they’re eating,
So blame teeth and mouth.
I’m innocent,’ says stomach,
‘For that filth down south.’
Brain has a good laugh
At organ expenses,
By prodding infighting
Over false offenses.
‘Are you kidding me,
You two dumb kidneys.
Always a teamed pair
For a fight that’s not fair!’
Roared livid liver
Who was hardly pleased,
That they blamed him
For the smelly feces.
‘Oh stop it now, liver
Just sit there and filter.
We said no such thing;
Don’t get out of kilter.’
‘Tee-he-he,’ laughs brain.
My plan’s working well,
To keep each organ
At odds over a smell,
That they have no power
To change or repair,
And since they can’t think
They’ll stay unaware.’
Hands and mouth kept
Eating junk by the hour.
Having been brainwashed,
They blindly devour.
Long ago brain trained eyes
To focus on the news,
Now it was time for all
Parts, to pay ‘their’ dues.
Bones pipe up, and say,
‘Something doesn’t feel right,
Hey muscles loosen up;
Why do you squeeze so tight?’
Muscles answer and say,
‘Colon and intestines
Are the guilty squeezers,
Causing congestion.
I’m just doing my part
At the request of the brain.’
‘But muscles,’ says bones,
‘It’s causing me pain.’
And after a while
Brain has all body parts,
At odds with themselves;
Over endless bad farts.
Organs, blood, and guts
Could not get along;
They once did their jobs
Keeping the body strong.
But brain has the answer,
‘Let’s vote on what to do.
Either I run the show,
Or you deal with bad poo!’
Yes, brain got them quibbling
And each held a grudge.
All based on false info
That made brain, ‘King Judge’.
So each part gave in
To that sneaky design,
And waited for orders
From brain to assign.
But brain was a liar
And steered organs wrong.
The body collapsed;
It didn’t take long.
Just like brain, most statesmen,
Fool us like we’re tarts.
Let’s not die for their lies,
But stay whole, not apart.
A friend of mine once inquired
if I had suicide on my brain.
"EVERY TIME I SEE YOU...
you chase away the rain."
She looked a little puzzled
but thanked me none the less, adding:
"Are you sure you're not contemplating
the end of all your stress?"
"Why," said I, "should I decide
to end this life sublime
when all I want right here and now
is one more round of wine?"
"So cut the crap, go take a nap
or bring me red rose',
you're killing me with your questions
and all I want to do is play!"
Still she could not let it go
and asked me once again -
"Are you SURE you're not considering
a permanent vacation, my friend?"
"Enough, enough of all this stuff
regarding grassy graves,
If you ask me one more time again
it's yours that will be made!"
And so she finally took the hint
that I'm finer than a frogs hair cut -
Never the less, I thanked her profusely
for caring so very much.
* Inspired by a very special lady here in PSoup (who shall remain anonymous), recently concerned about my state of mind. I couldn't help but be impressed and touched by her genuine concern and felt compelled to reassure her that I'm "Finer than a frogs hair cut." On a more serious note, REAL suicide is nothing to laugh about and if this poem offends anyone, I sincerely apologize and mean no disrespect to anyone touched by it's sad results. All the best, Terry
Listen up,
You tyros,
Don't go messin'
With my buddy Jack
Yeah, Reed,
Indeed...
He's cool people,
And I like him,
He writes well,
Yeah, this from Tom Bell,
You take him on,
You take on me,
Let me tell you,
Yes-eree
Cut the crap and show
Some class,
Or you might get
A poetic broken a__
To dear Nanette:
How can I express what I feel for you?
I love you.
Because you are you,
When you are not with me, I’m blue.
Because you’re chic,
Outside, the countryside is bleak.
Because you’re lovely,
I yearn for you embrace cuddly,
Because you are true,
We are one not two,
Because……
From the administrator:
Cut the crap and don’t waste our space. Just go hug and kiss her.
To the administrator:
Spoilsport ;)
On the surface
you’re all sweetness and light
But ...
the truth is life isn't a game
and if I were to start digging
digging deeper than a gravediggers soiled shovel
I'd see through your libelous lies
which spread daily
like a cankerous carbuncle
Well honey
I’m shooting from the hip -
why can’t you simply sit on your fingers?
