Best Axed Poems
'Twas the night before Christmas' ...
And with finances dead,
No black number lasted -
Turned Rudolph-nose red.
My wallet, 'twas empty,
My plastic, quite maxed,
My bank account, zero,
My credit - gone, axed!
My back, like my money,
Was spent and inflamed ...
The gift-wrapping mess
Put a landfill to shame.
The stockings were jammed
With a slew of odd junk,
Tho' I don't recall WHAT,
(Being just short of drunk).
I'd hung them with care
'Bove the fireplace, but ...
They all smelled like smoke,
With the flue frozen shut.
My goodwill was doomed
For the shape it was in,
And my patience had left
With the last of the gin.
But bless all the guests,
They slept like the dead,
(Our sugarplums spiked
With pure Panama Red).
Perhaps I could sleep now,
Sans nightmares and fear,
Left dreaming the madness ...
Of Christmas ... NEXT year.
~ 2nd Place ~ in the "The Night Before 2" Poetry Contest, Joseph May, Judge & Sponsor.
~ Poem of the Day ~ featured at Poetry Soup on December 7, 2019 - thank you, Admins!
Yer briny whore
akin to boar
wit' mangy hide 'n scurvy-pocked
chomped 'n chewed
me black 'n blue
wit' carnassial chompers as of croc
Be curs'd, yer nit
me ample bits
equated ter yer own be nowt
yerz be carnivorous
scaly 'n scabrous
yer plaque be axed ter beef up grout
Uncomely wench
yer skunky stench
blunted me hook 'n scorched me beard
me peepers stung
me hornpipe hung
shorn ter th' bone 'n shrivelled 'n seared
Comely 'n curvy
riddled wit' scurvy
th' cap'n's whore-maid tooken yer whole
yer rat o' th' sea
holed and *****
yer fired yer cannon in a rottin' port'ole
Blow me down, lover!! I love it when we talk dirty.
(Hahahaha. I see the Soup powers-that-be deleted my word. I swear it's not used as a swearword. The word rhymes with "hussy". lol)
In da Big Easy
sipping on our Hurricanes
wandering to who-cares-where
Pass an old court-yard
Meters playing 'Cissy Strut'
Funk echoes down Bourbon Street...
*Art Neville (The Neville Brothers) was the organist and founder of the Meters. 'Cissy Strut' was their biggest hit. They reunited for a Katrina benefit concert with Aaron Neville as a guest vocalist
Below are are the links to the song and ‘They All Axed (Asked) For You’ which has become a Mardi Gras classic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_iC0MyIykM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1Vi795Wduc
June 8, 2015
five fabulous fun footles
'FOTTIE' RHYME IN TIME ©
It stands---
Commands
All walls---
A stall
Maned floors---
Plus doors
Large pen---
Closed men
Blank cards---
Locked yards
High stakes---
High takes
Watch out---
About
Alarms---
Gendarmes
Lock up----
Cards cut
Sentenced---
Plans axed!
If you think the English language is easy to speak,
Perhaps you have a thing, or two, to learn.
You might say “axed” when you mean “asked”
When is it appropriate to say “dang,” “darn,” or “durn?”
“Advice” or “advise,” ”accept” or “except,” --a curse
Tempted to use “illicit” when you mean “elicit?”
Misusing “averse” when you mean “adverse?”
If you are not careful, you will completely botch it.
“Farther” and “further” are especially difficult:
One describes distance, the other quantity, or degree,
“Hanged” or “hung” present similar predicaments,
In both cases one word should do, but don’t “axe” me.
Who knew “ingenious” and “ingenuous” aren’t the same,
And few folks get “nauseous” and “nauseated” right.
Do you have “relatives” or “relations” or “relationships?”
If you want to quote an authority, do you use “site” or “cite”?
What is the difference between “already” and “all ready?”
Which one is correct “could care less” or “couldn’t care less?
Not to mention when you use “altogether” or “all together,”
Is it “there’s” “theirs,” “they’re”, its or it’s --what a mess!
“Continual” or “continuous,” and “fewer” or “less,”
“Conscience” and “conscious” lead some folks astray.
Are you “enthused” or “enthusiastic,” “infer” or “imply?
I hesitate to bring up the inevitable “can” or “may!”
So, “them” or “those” foreigners should learn "our tongue;"
It’ll make life simpler, “to,” “two” or “too,” for everyone.
“Who” or “whom?” -- please, let’s give these folks a break
Because English is not so easy, when all is said and done!
