Best Ate Poems
Strong Coffee Ate A Silver Spoon
Strong coffee ate a silver spoon
Blind feline lapped up the spilled milk
Sweet relief cannot come too soon
I slept on sheets of finest silk
Gone such dreams with vanishing moon
Dry toast from molded bread was made
Served with the world's gold gilded lies
Sides of temptations, well displayed
Seeds of regrets in cherry pies
I, a blind jackass, sorely brayed
Eggs were scrambled while feeling pain
Table sighed, "Why am I left bare?"
Except for heartache's tenured stain
and foolish pride that placed it there
I hear cries in horrid nightmares
Plum jam scooped from a broken jar
Morn's mirror showed my old hurts
bludgeoned by love's iron bar
Stove hissed at me, "Your just desserts!"
I deserved each deeply etched scar
Robert J. Lindley, April 2nd, 2002
Rhyme, (Early dawn, Breakfast speaks, Life's foibles)...
If you judge food with the quantity put before you
Then my first choice will be the Victoria Hotel*.
On Sunday lunch, food is too plentiful, makes you blue.
There we will eat so much it will make our tummies swell.
In my travels, I had times when food was super great.
Like when in sunny Ireland we drove up a high hill.
Fragrant smell of seafood, an inevitable bait,
And who cared about driving, chilled white wine was a thrill.
Athens and the Acropolis, a sight to explore.
We descended on foot and found a farm that served meals
We poured some white wine I had never tasted before,
Various cuts of lamb tastefully spiced, worth the deals.
One surprise was in Switzerland, on a mountain high.
My wife and I opted for a trout for the first time.
It was deliciously tasteful, we could almost fly.
We shared a second helping, costed many a dime.
I suppose there are other good times when food excelled,
But Urk in Holland was my biggest surprise of all.
A shack near the sea served food but not even a smell
We ate the finest fresh sole, the chef we had to call.
But the worst food I partook in was in old Brazil
Only meat and hormone-fed chicken, cooked with no skill.
NB The Victoria Hotel is situated in Sliema, Malta, not far from where I live. The food there is always first class, except for the wine :)
It was our third-grade field trip to the Dinosaur Exhibit
We would be touring all the lands that dinosaurs inhibit
I remember the teacher saying “keep your hands inside your pockets”
Then she paired me with the meanest kid, his name was Tommy Rockets
“I dare you to take an egg,” Tommy whispered giving me a stare
The nest was full of eggs, if I took the smallest who would care?
The next day at school every child was questioned.
The museum curator was out to teach us a lesson
The egg had grown overnight and was hidden in my coat.
They made mom take me to the doctor so he could check my throat.
They poked me and they prodded, ran machines against my feet.
They questioned why I would choose that specific egg to eat.
The news showed my picture on every single station.
One reporter called me Dino Boy. I was an amateur sensation
When the egg finally hatched I had to hide the birth.
The animal that was born was extinct from this earth.
A Flaming Pterodactyl in all his blazing glory.
No one believed me, but who could make up such a story?
At first, he was easy and stayed in my closet through the day.
At night he’d fly around but never go astray.
Then I started getting blamed for things when I wasn’t even there.
Like vegetables gone from gardens leaving soil bare.
Kitty cats so high in trees the firemen couldn’t reach them.
Children so riled up teachers couldn’t teach them.
We moved from one town to another and another.
Each time it was the same. People felt pity for my mother
The next morning I woke up to a chewing sound
crunch, crunch, and crunch.
That’s when I noticed he ate my homework for his lunch.
My Flaming Pterodactyl again was causing havoc.
With a trail of Cheetos, I led him to our attic.
I made sure he was comfy then I headed off to school.
No one there believed me until they found him swimming in the pool.
Now he’s our school mascot in all his flaming glory.
A Pterodactyl that … sorry he ate the rest of this story!!