Just cut the crap
I’m through with your festering fallacies
get a life
and leave me to live mine in peace
THE CRAP SHOOT POETRY CONTEST Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
4/29/19
cut the crap you fake
bringing home roses and cakes
~ cheating pig was staked
A Valentine's Senryu Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin 04/02/21
Syllable counter PS 5/7/5
Chazz your like my kitty
Phoebe
With your act of the witty
And your dance so crazy
I am enchanted with
Your "bubbly-Wubbly'"talk
Your the girl to be with
During A Dead Zone walk
Now my bro's making
My cat Rap
O god For saking:
"Sufyan,Cut the crap"
I will miss your
Blue baby Dips
And what's much more
Than You I'll miss?
I saw death
He was wearing a shirt
It said"Go take a bathe
And stop being Such a skirt"
But he aint the One
That stopped my negative ways
It was You!My Love=)
That cropped my Drama-Queens Days
I Go all insane around
You My Chick
Its my music sound
That'll make you go "Whicka,whick"
I still want Nad'z
Apple bottom Jeans
But you'l probably goes
"Saj,You've got an a*s!O jeez =,=' "
I Love you Blondie
For making My day
If it weren't for all your "WOO-Zie"
How will I be so glad today?
We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isn't much
I can't feel my heart beat when I see you on street*
˜
You ain't ever gonna break my glass
My windshields too strong you
The way you can't break my heart, my soul is closed to you.*
˜
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream
A mirage maybe, but it could be really true all I want to*
is see our love shine through.*
˜
I'm equivalent to a shot of Cuevo, first I kiss your navel
Are we back together, if not i won't be able.*
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate, I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate.
˜
I fall asleep with nightmare sweats and wake wondering how I'll get dressed!*
Okay quit playing with the scissors and ****, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
˜
You drive me crazy sometimes I want to run, but that's given in and that is no fun.*
I'm a soldier, these shoulder's hold up so much, they won't budge,
I'll never fall or fold up.
Songs used by Eminem
-Spacebound
-Deja vu
Soldier
Not Afraid
Same song and dance
Lines ending in an astricks* are my lines.
I am not amazed he lost both sight and fight
She walked unfettered into calm
In "Paris Blues" one peach-clad pussycat was pursued
The Proprietor's goal lacked glitter
Historically, he knew better
She departed
He felt the blues
He wore imaginary badge of entitlement
and breathe air of pseudo pride
She read his lips, looked him in the eyes
Then smiled her clairvoyant smile
His words were weighed on scale Source
She sat snug with fuel from the Source
She knew lighthouses affording light that guides
They were transparent with genuine streaks
Should entitlement be legalized?
One fine day, more folks will cut the crap
They'll stop getting what they've got
crippling the crippled now stats
The dumb, the deaf, the blind is made new
What goal of goal beckons you?
*
GET IT STRAIGHT BBL
Let the wind be still
I wanna speak below my breathe
Let d breeze blow with ease
I want to sneeze but in peace
Let the beautiful flower blossom in red
I wanna speak and be heard
I'm the head and I lead the herd
So listen to what I've read and heard
The oceans accused the lake of been calm and too quiet
Ever told you that we only marvel at you bounds but disgusted at your unrest
I give credits to the rats that race, graze, brace and play but all on the land
Shame on you bats that grace the sky in the dark clouds, forming and copy the birds in the nite
Yet you seek refuge and lay still on the tree during the day and you all struggle tu hide your face chucking into one another.
You live a fake live of rose flowers
You spread a colourful red garment during the day. Making us believe all is well with you
Yet you shiver in pain and suffer gruesome loneliness in the merciless cold nite.
This you do day in day out
You accuse them of being too quiet
Yet you harbour offensive smell behind your voice
The world only know peace when you speak no word
Our happiness only blossom when you mind your business
You call him a rock
But he melts at the thought of you
You call him a gold sculpture. Yet the rain wash off the clay legs as he fades out
You brag you feed him flesh and fat
How come he vomits shaft and bones
Lie not to us and deceive yourself no more
If you can't make me happy
Please take not my Joy away from me
If you can't run her race for her
Please don't drag her along the path
If you think it's a huddle
Remember our time starts differently
If the red ribbon is your target tu cross
She's got a future beyond across
If you race to win the cup
Her pace is to stay atop
Ruin not her happiness for me
She's the Lady I value
She's the Lady I cherish
She's the lady of my dream
She's the lady I treasure
A rare gem beyond the coast
Pearl of value
Lady of honour.
Listen not to the bleats
You're not meant for their stables
But at the tables with the kings
Dressed in regalia of the royals
Your space is secured
Not up for grab
Not up for none but you.
