Best Breeder Poems
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
Spaniel dog breeder:
Cocker
Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Cocker
Mocker
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Spaniel
Manuel
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Cocker
Soccer
Then showers and dresses by its:
Cocker
Locker
Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie
Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
Dachshund making critcal life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Collie
Folly
Reared in a loving environnment, she was a rather:
Jolly
Collie
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
Raleigh
Collie
To commemorate her frequent (and often rowdy) visits to N.O. a streetcar was renamed the:
Collie
Trolley
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Legal
Beagle
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Regal
Beagle
Now a celebrity, he even had an entourage of nubile young female beagles named:
Snoopy's
Groupies
Eventually, he met his soul mate, married her in Westminster Abbey and it is rumored that they engaged in numerous and somewhat kinky sessions of:
Snoopy
Whoopie
Amidst greenery
Such beauty abounds in bloom
Reaching to the sky
This Oriental Lily
Shows gorgeous colouration
.
The Stargazer lily was created in 1974 by Leslie Woodriff, a lily breeder in California. Woodriff called the new cross 'Stargazer', because the blooms faced towards the sky.
He watched her walk away that day
The tears ran down his nose
Her walk was frisky from behind
She knew just how to pose
He recalled those soft summer nights
When they would ride 'til dawn
He'd rub her shoulders gently then
'Til all the ache was gone
Then they'd stand high on mountain tops
While she would breathe the air
They'd watch the world as it rolled by
Without a single care
Then hard times came and raised their head
He was forced to sell her
He was a horse breeder, that's all -
Not a wealthy feller
May 13, 2016, for contest Make Their Jaws Drop
Angels - 12/28/21 This is a true story experienced by the poet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angel in a Whirlwind
Storm of the decade descends upon the day
Torrents of howling rainfall flood the streets
Banshee winds whip trees, waves upon the bay
Gloomy clouds shadow skies – sunlight in retreat.
Faithful Wheaten, Snickers, too weak to stand
Brightest amber terrier eyes listless in the storm
The rainbow bridge calls to you – gentle command
My broken heart in gusts of windswept mourn.
Now the daylight leaves early – taking the light;
Winter’s hand lays heavy upon the sky;
My tears fall like raindrops dotting the night;
Comfort alludes me in the fading light.
Faithful childhood friend embraces my sorrow
Dinner invitation and shopping at the mall
“Come tonight - please don’t wait until tomorrow.”
Our old habits die hard – we hear the mall call.
Standing on a corner a lady with a Wheaten puppy
Not a hair out of place – not waterlogged or soggy
All felt calm around her – the chaos ceased -
The wind stopped howling in her chrysalis of peace.
Jumping up in greeting just like beloved Snickers
I said farewell with teary eyes in a rain soaked slicker
Pain vanished like a phantom – angelic smile released;
Gentleness of this grace put my heart at ease.
One last question posed “Where did you find your pup?”
Directed to a breeder – my hope rising up
One last puppy longing, waiting for a home
Littermates with new families – this one all alone.
The world stopped spinning on winter’s wings
Warm brown eyes, soft grey ears helped pain lose its sting
Cuddled in our arms softly sleeping in the night.
Theodore our new pup – name means gift of God and light.
Angel in a whirlwind, I never saw your wings
But I know you were God’s messenger like crocus for the spring
My heart filled with gratitude for your mission to this child
And I’ve been seeing angels ever since the storm.
One day spoke corruption
Bitterly to reputation
What a time has come
Totally unable I’m
To create a sensation
And heart filled with gloom
In a tone lost in dream
Spoke he
There was a time
When I had a special regime
I was the grace of kings
Crowned with great attention
I was the hobby of the rich
With feathers of glory
To my cap stitch
But just look at me
How small, how frequent
I have become
Every poor and wealthy
Every weak and healthy
Boast of being corrupt
And of all the worst
Even a leader
Have become
My greatest breeder
Just look here and there
Ah me! Everywhere
Everybody has been using me
Oh that! I could have died
Before watching
My life’s ugliest side
I have left no place
To go and hide
Oh my great God!
Help me lift forever
For I cannot bear
Such a painful cheer
Look how the media
All over
Tearing my tender soul
And my delicate heart
Holes in the whole
I have left no place
To hide my ugly face
A bull dog and shi htzu were crossed
I asked what a puppy would cost
To buy a bull-shiht
Would cost quite a bit
I told the breeder to get lost!
08/27/21
Tall Tales In Short Form Contest
Sponsor: Casarah Nance
A flying chubby dog indeed, is my Mugsy the pug,
with stubby little legs always acting so smug.
He grew wings about a week after he was born,
by the breeder, how come we weren’t warned?