February 1st, 2021
Written for the contest: and then a flaming pterodactyl ate my homework
Sponsor: John Lawless
Today I present an old poem, written at least a decade before "Doubts". What this poem lacks in poetic format, and style, it reaps in sentiment.
Enjoy:
the Girl Who Ate the National Park
I was picking apples, from polystyrene
boxes, when she held aloft a spiky
green football and her excited voice
asked, “What do you call this?”
She named it durian. I didn’t know,
and pulled a lettuce from its packing.
Harvested multigrain rolls
from bakery bins, and hunted
sandwich ham from fridges.
I laid our picnic mat down
amongst market gardens, and planted myself
to grow in her company. Uncorked
a shiraz in a vineyard, and savoured
her smile. Pulled an apricot from the cooler,
in an orchard, and hungrily
consumed her words.
She took to the park's paths
like shopping aisles. Selecting ingredients
for a salad from green foliage shelves.
She chose a duck dish
as it flew above us, and decided on a fish,
as we watched it swim
beneath the waterfall.
Then as we left, she created a desert
from the trees.
Her touch stopped me. Rooted
me to the spot, where we ravenously
embraced. Our feelings blossoming
around us. Forming a canopy
which we took shelter under,
and bore fruit, that we ate together.
Our appetites sated.
When they married he was as thin as a rake
But his wife she loves to bake
She thinks the way to his heart
Is to practice her culinary art
He’s been eating all her pies
You should see his thunder thighs
He’s in love, this he cannot disguise
Now his tum is as wide as his eyes
His wife puts on a good spread
Has his fill then he falls into bed
He’d love a bit more bedroom action
But he can’t get no satisfaction
Apple pies make him tired and sleepy
His mum thinks he’s looking quite peaky
He would love to go on a diet
But his wife wont let him try it
She says cooking is her passion
As for sex that’s now on ration
He can’t live like this any more
Packs his bags and heads for the door
Moves out and joins a new gym
Loses weight and starts to get thin
Meets a girl on an exercise bike
Tells his wife she can 'go take a hike'
Now he’s happy with the girl of his dreams
And his clothes aren’t bursting at the seams
10~08~14
Contest:-Plentitude of Pies
Sponsor:-Sheri Fresonke Harper
~awarded 15th place~
Charles Bukowski ate my girlfriend
He started with her head
Fiddled with her like finger food
Putty in his hands
Charles Bukowski took my girlfriend
Slapped her hard upside the face
Now she likes it dirty
So this poets been replaced
I'd like to say so long Charlie
As far as I'm concerned
You can hit the literary highway
Never to return
Charles Bukowski took my girlfriend
And showed her a good time
As I'm watching from the shallow end
Of my kiddie pool of simple rhyme
Charles Bukowski ate my girlfriend
Chewed her up then spit her out
Now that good for nothing Charlie
Is all she talks about
Johnny stutters when he's nervous
Gina skipped to school one day
Janice lost her favorite ruler
In the backyard yesterday
Where is my pizza
It was in the microwave
Someone came and ate it up
And left the crumbs right here
Corona virus spreading fast
Wash your hands and wear a mask
The weak will die the strong survive
We need to breathe to stay alive
Who took my pizza
I put it in the microwave
Someone greedy ate it up
Left the crumbs right on the bed
Stomp your feet and stand up proud
Clap your hands and pray...
