Best Bandit Poems
Oh, Bandit, what's your impish task
While sporting, sly, that little mask?
You seem quite innocent and frail
Yet the kitchen tells a different tale
Floor all messy, the counters, too
Paw prints that led straight to you
But while I had a penance planned
You're far too sweet to reprimand
Looking slumberous in your slouch
Reclining leisurely upon the couch
Soon you'll close those kitty eyes
And off you'll scamper to fantasize
Such fuzzy mitts you'll fuzzily flail
While prizing creatures, (and your tail)
I can't help query what you'll scheme
While making mischief in your dream
Though doubts, have I, it can't outdo
The pranks you pull while being You
But antics granted, here you'll stay
Because I'd have you no other way
So while you're "Plunder-On-All-Fours"
You've plundered, too, this heart ...
That's yours.
** FIRST PLACE in the "Picture Prompt: Write Me Something Funny" Poetry Contest, Julie Leigh Rodeheaver, Sponsor. **
You call me Bandit ‘cause I rummage through trash cans
Searching for leftovers with my five-fingered hands
Mama Coon, believe me, I wasn’t expectin’
To sort through the rubble and find this sweet kitten
She was tired, hungry; I shared my bounty with her
She licked my face and fell into a deep slumber
Can I keep her, Mama Coon? She doesn’t eat much
And she purrs in response to any loving touch
Yes, I know that she is not really one of us
It seems she was abandoned; please don’t make a fuss
Remember the pig “Babe” who was raised by a dog
She was loved and never realized she was a hog
She can sleep in my bed, cuddle with me at night
To send her back out alone just doesn’t seem right
See how comfortably she fits into my hands
And she’s far safer here than in the hands of man
You know how hunters pursue us just for our fur
I’ve grown attached and want a better life for her
Hey bro, what’s up with that
You said you were Too old Too cool
No costume No trick & treating for you
Not interested in going out to get your own candy
You’d obviously rather rummage through my stash
All in the name of helping me with my diet
I want to thank you ever so much for your concern
But don’t do me any favors, bro
If I were you I’d watch my back
AP: Honorable Mention 2022
Submitted on October 14, 2019 for contest IF I WERE MY BROTHER sponsored by BOBBY MAY - RANKED 2ND
With a pull of the arm
the eyes started to roll
Sweat poured from the pits
as if nothing at all.
Tears smudged the rims
from the pull, roll, and ring
When the fruit salad face
Showed a lop-sided grin.
Written in Scottish dialect.
Jack, Bernard and John, the Bandit Kings,
Hae handicaps wae too high.
Each o’ them score four points a hole,
Ah canna tell ye a lie!
Me, ah’m Rabbie, the bard o’ the course;
Ah’m lucky tae score yin point.
Ah feenish the game an’ come in fur a jar,
ma boadies awa’ oot o’ joint.
Jack, Bernard and John, coont up the scores,
Tae see which yin o’ them’s won.
Me ah look doon at ma pitifu’ caird.
"Nae guid wi’ a hunner an’ one."
Bernard says, "Jack what have you scored?"
In his posh Yorkshire dialect tone;
Jack’s lingo is great at a rugby club bash
But no’ sae guid oan the phone.
The Caverley Poond is played doon the last,
The lowest net score scoops the lot:
They’ve aw hit great drives right doon the middle;
Noo they wait for a shoat frae the Scot!
Ah dinna let them doon, ah’ve duffed ma ba’,
It’s flown fifty yairds, nae mair;
Ah tak’ oot ma five wid an’ gie it a heave
An’ they aw begin tae stare!
The ba’ flies superbly, as tho’ it had wings
An’ sails richt intae the hole!
Ah’m happy ah’ve taken these bandits doon,
At last ah’ve achieved ma first goal!
The moral o’ this tale is keep yer sporran zipped up
Dinna let them see a wee groat:
They’ll hatch oot a plan tae help themselves
Tae aw the shillin’s ye’ve goat!
So many times I've seen him fight himself in the mirror,
wondering why his adversary moves like him,
and looks exactly just like him!
Don't ask me; sometimes he twitches his whiskers,
wondering why I don't chase away the intruder,
instead laughing at the situation.
This is one of my favorite moments with Bandit;
he sits right at the right corner of the sofa,
his favorite spot, and watch the TV!
Motion pictures to him seem like another world;
a really mixed up world which leave him in utter shock!
The other cat in the mirror becomes a forgotten story....
United Colours: Yellow
Yellow Panda Bandit
Caution Beware we have reports that the Infamous Bumble Bee Panda Bandit is near,
He was seen in the light of the pale moon robbing the local Golden Spoon right here.
Believed to be armed and dangerous wielding his two Hornet Guns feeling courageous,
although his spine is yellow scared little fellow, your jaundiced fur is just outrageous!
He promised to love me forever
Then again he was just being clever
He took back his love
So I gave him a shove
Headfirst in cow dung-my endeavor!
