Best Ahm Poems
Now ma mate Geoff's a Yorkshireman,
A Doncaster lad, born n bred,
Full o' fun but thick in t'ead,
Now ah can say this wi'out insultin',
'cos e's me mate an we gerron great,
Ah calls 'im rotten when we're in t'shop,
an 'e gi's it back, n thinks 'e's on top.
I'm a Lancashire lad, born n bred,
'e sez ahm same, thick in t'ead,
Insults we chuck alt' time at each other,
But Ah loves 'im like 'e were me brother.
Anyone comes wi' insult for 'im
As ter get past me an' that would be grim.
Ah banter is fun an' nowt else tha' see,
Ah jabs at 'im an' e' jabs at me.
So don't get t' thinkin' as Roses War's still on,
When we as a go, it's just fer ah fun.
© Dave Timperley 2012
(*Note- I suggest you read this with a boom box going in your head. Can you dig it?)
Yo,
Now gather round, my brothers ,settle down while I regale ya
with some tales about my lady from the kingdom Animalia,
and it's gonna take a while ,so listen up, coz there's a lotta
things I think you need to know about the Phylum Arthropoda.
Now, mah baby's got some colour and she's lookin' really cute
with her wings so finely tailored that you'd never find a suit
with such material so delicate and colours that just gleam
if you checked out what they sell in Rubenstein's in New Orleans.
Well, her six legs work together in a symphony of class
as from head down through her thorax she can really shake some ass,
though their fronts are smooth and silky, on her calves they're real spikey
food receptors on her feet so she ain't never wearing Nikes.
All the same she gives good lurvin', such a passionate embrace
though I wasn't too impressed first time I ever saw her face.
With her two big baby blues (and they're real mothers) compound eyes
I can never tell if she is checking out some other guys
and I'm careful when we kiss, as she has got one big proboscis
gotta make sure that ahm well away when every time she flosses.
Never saw her family photos and it's somethin' ah should miss
'coz her pupae was damn ugly and so was her Chrysalis.
Though we're going steady now I couldn't marry if I wanna
'coz she says in six month's time that she is going to be be a gonner.
And she only drinks from puddles, for the salts that appetize her
so I sit and watch and crack mahself a bottle of Budweiser.
Well I thank yo all for hearing me and listening to mah song
and I know to some my love affair may seem just slightly wrong
but I caught her eye and she moved in with just her heart to guide her
and I fell for her and we began to- hold on...DAMN! A SPIDER!!!
4th December 2015
For contest 'Butterflies- men only, sponsored by Skat A and Poet Destroyer A
(Apologies to any cowboys in Derbyshire)
The telegraph came through, but just in time
before my coach had passed the county line
mah girl wuz all alone and in distress
and only one guy could go save her- well, you guessed.
Ah told mah driver “stop! I gotta help her
drop me off- ahm headin' back to Belper!"
"Yo crazy boy! The old guy spluttered forth
there ain't nuthin' but trouble that far north”
His words had barely registered, I'd say
but I was in Duffield, post-haste, half way,
that one horse town of Derby far behind
but only winsome Janet on mah mind.
Time wuz almost out when I rode through
she'd almost given up on me, I knew
as when I burst in through that old front door
and spotted, scared, surrounded on the shop floor
mah old lady though, terrified, there wuz no doubt
cryin' "Help me, Lord- mah credit card's maxed out!"
Well, a man does what he's gotta do, so
I reached fast for mah wallet and broke through
passed her mah card, and though it be a sin
I'd told her long ago mah chip 'n pin.
She spun real tight and, takin' no more lip
swiped up the card, dang! Shootin' from the hip.
We road into the sunset, items paid
and before nightfall, hey- somebody got laid.
Woke up just before dawn, mah eyes still poppin',
but so what- who said all us guys just don't dig shoppin' ?
Competition- ' Let 'er rip- shoot from the hip 18th March 2015
Cold day?
