Best Annoyingly Poems
Carpentry
It’s the first nail
That hurts, the sharpness
That pierces right through the framed constructs
Of our wooden fears
With
unrelenting precision
As if we could unhurry our blood or
Hammer a dismantled dream
Into a different shape
Unfurled blueprints mark the unfinished house
Where a doorjamb is still annoyingly unaligned
Or a window frame not plumb
We call upon the carpenter ,
The one who can hold nails
In his teeth,
The one who knows
Crossbeams shudder
In the gold dust of what they must bear.
I.
There are so many things that I desire,
oh, please Santa, give me what I fancy-
I’m a woman with needs, so much required,
now here’s my list, I’m getting too antsy!
Laser hair removal system for one,
you know sir, the kind that doesn’t even hurt?
Cuz’ not only would it be so much fun,
it would be easier for me to flirt.
No man wants a girl with gross facial hair,
Chewie Chewbacca has nothing on me-
I need a delicate skin tone so fair,
not a five o’clock shadow so hairy.
I beg of you, to fill my last request,
so that I may always look my darn best!
II.
I’ve been a lil’ naughty, I must confess,
dipped my toes in cold water full of ice-
Ate too many Snickers and stole that dress,
Santa, I didn’t even have to think twice!
What else have I done that has been so wrong?
yes, maybe I should keep you in the loop-
Walking my puppy, and strolling along,
started storming, I didn’t pick up his poop!
Or what about the time I shh-ed that kid,
he was annoyingly singing too loud
in church; then he ran off crying and hid,
his parents couldn’t find him in the large crowd.
See, innocent I never claimed to be,
but I hope you show mercy upon me!
III.
Despite my indiscretions you must know,
I really am a nice girl deep inside-
It’s hard, but I try to go with the flow,
it’s not my fault I’ve got nothin’ to hide!
I beg and plead for you to see the good,
held in the depth of my soul and my heart-
Please know I would do better if I could,
guess New Year’s Day is a good time to start.
Santa, you must have compassion for me,
I know you enjoy having your white beard,
but it’s not normal to be so hairy,
have you seen me lately? I look so weird!
Yes, I’ve been naughty… give me your wisdom---
send a laser hair removal system!
From Your Lips to Santa's Ears Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Phillip Garcia
December 27, 2017
The simplicity of life
Transparent as black glass
Bordering my ever contemplating mind
And the annoyingly optimistic
High pitched
And easily recognizable
Music of the Beatles
Struggles to overcome
my black soul
And forces the image of Paul and John
As they point in my direction
And shout for all to hear
And all to know
That I'm the real nowhere man
Making all my nowhere plans
For nobody
Just me
Alone in this place
No signs
To tell me where i am
No direction
To show me where to go
All of the houses
Match
No cars
No people
Just a dog
Barking in the distance
constantly
Every second
Of every day
Every night
Of every year
And nothing I can do
To silence the painful
Racking
And never ending noise
As it slowly drives me
Out of my mind
Every second
Of every day
Every night
Of every year
No sleep exists
No thought is clear
And when the lights go out
The grunting starts
Coming from under the bridge
But when I go
To inspect
There's nobody there
Just the growling
Of a disgruntled homeless man
Who's house I picture
Is now floating down
This never ending river
Of noise
As the snoring
The water
And the barking
harmonize
To form an overwhelming lullaby
Dulling my mind
As it goes on
forever
Woof
Snore
Whoosh
Woof
Snore
Whoosh
Pounding my ears
Constantly
Every second
Of every day
Every night
Of every year
I know how to make your makeup run
Make you bleed like light bleeds from the sun
Cause the mascara you wear to smear down your beloved face
Tell me, how do tears stained black taste
I know how to rip you scars internally
Force you to the brink of pain for all of eternity
Have you scream until your voice reluctantly burns out
And eat at your soul as you annoyingly Pout
Girl, I know how to make you squirm
Make you wiggle miserably like a hook punctured worm
You're the one who made this insanity be
Who caused this madness to run wild inside of me...
I know how to raze your pitiful life
Read your lies and cut through them like a knife
Break your bones with painful words
Sticks and stones are just so absurd
Darling, I know how to make you cry
Make you beg to me not to let you die
Cause what goes around to come back around
Run your papier-mache heart into the ground
I know how to torture every spot in your nervous system
Take the atoms of your mind and soul and twist 'em
Stick your pretty little face under the barrel of a gun
I know how to make your makeup run
It’s quarter after six, Friday evening. He thought with a smile, besides the rain, everything is looking great. Table set beautifully just for two. Dinner looks delicious and minutes away to be served.
Annoyingly he hears his cellphone pings.
Seeing the name of the sender, he smiles and swipes to read it. Message read, RAIN CHECK, NO SUNSET IN THE RAIN. Instantly the smile fade and his heart sank.
