Best Appliance Poems
Sub-titled: What’s in YOUR Fridge?
Please allow me to introduce myself:
My name is Ms. Fridge A. Daire
I stand tall among my lesser cohorts
and MOST of them really look up to me
However, I have two problems:
First, I’m FED UP with my owner
He's always opening my door
reaching deep inside (Oooh yeah!)
helping himself to my goodies
without EVER cleaning me out
or scrubbing me from top to bottom
Doesn’t he know a woman has NEEDS?
Then there’s that stupid stove next to me
who’s constantly flirting and making passes
Says he wants to ‘warm me up’ and ‘defrost’ me
bragging that I’ve ‘got the hots’ for him
which absolutely makes my Freon boil!
Of course, I always give him the cold shoulder
by freezing him with my famous icy stare
and responding, “Simmer down Four-Eyes"
or “I don’t date shorter appliances"
But he’s always cooking up something else...
So I asked my owner to move me to another spot
He said he would if I wasn’t so heavy...HEAVY?
What kind of thing is THAT to say to a lady?
He also claims there’s no other place to plug me
PLUG me? Who does he think I am anyhow?
I found it quite crude and vulgar! ANYWAY...
I suggested an extension cord and he blew a fuse!
Geez, no wonder he’s still single...
Categories:
appliance, funny, humorous, relationship,
Form:
Personification
Dear Fridge, you’re getting up in years. Oh, my!
How many now? You must be twenty-five!
The dishwasher already I’ve seen die.
How ever have YOU managed to survive?
Sir Oven also is a hanger-on,
But rarely do I spend my time with HIM!
I use his stove sometimes to cook upon.
Too bad you kitchen things can’t keep me slim!
You never rest! I open up your door.
The produce you’ve been keeping fresh I see;
The cheeses, breads, and butter, even more:
Cold casseroles and pizza tempting me!
I do not clean you often. That is mean!
I ought to prize more my appliance queen.
Categories:
appliance, humor,
Form:
Sonnet
I'm an Ultra Quiet with a whir
Frigidaire 24” Built-In White Dishwasher
Energy saver
With hot and cold stir
Oh yes they do make a dishwasher
I’m getting so old they just don't know
They think I can do the job like a pro
Baskets are crumbling
Rust on everything
I'm ready to blow and overflow
Naive people believe what labels sell
They use a lemon scent liquid gel
States; “No" pre-washing
Leaves dishes sparkling
All lies, it makes the dishes look like hell
They have hard water in their home
So the liquid soap makes no foam
Barnacles have formed
Heating elements deformed
I'm tired of their complaints when they get home
I'm an Ultra Quiet with a snore
Frigidaire 24” Built-In White Dishwasher
Energy saver
No, not any more
Oh yes, they do need a new dishwasher
9/22/2015
Contest Name: A Tribute to a Major Appliance
Sponsor: Mary Oliver Rotman
Categories:
appliance, fun,
Form:
Limerick
Nigella Lawson
Her food my source of inspiration
Cooking up a storm of exotic tastes
A master chef on the hot plates
09-13-2015
Categories:
appliance, food,
Form:
Clerihew
Oh My Gosh! What’s the matter with you?
You could be squatting outside over a fire!
So you have to clean me once in awhile…big deal!
I slave for you with never a thank you.
Turn a knob and I heat your fancy pans..
I simmer, I boil, I bake for hours…
And what do I get in return…whining
about the new self cleaning ovens…stainless
steel the big “I have to have”! I may be plain
but I never let you down. and yet…you sigh
whenever you have to wipe a spill.
So who's fault it that?
You’re the one who was gossiping on the phone..
Not my fault! I hate to be the one to tell you..but
You’re A Crummy Cook!”..I do my best but
you’ve got to follow a recipe…you’re not a natural!..
Awwwhhh, forget it I’m tired. You don’t listen anyway…
Who cares if you order take out tomorrow…
Not me, that’s for sure…
Categories:
appliance, humor, imagination,
Form:
Verse
I used to be called ice box.
To protect my integrity, I need to be cold.
At any degree, I am o.k. with myself.
Made of steel; I am strong.
To move me, would be difficult.
Any tears are now frozen within me.
What is inside of me remains good and safe.
See the light and
You find things of substance and value there.
I do not mind being called frigid.
If I should break down;
You would be sorry,
Not able to feed your needs.
You use me and take me for granted.
I have been here at your convenience,
To get what you want!
Categories:
appliance, humorous, integrity,
Form:
Personification
I really love the dishwasher
And so does Mum and Dad!
We filled it after every meal,
Until one day I heard a squeal!
Water had poured all over the floor
But hadn’t made it under the door!
Until the appliance was in the pink
Dishes were washed in the sink.
That really was not much fun,
It’s fair to say it was none!
Dishwashers can break in a blink
But it’s so much better than using the sink!
Categories:
appliance, appreciation,
Form:
Rhyme
Hey little fridgy-widgy,
Where’s my fishy-wishy?
Is it hiding in the back,
Or lost in a crack?
Let me at it,
Gonna grab it,
With a mini fridge attack.
Eww, its swathed in icky mold,
But the fish was not that old.
I assert that you must
Shake off all your rust.