Happy. Genial. Merry. Jolly
Blottoed, blasted, etched and blitzed
Mellow, foggy, hazy, squiffy
Tipsy. Tiddly. Brahms and Liszt
Dazed, zombied, tanked-up, trollied
Ganted, gubbed, guttered
Bladdered, blathered, leathered, plastered,
Sozzled, sloshed, scuttered
Hammered, battered, caned, mangled
Spannered, mullered. Half-cut, lashed
Twisted, warped, slammed, wasted
Wrecked, ruined. Munted, trashed
Liquified, marinated, juiced, sauced,
Steamed, pickled, fried
Cabbaged, mashed, cooked, baked
Boiled, stewed. Pie-eyed
Stinking. Howling. Pole-axed, floored
Under the influence. Off one's woo
Steampigged, badgered, ratted, goosed,
Clobbered. Lairy. Boogaloo
3 sheets to the wind. Away with the fairies
Under the table. Tight as a tick.
Ankled, wellied, trousered, legless,
Bevvied, swizzled, pot-sick.
One over the eight. Out nibbling the grape.
Rosy. Rummy. Poggled.
Jober as a sudge. Laughing at the carpet.
Seeing double. Boggled.
Lubricated, oiled, pixilated, ploughed
Intoxicated, inebriated. On the grog
Wobbly, jungled, off to the races
Lit up, shot down. Cocked as a log
As a lord, as a piper, as a fiddler, as a poet,
As a newt, as a monkey, as a skunk
As a sailor, as a mouse, as a pig, as a fart
Muddled. Fuddled. Or just plain drunk
Words and experiences, many of us share
And I'm sure there's a few that I've missed
But while some get "tired and emotional"
I just prefer to get…
You’re driven to do bad, bad
real bad things
Chucky did it, you’d often say
You’re given to say bad, bad
real bad things
You said it’s Rhoda who talks this way
You’ve been fibbing bad, bad
real bad, boy
Ever since you said Jason bragged he killed your pa
You’ve been tripping bad, bad
real bad, boy
Ever since you said Lizzie confessed she axed your ma
You got so many voices talking to you
Sometimes they’re talking at the same time
Each voice clamoring, trying to get through
But Dr. Lecter’s voice keeps them all in line
I hear the voices in your head
Because they’ve been talking to me too
I’m not listening to what Dr. Frankenstein just said
Because the voice in the mirror said I’m just like you
This is the poem that was the cause of me coming to Poetry Soup.
On another poetry website, when I posted this poem, they censured it,
and removed it. I was very upset about that. Someone no doubt was
offended and complained about the poem's subject matter content.
I kept my poems posted at the other website for the sake of the
other poets. Most of those poems have not been posted here at PSoup.
If you want to know where those poems are at, you can contact me
by soup mail. I would like to know what you think about this poem.
Love always, Romantic Warrior.
When the world disappoints
When your friends let you down
When the package’s too small
When the aches won’t subside
When the suds seem too dull
When your choice show gets axed
There’s always Bud Light
or bourbon on ice
Perhaps a Mai Tai
Maybe some fine wine
Cup of therapy
You’ll have a pal
in a tumbler
That won’t fail you
Won’t disappoint
Your aide will
pick you up
off the floor
Liquid
chum and
patch
***For David's Contest
After July abdicates, august August arrives,
and the year advances, as annually agreed.
After assessing alternative alternatives and accords,
as anticipated, no other affirmative alternative is advanced.
Actually August is always an annual actuality, affably accepted
as amicable and always awaited ardently, as July avidly absconds!
Anxiously active actions advise August adherents, to atrabilious accordingly,
as days are abridged and abbreviated, around-the-clock! Slowly
as all administrations adjourn, advocates abort all agonistic argument,
as analysis of aforethought Acts are advanced, and addendums
are amicably agreed. After appropriate and amusing accolades are accepted,
all approve of appeasement, as another additional accidental adventitious
activity appears! August is always appreciated and advances, as aide-de-camps
award and authorise aristocrats and actuaries, to amalgamate advertising agencies,
although angry animosity always aggravates, angers, and aggrieves
anti-agreement antagonists! Assuaging angry aged academics and agents,
aghast at angry animosity, always attracts acrimonious atrabilious attention.
As an acknowledged antidote, an amusing anecdote is always acceptable,
as an agreeable anaesthetic appetizer, and allaying fears. An atmosphere
of aggravated argument, also assures all august, August activities are
axed and abolished abruptly, as September appropriately and advisedly appears!