He can hear the rain beating down on the roof, but too numb to move. Dinner is now left untouched. Disappointment weighs him down, yet again.
Alone again and much to ponder.
What is really us? Life doesn’t wait for no one. The rain falls whether you like it or not, sunset or not. The daily excuses are worn off.
At last, he sends her a reply that says, RAIN CHECK DENIED, I don’t need this anymore than you do. We are two different souls, we don’t speak the same language of love. Goodbye!
He packs his bags and drives away in the
NO SUNSET IN THE RAIN.
Akkina
8/25/23
THE PASSIVE VOICE (Grammar series)
In Italy a glorious Voice
Was employed by Pavarotti
In England of voice we’ve a choice
Which sounds a little dotty
When we sing our verbs of action
The way we do, it sounds as if
We’re committing a verbal infraction
For these words can be voiced in the PASSIVE
Just consider: if someone is active
There is something that someone is doing
And you'd think that being passive
Means that doing they are eschewing
But we need not be hopeless or cynical
Say it' s British illogic - insanity
We'll be annoyingly rational and clinical
Causing foreigners to express profanity
However you parse it or say it
While in both voices something is done
In the ACTIVE we say who did it
But in PASSIVE might not say which one
So in solving a murder for the fun of it
And answering: "Who fired the gun?"
We need not claim the butler 'dun of it'
But inscrutably say: "It was done"
Thus the PASSIVE is my voice of choice
For my deeds despicable or infractive
But for actions worth merit, that I rejoice
I will happily indulge in the ACTIVE.
Face fractured with fear
As the Taxi drew near
The building was in the next street
" I'll drop you off here"
Said Steve full of cheer
(Annoyingly rather upbeat.)
As you pushed on the door
It's sticky hinge hissed
And you drew in your breath
At the scent of 'dentist'
"Youre a little late" the lady said
Do you live somewhere rural ?
You swigged on your hip flask
Looked her right in the eye, saying
"Just get me an epidural."
"Now now Mrs Phillips
You'll be just fine "
Said the lady so white and starched
And into the chamber of old magazines,
You were unceremoniously marched.
With Your heart like a piston
And blood pressure soaring
(Even " Horse and Hound" seemed
Tired and boring )
Lulled by a clock counting out every second,
Till you started with fright
As a dental nurse beckoned ...
"Please don't worry, don't be so tense "
Said Helga ( on work experience )
And then with sinister gravity
Said "We'll take care of that cavity "
"Hello" boomed a voice from the back of the room,
I'm here to do your extraction. I've done them before so no need to shake,
Look at me if you need a distraction "
"This won't take a second, it's all pretty simple
Just a couple of jabs and we're there "
So first with your right fist and then with your left,
He was out cold, on the floor, by your chair.
You ripped off your bib, took a swig of the pink
And suddenly feeling much better,
You lunged for the door and ran down the stairs
As fast as a sprightly red setter.
You ran to a sweet shop and asked for some toffee
"Give me the chewiest stuff that you've got"
"Sure said the assistant , this one's from Yorkshire
And here, you can have the lot "
You took of the wrappers and stuffed it all in
Then chewed like a donkey on acid
And in a few seconds, the tooth that was hurting
Left a hole as big as Lake Placid.
So what is the moral
I hear you all ask
Of this tale both of triumph and sorrow ?
Well forget your insurance, leave your cheque book at home,
Just unwrap and chew on a toffo
... That maybe I need to ratchet it down a bit,
Least I appear too annoyingly enthusiatic. (HAHAHAHA)
But I want you all to know,
The beauty of poetry
And my appreciation
For all it's form
Or where it came from
Is my heart's most fervent passion.....
----------------------------
THE WORLD NEEDS MORE POETS! HAIL POETRY SOUP!!! MORE, MORE!!!! :o)
I speak
without considering people's feelings--
BITE TONGUE!
I wink
foolishly in attempt to do a wicked plan--
NO LUCK!
I smack
my lips teasingly and annoyingly--
SOW LIPS!
I think
before I prank on my siblings--
DON'T EVEN!
I joke
around until I receive a laugh--
HA-HA...
I cry
out to get attention--
SHUT UP!
I chew
on my food loudly to irritate others--
CLOSE MOUTH!
I snap
my fingers in silliness--
QUIT IT!
I sneak
into my sister's room with a wake-up call--
GET OUT!
I write
in gibberish verses--
ERASE!
I type
my gibberish verses on Poetrysoup--
DELETE!!!!!!
I laugh
because I already posted my poem--
YOU FOOL!
I got
what I deserved--
A WACK!!!
I slam
my fist-shaped hands in sudden anger--
TRY ME!