I am not fazed or dazed By
Winter’s fast approach because In such cold days
I just indulge in the comfort of Clinging onto my curvaceous wife’s gorgeous Cleavage
It’s like mind over matter as Minutes turn to hours and hours into days
I mean, Under clean sheets as our bodies collide and slide ,
as we twist and turn , till we both get burnt like we are laying naked on the sun’s surface.
our hearts mingled as one in a body to body out of body experience it seems we fracture the space time displacement
because you see , indulging in such a pleasure would have you think and feel that two hours is actually just a second
For Men and women who are unified in marriage as I , winter is not to be feared ,
Coz you see, My wife’s tender loving care
Completely covers me like the luxurious fur of a polar bear
It is As though she’s Whispering kisses, when her soft lips make contact with my skin, they bring adrenalin driven warmth to my cold ears.
Ahm…
While others get dressed up / with Boots , coats , scuffs and gloves
We get cooped up
close our eyes and but open minds to new ways of love
ahm,
We conquered a cold day
With a much Coveted foreplay
Bongani Malete , Ronny Madonsela
03/03/2014
By: Vicki Acquah
CAN YOU SEE WHAT I AM SAYING
WHEN I PAINT PICTURES
WIT MY TONGUE.
CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE
AESTHETICS OF MY HEART -
AS I DRAW FROM THE UGLY-
REALITIES OF OUR PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS
CAN YOU HEAR THE DEPTHS OF MY
WORDS ECHOING FROM
THE CHAMBERS OF MY CHI
WHEN GOD IS DISTRACTING
ME FROM MY EARTHLY BEING.
CAN YOU UNDERSTAND
THE LANGUAGE OF MY SOUL-
WHEN HES EXTRACTING-
THE BEAUTIFUL FROM ME.
Showing me what he wants
me to be see-ing
IF GOD is love,and love is purity
and purity is poetry
then poetry must be the yen-
and the yang- of the
universal language-
-of love Love is
God and God is all things.
Linguistic lyrics-
Tongues and languages -
Where Gods invokes and
meets mans soul
to move to feel
and then
inspire aesthetically
I am speaking of loves language,
poetry - Balancing us bards-
between many worlds
We clamor to get back to
chasing our own curious dreams-
Sometimes we do not want to fly
where other souls are soaring nor
record what the voiceless voices
are saying
But we are scribes we write-
speak -and we feel the
beautiful beings
and also feel the merciless
We write the yen
and the yang of
the beautiful--the fruitful-
SPIRITS SPEAK TO ME-
I am the heartbeat of poetry
and then I ask
"do you hear me-- And I ask do
"SEE what I am saying ?
I am God's personal
ergonomic metaphor -
ah me ?
Asking myself
"DID I SAY THAT"-
Where did that come from
I NEVER HAD A CLITOR-ECTOMY-
Eedjit, bamstick, scunner and twit,
Am no wan o’ them, am jist a nit.
People whae’ve kent me, aw ma days,
Say am unstable, in aw ma ways.
They dinna really ken, the person ah am,
A real great guy, and no’ a bam.
Ah dae some awfy funny things,
But ahm no a hanky, cranky ---- jings!
Dae ye ‘oanestly think, am really ‘bats’,
Eyes all ablaze, like a big Manx cats.
Yellin’ an’ screamin’, an’ roond the bend,
A daft wee looney, tae the very end.
Ah tell ye ya’ great big scunnerin’ oafs,
Ye better no’ let me hear ye scoaff.
Ah’ll batter yer lugs against a wa’,
And yaise yer heids, tae play fitba’.
Then ah’ll throw ye under a movin’ train,
An’ mak mincemeat, oot o’ yer feeble brains.
Am a real great guy, the very best
But dinnae dare pit me tae the test!
JACK DANIELS met JIM BEAM at the CANADIAN CLUB
to discuss their upcoming trip on the CUTTY SARK.
They were planning a vacation to a Caribbean cove
to get some SOUTHERN COMFORT.
JOHNNY WALKER, who had a disagreement with
them over their SLOE GIN game, wanted to
give them a SAKI. "VODKA ya think you're doing?"
chimed in GIBSON, who was a BEEFEATER sitting nearby.
"It's not like EARLY TIMES...so just wipe that
SMIRNOFF your face." A brawl would have started,
but a beautiful woman came in. "Look at them
COURVOISIERs," said the MARTIN MILLERs.
