Best Calorie Poems

A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!

14th June...

Read more of this work...

Health Food

natural, low-calorie

nourishing, strengthening, boring

kale, *kimchi, chips, chocolate

tantalizing, satisfying, fattening

salty, sweet

Junk Food


*Kimchi is the national health food of Korea, fermented vegetables, particularly cabbage. It's nasty-tasting...

Read more of this work...

Vegetables are boring
'til they're drenched in cheese!
Give them a calorie bump
with a buttersauce -
decadent, creamy,
Thanksgiving
dream!...

Read more of this work...

I shall daily visit the beauty parlor
And make myself beautiful for you.
I shall never clean the house
So that my skin is not tarred.
I shall ever...

Read more of this work...

In the good old days, I rode all over town.
Our city had so many hills that on my bike
I’d be ploughing up one street, then...

Read more of this work...

Three weeks into lockdown, we're still in one piece,
the house is now looking pristine,
we've dusted and shined every surface we see
now only the air left...

Read more of this work...

             If i were to write aesthetically pleasing 
    ...

Read more of this work...

I was in second grade when I started comparing myself to other girls.
I asked myself, “why am i not her?” “why are my thighs bigger?”...

Read more of this work...

Those endless talks of 
giving the fat a trim
Beauty is now the 
monopoly of the slim! 

Sinuous and slender
The hourglass figure
The thinner, the better.

Dieting and...

Read more of this work...

When the temperature drops
Cold fingers, feet and itchy scarves
King winter scattered snow over the country
Decorated, as the beauty it created
Ice cold sea crashes against the...

Read more of this work...

Oh Goddess, Little Debbie,
Queen of all Saturated Fat,
Sometime of Swiss, which is called Roll,
Now of the delightful Court of Nutty Bars,
I respectfully esteem your Zebra...

Read more of this work...

HERSHEY DREAMS (multiple Haiku)

a chocolate craze
oh don’t even wipe your chin
every drop counts

there is some great news -
calorie-free chocolate
cool stud!    in your...

Read more of this work...

If you believe professional athletes
should punch their Free Speech Rights out
when they punch in their employment clock,

Why is it fair
to also believe
you have not twittered...

Read more of this work...

Me, Myself and I


One day Me, Myself, and I thought about conquering 
the world.
Me, wanted to get a map and start immediately.
Myself,  wondered if...

Read more of this work...

I was born 6 lbs. 9 oz. with blond hair and blue eyes. 
I was also born gay
I am anorexic. 
And you would think people...

Read more of this work...