Last week he ran away chasing Rocky the Irish Setter,
my chubby little dog should've known better!
He spread his pug wings over Rocky and he pees,
"I swear, my Mugsy has small-man’s disease!"
Tough as a board, but scared as a tiny tot,
he barks and Rocky screams, “YOU’RE ANNOYING, STOP!”
Mugsy lands on Rocky’s grass and tears it to shreds,
for his owner just laid sod, “OH MUGSY YOU’RE DEAD!”
Mischievous and naughty he laughs in Rocky’s face,
I asked him where he was, “mom I was flying out in space!”
He’s a brave daredevil when crossing the street,
“oh my word Mugsy, you don't deserve a treat!"
~Date Written: May 5, 2016~
A BALLAD TO THE ANCESTORS
Like ripened fruits plucked from a flourishing tree,
They were stolen from a lush paradise garden;
A self sustained dwelling having no need of a warden;
A beautiful paradise where all could work and live free;
But the thieves of the sea came, taking them to the shore.
Cabled towed neck to neck; waist shackled like others before.
They were stacked in ship bellies reeking with death, feces and pee.
God please let their souls’ survival spirit always abide within me?
Though many of our ancestors chose the freedom of death
Over the slavery of life, others chose for one reason or another,
To survive the Middle Passage in hope of returning to the home they left;
These arrived as chained exotic human cargo for trade and barter.
From sea ships’ corrals to auction blocks, they were bought and sold.
Skilled craftsmen they were—intelligence secret—skills used later to get free;
Fooling bidders believing the dumb beasts were well worth their weight in gold.
Oh God I pray their souls’ survival spirit will always abide within me.
Four hundred years of bloody slaving labor from can see to can’t see—
Our ancestors—bonded—free fodder fueling a peculiar institution
In which one had to be fully white in order to really be free.
And all blacks—objects of pleasure for all whites’ ravenous satisfaction.
The black woman—fertile young and old—became its chief breeder.
For pleasure or profit—fertile mother of bastards she was branded to be.
For all children, black, mulatto or white, the black breast was the leaking feeder.
God please allow their souls’ survival spirit to always abide within me?
Yes, through skills, blood, sweat and tears, our ancestors learned to prevail;
Leaving us here still able to struggle and fearlessly fight to be totally free.
With the undying spirit of our ancestors’ audacious faith and hope, we will not fail;
For God has decreed their souls’ survival spirit to always abide within you and me.
Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie
Frankfurter for a Dachshund:
Weenie
Weenie
Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
A Terrier who pigs out too often might become a:
Porky
Yorkie
Spaniel dog breeder:
Cocker
Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Cocker
Mocker
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Spaniel
Manuel
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Cocker
Soccer
Then showers and dresses by its:
Cocker
Locker
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Collie
Folly
Reared in a loving environment, she was a rather:
Jolly
Collie
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
Raleigh
Collie
To commemorate her frequent visits to New Orleans, a streetcar was renamed the:
Collie
Trolley
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Legal
Beagle
Which of course drove:
Snoopy
Loopy
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Regal
Beagle
Now a celebrity, he is blessed with an entourage of young beagle admirers named:
Snoopy's
Groupies
*Submitted for The Funny Kid’s Poem Contest sponsored by Team Poetry Soup
Not again will I profess
my faith in a personal God
Nor its religions, rituals and rites --
The creator and breeder of acrimony,
rivalry, retribution, fear and animosity.
Nature is my God
My God is the natural world,
The spirit of Nature
is mingled in my spirit --
We evolved together
In every way we are one,
Nature and I are as body and soul;
When you see me, you see Nature,
When you see Nature, you see us both!
I do not aspire for some
imaginary heaven or an afterlife,
And deny
all supernatural inspiration or revelation.
God is the Universe -- Eternal, infinite,
Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresence;
Everything in Nature is an aspect of God,
There is nowhere God is not.
I have nothing to confess
but my love of Nature,
Which I cherish
Revere and
Vow to preserve
In all its magnificence,
Beauty and
Diversity!
~For Brenda chiri-carroll contest
My cousin owned a beagle,
A horny ol' dog;
He hunched everything in sight,
Even a hollow log
I looked out on the lawn,
What do you think I'd see?
That peanut-head canine,
Hunchin' on a tree
Hunchin' on a bicycle,
Hunchin' on a car;
Hunchin' on a porcupine,
Oh, what an awful scar!!
I woke up one morning,
Squeaks echoed through my head;
And wouldn't you believe,
He was hunchin' on my bed?!
He never rolled over,
Shake, fetch or beg;
But he could work up a sweat,
On the shin of your leg
One day I had enough,
I called my cousin on the phone;
I shouted loud and clear...