They noticed her ring with the BLUE SAPHIRE from
BOMBAY.
JACK DANIELS immediately lost interest in the argument,
and asked if he could sit with her. She agreed and he sat
down. He noticed that she had a B & B monogram on her blouse.
"I've not seen you here before...what's your name and where
are you from?" he asked.
In a charming southern accent she replied, "Ma name is
MARGARITA, Ahm new in town, and Ahm from HENNESSY."
When the waiter came over, they ordered two MINT JULEPS.
It was the start of a relationship that the DEWARS of them
enjoyed, especially when they bowled SCOTCH doubles together.
When the carbon -14 is gone from your bones,
And nothing remains but a hull,
I’ll still hold your taste in my dry, empty jaw,
Having etched AHM in my skull
As the sun will not shine
And my heart will decay
No more will an N
Feel the sweet cosmic rays
Until all I can do is play along, quiet
As all that I say will be wrong, or defiant
Every chemical taken,
In hopes they might calm me,
Become but an agent,
To embalm and prolong the - wait
I can't wait for the times when I'll see you again,
Though, each time I'll be secretly flooded with pain
A Gala, Penelope, Laurie, a muse
And all of this, a cold fuse
Wouldn't you know it
don't tell me you don't ever
feel this way
after lunch, particularly
on Sundays
I find motivation lacking
just want to veg out
even have a sleep
but usually the phone rings
just when you're in
that limbo state
where the mind lets go
and the daydream ideas flow
good and odd inspiration
for poems
off the wall
the doorbell
jolts you
back to reality
ahm
where was I
or where am I
oh yeah
this is my
Sunday Slack Attack.
I know I haven’t been there yet,
It’s the one thing that I do regret;
There’s no place I would rather go
Such history from so long ago
Someday I will make that trip,
Maybe by plane, maybe by ship;
To see the Pyramids and the Sphinx,
Abu Simbel and the “missing link’s”;
To visit Luxor and Valley of the Kings,
Egypt is filled with so many things;
From Giza to Karnak and Abusir,
To Saqqara and the Oasis of Ahm Shere;
I can’t wait to see them all up close,
Of Egypt I need a healthy dose;
I’m saving up to travel there,
Readying my mind - so much to prepare;
So many places in Egypt to see,
The only thing missing there is me;
~10th Place in the "African's Attitude" Contest by Adeleke Adeite~
I need a fix or ahm gonnae die
eyes drift open
and
already its
there that
horrible sick feel
crawling its way
up to my throat
the restlessness kicking
out from my knee
letting me know,
as this bully
holds me down,
but forces
me into
acknowledging
how subtly and masterfully my life
is now owned
with nose running,
head spinning
leg kicking,
stomach churning
mind wondering,
aches throbbing and
gut contents looking
to escape through to
their pipes quicker
than i can handle
“is there anything
under my
mattress? how
short am I?
are my tools able?
last time it was barbed
pulling my skin
ripping and tugging
blood from there
reminding me what
a fool I been
if no good who
is near I can
get a hit from
i need that thin
one to mill
my hope from a mix
of smack and water
and abdine with heat
through a *** end filter
drawing death on
the instal-
ment
plan
I need a fix or ahm gonnae die
I need to move and get
up but the terror grab-
bing my mind freaking
me out and convincing
me i’m going to die bef-
ore i can even get thro-
ugh the door im boxed
in by this fear in every
cell within capturing a
moment dragged out to
an eternity as climbing
the walls im draggin up
my feet to my chest and
terror grabs my throat I
don’t know what to do i
need a fix now so i drag
one foot now out to the
floor and put it down as
i force the other to foll
ow through, im pushing
the edge of my box and
then it kicks in my mind
sees the image of a wee
paper wrap just under it
near to where my hope
is sure that its gonna be
over real soon i can get
out of this box and rush
the terror and gut pull
and leg kicks and nose
runs and head knocks
i need my lighter and
spoon and so very soon
im gonna be fixed able
to get oot a this box and
oot a this room and oot
intae thae streets to get
mair cash oot a whaur
ever ah cin so ahm able
tae avoid the fear creepin
up oan me again.
ah hate bein strung oot
©Stuart Patterson 2019