OF RED RIVER AGONY
In this river,
Only crocodiles can be;
Alligators, no!
This is not only nasty,
It is red reality:-
The river’s bordering banks,
Are as red steaming lava:-
But let us not be dismayed,
There is that other river;
The rain-bowed river of God—
Banked by the soil of oneness:
Let us cross over:-
Life is often painted in black and white
nothing darker do I fear
than the stygian plight of death.
My malaise is carried with unbearable weight
remembering each waking moment when
I didn't say "thank you" or "I love you."
Self-reproach is a penance I can never fulfill
because the dreadful thief of death
took you from me in the ebon reach of night.
I'm sick of hearing the meaningless words,
"You're lucky to be alive. Life is beautiful."
My life is a beautiful lie now that you're gone.
I'd give my life to find a way to you.
An alabaster portal is locked to me,
a pitiable wretched sinner.
If I were to paint it black would there be a chance
it would be blind to see who asks entrance?
But my fear of death...
keeps me from reaching into the pale to find you.
I cower in shame.
Damn my trembling hand that quivers and shakes,
for the portal denies my entrance.
My mind is an unassailable weapon against my will.
It paints in oils that are always blurred with kohl
and the agony inside of me will never be consoled.
Agony
Maybe there are no more tears
So I wont cry
Maybe there aren’t enough words
So I wont speak
Maybe there is no way out
So I wont search
Maybe there is no hope
So ill give up
Maybe this is just a dream
God I hope so
a shriek,
a high-pitched scream echoed against the walls,
lightning flashed,
thunder rumbled deep and hard into my chest.
pain,
tightness,
ache,
sorrow.
it cannot be real, this is not happening, I cannot believe it.
to never again see,
talk,
hug,
love on,
joke,
dance.
our son was –
our only boy was –
our eldest child was –
our headache was –
our heart was –
our angel is –
forever 26.
My love garden remains unweeded,
Each planted flower slowly wilting.
A shadow spreads across my sunlight,
And a storm lingers without rainfall.
Sad teardrops fall from my broken heart,
No blood shed, yet my worlds fall apart.
Agony, sorrow, deep dejection—
Reflections in my shattered mirror.
My tear burns hot enough to bake bread,
Depression drapes a cloak on my head.
Love tortures like a lonely scarecrow,
Left to frighten birds in a rice field.
The bridge between our hearts lies broken,
Our love drifted with the tidal wave,
To an abyss filled with just sorrow,
Leaving my heart without tomorrow.
I didn’t see her face.
you did!
I didn’t get to hear of sweet little girl voice.
You did!
I didn’t get to hear her say mommy and daddy!
You did!
I didn’t get to hold her tight.
You did!
I don’t get to dream about her.
You do!
I had all the pain, and the blood, and the agony.
But in the end we both are without her everyday!
(Dedicated to Peyton)
?? "Bestie Became Enemy"
Bestie became enemy, sharp like a knife,
I never thought you'd cut me out of your life.
I gave you my secrets, my soul, my trust,
Now all that's left is broken dust.
You knew my pain, you held my hand,
I thought you'd always understand.
But jealousy grew where love should stay,
And now your kindness fades away.
You smiled while you watched me fall,
Laughed behind every fake call.
The bond we had has lost its shine,
Your heart was dark, while I gave mine.
Now you smile with my worst enemy,
You cherish my pain, not what once set me free.
You've become a thorn, deep in my flesh,
Your presence no longer feels warm or fresh.
But I’ve learned the truth, I’ve seen the signs,
Not all sweet souls walk straight lines.
You were my sister, now you’re my test,
I let you go — and wish you the best.
“what hurt the most?”, he asked.
Struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to resurface I replied,
“I’m not sure but, maybe it’s the fact that you didn’t hurt as much as I did,
You were not the one churning through each of our memories late at night and wondering where it all went wrong,
you were not the one crying yourself to sleep at night,
you were not the one whose heart was utterly shattered by the simplest actions.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I could never bring myself to tell you the real reason why we grew apart,
Or the fact that I had to tear my eyes away from that face of yours I would long to see all day long,
Or the fact that I lost one of the people who felt like home to me,
Maybe I miss the familiarity,
The easiness of it all.
But what hurt the most is the realization that I will never love someone like I loved you,
Yet couldn’t do the most mere of actions when I would’ve given you the world had you asked for it.
