A Tribute To a Major Appliance

Sub-titled: What’s in YOUR Fridge? Please allow me to introduce myself: My name is Ms. Fridge A. Daire I stand tall among my lesser cohorts and MOST of them really look up to me However, I have two problems: First, I’m FED UP with my owner He's always opening my door reaching deep inside (Oooh yeah!) helping himself to my goodies without EVER cleaning me out or scrubbing me from top to bottom Doesn’t he know a woman has NEEDS? Then there’s that stupid stove next to me who’s constantly flirting and making passes Says he wants to ‘warm me up’ and ‘defrost’ me bragging that I’ve ‘got the hots’ for him which absolutely makes my Freon boil! Of course, I always give him the cold shoulder by freezing him with my famous icy stare and responding, “Simmer down Four-Eyes" or “I don’t date shorter appliances" But he’s always cooking up something else... So I asked my owner to move me to another spot He said he would if I wasn’t so heavy...HEAVY? What kind of thing is THAT to say to a lady? He also claims there’s no other place to plug me PLUG me? Who does he think I am anyhow? I found it quite crude and vulgar! ANYWAY... I suggested an extension cord and he blew a fuse! Geez, no wonder he’s still single...