Don’t you ditch me,
Fridgy-widgy;
Say you’ll always keep food cold.
You say you’ve lost your drive,
And will not long survive.
But you’re my best chum,
That’s kept food numb,
And like a pup,
I’ve raised you up
Since nineteen eighty five.
In fact, you are living proof,
That I haven’t lost my youth.
You’ve been plugged in,
Through thick and thin,
Though my family
Have all left me,
But I wish you were rustproof!
Categories:
appliance, anxiety, appreciation, journey,
Form:
Rhyme
Never once gave thought
How appliances make life easy,
We have all become lazy
For they do the work for you and me.
How would we keep food
If there's no fridgeadaire,
Buy grocery's as we eat them
To expensive we wouldnt dare.
Cooking wouldnt be possible
For we wouldnt have a range,
We'd have to gather many twigs
Figure the way they need arranged.
What about our dishes
Our luxeries to get them clean,
Dish pan hand's would develop
With dishwashers now this isnt seen.
Our clothes are another issue
Modern day washer and dryer,
Without these would cause pain
For our painful hand would tire.
I have many nice things
One can take all they wish,
Please dont take my appliances
For they are my life and ones i would miss.
Categories:
appliance, funny, life,
Form:
Rhyme
Time is a pale salamander
swishing past my empty window;
as my children look at me, cornerwise,
in my accelerated process of aging,
I sit as half-ghost in waiting,
half-kitchen appliance in manner and deed.
Whatever they expected eludes me;
the gold-leaf incandescence of immortality,
perhaps; not to visibly fail before
their now saddening, disappointed eyes.
There is little I can bequeath verbally,
or impart with clandestine look,
or allude to with symbolic gesture,
except to write in spirit that all goodbyes,
even silent and motionless ones,
have to start somewhere…
Categories:
appliance, daughter, family, life, loss,
Form:
Blank verse
R emember how
E ffortlessly your
F ather would
R emove his
I cy cold beer before
G ame Time?
E ach can was
R ippling with an
A phrodesiac of
T he fermented grain.
O h, how I still
R emember those
S ips he let me have...
Categories:
appliance, appreciation, drink, father, memory,
Form:
Acrostic
Stove is a device used for heating or
cooking food.
There are wood, coal, electric and
gas stoves.
Oven is a part of the stove used for
baking cakes and other recipes.
Stofa is an old english word used
in the antiquity.
The first stoves were used in Rome.
Modern stoves has a glass top.
Stoves come in many sizes and colors.
An appliance that has been very beneficial
to modern kitchens.
Categories:
appliance, education,
Form:
Free verse
A Tribute To A Major Appliance 2
There you stand passively by the kitchen door..
Apple green in colour, I so love your refreshing color…
Upright and imposing, over all others things…
Comparing sizes, you’re like one colossal being…
Here in my kitchen, you are the king…
For there is no dishwasher that rings…..
There isn’t a freezer to rival your presence…
The stove in the corner, is old enough to be absent…
You tower over all the humans in this household…
Everyone of us diligently engage you for something cold…
Both your twin doors are well adorned with fridge magnets…
Goes to show how much we treasure you days and nights..
Even when as a family out on holidays in places foreign…
A fridge magnet is the one little item we indulge in…
Your upper freezer door opens to a frozen treasure den…
Of fish and sea food, of animal meat, all fresh yet deep frozen…..
Your lower door, how do I possibly sing aloud your praises…
When things from A to Z are laden into all possible places…
Even when for the umpteenth time we open daily this paradise den…
You diligently preserve and protect the freshness in every single item….
Here in my kitchen, spick and span as it should be…
Refridgerator, you are a major appliance here to me…
5 Oct 2015 A Tribute To A Major Appliance
Categories:
appliance, appreciation, devotion, family, imagination,
Form:
Light Verse
A Tribute To A Major Appliance
A flick is all I need….
To get you going in my hour of need…
It matters not the time nor the need…
For it is a habit born out of need…
Till it is so ingrained even if there isn’t any need…
A flick is all I need….
To get you purring in smooth speed…
It matters not how well you speed…
For you are perpetually set at one speed…
Till the room is blessed with relief from your speed…
A flick is all I need…
To get the most out of you…
It matters not others may find you obsolete…
For there is air conditioning indeed…
Till some others overlook your deed…
A flick is all I need…
To get you going when I step in or out of my room…
It matters greatly that your presence ventilates my room..
For there is no cool air conditioning in my room.…
Till then I have absolute trust you are best for my room…
A flick is all I need….. My ceiling fan for my cooling needs!
5Oct 2015
Categories:
appliance, appreciation, cool, dedication, happy,
Form:
Light Verse
Looking at appliances
(My fridge is on the fritz)
I noticed there are trends to which
Each company commits.
For kitchen items mostly come
In silver stainless steel,
A modern look that to my taste
Does not have much appeal.
I like refrigerators
That are plain and simply white,
Though finding one to fit has been
A disappointing plight.
At last a few have surfaced
Which is cause for some bravado
Yet I’d settle for the stainless
More than gold* or avocado*!
*popular appliance colors in the 1960’s
Categories:
appliance, color,
Form:
Rhyme