This goodbye is bittersweet but I hope it is the end because I refuse to toil like this without acknowledgement and there is nothing left in me that you have possibly not taken already.
So that is what hurt the most”
I ended
What feeling gives you a belt of happiness?
As if you had obtained the key to Paradise
But it settles in the heart of darkness,
And your soul is on the verge of silence
Memories of your heart getting hurt are resurrected,
How life is full of treachery and pain?
A harsh wakeup call can be toxically echoed
With the shiv decorated red is much absurdly covered in plain.
Your mind is tuned in to the shell shock
The demonic screams turns your heart cold,
And your hellish anger is bestowed from the trauma battlefield
As your whole world is turned into black
The higher you get, the lower you'll sink,
With your cowardly face, it pushes you into the brink.
I can't accept that we are not together
My chest just feels heavy and ready to explode
Everyone teaches you the concept of love
but none teaches how to live in their absence
I can't see happiness anywhere
Nothing excites me anymore
I don't find anything that makes me loved
It was you and only your love I ever wanted
Initially I was acting brave but I am not now
I can't see myself happy in your absence
Your upset face shatters my hearts into millions of pieces
who should I complain and express?
I got no one to express the pain .
My heart now just wants to explode due to agony
I want to hug you tight ,to express my love
I want to write my name on rock ,aim it to your face
then you would understand how much it hurts to be away from you.
Grow up, they say,
You will come to understand the world,
Yourself,
Things will become better.
Oh how I waited,
To the time I will have ‘grown up’
I am,
They said I would have more peace,
Said I would understand myself,
Have peace in each and every doing,
Oh mama, they lied,
Every decision I make bites me,
Torments me,
Mama I am scared of the dark,
Yet darkness looms around me each and every single day,
Mama don’t tell people I like smiling,
The beautiful smile has faded,
Replaced with a face full of uncertainty,
Mirror, is my face wrinkled.
The city is unkind mama,
No one to tie my shoelaces,
They let me trip mama,
Slapped with the hard face of reality,
Prayers forgotten…maybe once a month,
Doubt creeps in everything,
This isn't me mama,
What happened to me,
You said I would undertsand myself better when I grow up,
You said I would have peace,
Lemme tell you mama,
My body has been in constant fight with itself since I left home,
Confidence replaced with doubt,
Smile replaced with fear,
OH WORLD HAVE MERCY.
written by Becca
Like a huge pride of lions roaring at ease
From a hidden cavern in the distance ,
The disturbed robust sea diffuses resonance -
In an infinite expanse of sonorous breeze
The heavy, grey clouds gathering above ,
Let out at times , the bright silvery line ,
Now by chance to smile and then to decline,
Bracing the dismal spirit and hope somehow
All along and everywhere the fit of feel --
The relentless wild beat and serene symphony
Turns into the note of remorse and agony ;
Lived moments pass into the coffer to retreat
What ails one standing before the sea at large ,
Is it the inner reflection of the distressed soul
Or the enigma that covers life on the whole ?
May be the pelagic domain has its own surge
The eerie bearing of contained life all around
Seems to be centred in the rhythm of some
Cosmic order and muse of uniform humdrum
In the extreme ecstasy again is agony found !
What are you doing?
What are we supposed to do?
How are they growing,
Where will you go?
Thought of something?
You did nothing ,
Things are lost;
Can’t bear the cost?
People think, you are frustrated
Can’t they think it not funny
Don’t go harsh , they are careless;
Realize that its just agony.
An orison to hope
Shattered into smithereens
Its keened tongues and teeth gnash and lament
A despairful cry of a cutthroat womb.
Cacophonies cry out
Cellos and violins bow, inexorable and unforgiving
Until then, of their finale the southern bells will ring;
A testimony that God has returned.
Savior of humanity,
Entwine us with arms that bleed
For those arms' warmth and nurture
Extricates us from a demise with a lamenting dissonance.
WHAT HURTS THE MOST?
When you tell someone you don't feel good
still they leave you in that statehood
that moment made me realize I was in falsehood
because being too good is not so good.
When the one you love never acknowledges your pain
that moment makes you feels like you are nothing but a vain
the day when the ground under your feet slipped
cause people do change and words do get flipped.
........AMORE..........
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