A Trip To the Dentist

Face fractured with fear As the Taxi drew near The building was in the next street " I'll drop you off here" Said Steve full of cheer (Annoyingly rather upbeat.) As you pushed on the door It's sticky hinge hissed And you drew in your breath At the scent of 'dentist' "Youre a little late" the lady said Do you live somewhere rural ? You swigged on your hip flask Looked her right in the eye, saying "Just get me an epidural." "Now now Mrs Phillips You'll be just fine " Said the lady so white and starched And into the chamber of old magazines, You were unceremoniously marched. With Your heart like a piston And blood pressure soaring (Even " Horse and Hound" seemed Tired and boring ) Lulled by a clock counting out every second, Till you started with fright As a dental nurse beckoned ... "Please don't worry, don't be so tense " Said Helga ( on work experience ) And then with sinister gravity Said "We'll take care of that cavity " "Hello" boomed a voice from the back of the room, I'm here to do your extraction. I've done them before so no need to shake, Look at me if you need a distraction " "This won't take a second, it's all pretty simple Just a couple of jabs and we're there " So first with your right fist and then with your left, He was out cold, on the floor, by your chair. You ripped off your bib, took a swig of the pink And suddenly feeling much better, You lunged for the door and ran down the stairs As fast as a sprightly red setter. You ran to a sweet shop and asked for some toffee "Give me the chewiest stuff that you've got" "Sure said the assistant , this one's from Yorkshire And here, you can have the lot " You took of the wrappers and stuffed it all in Then chewed like a donkey on acid And in a few seconds, the tooth that was hurting Left a hole as big as Lake Placid. So what is the moral I hear you all ask Of this tale both of triumph and sorrow ? Well forget your insurance, leave your cheque book at home, Just unwrap and chew on a toffo