"He's hunchin' on a bone!!"
That's when I realized,
Milk and oil will never mix;
Once again I shouted out...
"Why don't you have him fixed?!!"
My cousin then replied...
"You know that ain't no good!"
"It wouldn't be right,
To take his manhood!"
One day we went fishing,
The sun was facing south;
That silly ol' hound,
Started hunchin' a cottonmouth!
He took a fatal bite,
The snake struck him again;
Before we blinked an eye,
He bolted in the wind!
Deep within the forest,
Searching frantically;
We found our horny friend,
As dead as he could be
The moral to this story,
Be kind to your pet;
If you're not a breeder,
Please call your local vet!
Before we met
My mind was set
On a female pet
As I sat on the ground
Among roughhousing puppies all around
Hoping that I would be found
Soon, I noticed, off to the side
Staring at me with dark eyes wide
A very quiet, dignified little guy
Barely hearing his little grunts and sighs
I bent down and we looked into each other’s eyes.
I immediately knew he was my perfect prize.
Brought him home
Never left him alone
Devoured delicious doggy bone
During my dark days of depression
Never once did he question
My Kit Kat obsession.
His dark eyes looked into mine
As if to say, you’ll be just fine
We have plenty of time.
Ten good years, the last one bad
Vet said he’ll be blind soon (PRA), so sad
Something I can’t fix, really mad
Trusting eyes now opaque,
Every joint and muscle aches;
Oh, how my heart breaks.
Never a whimper, never a sound
No longer does he strut around
With paws floating above the ground.
Squirrels he once furiously chased
No longer have to make haste
Each step now cautiously placed.
His aging confusion is stressful for us
He’s embarrassed by all the fuss
I’m so grateful for his trust
I miss his dark eyes looking into mine
I wish I could say you’ll be just fine
We have plenty of time.
SassyLady
September 11-12, 2015
This poem was written for the Pet Contest
Rocky is a silver and black mini-schnauzer purchased from reputable breeder
Contracted Valley Fever moving to AZ, which attacks immune system, joints and retinas
Developed stomach ulcers, blindness, limping, loss of sense of smell
And loss of eyesight caused by PRA, now have genetic wisdom
That’s where I have been
Among men whose work remains to be seen.
This is where I reside
Amidst this stream of men-
Whose trade flourishes in inks of pen.
You have searched the dancing floor
Among those bevy of girls-
And men captured by dancing spells,
Alas! I will be home reading Bernard Shaw.
My heart breathes writing poetry
As a breeder tends his poultry,
Seeking the wonders yet to appease the human mind,
Writing words too touching for men to rescind.
When next you need to seek me
And your heart beats for a sip of poetry or prose,
I will be blooming fresh like the red rose-
In my house just a couple of houses by the bend.
Shagg was black as coal, pure-breed Pulli
We raised him from a puppy, never would fetch a ball
Seldom ever came whenever we would call
He had other things to do; we should have named him Humpy
He would hump a bush, hump the cat, and even hump a chair
He would hump any leg especially if it was bare
Couldn’t keep him home you see, for he was a traveling man
Solved our problem nicely by nipping it in the bud
Now Shagg is a happy lad; as that was part of the plan
Gave him to a breeder where Shagg now stands at stud
I’m a-starting to *pavo tremble
this time of year
From all of the oven symbols
rack-et I hear
I’m a seasoned Mestizo pheasant,
best strutting actress
in the whole Oaxaca alfalfa field
But I’m beginning to feel a bite unpleasant,
putting on my best plumage dress
Nervously a-wait the cleaver applause build
Henpeck been the best partridge breeder,
top ingenue impresario
Now it’s curtain time to have a successor,
exit thru the oven door
I see the buy-peddles
turning on the kitchen light
And platter shadows
is giving me bye sage fright
No more starlet gobble time
in the summer day breeze
End of peacock pantomime
under those chestnut trees
Sage fright is real grouse,
as grouse real can be
But, Ms. Guajolote
is gon disorderly peck-y,
strut into the Usher house —
Go out in a blade of glory!
Get some carving satisfaction,
when my wishbone performance
get the Red Cross salute
Feast table Heimlich m action,
calculate no glut survival chance
Best snood bow exit route
Go out in a blade of glory!
Be a theatrical proud grouse
As leftovers get cast
from the pall Festive house
This poem was inspired by the
great poet, Paul Laurence Dunbar.
From his poem, "Soliloquy of a Turkey."
*Pavo is the Spanish word for "turkey."
Have a Happy Thanksgiving Day, PSoupers.
— Romantic Warrior
11-26-20