We are the survivors
Survivors of a pandemic plague
Still roaming for victims
It's airborne infecting prey
Time is running out the door
Sun is setting on our shores
People come and people go
Love is all that's left to show
You're the one that's meant for me
The woman of my fantasies
I've set my sails on charted course
Soon I'll be anchoring at your port
Who ate my pizza
Someone will have to pay
Is it Gina, Janice or Johnny
Send delivery by the way
Who ate my pizza
It was in the microwave
Someone left an empty plate
The pepperoni's in my brain
Zombies ate my Christmas guests
Oh Lord you should have seen it
Don't know what the cops will think
But the neighbors won't believe it
Granny dodged and moved so quick
She ran like Herschel Walker
Just as it seemed she'd get away
She tripped, that's how they caught her
Uncle Fred was passed out cold
From slugging lots of scotch
So they put him in the blender
And started drinking shots
What happened to the others
Is a tale to gross to tell
But i think that me and grandpa
Are going straight to... well now
See grandpa is a Wiley one
And he knew just what to do
Smeared on blood and messed his pants
Then said you'd better too
The zombies still came after us
But when they caught our smell
stopped all of their snarling
And said welcome..... what the well now
So grandpa, me, and zombies
All sat at the dinner table
Drinking shots of uncle Fred
And dinning on aunt mable
The master of my wolves was so trusty
and so very good at his job,
without him my pack, unmentored,
would have run wild, but they never did,
my packmaster had them well in hand.
I don’t know where they are now,
my canines that I loved so much,
they disappeared when he died
in the jaws of less civilised wolves,
not a well behaved unit like mine.
Mine might have left in disgust, not fear,
at that shamelessly savage new lot.
A pack that I’ve never seen
left only enough of my wolfmaster
that I knew that they were his remains,
but worse than his untidy remains
they left a note, callous, gloating.
‘Haha – We Ate Your Master Of Wolves –
Sincerely – The Wolves.’
I worry that they’ll huff and puff
and pick my front door lock
and consign me to the same fate
as my trusty master of canines,
I hear them at night, sometimes near.
I knew him well enough to know
that he was an excellent pack leader
and he was definitely the master
of my dearly loved wolves,
but I can’t account for those wolves.
8th November 2018
It was moms birthday she loved eggplant
I didn't hear the man as he began to rant
I was a cooked child kneeling on stoic air
in the back room I ate, without his stare
a purple eggplant was devoured as I trembled
wolfing it down, I quickly re-assembled
no I did not care, mom wasn't there
to see her child labor without fair, fare .
January 16, 2019
From the top of my head
to the tip of my toes
there's nothing about me,
that God does not know.
He knows I am weak,
but in Him I am strong.
And what ever I do,
He sees my rights
and He sees my wrongs.
God, You know I'm not perfect,
and this cookie I eat,
tastes so delicious,
fresh baked and sweet.
Help me, God, to control
my diabetes today.
And give me a love
for more veggies, I pray.
(P.S., God, Can you make them taste sweet?
Like the cookies so tempting that I love to eat.)
.
A dingo ate my baby
It came into the tent
Gobbled up my kiddie
Farted, then it went
The dingo ate my baby
It’s a terrible disgrace
It swallowed up my nipper
And it didn’t leave a trace
My dog ate my homework
He doesn't know what he's done
He's forced me to defend myself with what is essentially a pun
I asked him why'd he do it He started licking his butt
It angered me more this non-explanation for my rut
I yelled at him fiercely coupled with a mean stare
He cocked up his leg and peed on the chair
I asked him hadn't I always given him chicken soup for the soul
He barked at me once then pushed forward his bowl
I told him this was unacceptable behavior and I would not put up with this crap
He jumped up on my sofa undeterred and settled in for his mid-morning nap
I ate a purple jelly bean
after my lunch one day!
But I accidently swallowed it whole
so my mom called the doc right away!
He told her I'd be fine,
just give it some time!
He also prescribed me some strange-looking
sour, acidic, Calamondin limes!
Apparently these limes
would make the pain go away.
But honestly all they did for me
was give me facial expressions that were crazy!
After the limes, I went to get a drink
to wash the taste out of my mouth.
Unfortunately, when I went to get a drink
I tripped on my kitten's pet mouse!
So far it had been a terrible day!
Horrid, I tell you! Horrid!
I don't want to know what'll happen next!
I think I'll just go to bed!
Thrust a sword into my gut;
Save me from this mindless rut!
Armor, shield- an open field
(To guide my hands with luck)
One by one 'til all are killed;
Beaten, Bashed, Bested- Struck!
*Play on "Gladiator"