I glare
at my bossy sister in disapproval--
WHAT BRO?
I close
my mouth so I won't say another word--
GOOD BOY!
Just Because I Said I do
From her words I put out this,
Both in her words her wish is scoop:
“Whatever I do, this I, worth a note”
-She said she needs answers.
For nag I will not play the part,
But for proofs, I will play my part:
I will call you to order as your hobby,
Cos, two wrongs can never make a right.
This love, my lady, is all about understanding.
Though, you are pretty but lack comprehending-
You easily get abnormally obsess, and “let me help”,
You would totally ignore.
Another thing that baffles me about you,
Is the apathy in your pitch and words;
While I word pithy all through for you.
Your love you love throwing in the air,
Especially when you are annoyingly possessed
By things and actions not going your way.
I pity, the why I write
Cos never my strength and personality
To talk behind your back.
A piece of advice to “I want love to remain”-
Reshape, rebrand, reflect, and revive.
For nag I won’t play the part
But for proofs, I’ll play my part.
Your love you love throwing in the air,
Especially when you are annoyingly possessed
By things and actions not going your way.
4/2/2014
That Girl
Annoyingly unpredictable,
she's been known to intrude
and spoil any plans you’ve made
depending on her mood.
Men have tried to tame her
but this uninvited guest
when she's feeling naughty,
she's an undesired pest.
She'll arrive smoking hot
and without compromise
leave you with a frosty kiss
that takes you by surprise.
When you think you know her,
her temper will unfurl,
she teases and manipulates,
she's just that kind of girl.
Who is this lovely femme fatale?
diabolical and clever,
she rules the world, in simple terms,
we know her as the weather.
Dear Student
I have made it a task
to motion my thoughts
and my fingers to type.
Striking at every letter
that could carve words in your mind
As I hope you can have a sombre reflection.
I have rummaged through
the bookshelf of human profanity;
injustice, inhumane, complexity,
indiscipline, insincerity, callousness
and absence of academic wits
are book titles that adorn its walls.
I learnt of the pills of unhappiness
you force through others throats
I am aware of how you have
made it a must to grow
cornfield of downtrodden students
while you bask in the euphoria of supremacy.
I feel sad
when your name
pops-up in the school's search engine
as a notorious class bully
I feel sad
when you pass-by
and the weak in your class
in their timid voices
call you "Mr Oppressor"
For how long will you continue
to swim in the sea of infamy?
Your classmates cry silently
they wish they never met you.
Those who yearned to have a voice
you annoyingly silenced them,
calling them names in class
while you make a mockery of them.
When will you learn to grow
and respect the other man?
It is never too late
to make an amend
to right yesterday's wrong.
It is never too late
for you to give that pat on the back
and help your mates to get out of their shells
It is never too late
to grease your mind with soothing words
It is never too late
to regain your good name
from this untold shame.
From your concerned teacher
the one you called "Mr Preacher."
(c)2020 Muyideen Ayinla
Tell me friend
How best to paint a woman
Brilliantly colourful and extremely fastidious
Who is an African princess
Blending aggression with femininity
And radiates grace, charm and suppleness
The marks of womanhood
A woman who bathes in array of candlelight
With an usual candour for candle-la-bra
Chatty, cheery, and pardonably cheeky
Materialistic, Modern, and Maiden
Exuberant, Extrovert
Rosy and Rounded
Opinionated and Opportunistic
Meticulous and
Annoyingly Anorak
A woman who is gorgeously trendy
A wonderful volunteer, a touching friend
With big searching eyes
Talk about the lady also known as
MEROMA.
To celebrate aging to fifty,
A poet thought it would be nifty
To jot down some verse;
He wasn’t averse
To being, with words, rather thrifty.
Equipped with both paper and pen,
He struggled, again and again;
He had little luck,
Annoyingly stuck,
Then got it and yelled out Amen!
Come out of your ivory tower o maiden
And take a firm step on the ground
Feel the earth beneath your feet
Find strength in your steps
A newness of life can be found
Sheltered and cocooned for too many years
Have left your senses dulled
The mind-numbing repetitiveness of your days
Have long since stolen your smile
Where dear lady does your heart lie
Have your passions eroded away
Have you forgotten that inner child
That knew the importance of play
Your intellect is alive and well
Your emotions steady and strong
But the seasons you’ve spent in sleeping
Has made you deduce you are wrong
Make good decisions, make bad decisions
But make decisions
Love the right person love the wrong person
But love
Sing loud and annoyingly, sing softly and sweet
But sing
Laugh until you can laugh no more
But laugh
Speak truth even when it’s difficult
But speak truth
The part of you that needed rescued
Can only be rescued by you
So be the champion you’ve dreamed of
And may most of your wishes come true
February 2009