** for Indian Giver contest
sponsored by(Destroyer ((Poet
Belle hung out and consorted with outlaws,
So folks shunned her and called her a scoff law;
But things aren't as they seem,
And though not squeaky clean,
'Twas the men in her life who were outlaws.
Sam Starr was a Cherokee man.
They married and lived on the land.
To friends who were weary,
They gave sanctuary,
In their home out on Cherokee land.
When Sam was killed in a gun fight,
Belle mourned his death day and night.
With him life was good,
He did what he could,
To provide what he thought was right.
To stay home on Cherokee land,
She must marry a Cherokee man,
So she married Sam's cousin,
Just to have a husband,
But Belle still missed her Sam.
Belle lost her life one fine day,
On her way home from a visit they say.
No one knows for sure,
For the history is poor,
But they ambushed her while on her way.
So the queen was brought to her knees.
Shot down like a dog if you please.
Remember this well,
And you won't go to Hell,
If you lay down with dogs you'll get fleas.
Hey, you, chillin’ in my spot,
why did you not ask
if I’d mind you sitting there
in your Bandit’s mask?
Couch potato (not some man)
just a real cool cat.
Where’d you get your cattitude?
I want some of THAT.
Where might be my popcorn bowl
left where you now sit?
Did you steal it? Because I
wanted more of it!
With your bushy big black tail -
knowing what to do -
you sit comfy on your tush;
making me serve YOU!
Here’s a kitty treat, ok?
Roly poly pet,
let me rub your tummy tum.
How purr-fect you get!
Written in 7/5 Trochee Poetry form, Oct. 23, 2017
for the Picture Prompt Contest: Write Me Something Funny Contest
of Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
Hard Rock Candy bandit,
Desperado of the Country Club
Fever pitch daydreams wait in line
For heathen sacifice to your hunger.
Foolish mortals - all of them - to beg...
You are a star triumphant - singer of the latest,
Greatest song...
You are the heart blood of acceptance
On the trigger of your gun...
A natural phenomenon glittering in shards;
A veritable weapon
Pointing towards the Sun.
Glossy 8x10's line the room in which you sleep
And dream of paranormal men..
Await the future dining on erotic violence...
And oh...the dreams...
Hypnotic, languid hours of indeterminate meaning
Where reality has no prescence
But one compelling voice
Raised in anger...
And chivalry is not a word for children
Whom the World would lull to ignorance
While the World caters to the negligent....and the cruel.
Someday this World will know you.
Someday this World will know how real you are to become...
And past the void beyond the last dark dream
Your script awaits completion
....In the bottom drawer of a cherry red spaceship
Shaped like your favorite car.
And the dreaming...
And the dreams of sheltered sweetness...
They still abide in patience.
Don't you know, sweet silly child
Hard Rock candy bandits
Always win......
BANDIT RAP RHYME
I am a cat
I sittin on a couch
I wear a mask
My names BANDIT
Ain't nothin wrong wit tat
I got it made
As I rest along side this plaid pillow
I'm a distinguished kitty with fan mail just chillin
Most can't handle it
Got my own Facebook account
Rub my belly and I'll "PuRR"
You'll find me on the couch or in the kitchen
I'll never go outside, I stay indoors
"Meow, meow" I know yall can't stand it
Cause I'm living the life of a BANDIT
11/21/17
FOR CONTEST: Picture Prompt Contest Write Me Something Funny
Sponsored by: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
A Bandit robbed the pastry shop
Now he lies upon his seat
He's so stuffed he can't lick his paws
Even though he is so neat
He has meowed a sad meow
Tears trickle behind the mask
He would contemplate his navel
But seeing it a task
He's considering retiring
Or change his present trade
His mother would support him
Oh! don't put on a charade
He'll just have to suffer through this
Maybe go on a diet
Who is kidding whom?_we know
He won't even try it
I love to sit on the settee
And surf the channels on tv
With no apparent skills
Don’t have to pay the bills
Yet I get pampered, you’ll agree!
I have my highs, I have my lows
My whereabouts I don’t disclose
A sucker for romance
Maybe I’ll take a chance
One day to Julie I’ll propose!
If you look deep into my eyes
You’ll see I’m Batman in disguise
I rush to people’s aid
For justice my crusade
Do I deserve a Nobel Prize?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Funny Picture Prompt Contest
Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
Placed 2nd
© 28th October 2017
Always together, they played
Never alone, lost or afraid,
They trudged through the woods
And all the surrounding neighborhoods,
Piercing the darkness with shiny flames,
Their eyes never revealing their names.
Always together, they delighted
In the games – wonderfully excited,
They plodded on through the night
Beneath stars and moon so bright
Carefully seeking the best garbage cans,
With paws that were suitable for hands
Always together, they embarked
On trails and tracks – some unmarked
Reaching for the best trash to consume
Knowing that later they’d need to groom
Together, they robbed every community
Raiding the trash at each opportunity!
These bandits from the woods where flowers
Adorn their woodsy lands thru rain showers
Children Sing to Rhyme Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Eve Roper
March 25, 2023