Adieu, Adios, Arrivederci, Au revoir August and Amen!
Rhymer. September 1st, 2016..
You walk on me like a sidewalk
And write on me like chalk
I go blind just seeing you talk
My teeth are numb from hearing you walk
I’m caught in your vision
In the crosshairs of your indecision
Like a shadow I’ll lead you when it’s chilly
You’re a snow tiger, a white lily
Letting your lips light up this city
Ready to fly away like a kite when it’s windy
I’m trapped well within your throwing range
Surrounded by landmines and incoming grenades
Your aroma ignites scented candles
This fire is more than I can handle
Empty beach, bare feet, and no sandals
Run over me like bulls ready to trample
I’m a target and you’re so insightful
So let’s see how good you’re really are with that sniper rifle
Plane from the beach to the lake
Like a priceless vase about to break
Your style is too good to be fake
6.a.m, like stolen pearls you’ve gone to sleep and I lie in your wake
I’m stuck in a rut of indecision to give or take
40 million ways to die and I get bit by a charming snake
In a fit of happiness we have but one life to live
And you’ve given him the most precious thing you could give
Angelic wings, a devilish grin, and a story with more holes than a sieve
Lie to someone else who can’t tell when you fib about your sins
Shut up listen, let me finish, I’ve come back again ready to win
In a losing a battle to a stabbed back, busted lip, and broken chin
Is this your way to raise hell when the heavens fell yesterday?
And with nothing left to lose, axed back, you ask “why not wish it all away?”
I didn’t think I would come back, blue and black, to a see another day where I lay
betrayed
Have something amazing erase my face, spit out the taste where waste remains
But before you speak, and think I’m weak, let me show you something unique
I never fell but stayed on my feet, having you beat by keeping the promise I made
weeks ago in my speech
So now you’re dead to me and I’m dead to you
Do you remember what I said to you?
No matter how far you are… I’m one step ahead of you
She'd grasped me unwittingly
- we are no more on this earth!
I heard frightened squealing
- we are no more here and there!
those were her last words
big nothing - a simple say
as the end of the world
starts with the end of the day
my love – I'll fallow your way
throughout silvery cobweb
gently plated on horsetail scales
I'll bear thy ashes until last breath
and wind a prophet mad
will blow the tale of dawn
protruding from behind
the veil of scorching night
with waving shimmer
across the fading skies
we'd used to be a dreamers
and soon we'll turn in to a dust
we'd used to be a streamers
amongst the ashed stars
as down below world grimmed
could not resist allure of bars
we'd used to be...
and be the peace with us
we are the leaves of tree
fondly axed apart
Portlaoise 05/03/2016
Let me at first
sight split in your
eyes
To see the look you
will wear on your
face.
Let me seize foods
and fruits from your
gullet
For three morning
and night
To see your mood in
this condition
Let me empty your
purse to water and
sands
To look up to your
disdain temper of
insatiable.
Let me pressurize
you under the sun
To see how vengeance
discomfort your
heart will beat
Let me knife you a
wound on your body
To witness your
impatient state.
Let me axed your
wound
To hear what your
mouth will
pronounce.
Will it upon these
tortures and
treatments
Withstand to
sonorously call her
name?
Or will it renounce
her name to a
worthless
measurement?
Endless is a love
that never resist
all odds;
Fall-out is a
weakling love
Which waits only in
all good accord.
Food,shelter and clothing,
The triplets for human survival,
Trees fed fruits,
Dressed with leaves,
Stand tall over the heads like roofs,
Trees freed men to leave it's fort,
The men axed trees to live in comfort!
Certain people hate the Wii U, they call it a piece of crap.
But I like the game console and I think it got a bum rap.
It's no XBOX One or PS4 but it's not an abomination.
I believe it was good and that's not an exaggeration.
Yes, a few of its games do stink, especially Paper Mario: Color Splash.
When I played that game, I'd get so mad that I wanted to throw it in the trash.
Nintendo released the Switch when they axed the Wii U.
People hated the console and so it was discontinued.
I hated to see the Wii U fail, it has become another Dreamcast.
Certain people hated the Wii U and now it's a thing of the past.
The deathly beat of our pounding feet
With shackles of life's disaster.
Bubbles of air contain great care
immersed in blurry waters,
Echoed dreams we shall believe
In everything and all before us.
Many a night we fear the light
Of Golum the greedy master.
We share aware of trees despair
Axed the roots of laughter.
Defined at source where love restores
And bleeds happily ever after.