Tell them tu cut the crap.
OCCAM'S HAIKU
Wise Occam
philosopher craves
cut the crap
I wonder how quickly my cat will learn
to equate scratching the table with
my getting off the couch to swat in her direction
and if she will start to think
"hey, since she's up, maybe she'll feed me."
I wonder how much muscle mass
I will lose in three days
of sitting on this couch and if
the brain cells strengthened by
constantly thinking about you will compensate.
I wonder if the people who write the
witty dialogue for television are actually
funny in real life or if it's just a job to them.
I wonder if the ancient philosophers
actually thought the questions they were posing
were important or if they were just trying to
seem smart around the other philosophers, and
I wonder what would have happened if
one of them said "you know, let's just cut the crap."
I wonder what it feels like to know something
with no hesitations or second thoughts. I wonder
who on my street right now is fighting, who
is making love, who is playing with a child,
who is wishing they never had a child, who
regrets their marriage, who is praying
for love to find them, who is laughing on the outside
but slowly dying on the inside within
their picture-perfect quasi-life of conformity and
expectation and impossible standards. Maybe just me.
6/1/22
Been in a chokehold
This world can be so cold
Lucky if you can grow old
Often things shook up like a snow globe
Do you know what it's like to have no home?
On the population a government spies, they do or don't probe
Experienced firsthand, unable to document on a GoPro
What's up with the dodos
And all these bozos
For the protection of me and Toto
I'm packing a fo-fo
Always keeping an eye out for po-po
They put out another bolo
I often ride around solo
And pop a rolo
Since it's yolo
I can't settle for so-so
I need it all by the boatload
It's all not a joke yo
The last thing I need to do is drink and smoke mo
It's a no go
Cut the crap and quit it with the low blows
Unless you want me to slit your throat slow
Since I'm dangerous like Oso
I've got no fomo
it if any folks know
I'm falling for no hoe
For the longest time, it was just me and Jojo
From here to Kyoto
The proof is there not just in the form of photo
Did a wheelie
Always ed up for really
Sometimes off a pilly
Yo what's the dilly
Why've you been acting silly
Misunderstood they'll never feel me
Can't stop myself from overdoing it with what can kill me
I've got a f***ed up feeling, I'm the goat like Billy
But I've been in a ghillie
Hiding among the lilies
No matter if it's scorching or chilly
From here to way beyond Philly
It's way bigger than a Milli
People remain locked up or they're still free
In the end you won't or you will see
Limiting themselves from full potential they are guilty
In a world that continues to be beautiful yet filthy
It's difficult to maintain tranquility
Not always smooth and silky
In a galaxy they deemed as 'Milky'
For there to be success it had to be done skillfully
With brilliancy and agility
Read Over Again
There are certain things that I often wish
When reading my poems relish and embellish
Think they are greatest you ever have read
Bunch of bull found yourself not being fed.
Pleasing poems have Pulitzer Prize potential
While reading them it has become essential
That I cut the crap and avoid any suspense
Only thing required to read is common sense.
Poems are pure, plain simple and once upon
A long time ago on me it finally did dawn
Soon an incredible classic they will become
And are now part of songs people love to hum.
Continue reading my poems on and on and on
Until into bright future they finally have gone
Which is always what I really did intend
You will be able to read over and over again.
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
So long, Marlene, we mean to say, we'll miss you when you go
The thought of you will cheer us through this tide of chill and snow
Through winter storm stay snug and warm beside the fire's glow
May you abide the growing pride of those who love you so
We hope that you enjoy the freedom leaving us has brought
Until you find the joy inside is more than what you sought
And all the friends you party with exceed the ones you bought
You'll know on Monday morning that you're living as you ought
When you win friends who treat you nice
By choosing love as your device
Your heart is filled with sugar and spice
You paid the price...sacrifice...head lice...OH CUT THE CRAP MATILDA!
To be true, yet concise, this is not a paradise
When you conspire to retire you aspire very nice
If you dare a plucky price on a pair of lucky dice
Then the fire you acquire is a buyer with a vice
You're a doer we admire with a zest for cresting higher
So your quest for the best must invest you with desire
You're a winner not a crier and you always were a trier
If you soar out the door then you'll always be a flyer
Thank you Mar, our good friend, for the time we had was great
Like a star, to the end, you did more than we can state
With each bar, that we bend, is the path to share your fate
From afar, we pretend, that you care enough to wait.